“No,” I said out loud to the astonishingly pale girl in the mirror.
“No,” I repeated sadly, looking at the little red line on my pregnancy test. “What have you done, Heather?”
Did you really think that sort of thing wouldn’t happen to YOU? The angry girl in the mirror asked, cruelly.
I had a gnawing suspicion when I woke up after the last night of our Spring Break trip. My ill feeling from the night before had reasserted itself the next morning. CJ could tell I wasn’t myself, but I feigned it well enough to get back home without any real concern.
“What am I going to do?” I asked my reflection, sharing tears with the girl looking back at me.
Mom, the ghost in the mirror suggested. You have to call her. Daddy can’t hear this from you. She HAS to hear it first. You can’t tell Daddy. It has to be Mom. Not Daddy. Not Daddy. Not Daddy. It will kill him. You will break his heart. You will see him cry.
“How?” I asked myself pitifully. “We never talk. She’s still so bent that I wanted to live here when they split. She’ll blame Daddy, and I can’t do that to him!”
What’s he going to do to CJ? She asked, then swallowed hard and sobbed loudly.
I cried until my eyes ached… then I threw up. I had no idea how I would manage the day. I knew my schoolwork wouldn’t be any sort of challenge, so I considered letting my dad call and get me out of it. But the idea of asking him to cover up for me only made me feel sick again. And I was due at work.
Work, I thought. Completely forgot about how they’re all going to look at me. The little chat with the girl in the mirror did help me work through one thing, though. No way I was going to tell my mom about this until Daddy had been given the chance to fully process it. I loved and respected my dad too much to deny him that.
“Hey, Hot Girl!” Harp greeted me as soon as I walked into the dealership. “How was your trip?”
“It was good!” I answered with a big, convincing smile. There wasn’t enough concealer in the world to hide my lying eyes, though. So when Harp set a concerned look on his face, I felt the tears welling up.
“You OK?” Harp asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.
I just shook my head, unable to speak, too afraid I would start sobbing. Then I turned and hurried away, down the hall, to Kim’s office.
The clicking of my heels doesn’t allow me to move around on hard tile incognito. Being subtle was about the last thing on my mind, though, as I darted into Kim’s office. She greeted me with a confused expression, over the screen of her laptop. I closed the door behind me, then buried my face in my hands.
Before either of us said a word, Kim pulled me into a warm, strong, safe embrace. At that moment, there was nothing more that anyone in the world could have done for me. My entire body cried in her arms. She had no idea if someone had just died or if I had somehow hurt myself. But it didn’t seem to matter. Kim was going to hold onto me until I didn’t need her to anymore.
“I’m pregnant,” I finally confessed out loud, in between sniffs, swallows and sobs.
“It’s OK, Sweetheart,” Kim said quietly, holding my head against her chest and combing the back of my hair with her fingers. “It’s OK. It’s OK. Everything is going to be fine. You are loved by so many people. You are not alone,” she told me softly.
I pulled away from my Office Manager’s hug and took a deep breath. Her calming words really helped to soothe my distressed mind. When I saw the tears in Kim’s eyes, I wanted to break down again. But I was too tired physically to give in to any more of my own pity.
“Have a seat, Dear. I’m going to get you a soda. Be right back.”
I sank into the leather sofa, facing my Office Manager’s desk, listlessly planting my feet on the coffee table, covered with motorcycle magazines and brochures. My body had been paying the price for all the physical activity of skiing. The added effects from putting together another human being inside me were almost too much. I was tired. And I didn’t know if I would ever NOT feel tired again.
“Here you go, Baby Girl,” Kim handed me a Coke and a handful of tissues. “Just relax, Heather. You’re not going back out on the floor today,” she said, sitting down next to me.
I grabbed Kim’s hand, exhaling hard. “Thank you,” I said, behind closed, tired eyes.
“Don’t have to say a word, but I’m here if you want to talk. OK?”
“I need to talk. I need… help.”
“OK…”
“Nobody knows yet. And I don’t know how to… I’m just so scared. My dad is going to trip. And CJ…” I trailed off, having no words, just shaking my head.
“Hey. I’ve met your dad, OK? He’s smart, polite, and really decent. And he ADORES you,” my sweet Office Manager said, squeezing my hand.
I nodded, listening.
“Can I offer one suggestion?” Kim asked, nudging my leg with hers. “Let CJ know first. Then you two can decide how to tell everyone else.”
I took a deep breath and picked up my phone. That sick feeling turned me into a statue, unable to bring up my contact list. I couldn’t even feel my swollen eyes, but warm tears were dripping from them.
Kim wrapped me in her arms immediately, silently passing her own energy into me… to do what had to be done. When she let me go from her embrace, I pulled her back to me. I pressed my lips to Kim’s and parted them with my tongue. She opened her mouth and let me kiss her. Kim wasn’t exactly kissing me back, but she wasn’t stopping me either.
“I don’t know why I did that,” I said flatly, shocked at my own behavior.
“It’s OK. Not what I expected,” she giggled. “But I can only imagine the hormones competing for your attention right now.”
“I don’t want to tell him over the phone. Can I ask him to come here?” I asked, shoving that kiss to the back of my mind. OK. So I kissed a girl, a woman twice my age… I’ll sort that shit out later.
“Of course! I was actually going to suggest that,” Kim answered, apparently forgiving my capriciousness.
I texted CJ, asking him to please come to the dealership. And like a good boyfriend, he didn’t ask why. Kim met CJ at the showroom entrance, escorted him to the back and turned her office over to us.
“Take all the time you want. My office is yours for as long as you need,” Kim told us, closing the door quietly behind her.
“I’m pregnant,” I exhaled, fighting off more tears and studying CJ’s face.
He nodded… and smiled with his whole face. CJ pulled me into the tightest hug I have ever had. And I broke… again.
He held me for the longest time, neither of us saying a word. Did he HEAR me? Did he really just SMILE?
As my sniffs and quiet sobs abated, CJ offered his verbal response. “Are you done?” he asked, tilting my chin to look up at him. “No more tears, OK? I am not going to feel anything but happiness about this. Our baby deserves for his parents to be happy they made him.”
Men always assume it’s a boy.
“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. Only because you’re still in school. But that’s it. I refuse to have any regrets,” CJ said firmly. He gave me a soft kiss. “I love you, Heather.”
He said it first! He said it first! I can tell him now. I can believe it now. I can KNOW it now!
“Oh, CJ,” I cried. “I love you,” planting my lips to his. Then I buried my head into his chest, holding him tightly. “I love you.”
CJ and I talked for a long time. I felt like I was finally able to breathe again. When he suggested inviting my dad over and telling everyone at the same time, I sunk back into anxious desperation. I’m glad CJ revoked my crying privileges. But no one could forbid me from nervous trembling.
“They’re all… WE’RE all good people. And everyone will want to say the right things. I know our dads will take it hard. But being in mixed company will appeal to everyone’s mature sensibilities,” CJ reasoned.
He made a really convincing argument. There wasn’t an easy way to do it. But at least we’d only have to do it once. I still didn’t know when or how I would apprise my mom of the situation. I certainly didn’t trust my competence to appeal to HER mature sensibilities at all.
Fate was on my side. Everyone was free tonight. CJ told me that his dad seemed genuinely pleased to entertain us all again. I’m glad Daddy made such a good first impression. Let’s hope we’re all welcome after tonight.
Kim walked with CJ and me through the showroom, keeping anyone else at a distance while we made our exit. I gave her a tight hug before getting in my car.
“Don’t you dare kiss me out here,” Kim whispered, making us both laugh.
“You saved me. I don’t know what I would have done without you today,” I told her.
I followed CJ to Shale Rock and threw myself onto his bed, falling asleep immediately. CJ let me nap for a few hours, then rubbed my back and stroked my hair, tacitly rousing me from a deep slumber.
“Your dad will be here soon,” he said quietly.
I got up and changed into the dress CJ had bought for me, keeping it at his house for an occasion such as this. For once, I didn’t think my “flirt clothes” were appropriate attire. I did the best I could on my eyes, but I was still pretty sure you could see the word Samsonite in the bags underneath. The tired-looking girl in the mirror only offered an exhausted sigh and a pitiful excuse for a smile. Time to go tell everyone that CJ knocked up his sixteen-year-old girlfriend.
Before dinner, I felt flighty and fidgety, watching our dads amusing themselves over drinks in the den. The only place I wanted to be was in the blue light of their swimming pool, blind to the rest of the world. Fortunately, the staff keeps a perfect schedule. Dinner was on the table, promptly at 7:00pm.
I was thankful it wasn’t the first time Daddy had been to the Benson Estate. He appeared relaxed, absorbed in real dialog with CJ’s parents. As everyone was eating and talking, CJ rose from the table, instantly bringing all eyes and silence on himself.
“Everyone,” CJ confidently began. “Heather and I would like to share… our news with you.”
Every eyebrow in the room suddenly went up. I know they must have been expecting CJ to announce our engagement, which would have been shocking enough. But what he told them next would have made a marriage proposal seem like a free trip around the world.
I looked at Daddy to see how he took “our news”. But he wasn’t looking at CJ. He was staring at me, eyebrows still elevated. There was no escaping his gaze as CJ continued.
“We’re going to have a baby.”
I heard gasps from Mr. and Mrs. Benson. My dad’s face sank, and his eyes became misty. Daddy sucked his lips in, literally biting both of them, nodding. Right then, I didn’t want to know what he was thinking. If I had been in his brain at that moment, I would have died from the pain I saw behind those eyes.
“I’m sorry, Daddy,” I cried. CJ grabbed my hand, urging me to stand next to him, to hold onto him. I held tightly to CJ’s side, fixing my gaze on anything I could find that wasn’t my daddy’s pained countenance. I was surprised to realize my little body could produce any more tears, yet they flowed.
CJ’s mom was the first to embrace me, us. She wore a comforting smile but worried eyes.
“Come here, you two,” Mrs. Benson said, squeezing us both tightly. “Don’t cry, Sweetheart. We love you both. And we will love this baby.”
When I turned and saw my dad’s empty chair, I thought I was going to pass out. He had come to stand on the other side of me, patiently waiting to acknowledge “our news”. I threw both my arms around him and stole the strength that a girl can only find being held by her daddy.
“I love you, Sweetie. You’re the most important thing in the world. Everything will be fine,” Daddy said, softly consoling me.
I dried my eyes and thanked my dad for being so sweet, noticing CJ’s dad still sitting in his chair. He was locked in such a cold gaze with his son, it scared me shitless. When he realized I was watching, he finally rose to his feet.
“Hey!” Mr. Benson called out. “It’s been a while since we had a baby around here!” he said, almost convincingly excited. He wrapped CJ and me in a big, bear hug and kissed me on the forehead. “No more tears, Heather. You’re too pretty to see you cry,” he said commandingly, but genuinely sweet. “We’re a family. And YOU are part of it.”
I listened to everyone as they discussed the things that needed to be done. No one was patronizing or trying to steer me in any direction. I was just happy to let anyone else think about it all. They worked out a child support amount that was grossly overestimated. CJ’s dad insisted that a room be set up as a nursery at the estate. I would have a nanny to help while I finished school and continued to work.
The worst of it was over. Everyone except me and Daddy finished their meals. Yes, Daddy. I fucked up. At least your little girl got knocked up by a rich guy, I told him with my eyes. I knew there was more to be said when I got home, but CJ had definitely made the right call. Having us all together definitely lessened the blow.
End of Part 13
