Before he left he held me tightly and a few more tears were shed between us. He told me he would stay a couple of days in a hotel in the town but he could not leave the farm for too long and wrote down the name and telephone number so I could contact him.
Investigators needed more questions to be answered, the press were still looking for stories and the airline’s representatives were in and out, making arrangements for my imminent return to England. As the only surviving crew member I was the focus of all their attention.
It was late in the day when I had a visit from Doctor Rousseau.
“Bon soir, Karen,” he greeted me cheerily. “How are you?”
“Good evening, Doctor Rousseau,” I smiled widely. “I feel wonderful, thank you.”
“That is good.”
He turned to Françoise, who had followed him into the room, and spoke quickly in French. She nodded and walked around to the other side of the bed.
“Now,” he continued in English, “We shall have a look at your wound. Is it still painful?”
“A little,” I answered truthfully, “but not like it was.”
Françoise unpinned the thick bandage and, supporting my knee, began to unwrap it, finishing with the large gauze dressing. Very carefully she lifted the corner and peeled back, dropping it into the enamel dish on the little trolley she had brought in with her.
I looked down at the vivid red gash with its little stitches, like tiny black spiders holding the two sides together.
Doctor Rousseau examined it closely, touching it so gently with his finger tips.
“Could you raise your knee for me please,” he asked and watched carefully as I bent my leg, drawing my foot up, sliding along the bed until my heel almost touched my bottom.
I winced as the pain increased, the stitches pulling a little as my muscles tightened.
“Okay, and down again, slowly,” he instructed.
My foot slipped carefully back to the end of the bed and I breathed out a sigh of relief as the painful pressure finally eased.
“Bon, very good,” the doctor smiled at me. “It is healing very well.”
Again he turned to Françoise and spoke in French then returning to me, he said:
“Okay, I am pleased at how well it looks. I am afraid the scar will never disappear but Doctor Harlow has done an excellent repair on the damage you did when the stitches tore out.”
He looked again at the wound before continuing:
“Tomorrow, I think, you can begin to walk and if that goes well, I think you will be able to leave the day after, yes?”
“Walk? Already?” I could not believe that after such a short time it was healed enough to walk on.
“Yes,” he affirmed “I think so.”
“Surely it is not healed sufficiently to walk on yet,” I argued, “It has only been a few days!”
“Oh, I see what you mean.” He chuckled gently to himself for a moment. “It will be several weeks until it is sufficiently strong enough to put your weight onto. Of course, you will have crutches and will have to be very careful. It will still be supported with the dressing.”
“Oops, silly me!” I grinned, a little sheepishly.
“I will not send you away until you are ready, you need not worry.”
“No, good. Thank you, Doctor.”
Doctor Rousseau frowned and then asked:
“You are aware how deep you were cut, yes?”
“Well, not really,” I replied, “I know it is bad but…”
“Whatever did this cut through almost to your thigh bone. That is why you lost so much blood and is why it will take some time to fully heal. I am afraid that the scar is permanent and you may have a little pain for a long time but you are young and strong and I have no worry for you.”
“I am very grateful for what you have done for me, Doctor. I did not know it was so bad.”
“You are welcome, Mademoiselle. Tomorrow, we will see.”
He left then and Françoise remained behind to finish replacing the dressing with a clean one.
I watched her work. She was so gentle yet also efficient. The dressing was soon finished.
“Françoise, how is Jemima? I don’t seem to have had a minute for her today.”
“She is fine, Karen. Like you, she has been very busy. Would you like to see her?”
“Oh yes, I would love to! Could I?”
“I will go and see.”
She finished her task and washed her hands, then left me alone.
In what seemed like no time at all, she was back and, to my utter amazement, with Jemima!
She was in a wheel chair but looking so much better than when |I last saw her.
“Hello,” she simply said.
“Hello,” I replied calmly.
Inside I was anything but. My heart was pounding and my stomach was fluttering nervously, so much had happened since yesterday that I wasn’t sure if anything was different.
Françoise wheeled her to my side.
I will leave you alone but I have to leave soon so I will take you back before I go, Mrs. Rana.”
Jemima looked up at her.
“That is fine, Matron. Thank you.”
“I have so much to tell you, Jemima,” I began but before I could continue she stopped me.
“Your father?”
“Yes, How did you know?”
“I saw him. I was being wheeled back from the lavatory and I stopped the nurse so I heard a little. Enough to know who he was. You said he was dead.”
I looked hard at her for a moment. She seemed angry although she was trying very hard not to show it.
“I thought he was,” a pause, “Is something wrong, Jemima?”
“I have heard stories about people who appear when they think that there may be money about.”
“Oh, I see. Well, I believe him. We talked of things that no-one else could know and, even though he has aged so much I knew in my heart it was him when I first saw him.”
She didn’t answer but continued to look at me with an expressionless stare and I still felt that something did not sit well with her.
“Please be happy for me, Jemima,” I begged her. “It is a long story but I will tell you about it I promise.”
She sighed loudly.
“I am sorry, Karen. I am happy for you, really I am. Because of the life I have had and my wealth I find it very hard to believe or trust anyone. You are the first in many long years.”
I leaned over as far as I dare and put my arms around her neck to give her a little hug.
She felt so warm and soft and, as I drew back, before releasing her, I looked into her beautiful deep brown eyes.
Suddenly a strange urge flowed through me, an urge I could not resist and I moved my lips towards her and kissed her mouth her gently.
Immediately, she responded, breathing deeply through her nose as our lips touched. She put her hand behind my head and pulled me to her, pressing her lips tightly against mine and her warm tongue began to explore the line of my teeth. I parted them, my own tongue meeting hers like a long lost lover.
A surge of electricity passed through me like never before. I knew now we could not be parted.
I closed my eyes and breathed in her essence, revelling in the sensations that the contact of our tongues was creating.
My heart was still pounding but for a different reason now. Any doubts I may have had were gone and I knew that she felt the same. This was not a lustful kiss, this was soft and loving, a kiss that I never wanted to end but, end it must and I slowly pulled away, a thin gossamer thread of saliva linking us momentarily as our lips separated.
I lay my head on the edge of the mattress and just gazed into her eyes.
“What have you done to me, Karen?” she whispered, “No-one has ever made me feel the way you just did.”
“I have no idea,” I replied quietly, “I have never felt this way before.”
Jemima let her head dip forwards then she took a deep breath and said:
“I am leaving tomorrow.”
The words were like an arrow through my heart and I gasped audibly.
“Tomorrow?! How? Are you well enough to travel?”
“My insurance company is insisting I have to return to England to recover. I will be ‘MedEvac’ed to London.”
There was silence for a moment whilst I took in this bombshell.
“Will I see you again?” I whispered.
She raised her eyebrows to their fullest extent.
“Karen, I nearly died coming here to find you. Do you think I would just let you go now?”
“I hope not, Jemima, I truly do. Will you come to see me before you go?”
“Of course I will, although…” She paused as if a thought had occurred to her. “We may not be alone so… ” she waited for a second, “I hope you understand, we are just friends.”
I nodded.
“I understand, don’t worry but there is one thing.”
She frowned.
“What?” she asked.
“How will I find you?”
She laughed and the sound was like the tinkle of a waterfall.
“Don’t worry, I will find you when I am able,” and she squeezed my hand to emphasise the reassurance.
Shortly afterwards, Françoise reappeared to return her to her room.
“See you tomorrow,” she said simply and I nodded happily, unable to prevent the wide smile that appeared on my lips.
Françoise returned a little later.
“I just came to say goodnight, Karen. I am going home now,” she said, peering around the door-frame.
“Oh, alright,” I replied, sudenly feeling sad that she was going. “Goodnight, Françoise.”
She stood and looked at me for a moment.
“Is anything wrong?” she asked.
“Hmm, no, well…”
She cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow.
“No,” I repeated. “No, it’s fine. You need to get home to your girls.”
“I have a few minutes if something is troubling you.”
She stepped further into the room.
“Oh, I don’t know really,” I answered her, “I feel so, so, well, I don’t know. Confused I suppose.”
“About your friend?” she asked.
“Jemima? Yes but also about my father, my dreams. I am afraid to sleep.”
“Nightmares,” she stated. “It is usual after such a trauma.”
“Doctor Harlow said the same but it is so difficult.” I paused for a moment, thinking.
“I don’t just dream of the crash. I dream of…” I stopped.
Françoise looked carefully at me as though to see into my head, to work out what I was thinking but said nothing. She just waited, patiently.
I couldn’t say anything for a minute. I remembered vividly the dream I had the night before.
“I…”
Nothing followed.
“I’m sorry, I am stopping you from going home,” was what came out.
She took my hand.
“Karen, you are troubled, I see that,” she said quietly. “I have time if you want it.”
“I don’t know how to tell you,” I whispered.”
“Then just let it out. I will not be a judge of you, I am here to help you.”
I felt my face burning intensely as I remembered her gentle touch.
“Last night,” I began slowly, “In my dream…”
“Yes?” she said.
“I dreamed of the crash and I saw a dead man and flames, even though there were none in the accident.”
“That is quite normal, Karen, it is still fresh in your mind, the fear strong in your memeory.”
“Yes, but there was more. I don’t think… I… I…,” I began to stutter, unable to finish what I started. “I can’t tell you, Françoise, I can’t.”
She squeezed my hand tighter.
“It is alright, Karen,” she said gently, “When you are ready I am here. I know how hard this must be for you.”
“You were in my dream!” I blurted out, the words tumbling over themselves in my haste to get it over with.
“I was?” she smiled.
“You were touching me, caressing me…” I could hardly get my breath to let the words out.
Françoise smiled, understanding.
“So that is what was so hard. That was what you couldn’t tell me?” She sighed.“Oh, Karen, you do not need to worry. You liked me touching you?”
“Yes.” My voice was barely audible as my throat was so dry. “You held me so close as you caressed me, told me you were there to help me, to take care of me.”
“That is not unusual, Cherie. It just means that you needed someone close to you. Your mother is gone, you thought your father was gone too and you had no-one. It was just your brain looking for comfort. Do you see?”
“I, I think so…” I looked at her pretty face. “You are not offended?”
“Oh, Karen, no, of course I am not offended. I am pleased, in a way, that you thought of me as someone you needed and trusted. I think you will have many such dreams as your mind struggles to overcome the horrible situation you have been in.”
I relaxed a little.
“I didn’t know how to tell you but I needed to. Needed to tell someone and let it out but I was embarrassed.”
“You have no need to fear me, Karen,” she reassured me. “As I told you, I will never judge you but will try my best to alleviate your fears and help you back to normal. After such an accident it is easy to see the physical damage but often, the psychological damage is overlooked. Please never be afraid to talk to me.”
I leaned forwards to kiss her but she moved away slightly, just out of reach.
“No, Karen, that will not help you. That is not what you need just now.”
“I’m sorry,” I stammered, “I…”
She put a finger to my lips.
“Don’t apologise, you did nothing wrong. You should sleep now and I will see you in the morning and please, don’t worry. Everything will be fine, you will see.”
I nodded and closed my eyes for a moment. When I opened them again, she was gone.
I felt bad now. I should not have tried to kiss her. What on earth was I thinking!
I closed my eyes again and lay back on the pillow. What a fool. How could I face her in the morning?
I felt a vibration and opened my eyes. Everyone was chatting in their seats, oblivious to the ever increasing movement so I walked down the aisle to the front of the cabin and opened the door. There was nothing but space, a brilliantly lit space!
The floor suddenly jolted and I was thrown forwards through the open door. I was falling. Falling to where I couldn’t see but my stomach was churning and a scream was beginning to form deep within me. Wildly I looked about but I was blinded by the dazzling white of nothingness.
As I opened my mouth to let the scream go, strong arms gripped me and began to reduce my descent until I didn’t feel as though I was falling any more. The scream never came.
Before I knew what was happening I was standing on something firm. I could not see anything to know what I was standing on but the fear was gone now and I looked around to see who had caught me. There was no-one. I was totally alone.
“I tried to help you,” a female voice spoke.
“I know, I’m sorry…” my voice seemed to be absorbed as it trailed away. “I still want your help.”
A deafening silence followed.
“Françoise, please. Don’t leave here, alone,” I pleaded
“You are not alone, Karen, you have me now. I caught you as you fell.”
“Dad? Where are you?” I turned fully around but there was no-one.
“I don’t want to be alone!” I shouted.
Instantly the blinding white was replaced with an equally impenetrable darkness. So black it was how I imagined it would be like if I was blind.
Once again the fear arose from the pit of my stomach, rising steadily towards my throat.
Holding my hands stretched out in front of me I began to shuffle forwards, sliding my bare feet carefully along the smooth, warm surface, not knowing what to expect.
“This way, Karen!” A mans voice.
“No, Karen, this way!” A woman.
I turned to face the second voice but I could not see through through the pitch darkness.
“I can’t see!” I shouted, “Where are you?”
“Over here, Karen. This is the way, trust me.” The man.
“No, Karen, This is the way, I promise you.” The woman.
“Which way?” I screamed out. “I don’t know which way. It is so dark!”
“I told you, Karen. This is the way!” Again I heard the man’s voice calling out and tthen the woman:
“No, Karen. Follow me, I will show you the way.”
“I can’t see!” I called out, turning first one way and then the other, “I don’t know which way to turn. Where are you?”
I began to cry.
“I don’t know the way,” I sobbed, “Show me the way, please…”
“Karen, hey, come on now.” I felt a hand gently shaking my shoulder, “Wake up, Sweetheart, you are safe now.”
“Doctor Harlow?” I opened my eyes. “What, what are you…?”
I didn’t complete the question.
“I came to see you but you were shouting out in your sleep. Something about not knowing the way?”
He handed me a cloth to dry my eyes. I must have been crying in my sleep..
I slumped back into the pillow, covering my face with my hands.
“Oh Lord, another nightmare.Will they ever end?”
“They will, eventually,” he smiled, “but it is still fresh and your mind will take some time to readjust. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I, I don’t know, it was weird…”
“Nightmares usually are, Honey. They are usually formed because the brain has less to do whilst the body sleeps so our thoughts and fears rise to the surface.”
“How can I stop it?” I asked him.
“Oh, Honey. If I knew the answer to that I woud be a rich man!”
“They frighten me, Doctor Harlow. I am afraid to sleep.”
I stared at him, hoping that he would tell me I would have no more but he didn’t.
“As you come to terms with the changes that you have to endure, they will become less frequent until, hopfully, they will cease.”
“But I am so tired. I have not slept properly for days now.”
“I could give you something to help you sleep but I would rather not. It will not help in the long term. I would rather help you exorcise those demons, if you will let me.”
“I don’t know,” I whispered, “I am afraid…”
He looked steadily into my eyes, studying me, assessing me I thought.
“I am here all night, Princess. If you need to talk…”
I nodded but said no more.
To be continued…
