“What’s life like as a Single Pringle?” asked my friend Laura over a cup of coffee.
It was a miserable day in January. Outside the cafe’s window, the snow was whirling and people walked doubled over against the wind. My cheeks were still burning from the cold and I was pretty sure Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer could have called me his sister.
“I’m rattling around alone at the bottom of the can. My edges are slowly crumbling apart and soon there will be nothing left of me.”
Laura laughed. “You have always been a bit melodramatic,” Jessy.
“Fuck that, it’s the truth.” At the swearword, an older gentleman looked up, staring at me. I stuck out my tongue and he looked away.
Not a very lady-like behaviour for a woman in her mid-forties, I know but that’s what I felt like. I didn’t give a shit what people thought about me. My husband of fifteen years had left me for a guy. Yes, can you believe it? He preferred cock over me. Of course, he said he had found the love of his life with the guy from the gym. Dark skinned, toned and probably had a dick the size of a small child’s arm.
Anyway, after the degrading experience of finding out my husband was gay, I tried to look at the bright side of it but didn’t find that side. Drinking, sobbing and signing up to dating sites was my remedy. It didn’t work, I gave up the drinking after a couple of weeks, couldn’t deal with the hangover and work. The dating sites were still on after six months but hadn’t given me more than a few boring dates and one shitty fuck in the front seat of an Audi. No, this was not the life I had expected.
“Jessy, Jessy, what are you going to do?”
“I have no idea. Seriously look at me, I have a great body for my age, I’m smart, great taste in clothes and I’m funny. Why can’t I meet a guy?”
“Maybe you are looking at the wrong places.?”
“What do you suggest I do, hang out in bars?”
“No, but isn’t there anyone at work or in your neighbourhood who is single?”
“Sure, but the ones my age all want arm candy or a quick fuck, which I’m not into.”
Laura went for a refill and while she was gone, I stared out the window. It had been horrible coming home that day. After closing the door I had dumped my keys on the table by the door and when I walked past the living room on the way to our bedroom I had seen them. John, my dear hubby, lying between Lionel’s legs sucking his cock. They hadn’t noticed I was there until I was next to them. I told them to get the fuck out and then I called a locksmith. A few days later John came by and picked up his things. I didn’t speak to him.
“I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry for you,” said Laura when she came back.
“Thanks, but I made a decision. I’m going on a holiday, I need to get away from here and the memories and I also need sun and a beach.”
“Sound’s good. Where are you going.”
“Not sure, I’m going to the airport after the coffee. My bag is packed in the car and I’m taking the first flight south.
That was the previous afternoon. Five hours after the coffee was over, I was on a tropical island sipping a too-sweet drink from a too- long straw, but it was wonderful. The sun warmed my skin and when I took a swim the water was like velvet. I felt so much better I decided to go to the bar after dinner. Not to meet anyone but to do something.
The place was busy. I few families, and singles hung around the bar or at the tables. Local music was playing from a band at the end of the bar and there was a groove in the air. Laughter, clinks of glasses and music, just what I needed.
I took a seat at the bar and ordered a glass of wine. The barman was a handsome young man who obviously flirted for tips so I gave him one. Then I enjoyed my drink. It was dry and cold just like I liked it.
“No, your father said you can’t go out. Is that understood!”
The voice came from a woman my age. She was sitting two tables away and she was red in her face. The receptor of her words was her son. He looked as angry as his mother but kept quiet. I went back to my drink.
A while later, I felt it was time for a smoke so I finished my wine and went out in the garden surrounding the bar. Smoking wasn’t allowed inside. I found a bench under some tropical tree and lit up. Inhaling deeply, I felt the nicotine rush and I smiled. Life could be pretty good after all.
There were footsteps and the young man who had been shouted at by his mother came walking.
“Good evening,” I said to be polite.
He ignored me. “Hey, don’t be a dick because your mom is a bitch.”
He stopped in his tracks and looked at me. “Do you know my mom?”
“No, but I know her type. Mine was the same.”
He came towards me and then sat down next to me on the bench. “That bad?” I asked.
“All I want is to go across the street to the local bar, the kids my age who are here are all there.”
“How old are you, sixteen?”
“Seventeen, actually.”
“Well, in this country the drinking age is eighteen?”
“Who cares, no one ever cards here.”
“True. Anyway, good luck, I’m going back inside.”
“Thanks.”
I left him and got my self a few more glasses of wine before I began the walk back to my hotel room. It had been a nice evening and even though I felt sorry for the kid, I know his mom was right.
The following day I decided to hang by the pool. The sea was too choppy and there was a wind. I lay close to the pool bar sipping on a mojito when I saw the kid and his family come down the stairs from the main building. First came the mother, then the father, followed by the kid and a teenaged girl about his age. At first, I thought it might be his younger sister but their eyes were too similar and so was their hair colour. I realized they were twins. I hadn’t seen her in the bar the night before.
I watched them get their things together and when the kid took off his shorts I actually lowered my sunglasses and looked over the rim. He wore Speedos, something no one else was. Oh Lord, and he was hung!
I looked away, knowing I was blushing. This single life was dangerous. I was becoming a dirty old woman staring at young men. I ordered another mojito and asked for the menu. It was lunchtime.
I was trying to eat my burrito with dignity but I was failing miserably. Food smeared over my cheeks and chin. I dropped a few beans in my lap and when I tried to scoop them up with a finger it made things worse.
“Hi, sorry to bother you.”
I turned and there she was. The kid’s sister. I grabbed a napkin and cleaned my face as best I could without knowing if it was all gone.
“Hi, what can I do for you?”
“Nothing, I just wanted to thank you for talking to my brother. Our mom rides him pretty hard.”
“What about you?”
“I’m fine, she doesn’t bother me a bit.”
“Okay, well, you are welcome, it was my pleasure.”
She left and I went back to the disaster that was my lunch. I wondered why the mother would be harder on the kid than his sister. She was a damn man magnet, tall, firm, with bedroom eyes. I wish I would have looked like that when I was her age. But, I wasn’t too shabby. I had noticed a few men smiling at me as they walked past which made me feel good. I had memorized their faces and in the evening during the dinner buffet, I would see if they were single.
A while later there was a commotion at the kids’ sunbeds and I opened my eyes. He was standing up and discussing something with his parents.
“It was one time, alright, and it wasn’t even my fault,” he said and walked off.
His parents shook their heads while the sister hurried after her brother. I closed my eyes again. The mystery was killing me, what had he done only one time? Smoked a joint, stolen something, fucked the wrong girl? I decided to find out that evening and I knew just how to do it.
Dinner was shit, not the food, but all the men that had smiled at me were with their families. I ate too much and too fast so I decided to go or a walk outside the hotel. The evening was warm and music played from the many bars along the main street. I found a little grocery store where I bought what I needed to put my plan into work.
Back in the hotel, I put on my best mini dress and a pair of fuck me pumps. If I was hunting, I needed a big gun. After a final look in the mirror, I was ready.
Just as I had thought, the family was at the same table as the last time. But this time the daughter was there too. She was dressed similarly to me, the main difference was that her ass and boobs sat higher than mine.
The barman gave me my wine and I sipped on it. After a second glass, I got up for my smoke. When I passed the family, I nodded to the kid who was facing me with his sister opposite him.
It took a few minutes but then he arrived.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi there. I thought I get you something, but you have to promise not to tell your parents.”
He sat down next to me. “Sure.”
From under the bench, I pulled out a bag with two glasses and a fifth of pretty decent scotch. I poured and then said, “To bitchy moms around the world.”
He laughed and we drank. “Thanks, this is very kind of you.”
“Well, I heard the argument today and I’m dying to hear what you did.”
He blushed. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Trust me, sweetie, I have done embarrassing at your age.”
“Okay, fine. This semester, I slept with my math teacher.”
I was lost for words. My first thought was to congratulate him but then I thought better of it. I was a responsible grown-up after all.
“That wasn’t very smart, was it?”
“No, but it was fun.”
It was my turn to laugh. “I bet it was. How old is she?”
“Thirty-five and very hot. Looked a bit like you in fact.”
“Oh, really, but I’m ten years older. What happened to her?”
“She left town, I guess the cops are looking for her but I’m not saying a word and that’s why my parents are so upset.”
“I see; you are protecting her. That’s admirable but she did something wrong.”
“Sure, in the eyes of the law, but I liked it, I wanted it, I actually begged for it.”
“What’s your name?”
“Daniel, you?”
“Jessica but people call me Jessy.”
“My sister’s name is Anna.”
“Okay.”
“Just thought you wanted to know. Most people who approach me is because they want to get to know my sister.”
I laughed again. “Don’t worry, I’m not into girls. I tried it in college but it was just for fun.”
“Mm, right. Thanks again for the drink.”
He left me with half the bottle which I finished before going back to the hotel room. In my bed, I wondered what would make a grown woman do something like the teacher. Sure, Daniel was decent looking but the risks were too high. Then my thoughts wandered to Anna. Which scared me a little. I had told Daniel the truth about my college experience but that had ended in kissing and fondling. We didn’t even get into each other’s panties, we were that drunk. The sea was calm and I again was on the beach. Daniel and his family came walking along the waterline and when he saw me he and Anna came up to me.
“Hi guys,” I said.
“Hi, mind if we sit. We don’t want to be with our parents.”
“Oh, it’s that kind of a morning.”
“You have no idea,” said Anna after they had sat. “They have been at Daniel all morning. Sure he fucked up, and he knows it. But this is going too far.”
I was only listening to her with half an ear. My mind was on the enormous bulge on Daniel’s Speedos. Now, if I was a betting girl, I would bet that the horny teacher had seen the bulge one day and couldn’t get it out of her mind.
“Oh god, not you too,” I heard Anna moan.
“What?”
“You are staring at my brother. What is wrong with middle-aged women?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” I felt so stupid.
“Seriously, what’s the big deal. Sure, he has a big dick but there has to be more to a man than that.”
I smiled. “That tells me you are a virgin.”
“So what?”
“Dear, dear, until you have had some cock in you, you won’t understand. Isn’t that right, Daniel?”
He looked at me and smiled. “That it is, women go nuts over a big cock.”
“You two are sick!” Anna got up and walked off. Daniel and I high fived.
“Do you want to see it?” he asked a few minutes later.
“No thanks, I’m fine.”
“It’s okay, some of my mom’s friends have. She doesn’t know of course.”
“You are a horny one, aren’t you?”
“No, look, I don’t have an erection.”
I slowly turned and he had pulled down his Speedos. It lay flat against his tummy. He wasn’t circumcised but under the skin his cockhead was large. The shaft was smooth like a rocket and the girth was the largest I had ever seen.
“Oh, my. I understand why the pretty teacher would fall in love with that.”
He put his cock away. “Did you like what you saw?”
“Sure, but right now I’m not into men, I lied.”
“Why?”
I gave him the short story of what had happened back home and when I was done he sighed. “That really sucks, I’m sorry for you.”
“Well, it is what it is. Now, I just want to relax and I’m sure I will meet a nice man in the future.”
I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes Daniel was gone and the beach workers were collecting the sunbeds. I collected my things and went back to my room where I took a long shower and shaved my pussy.
I was having a pre-dinner drink while getting dressed when there was a knock on the door. I made sure I was dressed and then opened it.
“I can’t take it any longer,” wailed Anna as she draped her arms around me.
“Honey, baby, what happened, did someone hurt you?”
I closed the door with my foot and then lead Anna to the balcony table where I sat her down. Then I filled a glass with two fingers of vodka and an ice cube.
“Drink that and then tell me what is wrong.”
She gulped it down and then asked for another. She sipped that one and then began to speak.
“I want to fuck my brother.”
“You want what?”
“He has fucked every aunt and cousin we have, but not me, and it’s driving me crazy.”
I poured myself a stiffer drink than hers and lit a cigarette. “Anna, what you are saying is very wrong and illegal, I should know, I’m a lawyer. Do your parents know?”
“Sure they do, and they won’t let me fuck him either.”
My head was spinning and I had to sit down. This was not something you hear every day. “Okay, let’s start from the beginning.”
Anna took a deep breath. “In my family incest is promoted as something good, which is fine with me. I don’t see anything wrong with it. No one has become pregnant in like fifty years, we are very careful.”
“But Anna, it’s not healthy.” I wasn’t sure how to explain it to her.
“I know that most people think so, but we don’t. We live in a small village far away from any city and we are all related.”
“Okay, I know you from a different country than I, but there must be laws against incest.”
“Maybe, but no one really talks about it. It’s quite common in the far-flung villages in the mountains.
“How come you and your family ended up here?”
“My dad won the trip.”
“Oh, that’s cool, a lottery of some sort?”
“No, he fucked eight of my cousins until they came without him coming first. My uncle only managed six.”
“Oh, okay.” I was flabbergasted. This was like something you read about, it didn’t happen in reality.
“Do you know why your parents don’t let you, you know, be with Daniel?”
“It’s his dick. They say it’s too big, that I can’t take it but I can. I have fucked myself with dildos so I’m not a virgin any longer. Of course, my parents don’t let me use the big ones, no more than seven inches they say.”
“Daniel must be ten, at least.”
She looked at me and snivelled. “I know, and I’m dying to have him in me.”
I got her a tissue and she blew her nose. Then had another drink from her glass. I thought she would stay but she got up. “I got to go, they don’t know I’m here. Thanks for letting me talk to you.”
When she was gone I stood on the balcony looking out over the sea. What was the world coming to, I wondered. Then the vodka did its thing. In the back of my mind, a very dark and insidious idea began. After all, I wasn’t at home, no one knew me, no one knew Daniel and his sister. Maybe I should follow Daniel’s advice and…
