Reverend Amos HandenpantzFirst Purgatorian Church5521 Cowherd StreetEverheart, NDDear Reverend Handenpantz:I would like to thank you very much for your recent pastoral visit to my home after the unexpected death of my husband, Walter Ferguson. I had a wonderful life with...

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So there I was, in a fourteenth-floor apartment that belonged to what's-his-name, surrounded by the winking lights of sprawling New York City. I’d been having nonstop encounters with famous characters from Wonder Woman to Elton John and, my god, that...

John AbernathyApartment ManagerExcelsior Apartments5896 North Madison StreetEverheart, ND Dear Mr. Abernathy:I am writing to you as our apartment manager to complain about my next door neighbor, Fred Wilkins. Mr. Wilkins lives in Apartment 202, the one right next to mine, and...

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Letter # 4 — From the Lost Letter Bin at Everheart, North Dakota

"Correspondence regarding the products from Acme Silicone Inserts"

Acme Silicone Inserts0321 Exner StreetOberon, Nebraska Ladies and Gentlemen:My name is Lydia Joozy. I am writing about your line of silicone companions for the discerning woman. I have been a satisfied customer of yours for many years, but find myself at...

Fuck It, Let’s Get Waffles!

"Two psycho killers stalk some horny coeds on Valentine's Day..."

Valentine's Day. My favorite day of the year. I watched as the beams from the headlights broke through the trees and rested behind a large coal car covered in graffiti. Valentine's Day never disappoints. I smiled wide, a grinning lunatic....

Nick’s Island

"My best friend's teenage daughter wanted to go on a boat ride. Things didn't go as planned but fortunately, she brought along two fleshy floatation devices."

One of my favorite old-time TV shows is Gilligan’s Island. Every Saturday morning, I sit back in my Lay-Z- Boy recliner, sip on my Bailey’s and coffee, and watch the Bouncing Beauties Sitcom Power Hour on my favorite YouTube channel,...