"The best day of my life was when I found out my wife was a witch."
My wife is a witch. Not a nasty woman that you’d refer to as a witch. I mean she is a real, card-carrying, bonified witch. I didn’t know she was a witch when we got married, but I found out...
"They say absence makes the heart grow fonder..."
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I will tell you now that it is absolute unadulterated horseshit. Absence and distance cut your heart into little pieces and leaves a hole inside that hurts.Katie. Oh my Katie…I had been...
"A life changing revelation in a cabin in the middle of nowhere."
A weakness of mine is my tendency to develop myopia when engaging in certain aspects. Reading is probably the biggest. Couple that with a naturally panicky disposition and a heart attack before I was able to legally drink means I...
"“How am I supposed to concentrate on furniture with my girlfriend vibrating her gushing pussy?""
“The apple was hard. The orange got wetter.”“Can we compare them, though?”Sitting cross-legged on the rumpled bed in a black Pong t-shirt and white cotton panties, I released my focus from the two fruits on Jacob’s dresser. They were each...
"“I still see you as that unattainable goddess who hangs out with my friend's big sister.”"
“Fifty/fifty? Sixty/forty?”“Ninety/ten.”“Does that mean you're attracted to one out of every ten guys you see?” I asked Jacob as I waited patiently on my couch.“Ninety percent of the time, I'm attracted to women,” he yelled from inside my bedroom. “The...
"“I don't wear a pointy hat or own a black cat or cast spells in a cauldron.”"
“You gotta catch them all.”“How many is enough?”“Whatever fits in your basket.”As the three of us milled about in the freshly-mowed grass, I surveyed the park filled with hundreds of rambunctious children, and a few determined adults, searching high and...
"What are you wearing, baby?"
You sent me a love poem,I loved what you said. Then I found out it was meantfor someone else instead. When you sent the message,You were a bit under the weather. It was a twist of fateThat brought us together.I wish you weren’t a...
"“Is satisfaction all that you are searching for?” “Sometimes I like surprises.”"
“Dinner was… unexpected.”“You didn't like the stew.”“I really liked the stew,” I told him honestly, as we stood in the open doorway of my apartment. We lowered our voices so we wouldn't disturb the neighbors. “I’m glad you brought it....
"Light flash fiction about a bigot and an aphrodisiac"
The reporter looked away from me, glancing at her notes in right hand. “Afternoon,” I called, seating myself and adjusting the chair in front of the television cameras.She nodded at me, turned to the first camera and delivered a short...
"If you want something badly enough..."
The clock says midnight will be here soon,Almost time for the ladies to swoon. Everyone’s eyes subtly scanning the room,Seeking the one they wish to kiss soon. I see you standing on the far side,You caught me gazing at you doe-eyed, I’ve only...