Monday morning arrived at 5:30 as the insipid Autumn light ghosted its bleary fingers through the windows and insinuated itself into the bedroom where Debbie lay sound asleep beside me. A peaceful visage indicated her content as she slept easily, her left arm settled outside the covers and her right arm unseen as it lay beside her naked body, softly resting against my hip.
Not wishing to disturb her, I eased myself out of bed and padded quietly over to the bathroom door, opening it slowly whilst switching the light on simultaneously. As I returned to bed I noticed that the dial on my phone was illuminated, so I picked it up and slid under the covers to escape the sharpness of the morning chill. A quick perusal of the messages showed that there were over forty of them in all. Several from Melody, a couple from Amy, more than a few from Waxy O’Connell and the latest one was from Ritchie D.
“Yup?”
“Yip.”
“Will you make the call, or do I have to?”
“Isn’t it a bit early in the morning for you to be exerting yourself?”
“I wouldn’t want to be disturbing that young one you have asleep beside you.”
“Who says she’s asleep? She might be in a coma.”
“Did you drug her?”
“I might have overpowered her with desire.”
“Or the rhythm of your old man wheezing sending her to sleep.”
I laughed as quietly as I could. Debbie’s eyes flickered open, and she reached her hand out and placed it flat on my stomach.
“Hi,” she whispered, “what’s so funny at this hour of the day?”
“A text from Ritchie,” I said, “he can be a funny fucker sometimes.”
“What’s so funny?” she asked as she leaned over to read the screen. “The cheek of him.”
“He’s just trying to wind me up, Debs, this is mild,” I said. “Do you mind if I ring him back?”
She smiled and shook her head before draping her arms around me and kissing me.
“I love that you feel the need to ask me if I mind you making a call, Billy,” she said almost dreamily. “Of course you should call him back.”
I speed dialled him.
“What the fuck time of day is this to ring someone?” he said.
“Fuck off. I knew you were going to say that,” I said, “what has you awake so early, guilty conscience?”
Debbie started to laugh as she slipped out of bed on her way to the bathroom. I felt movement in my penis as I watched her fantastic bum walking deliciously across the room.
“Billy? Did you hear what I said?”
“Sorry, Ritchie, I was distracted for a minute there. What did you say?”
“When are you meeting this Waxy O’Connell prick? He’s been texting me every ten minutes.”
“He’s coming up at 9:00. Why don’t you ring him beforehand and let me know what’s on his mind?” I said. “Call it inside information.”
“Why didn’t you think of that?” he said, “I’ll ring the prick now.”
“Ring me back when you’re finished.”
“Will do, but first, what was distracting you?”
“I’ll take a picture of her next time, Ritchie.”
“It was Amy last week, and now Debbie? You’re a jammy bastard,” he said and hung up.
Debbie closed the bathroom door and smiled at me as she tried to sprint across the room with her arms placed as an attempted barrier to her charms. I laughed as she ran.
“What?” she said as she slid under the covers.
“Debbie, I have you imprinted on my mind; covering yourself up is not necessary,” I said.
“I know,” she said, “it’s an automatic reaction, I suppose. I’m not used to being naked with a man, or anyone for that matter.”
“We have this Waxy fucker coming over this morning,” I said.
“What time?”
“He’s coming at 9:00, will you sit in with us?”
“If you need me,” she said, kissing my cheek and snuggling in under my arm.
“I need you,” I said.
“I need you,” she whispered.
“Are we expressing the same need?” I asked.
“That depends on what you need right now,” she whispered.
“What do you need?” I said, kissing her lips.
“Oh, many things, but let’s start with me taking you in my mouth,” she whispered, kissing me before taking my bottom lip between hers and sucking it into her mouth.
I felt her hand move to the base of my quickly forming erection.
“I love that I can make that happen for you, Billy,” she whispered as she dipped her head under the covers.
Ritchie called back just as Debbie swallowed my ejaculate and had begun the tender process of calming my penis head with her tongue. I picked the phone up and answered as she smiled like a Cheshire cat beside me on the pillow we shared.
“Yes,” I said.
“Did I wake you?”
“No, what’s up?” I asked.
“Did I interrupt something?” he persisted.
“No, we were just finished.”
“Fucking hell, Bill, too much fucking information,” he said laughing as Debbie slapped me playfully.
“Did you get Waxy out of bed?” I asked.
“Yes, you’ll never believe what he wants.”
“Go on,” I said, “but I think I can guess.”
“He wanted to know if he could do all of our energy surveys for free,” he said incredulously.
“Really?” I said. “How’s he going to do that?”
“I’m fucked if I know,” he said, “but it must be an earner for him somehow.”
“Yes, it’s because he thinks he can sell the energy credits on,” I told him.
“I know that selling energy credits is an option, Billy,” he said, “but they’d have to be too expensive to make it worth his while the way he outlined how he’s going to do it.”
“What way is that?”
“He wasn’t very specific, Billy,” he said, getting his thoughts in order, “but from what I understand, it’s a total hand-to-mouth, work from the kitchen table kind of scheme.”
“A bit like yourself then,” I said.
“Yes, that’s what worries me,” he said, “I can’t put that forward as a viable option. He hasn’t even got any assessment companies on board, maybe that’s what he wants to talk to you about.”
“I think so too, Ritchie,” I said, “as far as I know, he hasn’t even got an arse in his trousers at this stage, but I’m prepared to hear him out. Did you ask who’s funding him?”
“He wouldn’t say, just that it was privileged information.”
“That means he has nobody,” I said. “He won’t get out of here without disclosing everything.”
“How are you going to manage that?” he asked. “No, don’t tell me, I’m probably better off not knowing.”
“Probably not,” I said, “but I’ll let you know later on.”
We hung up as we began to laugh.
I took Debbie through the call and her curious eyes encouraged me to lay out our process for the meeting. A spark suddenly appeared in her eyes, and she smiled.
“I love this, Billy,” she said, “do I just sit in and take notes?”
“No, I’ll be introducing you as our company secretary. You can ask anything that you think I’m missing,” I said.
“I need to prepare,” she said.
“You already know everything that’s required for this,” I said.
“I know, but I like to be prepared too.”
The phone rang again. It was Amy.
“We might have something more to work with here, Debs,” I said, showing her the phone, “it’s Amy.”
“Answer it!”
I did.
“Morning, Amy,” I said, “how’s it hanging?”
“Do you suddenly think I’m one of your appendage-dependent male associates?” she asked.
“Let me try that again,” I said.
“Fuck off, I haven’t got time for that, Billy.”
“Ok, what do you need?”
“I don’t need anything,” she said, “I’m calling with a communication from the front.”
“Oh?”
“We have two matching offers for those Energy Credits that we presented,” she said.
“Already?”
“Yes, it’s a cutthroat world we live in.”
“Ok, give it to me,” I said, “I’m braced for an uncomfortable experience.”
“Two offers of €5.5 million plus tax.”
I looked at Debbie, her eyes wide and questioning. I gestured the €5.5 million with my fingers, and she screamed silently.
“Is that all?” I asked.
A look of shock clouded Debbie’s face.
“Is it not enough?”
“It’s never enough, Amy, you should know that,” I said, “can we get it up?”
“Well, it only needs one of us to get it up, doesn’t it, Billy?” she said seductively.
“That depends on who it’s being gotten up for.”
“Don’t you have a favourite in your current harem?”
“That would be you, of course.”
“That’s the correct answer.”
“Who are the offers from?”
“Irish Gas and GazPro, do you have a preference?”
“I want to talk to both of them before we agree on anything,” I said.
“Billy, no,” she said, “this is the big league we’re playing in now.”
“I know, and if I’m going to play in it, I’ll play it my way, Amy,” I said with finality.
“Do you not trust me, Billy?” she asked.
“You know different than that, Amy,” I said, “we need to maximise everything, especially at this stage. Where’s GazPro from?”
“Why?”
“Just asking,” I said.
“Russia,” she said.
“Ok, I’d prefer not to deal with them, it’s too unstable and might alienate us from too many economies at some stage. Let’s put them on the back burner for now and focus on Irish Gas. Can we get a conference call with them before 9:00?”
“Ooh, you have been doing your research, haven’t you?” she said. “You know what? I’ll let you drive this bus out of the garage this one time; I’ll text you a time for a call.”
“Great,” I said, my head clear and focused at last.
Debbie jumped out of bed and pulled on my robe. She pointed at the bathroom.
“Billy, you take a shower and I’ll make some coffee,” she said, “we need to get our acts together.”
“What are you thinking, Debs?”
“We’ve got two big conversations this morning, and I want to cover our bases before we get into it.”
“How so?” I asked.
“Well, I need to find out why these Energy Credits are so important to these people,” she said, “and that’s just the start.”
“It’s European Law, Debbie,” I said. “All of these heavy carbon-based industries will be slapped with huge carbon taxes that they can offset with Energy Credits.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Yes, but please satisfy yourself on it by all means,” I said. “It’s because of Kyoto.”
“There’s also something a bit off with this Waxy fella,” she said. “I want to see if I can find anything about him too.”
“Ok, well you shower first, and I’ll make the coffee,” I said, “that way we’ll be ready for everything quicker.”
Amy’s text arrived as I returned to the room with coffee and toast.
“Call confirmed for 7:45 through my number.”
“Great, who are we dealing with?”
“Austin Sammon, CEO.”
“Great. One question, how are the ECs represented?”
“How do you mean?”
“You know, are they a paper certificate or digital?”
“No, they’re itemised as such on a company invoice, they’re claimed and registered along with the tax return.”
“That’s tidy.”
“For a change.”
“Ok, talk soon.”
I was deep in thought when Debbie returned and picked up a coffee and a slice of toast. She looked heavenly in a pale blue lace thong and a matching low-cut bra. My eyes must have been on stalks as I watched her.
“I see that you like this, Billy,” she said with a smile.
“Fuck, Debbie, I love it,” I said slipping a finger under the lower band of her thong and across the face of her hip as she leapt backwards.
“Stop it, Billy,” she squealed, “we’ll never get anything done.”
She was right, so I decided to hit the shower and calm down. She was in her office when I came out, dressed, and joined her. It was 7:40 when I entered the office and sat down to read through some emailed material from Amy, background on Austin Sammon. It was pretty much what he’d have included in a CV and wasn’t of much value. I dialled into Amy’s conference call at 7:45 exactly, and we were immediately connected with Austin. After a brief introduction, Austin asked me to kick it off.
“Thanks, Austin, we’re in a bit of a quandary here at the moment,” I said, “both you and GazPro have bid €5.5 million for this first batch of Credits. We won’t be talking to anyone else if you can come up to €6.3 million.”
“What if we don’t?
“We’ll take GazPro’s offer and exclude you from the process in the future.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Billy,” Austin said, a little bit annoyingly, “we’re more than happy to compete for them in the future, I think you’re cutting off your nose to spite your face.”
“You seem to think that you and GazPro are the only game in town,” I said to a wink from Debbie as she handed me a piece of paper.
“No, I know that there’s only one other, Billy.”
“In Ireland, there’s only one, but there are over twenty others across the continent of Europe,” I said, “we’re not restricted to dealing solely with companies in the Irish space.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” he said.
“Amy? I said, bringing her in.
“Austin,” she said, “I told you already that Billy doesn’t stand on ceremony. The beauty of him is that he tells it like he sees it. In this case, he’s right, of course.”
“So, are you saying that if we came back at double what everyone else did in the future, you’d reject the offer?”
“Yes,” I said, “you see, Austin, I value Irish companies and I also value ease of operation. The money is secondary.”
Debbie took my hand and kissed it.
“Ok, make it €6 million and we’ll have a deal,” he said.”
“I prefer €6.2 as a number, it’s the year I was born. Take it or leave it.”
“Ok, you’re a hard man to deal with, Billy,” he said light-heartedly.
“So are you, Austin,” I said. “I’ve never left a hundred grand on the table before.”
“I’ll get the paperwork over to you immediately and, if we get everything we need, I’ll authorise a payment straight away, but in future I’ll need 30 days’ credit.”
“Thanks, Austin,” I said, “but our terms say payment upon receipt of goods. However, I’ll give you fourteen days.”
A loud laugh accompanied him hanging up his phone. Amy cut the call and rang me back immediately.
“Good driving, sir,” she said, “what have you got on this morning?”
“I have some stuff to organise for Ritchie, and I have Waxy O’Connell at 9:00.”
“I’m just so fucking turned on right now,” she said softly, “I’ll be here until 11:30, possibly naked. Were you really born in ‘62?”
“No, I couldn’t think of anything else to say.”
“Make that 10:30, I want to fuck your brains out you beautiful man.
“I’ll take you up on that if I can, but I’m tied up most of the morning.”
“Do your best.”
“I will.”
I hung up the phone and watched Debbie amend the invoice and email it off to Irish Gas. She jumped out of her chair and hugged me, her eyes dancing, and her smile wide and delightful.
“I know,” I said. “You’re turned on now, aren’t you?”
“So fucking turned on, Billy,” she said, “you’re amazing. You weren’t born in 1962, though.”
“I know, but he doesn’t, does he? And now that you know, I have to ensure your silence.”
I pushed her back to sit on the desk as I kissed her deeply. I was turned on myself as I lifted the hem of her dress and knelt in front of her. I slipped her thong off and spread her legs, softly touching my tongue to her vulva.
“Oh fuck, Billy,” she whimpered as she brought herself to climax on my tongue.
I stood up, and she rested her head against my chest to recover. She clung to me, her arms around my waist.
“That was an astute move, though, Debs,” I said, kissing her. “You’re a fucking genius.”
“Failure to prepare is preparing to fail,” she said, unwrapping herself from around me and standing up unsteadily.
“I haven’t forgotten that,” I said, “what have you got in store for poor Mr. O’Connell?”
“Nothing yet, but I’ll get something we can use,” she said, picking her knickers up off the floor and strolling out of the office.
At 8:15, I was in the kitchen as Debbie returned from the bathroom. I poured a cup of tea as she sat beside me.
“What’s the plan?” she asked.
“No plan really,” I said. “I suppose I should check in on Baz and his minions.”
“Good idea,” she said, “we need him to keep up the pace.”
“I know,” I said. “Unfortunately, we’re dependent on tenants being home for access, so it might just be a little slower than we’d like.”
“I wonder if Ritchie can get contact numbers for these tenants, then Baz can make actual appointments with them, for when he’s in the area,” she said.
“It’s worth a go, I said, “do you want me to ask him?”
“I don’t mind doing it,” she said, “if it’s ok.”
“Yes, it shouldn’t be an issue,” I said, “give him a call when you’re finished your tea.”
I was concentrating on stirring my tea, my thoughts racing around my head in circles. It occurred to me how easily all of this could unravel very quickly, and it served to copperfasten my goal to cut it back drastically the first chance I got. It amazed me how quickly it had gone from zero to a thousand miles an hour, and there was no reason to assume that it couldn’t go in the reverse direction quite quickly if I wasn’t careful. The first step on that road was the meeting with Waxy. I had to make sure I didn’t alienate him whilst also keeping him onside, hungry and a little pissed off.
“You’re very quiet all of a sudden,” Debbie said.
“Oh, I’m just trying to get a handle on everything in my head,” I said. “Too many plates spinning at once.”
“I agree, but we’ve arrested one of them with Irish Gas on board,” she said.
“Yes, we have,” I said, “that’s a big help. Can I ask what your plans are, Deb?”
“In what way?”
“Well, today, for a start,” I said, “will you revert to your normal hours again?”
“I have to, Billy. The ex is dropping the kids to school, so I’m back to my normal routine again. I’m really sorry,” she said.
“No, no,” I said quickly, “don’t be sorry. I didn’t expect anything different.”
“Do you have any thoughts about what happened with us over the weekend?” she asked delicately.
“I have many thoughts, Debbie,” I said, “none of them negative. What about you?”
“I’d never leave if I didn’t have to,” she said, “it was wonderful.”
“We’ve a lot to consider, but I’m open to anything you’re feeling,” I said.
“I am, too,” she said, “but let’s see how we get on. I need to test the waters at home first.”
“I know,” I said. “We have loads of time for that.”
She came over and kissed me and we held each other as we listened to the clock on the wall ticking away our lives.
“Right,” she said, kissing me quickly, “time to get working.”
She went to call Ritchie and I picked up my phone and called Baz.
“Hey, Billy, nice weekend?” he asked.
“Yeah, it was good, you?”
“Busy, we got all of those surveys done on Saturday.”
“Good going, Baz, how did you do that?”
“Well, when we got there we found that all of the houses are the fucking same, so we measured one and applied that across them all.”
“Ok, not what I’d have done, but go on.”
“All we had to do then was establish which houses had extensions, etc., and factor those into the mix.”
“How did you establish that, Baz?”
“Easy, Google Earth.”
“But if an extension was built this year, it’d hardly be on Google Earth yet, would it?”
“True, but while we were surveying the ones that are on Google Earth, we could see which ones that weren’t by looking along the back gardens.”
“Ok, that sounds reasonable. When will we get the paperwork?”
“I have a transition year student transcribing the data into Excel, he tells me he’ll have that to me by 10:00. I have the invoice ready to go too, so I’ll forward everything to Debbie as soon as I get it.”
“Grand. So, where are you working today?” I asked.
“We’re heading into the Portland Estate now, Billy. Two of us are doing the Quantity Surveys and two are doing the Pres.”
“Ok, why can’t you do the Quantity Surveys with the data you glean from the Pres, Baz?”
“I never thought of that, Billy.”
“Luckily, at least one of us is awake, eh?”
“Yes, although, from what I’ve seen, those houses are broadly similar too.”
“It’s your license, Baz, so whatever works for you is fine by me as long as you can stand over everything you submit,” I said. “I don’t want this to descend into a mess of inaccurate amateurism in the quest for speed.”
“I understand,” he said.
“Great, I’ll leave it with you then, I might drop over there at some stage today,” I said. “If I do, I’ll look out for you.”
Checking my messages, I called Melody, who had sent me several overnight. I looked at my watch. 8.50, I called her, thinking she’d probably be in bed still. I was wrong.
“Billie Eyelash, what the fuck?”
“Hey Melody, you sent me a few texts last night,” I said.
“Yeah, I assumed you were giving a few to Debbie, so I left it alone,” she laughed.
“How did you know that?” I said, laughing.
“Me and Debs are like this, Billy,” she laughed, as I imagined her holding two outstretched extended fingers together, “me on top.”
“I’m visualising that now,” I said.
“You know she’s in love with you, don’t you?”
“I don’t,” I said. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, sickeningly and catastrophically head over heels in love with the Eyelash,” she howled in laughter.
“Did you just text me looking for scandal then?”
“No, I need your body during the week,” she said.
“What about my fidelity to Debbie?”
“Would you ever fuck off?”
I laughed.
“Ok, what do you need?” I said finally.
“Amelie wants me to meet a client and check him out before I confirm a booking with him. I’m meeting him on Thursday or Friday night, will you come with me?” she asked, “I’d appreciate your opinion of him. It’s a €6k fee.”
“Which is it, Thursday or Friday?”
“He’ll text me and let me know.”
“Where?
“The Herbert Hotel lobby,” she said. “If it’s Friday we could fuck for a few hours afterwards.”
“No problem,” I said, “I’ll take the fuck under advisement though.”
“Does that mean yes?”
“Let me know the confirmed night first.”
“I’ll meet you naked under a slinky coat I’ve just bought.”
“That’s not fair, some of us have to work today without encumbrance,” I said.
“So I can still get you wet, can I?”
“I get wet when I see your name on my phone, Melody Fair.”
“I fucking knew it! See you later, Billie, and thanks for everything. Give Debbie one for me, won’t you?”
“Only one?”
“You mean you can do two in a row now?”
“Very fucking funny,” I said, and hung up the phone nursing a burgeoning erection.
I walked in to see how Debbie was doing and she looked at me with a bright smile. Was that the smile of a woman in love? Is that what I was looking for in my life? Either way, I felt a warmth spreading through me as she asked me what was wrong. The doorbell rang, saving me from replying as she ran to answer it.
I sat down and picked up some papers, skimming them as Waxy O’Connell slithered into the room. I stood and we shook hands as I indicated a chair for him to sit on. He looked puzzled at Debbie’s presence, and I didn’t feel the need to enlighten him, preferring to keep him guessing.
“So, we finally meet, Paddy,” I said, pointedly looking at my watch to see if it was dirty. “What can I do you for?”
“It’s more what I can do for you, Billy,” he said with a lilt.
“Oh, lovely,” I said.
“You see, I’m going to be doing all of the local authority house surveys from here on in,” he said, “and I need the services of a good survey company to do the surveys for me.”
“That sounds interesting, Paddy,” I said.
“I thought you’d say that, Billy,” he said with a smile.
“I’m busier than a one-armed paper hanger myself, Paddy, and I doubt I can take any other work on at the moment.”
“You mean you could turn down all of the Council work in the country, Billy?” he said in astonishment.
“Do you mean that you have all of the Council work in the country, Paddy?”
“Pretty much,” he said with a grin.
“You don’t have DCO, though, do you?” I said, wiping the grin off the smug bastard’s face.
“Not yet, but I’ve been talking to Ritchie D this morning, and he didn’t object.”
“He wouldn’t because he knows better, Waxy,” I said.
He sat back in his chair.
“My name is Paddy, not Waxy,” he said.
“Well, in that case, mine is Mr. Byrne. Don’t be an idiot, Paddy,” I said, “if you want to talk, talk truthfully or fuck off out of here and stop wasting my time.”
Debbie covered her eyes.
“Ok, you’re ahead of me, Billy, what do you know?” he asked.
“Let’s assume that I know everything, Waxy, and go from there.”
“Ok, it’s my plan to get every Council on board and I’ll organise the surveys, send you the addresses, collate all of the results and pay you every twenty-eight days religiously.”
“That’s your plan?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, “how does that sound?”
I looked at Debbie.
“What do you think, Debs?” I asked her.
“It sounds like someone trying to sell a bucket of smoke to me,” she said easily.
“I’m sorry,” he said to me, “I haven’t been introduced to this lady.”
“Yeah, I know. So, how much are you doing these surveys for, Waxy?” I asked.
“Straight to the point, eh?” he said. “I like that.”
“Well?” I said, waiting on the answer.
“It’s a bit complicated, Billy.”
“Look, I’ve asked you a question and if you don’t answer it, I’ll fuck you out of here myself. How much are you paying for the surveys?”
“I was thinking €65 plus tax.”
Timmy Woods was right.
“Plus the publication fee?” I asked.
“No, that’s included.”
“So, you’re offering less than €40 plus tax for a survey,” I said in disbelief.
“No, it’s not less than €40. It is €40.”
“But there’s tax on the fee too, Paddy,” I said.
“They’ll be taking that off next year.”
“So, it is less than €40,” I said.
“Ah!” he exclaimed in frustration.
“Debbie, can you tell me what the hourly rate for someone working in Burger King is please?”
“€15.75.”
“Can you tell Paddy how much we get for the survey of a Council house in, say, Coolock?”
“€250,” she said.
“There you go, Paddy, does that answer your question?”
“Look, I know all that, Billy, but I’m offering huge volume here,” he said, “you’d be crazy to pass on it.”
“Am I the first one you’ve spoken to about this?”
“Yes, I haven’t spoken to anyone else,” he said, holding his hand to his chest.
“Debbie, will you show Paddy the diary entry from last Thursday morning in relation to this and cover the caller’s name please?”
She found the entry and taped off the name before turning the book around to show him. He was gobsmacked as he read it.
“That’s lie number two, Waxy,” I said. “Now I’ll give you a bit of advice before we go any further. I know everything you’re going to say to me, so think about that.”
“I’m sorry, Billy,” he said.
“Look, it’s of little value to me if you spoke to every surveyor in the country because I have no interest in having anything to do with you,” I said. “I have all the DCO work in my pocket at the moment, and I have it under contract, in fact we’ve done over a thousand units so far this year, Debbie can correct me if I’m wrong.”
“It’s 1,689 units, Billy,” she said.
“I currently have four crews out in Dublin City Centre surveying houses for work to start in four weeks’ time. I only work in Dublin, Waxy, so why do I need you?”
“But that work is still under negotiation!” he said.
I signalled for Debbie to show him the contract. She passed it over to him. He went deathly pale in the face.
“Now, I’m not greedy, Waxy, and I see that you’re a young man just chancing his arm,” I said with magnanimity. “I’ll sell my interest in this contract to you if you’re really that interested.”
He perked up then. A smile crossed his face.
“How much?”
“Well, it would have to be determined, but I can’t see it being much more than eight to ten million euros.”
“What?” he exclaimed. “There’s no way it’s worth anything like that.”
“What do you think, Debbie? Any idea?”
“I can do better than that, Billy,” she said. “There’s 48,000 units at €250 per unit, give or take. It works out at €12 million.”
“There you go, Waxy,” I said, “but I’ll cut you a break and sell you the contract for six. I can’t say any fairer than that. My question is, do you have the funding in place to move forward with anything?”
“I do, “ he said.
“How much?”
“That’s confidential, Billy,” he said with a smirk.
“Ok, well, that’s the end of the meeting. I’ve given you my price, but you obviously haven’t got the funding to buy it. This is going nowhere.”
“Ok, relax, Billy,” he said, pausing to think. “Ok, I have a credit line of €40 million in place.”
Debbie wrote that down.
“With whom?”
“Anglo.”
She wrote that down too.
“Can you give me a copy of a notarised agreement to that effect?”
“I can.”
“When? And be very careful how you answer this,” I said seriously, as Debbie watched me with her mouth open.
“I can …”
I stopped him dead.
“I’m not the only meeting you have in town this morning, am I, Waxy?” I asked.
“No, you aren’t,” he said.
“And I’m not the only one looking for a confirmation of funding, am I?”
“No.”
“So you must have brought something to confirm that with you? Mustn’t you?”
“Yes, I did, but I’ve only one copy, Billy.”
“Debbie has a lovely new copier that I doubt she’s ever used, is that right, Debs?”
“Yes, pass it over and I’ll make a copy for you free of charge,” she said with a smile that’d give a snowman a horn.
Waxy took out an envelope and handed it over to Debbie. She made a copy and handed it to me. I read it quickly and it was a good document.
“Ok,” I said, handing it back to him. “So, where do we go from here, Waxy? Do you want to buy us out of this contract or not?”
“For €6 million?”
“Yes.”
“Will you take four?”
“No, even six is good value.”
“Five,” he said.
“I’ll tell you what I’ll do, call it €5.6 million, that’s the year I was born. It’s a thing I like to do.”
“Done,” he said, “although I feel I’ve had my pockets picked.”
“Well, at least you’ve got the DCO work secured, when the cheque clears, that is,” I said. “So you’re in good shape when you talk to the rest of the councils.”
“That’s true,” he said. “So, if I mention that I bought the contract from you, would that be ok?”
“It will be when you actually buy it,” I said.
“Ok, I get it. When you get paid, I suppose,” he said.
“Waxy, everybody doesn’t live in the world that you obviously live in. When you make a statement like that you need to have some form of verification. You’ll get that when we get paid,” I said. “Simple.”
“Will I post you a cheque?”
“Bank transfer, Debbie will give you the details.”
“Can I do it on your computer? I’ve a meeting with South Dublin this afternoon and I could do with that piece of paper.”
“Debbie, will you set Paddy up on the computer in my office, please?”
She stood up and it was obvious that she was a bag of nerves as she led him out of the room. Five minutes later they came back and Waxy had a huge smile on his face as Debbie checked our account before nodding her head to confirm the transfer. She then began to draw up the agreement as Waxy and I had a little chat.
“So what are you going to do with these surveys, Waxy? I don’t see what your game is?”
“How so, Billy?”
“I understand that you’re doing these surveys without charge to the Council, how does that work?” I asked.
“Once we do the surveys, we own the credits which we sell on, thereby making a profit. It’s quite lucrative.”
“So I gather,” I said as I took the agreement from Debbie, smiled when I noticed what she did, and signed it before handing it to Waxy and shaking his hand.
“So, who do you sell the ECs to?” I asked.
“I have GazPro lined up, ever heard of them?”
“Yes, I have. We’re dealing with Irish Gas on the first tranche, we just closed it this morning.”
“What?”
“We sell ECs too, Waxy.”
“Fuck off. Under contract?”
“Yes, with Irish Gas, GazPro and one other.”
“But how?”
“You’re talking to a phobe when it comes to that stuff, Waxy. I let my partners look after that, I only tinker around the edges.”
“Who are your partners?”
“That’s confidential, but our company is called ABC Energy Ltd.”
“But that puts me out of business, Billy,” he said.
“Well, we’ve only just started and, to be quite honest, I’m not a fan of it. I’d be willing to sell it on, as would one of my partners. If you’re interested, I can make a call for you.”
“Would you do that?”
“I’d hate to see you fall at this stage, Waxy, but I’d want all of the DCO work at the rates we’re charging now.”
“But there’s nothing left in it for me at those rates,” he said.
“I thought we were being honest, Waxy? Did you not hear me say that we sold the first tranche of ECs this morning? I fucking know what’s in it and the current survey fee is just a drop in the ocean in comparison.”
“Ok, if you say so, Billy. Make your call.”
“Before I do, what’s your limit?”
“Ah, come on, I can’t tell you that,” he said.
“I’m just asking, it’d save me a whole lot of bother if your limit was €20 million, and we wanted €25 million.”
“Make the call,” he said.
I dialled Amy as Debbie bit her nails, her nerves shredded.
“Yes, are you calling to confirm our assignation?”
“No, I have a chap called Paddy O’Connell here beside me. He’s just bought the DCO survey contract from us and is now looking for somewhere to sell the ECs to,” I said. “Would you be willing to cash in your interest in the EC business, or is it too early for you?”
“How much?” she asked.
“He wants an offer.”
“Try him at €10 million,” she said, “see if that floats.”
“I see,” I said, dragging it out, “oh, I know, and I completely understand your position. Well, I can only ask him. Hold the line please.”
I could imagine her laughter as I turned to face Waxy. His knee shook as he waited for me to speak.
“Ok, here’s the deal. They’ve put years of preparation and systems in place for this contract. It’s basically their baby and they will make one offer and only one.”
“Yes, how much?”
“€22 million and, to be fair, I think that’s good business, Waxy.”
“Will they accept a counter?”
“No.”
“Ok, let’s do it,” he said, “it gets everything out of the way, and I can jump straight into it.”
I picked up the phone.
“Did you get that?” I asked.
“I did,” she said, “you devious bastard. I’m going to fuck your brains out Billy Byrne.”
“Promises, promises,” I said and hung up.
I shook Waxy’s hand and congratulated him, he’d get something from Amy to give to his lawyers and the Company Registrations Office and we’d get paid before anything was signed. He left us then and I sat back in the chair and exhaled loudly as he walked down the path with a skip in his step. Debbie came and sat on my lap. She hugged me close before looking into my eyes, a wide smile on her face.
“Well done, Billy,” she said, “I never doubted you. Can I ask how much Amy told you to ask for?”
“She said to try him at €10 million,” I said, “I told him €25 million beforehand, and he didn’t blink.”
“It’s way over my head,” she said, “I don’t know how you manage to juggle everything.”
“You know that this means we have to celebrate, Debbie,” I said.
“What are you suggesting?”
“I’m suggesting a few days in a five-star spa Hotel or something,” I said, “just the two of us. Would you be up for that?”
“I would,” she said, grinning widely. “When?”
“I can go anytime,” I said, “why don’t you check your schedule and let me know what’s good for you.”
She kissed me and ran to answer the office phone. I picked up my jacket and sneaked out to my car to drive into town for a meeting with Timmy Woods. I waved silently to her as I left, ignoring her stern face as she tried to get me to stay and talk to whoever was on the other end of the phone. I was just about a hundred yards away when my phone lit up.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi, that was Amy,” she said.
“When?”
“Just now on the phone.”
“What did she want?”
“She was looking for you,” she said, “I told her you had a meeting so she’s coming out to get some kind of agreement thing that I couldn’t lay my hands on.”
“She must be in a hurry for it,” I said,
“Yes, she seemed to be a bit anxious. I told her I was leaving at 1:00, so she’s coming straight out. What will I tell her?”
“Amy’s ok, she knows what she’s looking for, so just let her at it,” I said.
“Grand, if you’re not back by the time I leave, I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Take care, love, and thanks for everything this weekend and this morning.”
I continued on into town and met Timmy. We spoke for about twenty minutes, and I then saw Baz walking down the footpath along Portland Row. I beeped at him, and he waved me over. I pulled into the side and got out of the car.
“We’re flying, Billy,” he said.
“Great to hear it, Baz,” I said, “how are the natives treating you?”
“Not bad, they seem to be happy about getting their houses insulated at least.”
“Why wouldn’t they? They’re getting it for free.”
“Ah, well, it’s an ill wind that does nobody any good, Billy.”
“True enough I suppose,” I said, “when will you wrap up around here?”
“There’s another day in it.”
“Ok, well, I suggest you get your finger out, Baz. I need to get some survey data and certs in this evening.”
“I plan on finishing up here at 3:00, and I’ll get on to the office side of things then.”
I left him to it and began the drive home. I called Amy.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi, did you get what you were looking for at the office? ” I said.
“Yes, I did, thanks.”
“What did you need?”
“I needed the Certificate of Incorporation for ABC. I gave it to you last time we were together.”
“Ok, was I supposed to give it back to you?”
“Not particularly, it’s one of those things that’s just there somewhere in the ether, waiting to get lost,” she said, “but I need it to get this Waxy deal over the line.”
“Ok, do you want to have lunch?”
“No, I can’t today.”
“Later in the week, maybe?” I asked.
“No, I’m off for a few days, that’s why I want to get this thing wrapped up today.”
“Ok, is something the matter with you?” I asked, “Did I piss you off?”
She was quiet for a few seconds.
“As you’re asking, yes, I’m a bit pissed off, Billy,” she said. “In fact I’m more than a bit pissed off.”
“Why?”
“When I was looking for the Certificate, I found your Pension book on your desk. I wasn’t snooping, it was there on top of a load of papers as plain as day,” she said.
“So what? It’s not a crime to have a pension, Amy,” I said.
“You told me that you were in your fifties,” she said.
“No, I didn’t, I just didn’t correct you when you said that,” I said.
“You’re splitting hairs,” she said.
“Maybe, but I don’t get what the problem is here, Amy.”
“There’s over twenty years’ difference between us, Billy. I can’t handle that.”
“Oh, ok,” I said, “that’s fair enough, I suppose.”
“Is that all you can say?”
“What do you want me to say? If you can’t handle it, you can’t handle it. I can’t do anything about that so, ergo, it’s fair enough.”
“You have a very simplistic view of things, Billy. There’s very little grey in your world and life view, is there?”
“I’m not going to argue with you, Amy, because it appears that I might die tomorrow according to what I’m hearing here.”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it,” she said.
“Say what you mean, then. Simplify it for the simple old man.”
“We can’t see each other beyond being business associates,” she said, her voice sounding a bit restricted.
“We won’t even be business associates once this Waxy thing is finished in any case, so that’ll be convenient,” I said. “I understand your point of view, Amy, and I wish you well. I enjoyed every moment that we had together, even if you don’t feel that way.”
“I didn’t say that, Billy.”
“I know, I’m just acting the prick,” I said. “Listen, I have to go, I’ve a call coming in. No hard feelings, eh?”
“Ok,” she said, and we hung up.
I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. I started the car and pulled away from the side of the road, my thoughts a jumble of self-recrimination and regret. I didn’t ever know what to expect from my relationship with Amy and I never really gave a thought to where it was going or how she really felt about it. I was a bit surprised at her reasoning but, really, what did I expect to happen?
I supposed it was inevitable, but my overarching surprise was that Amy was so prejudiced against my age whilst forgetting about how we got on together on a personal level. Alas, there was nothing more to be said about it and, surprisingly, I was more annoyed about the fact that I was at the age I was than with her for her attitude towards it.
I thought of the life I was living now, it was busy, and I was productive, useful, accomplished in many areas, and my useful life was certainly nowhere near close to an end. I felt fit enough to be able to work hard for another few years or I could work smarter for a lot longer. I now had the resources to get into something else and it was probably time I considered other avenues too. I had good relationships with most people, and I had the occasional company of at least two beautiful ladies who seemed to want to be with me, which is more than any man, whatever his age, could wish for.
I brightened up as the sun began to shine on the North Strand in Dublin and I decided that I’d buy myself a new BMW, so I turned left at Charlemont Avenue and headed out to the Joe Duffy dealership on the North Road to annoy the winsome, Carrie, their head salesperson, for a while.
Halfway there, I decided against it and headed to the Halfway House pub on the Navan Road. It was a quiet Monday lunchtime crowd, so I got a roast beef dinner and a pint of Goodness and retreated to a little snug off to the side of the main lounge area. I fielded several calls and ignored many texts as I ate my lunch. I was left with about a quarter of a pint in the glass, and I scarfed it down quickly, purloining a passing waitress to get me a new one on her way back around. I scrolled through my tests, the first was from Debbie.
“Hey, you, the kids are off to their other grandmother’s tonight. Would you like some company?”
“Yes, please, I miss you, you know.”
“Awhh. No more than I miss you.”
“What time?”
“They’ll be gone at 3:00.”
“I’ll be there, anytime you want to call in. Wear something nice, I’ll take you somewhere special.”
“What is it?”
“Dinner.”
“I’ll wear my best frock.”
“Can’t wait.”
I immediately called Ross O’Kelly, a long-time friend of mine and Áine’s, and owner of Chapter One, a Michelin restaurant in Parnell Square. I guilted him into giving us a spare table, thereby letting us skip a three-week waiting list.
I paid for the pint and left it untouched as I exited the pub and drove home to just kick back for the rest of the day. The rollercoaster of the adrenaline rush generated by the wheeling and dealing of the morning. along with the contrasting shock of being judged because of my age by Amy later on that same morning, had tired me out completely, and I was asleep on top of the bed five minutes after I lay down.
When I woke, I was naked and snuggled under the covers. Confused, I picked up my phone to check the time. It wasn’t switched on. I hit the power button to check if the battery had died but it sprang to life with a welcome jingle. However, the time I noticed was 4:15. I sat up in bed, then flopped back down again. I felt comfortable, warm, and cosy.
I heard the sound of feet softly stepping across the floor. I sensed the presence of a shadow lingering over me, and my eyes drifted open. I smiled at Debbie as she squatted down beside me. She stroked my forehead and smiled what I perceived to be a smile of relief.
“Hi,” I croaked. “I think I dozed off.”
“You were unconscious, Billy,” she crooned, “what happened?”
I told her about Amy and a guilty look came over her face.
“That was my fault, love. I shouldn’t have allowed her into your office. When she came out, she was holding the Pension letter and waving it in my face, demanding to know everything, like you had murdered someone or something.”
“It’s not your fault, or mine for that matter. Amy obviously has a hang-up about old men.”
“You’re not old, Billy Byrne. You’re the best lover I’ve ever had. My ex is younger than you and couldn’t dream of matching your stamina, sensuality, and sheer desire to please a woman. My sister is twelve years younger than me, and she dreams about you. Melody is your greatest advocate, and she adores you.”
I turned my hand to take hers.
“And what about you, Debbie? You’re the one I care about.”
“I love you, Billy. I have done since that first evening you let me start working with you.”
“I never knew, Debbie. It never even crossed my mind.“
“You know now because I’ve told you. Now I want to show you,” she said, standing up and unzipping her dress, letting it fall to the floor as she unhooked her bra and slipped her thong off before sliding under the covers with me and taking me in her arms.
“Fuck, Debbie “ I whispered, “that was so fucking sexy.”
“Did it turn you on?”
“You turned me on when you told me you loved me,” I said as I touched my lips to hers.
We sank together under the covers, cocooned in each other, our lips the touch paper for a moment of sensual and passionately romantic commitment. Our tongues slowly tantalising each other as our collective sighs and breaths conversed in a language that wasn’t obvious but deeply understood.
We moved together as dancers floating across a polished floor, every nuance recognised and reciprocated, every thought and touch understood and returned through the comprehension of two beings in total harmony. I touched her breast as she moved intuitively to facilitate me. My hips adjusted their position, unbidden, to facilitate the touch that was foretold in the universe we currently inhabited.
Nothing was planned as our inbuilt choreography led us to the moment that her vagina sheathed my erect penis and we slowly rocked together, almost motionless as our tender motions brought us both to crashing orgasms that were so momentous and all-consuming that they clarified our feelings in a microcosm of love that was shared knowingly by only us two.
Everything was magnificent. She tasted of honey and felt like silk to my tongue as I feasted on her vulva and sampled the aroma of her vagina with my soft tongue and lips. Her exotic fluid flowed freely, no longer held inside by inhibiting thoughts or perceptions, set free by a simple statement of love.
Her lips on my penis were soft and precious. Her attention to my needs and desires was all-consuming as I felt my need arise and climax as she brought me over the edge at almost the same moment that my tongue burrowed deeply inside her, causing a massive outpouring of joy as we travelled over the edge of a waterfall in conjoined ecstasy.
We lay in each other’s arms, our lips brushing each other’s skin, our hands drawing wide circles on each other’s bodies.
“You’re so beautiful, Debs,” I whispered.
“I’m beginning to believe you,” she said, smiling, “what time is our reservation?”
“7:00. I know it’s early, but this place is booked solid a month in advance.”
“I need a shower and time to make myself, I know, I’m beautiful already,” she laughed.
“Yes, but it wouldn’t hurt you to, ehm, tidy yourself up a little bit,” I said before suffering a playful beating from her.
I followed her out of bed feeling refreshed, if a little woolly-headed. I dressed quickly and went downstairs to make some coffee, pausing at the door to my office to survey the source of my demise that day. Surprisingly, it wasn’t overly messy; Debbie had obviously tidied up while I slept.
I poured two coffees and brought them upstairs, placed them on the bedside locker, sat down on the mattress and opened my phone. I was beginning to hate the sight of the thing. There were several missed calls from Amy. I ignored them initially, but we’d known each other too long and been through too much together to be enemies. I hit the button to call her.
“Hi,” she said, “thanks for calling back, I thought you’d hate me after today.”
“No, sorry, I was whacked at lunchtime and went to bed. It’s something us old men do a lot.”
“You’re not old, Billy. I handled that in the worst way possible, I apologise sincerely.”
“Thanks, but it’s really not necessary. I should have known better myself.”
“Why don’t you come over for a while, we haven’t celebrated our win yet and I’d like to make it right between us.”
“I’d love to, but Debbie and I are heading into town for a celebration dinner, can I take a rain check?”
“Yes. Yes of course. Debbie and you?”
“Yes, she helped with this tremendously and she never gets to go anywhere.”
“You’ve a kind heart, Billy.”
“Tell that to Waxy O’Connell.”
She laughed as I hung the phone up just as Debbie walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.
“That’ll certainly turn a few heads in Chapter One,” I said with a laugh.
“Maybe this will too,” she said as she dropped it on the floor to reveal a minuscule black lace bra and thong that caused a severe jolt in my penis.
“I think I need a cold shower,” I said as I made my way past her, kissing her on my way and having my hand slapped as I slid it down the cleft of her delicious little bum.
I showered quickly, frustrated that I was missing the show in the bedroom. I dried myself off, wrapped the towel around me and returned to the bedroom as Debbie was closing a silver chain around her neck that set off perfectly against the stunning little black dress she had donned for the evening.
I proudly escorted her down the steps to the front door of Chapter One and we were welcomed by Ross himself. He fussed over Debbie, hugging her to him and delighting her with compliments. He is such a cunt. He handed us off to the Maître D’ and we were seated in a booth in the main candlelit dining room where we were both wowed by the skill of the kitchen, the quality of the food and the romance of the occasion.
She was happy, it was delightful to behold as she took deep interest in every syllable uttered by the waitstaff. She was elegant, eloquent and we touched frequently and, at the end of the evening over espressos and petit fours, she leaned over the table and kissed me.
We went home and she appeared in the bedroom wearing just her lingerie. She was a vision of beauty as we slipped under the covers and made love until the wee hours of the morning.
When we woke I saw her in a haze as we lay together. Memories of her in my arms swam through my brain as I stroked the skin of her shoulders absentmindedly. Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled,
“Good morning,” she said with a shy smile.
“Good morning,“ I said nervously.
“Are you ok?”
“I’m perfect, love,” I said, stroking her face. “I love you.”
“Oh. I love you, Billy,” she whispered as she smothered me in her arms, and we lost ourselves in our lips.
An hour later we were still in bed, her mouth working seductively on my penis as she straddled my face while I brought her to another orgasm when the phone rang. We let it ring until we had finished, and I slowly rolled over and picked it up from the floor. It was Melody. I rang her back immediately as Debbie settled beside me.
“Hey, Melody, you were looking for me?”
“Yeah, I thought you might have been asleep, so I rang off.”
“Ok, say hi to Debbie,” I said.
“Well, that explains the missed call, who was blowing who?” she laughed. “Or were you blowing each other?”
“Something like that.”
“I’m happy for you. Tell Debbie I love her.”
“I think she knows, Melody, what can I do for you?”
“That meeting has been pulled forward to tonight at 9:00. Can you still make it?”
“Yes, of course. The Herbert?”
“Yes, there’s a little seated area sectioned off by a wall of flowers. I’ll see you there at 8:30,” she said.
“No problem, I’ll be there,“ I said. “You sound nervous.”
“I’m fucking petrified, Billy.”
“Well, I’ll be there to look after you, have no fear, you’ll kill this.”
“Thanks, I’ll see you then.”
At 8:15, I was parking my car in the underground car park of the Herbert Hotel. I caught the lift up to reception and searched for the nominated seated area. It was close to the coffee dock and adjacent to the bar and it offered a private, yet convivial, space to meet or gather before an event or reservation.
I took a seat in a sleek black leather sofa that looked out into the walled garden through a plate glass wall. My back was to the main reception area and my only view was a partial one of the revolving entrance doors and the lush greenery of the lawns outside.
I heard Melody before I saw her as she was yakking on her phone, and she walked with a loud clicking of heels across the porcelain-tiled foyer. She spotted me and waved excitedly, appearing to be excited, rather than nervous, about the meeting.
She switched her phone off and stowed it in her handbag, took off her coat, and gave me a twirl as she showed me a pure white knee-length dress that hugged the contours of her fabulous body.
“Will I do?” she asked as she reached for me.
“You’ll do for me,” I said, laughing.
“It’s the colour of spunk,” she whispered as she leaned in to kiss me.
I exploded with laughter. She was such a card.
“What’s the story here, Melody?” I said as I sat back down, sliding a Diet Coke over to her.
“This guy is coming at 9:00. I just need to run my eye over him, check him out and get a deposit before I agree to the appointment,” she said. “It’s a lot of money, so I’ll still fuck him I suppose.”
She was sipping her drink through a straw when she paused and smiled. She waved her hand wildly and beckoned someone over to us. I must have looked confused until she looked at me and whispered, “It’s Amelie, Billy. She’s coming over.”
I made to stand up when I caught the sight of an elegantly gloved hand reaching to take Melody’s. I stood and turned just as Melody introduced her.
“Amelie Elite, this is my best friend that I keep talking about, the famous Billie Eyelash.”
When she finally came into view, I reached my hand out in welcome before looking up, straight into the eyes of Amy, who had gone a dark shade of red as her pasted-on smile disintegrated before my eyes. A look of undisguised horror contorted her face as her hands rose to cover her mouth.
“Lovely to finally meet you, Amelie,” I said, a pleasant smile on my face as I shook her hand, a mental image of her three closets full of escort regalia playing merrily across my mind’s eye as I finally put it all together.
END
