In the last couple years, I have woken up a handful of times from a dream about having sex with another girl, feeling very confused about what this meant. It led to an internal crisis, consisting of googling “Am I a lesbian if I have sex dreams about other women?” You may be wondering why this was concerning to me. I’m currently in a five year relationship with a man (high school sweethearts that went to college together) and I fully intend on marrying this man. I am head over heels in love with him. For this reason, I was concerned about ever acknowledging my apparent subconscious sexual interest in women.
Well, after a couple years of watching girl on girl porn when I masturbated, fantasizing and getting intense pleasure out of the “naughty” feeling I got when doing so… I finally acted on it.
I became friends with Nina about six months ago. I have never had a friend that was as open, nor enthusiastic about being my friend, as her. I met her at my friends birthday party (pontooning out on the lake) in early July, and we immediately clicked. We vowed that we would actually hang out, not be those people that swear we will but never do. By the end of that day, I had an enormous friend crush on her. I had only experienced that one other time, with my friend Lizzie, which I’m still convinced it was more of a personality crush. She just had such a love for life, I admired her so much. Lizzie and I did make out a few times when we were drunk, but that wasn’t anything romantic or even anything particularly sexual.
Anyway, back to Nina. By the end of that day in July, I knew she was the kind of girl I would love spending time with. I aspired to be as open as she is! She stripped completely naked in front of me – a girl she just met – when she changed out of her swimsuit into her dry clothes when we got off the boat. However, this may have had something to do with how perfect her body was and feeling confident in it. She was average height, with long highlighted-blonde hair, a tiny waist, a perfect little “bubble butt,” and an impressively flat stomach with slight traces of abs poking through. Clearly, she worked out. The thing I noticed the most, however, was her perky, size D boobs. Her nipples…. the only word I have for them is perfect. They were small, like mine, which I’ve always found so sexy.
That day in July, I never imagined I would one day have those nipples in my mouth. Looking back, I can feel myself staring at her naked body a little too long, and I remember assuring myself afterward it was just as a means of comparison to my own body.
I am very tall, with B cup breasts. Though they’re average, I’ve grown to be confident in them. I don’t work out often, but I’m naturally thin. This also means my butt is rather flat, so there have been long periods of time where I felt incredibly self-conscious and like my body was “boring.”
I’m a strong believer in everything happening for a reason, and I know Nina came into my life for many reasons. One of those was restoring my confidence in myself, knowing what it’s like to have a strong, reciprocal friendship, and of course…. helping me accept my bicuriosity.
Over the next few months, Nina and I became incredibly close. We hung out constantly (sometimes including my boyfriend, or the friend whose birthday party we met at) and drank and partied often.
I’ve never had a friend make me feel so confident in who I am, both mentally and physically. She told me I was beautiful constantly, and her physique inspired me to start working out. As I made progress in my fitness, she was my own personal cheerleader. She would also consistently tell me what a good person I was and how lucky she was to be my friend. Whenever I was with her, I felt like a million dollars. I was definitely the lucky one.
She never told me flat out that she was bisexual, but it became apparent the closer we got. One night, after some guy she’d been sleeping wasn’t responding, we each finished the jumbo sized bottles of wine to ourselves and she sobbed into my chest. She mumbled something about how life would be so much easier if I was single and she could just have sex with me instead of stupid guys.
She made small comments like that periodically, almost exclusively when she was drunk. Every time, it made my vagina feel tingly, and I would pretend I didn’t hear what she’d said. I didn’t tell anyone, including my boyfriend, about her comments. I loved spending time with her so much, I didn’t want anyone to think it was weird or odd.
One night – a rare occurrence when I was the one who was uncontrollably drunk – we were on the dance floor of a club dancing provocatively with each other (not out of the norm) and I have only a faint memory of us making out. Somehow we found our way to the bathroom, stumbling the whole way, and the rest is rather blurry. There are brief glimpses of me pushing her up against the wall of a bathroom stall while kissing her in my memory. I can feel her grabbing my boobs when I try to recall the memory.
The next day, we woke up in her apartment hungover as hell. In the most natural and casual tone ever, she said, “Do you remember us almost having sex in a bar bathroom last night?”
My jaw literally dropped, and I sat trying to recall the memory for a moment before responding. Since making out with my friends wasn’t a rare occurrence, I replied by saying, “Oh my god, I’m such a lesbian when I’m drunk.”
Nina shrugged and said, “It’s cool man, I didn’t mind it.” Then proceeded to laugh. She’s just so open and amazing, it’s nearly impossible to be uncomfortable around her.
Over the next couple weeks, I found myself thinking back to that night and masturbating to the image of me pushing her up against that wall and kissing her. I think the feeling of being so “naughty” got me off the most.
She mentioned it every time after that we hung out, in front of other guys, who would then beg us to make out (including my boyfriend). Sometimes we would, sometimes we’d tell them all to go to hell. But her constant bringing it up made clear to me that she was thinking about it as much as I was.
Fast forward nearly a month after the bathroom incident. I drove the 30 minutes to where she lived and spent the night at her apartment. It was a Thursday night – a seemingly casual wine & movie night was in store. The whole drive there, I wondered if we would get drunk and make out like usual. I made the plan to let her get a little more drunk than me, but I would pretend I was really tipsy so I could kiss her without her realizing that sober me wanted to. I wanted to be a little more clear-headed this time, so I could assess whether I was ACTUALLY attracted to her, or if drunk me just liked to make out and experiment from time to time.
I felt a pit in my stomach as I climbed up the stairs to her apartment. I should have known that the second I got up there I would feel right at home – Nina has such a special way of doing that for me.
“SARAH!” Nina squealed when I reached the top, and ran over and hugged me. I immediately relaxed.
“Hey!” I embraced her tightly. “Something smells good!” I looked over and saw she had some barbecue chicken cooking in the crockpot. My favorite.
I couldn’t even sit down before she poured me a glass of wine. We ate, drank, and caught up after not seeing each other for about a week. We talked about my boyfriend, and trash talked the aforementioned douche bag that had used her for sex and didn’t call her again. Before I knew it, I was pretty tipsy. She is the epitome of a pusher when it comes to drinking.
After Nina got decently drunk (which always takes longer than me) she turned on some early 2000s hip hop music, which is our favorite thing that plays when out at the club. We did the typical sleepover stuff, like taking pictures together, videos of us dancing, etc. We danced with each other, and the drunker she got, the more sexual it became. I could tell the direction it was heading. She has this classic look in her eye, and unintentionally bites her lip. I didn’t realize until that moment that this was her tell, because usually by the time it happens I’m too drunk to pay much attention. This time, I was drinking slower. She wasn’t, so she didn’t notice.
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As we were dancing and taking pictures in her room, she took a few where she was kissing me on the cheek, over and over again. That turned into her sloppily planting a kiss on my mouth afterward. She kept doing that, and eventually (as usual) that turned into us making out, laughing, and dancing. It truly was like a typical college girl scene out of a movie.
We collapsed on her tall bed, both out of breath from dancing to “promiscuous girl” by Nelly Furtado & Timbaland. Nina looked at me and said, “God, Sarah, I love you. We honestly have too much fun.”
We gush about how great the other one is for a time while we’re catching our breath. The song “drop it like its hot” came on, and I squealed in excitement and jumped up. “Dance with me! I love this song!” I screamed.
Nina shook her head and said, “No you!” She grabbed her phone and seemingly responded to a text. I put my hands on my knees and wave my butt around in front of her, trying to get her to come dance and stop being lame. She slapped my butt, so I turned around and laughed. While I definitely wasn’t out of control, I could definitely feel the effects of the alcohol buzzing in my brain and making me feel confident.
When I turned around, I could see she was examining my body. She was leaning a little bit, supporting herself from how drunk she had clearly become, but her eyes were locked on my swaying hips. “What?!” I demanded, laughing a little self-consciously. I stopped dancing.
“Nothing, nothing, don’t stop,” she said with a smile. Her eyes moved up to my cleavage (which I had accentuated by wearing a push up bra and a low cut tank top.
I felt that tightening, tingling feeling in my vagina, and my chest and face flush. I had an internal struggle for a moment about whether to acknowledge her checking me out or brush it off and pretend I don’t see it.
I decided to continue dancing a little sexier and see how she reacted.
It worked.
I watched her face over my shoulder as I turned around and shook my butt to the music. She bit her lip and closed her eyes for a brief second. “Ugh,” she said quietly.
I turned around and laughed again, “What!” I demanded.
“Nothing….” she slurred. She finally met my gaze. I cocked my eyebrow and put my hands on my hips. She looked back at my cleavage. “You’re just so sexy,” she said.
“Oh my god, stop!” I giggled, and reach for her hand to come dance. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to her so I nearly fell on her. She leaned back so I was straddling her, propping myself up with my arms next to her head.
Everything that happened next was both so quick and in slow motion. Suddenly I was straddling her, my heart pounding, with her tucking my falling hair behind my ear. Our eyes were locked, mine wide, and hers ablaze with lust. This was different. I thought maybe we’d make out drunk and maybe feel each other up a little, but I feel that this was different.
“What…. what is-“
“Shh,” Nina said. “I know you want this, Sarah. I can see it in your eyes. Stop playing games with me. We both know I can make your mind explode with pleasure. Far better than Chris can. I know what you like…. just relax.” She spoke in a low, husky voice. She suddenly seemed sober with determination….. Was she faking being drunk the whole time? I was so confused, but either way it was so fucking sexy. My nipples hardened and I felt my panties pool with wanting. I didn’t understand what was happening in my body. Or maybe I did but was trying to deny it because I couldn’t believe I was that turned on by her.
I tried to squirm away but she clamped her hands on my shoulders. I looked down. “I’m straight, Nina,” I whispered in a shaky voice. Clearly convincing neither of us.
“Yeah? Tell that to your racing heart and hard nipples.” She grabbed my shirt and bra and pulled them down in one fell swoop, making my boobs pop out in front of her face.
“I’m-I’m cold-” I tried to stammer, but I was suddenly so nervous I couldn’t get my words out.
“Just stop, stop fighting it!” She pleaded, gripping my arms harder, not allowing me to cover my chest.
“Nina, Nina!” I protested, and she snapped her head back up and locked eyes with me.
“Give it up,” she said, clearly annoyed. My heart raced and my mind was so confused. I can’t do this! I screamed to myself. While in the middle of thinking that, Nina reached behind her and shoved her hand inside my pajama shorts so her fingers were on my clit. My entire body clenched as she did so, and an involuntary moan escaped my mouth.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You want to try to tell me your pussy is soaking wet because you’re COLD, too? You want me to make you come. I know you do. All you need to do is say so….” her middle finger lightly teased my pulsing clit and I bit down on my lip so hard I thought it might bleed. I was paralyzed, I couldn’t say anything. Our eyes were deadlocked, mine wide with anxiety and hers narrowed with determination – waiting for me to give in.
“Fuck it,” I said and grabbed her face. She smiled and leaned down, pausing a minute before putting her lips on mine.
We kissed manically- ferociously, almost. Once I gave in to my want for her, it was uncontrollable. Like my body was on autopilot and I suddenly just knew what to do. I grabbed the bottom of her tank top and ripped it over her head, then unclasped her bra. I groaned as I stared at her perfect, perky, amazing boobs right in front of my face. I leaned in and licked one lightly, to tease her – something that drove me wild when it was done to me. I traced the other one with my thumb, increasingly applying pressure as I felt her body respond. “Ughhhhh,” she groaned, and grabbed the back of my neck, clearly wanting me to go harder. I caught her nipple with my teeth, and alternated between sucking and biting.
“Jesus fuck!” She screamed, hopping backward off the bed and grabbing my hand as she did so, so we were both standing. In two seconds flat, we were both standing naked.
I had never felt so completely comfortable standing naked in front of someone who wasn’t my boyfriend – the only person I’d ever had sex with before. We stood, kissing deeply, as we roved over each other’s bodies with our hands. She pushed me, gently, bad onto the bed so my head was on the pillow. Nina positioned herself between my legs my vagina pulsing in anticipation of what was to come.
It seemed she purposely avoided contact with my throbbing vagina. She kissed me slowly, down my arms, on the neck, nipping with her teeth every now and then and sending shocks throughout my whole body. She proceeded to torture my nipples with her tongue and teeth as I did to hers, while her hands caressed every inch of me. As corny as it sounds, it felt like she was worshipping my body. It was so sexy.
She picked her head up to look me in the eye, her blue eyes seeming so genuine. “God, you are so beautiful,” she whispered, and before I could respond, she went back to kissing every inch of me. I nearly teared up at her sincerity and how amazing it made me feel.
I squirmed underneath her, trying to rub my clit on any part of her I could. I was so turned on it was almost painful – the anticipation was killing me. She smiled and giggled. “Patience, babe.”
I reached down to rub my own clit, desperately. She grabbed my arms and pinned them above my head. Her look became serious. “Just wait! Let me do this. I promise you, it’ll be worth the wait.”
She leaned down and kissed me passionately for a second, then traced her tongue all the way down my abdomen, then picked back up her kissing on the inner side of my leg. My body was shaking with anticipation by that point. She bit my inner leg and I screamed in frustration. “Please, please!!!”
Nina must have finally realized the agony I was in, because she parted my vagina lips with her thumb and slowly lowered her mouth to me. Her tongue moved so slowly and gently at first. It was so purely loving and sensual. She was truly making love to me with her mouth. She took her middle finger and entered me slowly, speeding up her tongue. My heart hammered in my chest and my breathing quickened. I could feel my body starting to tense. “Oh god, oh my god, oh my godddddd! I’m gonna come!” I screamed, pressing my heels into the bed. I briefly had a small panic about coming in her mouth, worried about the taste. I wasn’t sure how many times she had done this before.
My distracted thoughts made my orgasm slip out of reach. It was like she could read my thoughts. “Relax, will you?” She grabbed my right leg and spread it, holding me down as I squirmed and writhed in incredible pleasure.
Up to this point, I had closed my eyes and tried to just focus on the feeling. I shot my eyes open and watched her tongue flick my clit, and that was all I needed. That sight sent me over the edge, and suddenly I was having the most intense orgasm. She pushed the finger she had inside me up, so she was pushing up toward my abdomen. She didn’t stop swirling her tongue on my clit despite my body’s bucking. “OH MY GODDDDDDD,” I groaned, my entire body shaking and fighting against her amazing, magical mouth. It was pure ecstasy.
Her pushed up inside my vagina toward my abdomen seemed to keep my orgasm going on forever. Finally, I had to screamed, “Stop! Stop!”
And she slowed her pace, allowing my orgasm to taper off. I laid there breathing so hard with my heart beating so fast I thought it might explode. She moved up my body, kissing all the way back up until she reached my mouth. Her rock hard nipples pressing into me was one of the sexiest things I’d ever experienced.
She kissed me deeply, lovingly. I could taste myself, but for once I didn’t care. I wanted more, which had never happened before.
I kissed her neck, sucking, biting, not caring if I left marks. “God that was amazing,” I kept muttering into her skin.
She leaned back so we were eye to eye. “Told you so,” she said, winking. She rolled off me so we were laying on our sides facing each other. “By the way, you taste really good.” Nina said it so matter of factly, how she would talk about a day at work. Even though she had just made me have the most insane orgasm, she was still acting like my best friend. It was incredible.
I just kissed her, in awe, and trailed my fingers down her stomach toward her vagina. She pulled back once more. “Sarah, you don’t have to, I wanted that to be about you.”
My eyebrows shot together in confusion. “What do you mean?! Of course I want to!” I shoved her over so she was laying on her back. I paused and looked down. “I’ve thought about this for a long time,” I said in a quiet voice.
“I know,” she said, giggling again.
I rolled my eyes and got on top of her. As much as I wanted to tease her like she’d done to me, I wanted to show her I could make her come like she did for me, even though I didn’t necessarily know what I was doing.
I opened her lips with my thumb like she did with mine, and I started rubbing her clit with it. “Mmmm,” she murmured.
“That’s good?” I asked. “Sorry if I don’t do very good… I’m kinda new to all this.”
Her blue eyes shot open and she looked deep into mine. “Sarah, what do you mean? Anything you do will be perfect. Seriously.”
Her calm reassurance was so sexy somehow.
I suddenly wanted to taste her. I’d always been intimidated by this part of it – another woman’s vagina. When I fantasized about having sex with another woman, it was always another woman going down on me.
I began slowly rubbing my tongue on her pulsing clit. I did it in circles, them up and down, gradually becoming more and more comfortable. She actually tasted GOOD, and I found myself not wanting to stop. She pressed herself hard into the mattress and groaned in pleasure. It encouraged me and I became even more enthusiastic, if that was possible. I pushed my middle finger in her vagina like she had in mine, pressing upward. I was feeling adventurous, so I looked up at her and said, “Say my name. Tell me how good it feels.” It felt awkward coming out but it seemed to do the trick, because her eyes shot open and her head tilted back in pleasure. “Oh god, Sarah! This is incredible, I’ve been waiting… for… so… long! Agh!”
Suddenly her wetness was flowing and she was screaming and writhing. She was coming! I couldn’t believe it happened that quickly. I clamped her leg down so I could continue eating her out like she did for me when I was climaxing and keep it going on as long as possible.
“Jesus Christ, oh my gosh, Sarah, erghhhh!” My tongue was sore from so much activity but I didn’t care. I made her orgasm and I felt like a million dollars.
Her body slowly relaxed and I kissed back up her body to her mouth like she did mine. Call me a copy cat, but hey, this was my first time.
She kissed me for a second before throwing me off her and hunching over me. “Are you SURE you haven’t done that before!?” She demanded, smiling. She kissed me quickly and collapsed on her back.
“Oh, I’m sure.” I smiled back, rested my head on her shoulder.
“The whole say your name thing… ugh, that was fucking hot.” She laughed after she said it, and her tone of voice was the same as if she was saying, “It’s 40 degrees outside today.” The only way to describe her tone was that of a best friend. So casual, so…. comfortable. It was amazing.
I had to tell her so. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
“Ha! Amazingly persuasive, maybe! Sorry about going all predatory on you earlier.”
I laughed, “uh, I think it’s safe to say I’m glad you did.”
“I knew you were curious for a long time, it was just a matter of you being comfortable enough to cross that line without being pushed. Well… I guess the whole not pushing thing went out the window after that last glass of wine.”
We both laid laughing into each other for a time, before she exclaimed: “BARBECUE CHICKENNNNNN!” We raced out of the room and to the kitchen, totally naked, and ate with a fork straight out of the crockpot.
Incredibly, nothing has been awkward between us. There were no expectations. We love each other, but we’re not in love with each other. This experience made me realize so much. I now know that I am incredibly sexually attracted to women, but I love my boyfriend Chris. I am in love with him. I have now accepted that somehow I’m both sexually and mentally attracted to men, but only sexually attracted to women. I don’t know how common that is, but I don’t think it matters either. I feel totally comfortable in my skin now and okay with this reality.
I told Chris when I went home that Nina and I got really drunk and fooled around a little. I told him about my revelation about my sexuality and he was so accepting and wonderful. He said he was even glad that I’d done that, though it WAS technically being unfaithful. I told him I’d make it up to him by letting him watch me fool around with a girl sometime.
***
My same is Sarah. I’m 21 years old, and a junior in college. This is an account of my first sexual encounter with a woman. Since it’s a true story, it means a lot to me, and in posting it, I hope it aids in both stimulating the people read it sexually, as well as allowing anyone struggling with bicuriousity to feel empowered.
Thank you for reading this novelette – I hope it both turned you on and maybe helped some people accept themselves a little more!