Chapter Forty-Six
They say that the older one gets, the faster time seems to pass. They also say that when you have children, time simply flies past so as parents in our fifties, you can imagine how time seemed to rocket by for Pete and me.
Before we knew it, January had ended, February was upon us and Leanne was three months old. Still small for her age, she was unquestionably the most striking looking of my three babies, and by far the sweetest tempered. She was even sleeping through the night too, at least from eleven in the evening through to five in the morning so Pete and I were getting enough sleep to make life tolerable.
I had lost some but by no means all of the weight I had put on during pregnancy, especially around my waist and hips but with Pete’s help I was now able to go for the occasional run so had some confidence that my skinny body might one day return.
He sent me flowers and took me for a romantic dinner on Valentine’s day in our favourite local restaurant. One of my new friends; a single Mum I had met at ante natal classes kept an eye on Leanne in our house for a couple of hours of freedom for me.
Although money did change hands, the real payback would take place if and when her unreliable boyfriend ever decided to do the right thing and pay the mother of his child some attention again.
I have to admit I was quite wrong about those classes and groups. Far from being a chore and a waste of time, they were in fact a welcome break from the world I had lived in for so long. My new friends had incomes I couldn’t possibly survive on but were still happy and friendly and warm.
Unlike my own middle-class circle who were studiously avoiding mentioning the obvious fact that olive skinned Leanne wasn’t my husband’s child, several of my new friends came straight out with it then immediately dismissed it as being nothing out of the ordinary – at least not compared with being a Mum in my fifties.
Several had other, similar stories of their own to tell.
Although I said nothing to confirm or deny their correct assertions, their straightforward acceptance of my apparent infidelity and Leanne’s uncertain parentage took my most significant fear off the table and allowed me to relax more than I had since I had discovered I was pregnant.
The Valentines card from Tony with its highly sexual message and the expensive perfume that arrived secretly too were carefully hidden under the pile of former work clothes in my wardrobe.
I hardly thought about my paused work and research at all.
Our first grandchild was a joy too. Being both a Mum and a Grandma was complicated but on the few occasions we got together, a very rewarding one. Living in London, Josh and Sam were too far away to see often, but we did exchange messages and baby pictures almost daily.
Izzy and Jack seemed to have found a way to make their relationship work tolerably over the distance between their Universities. Both came home frequently, supposedly to visit their parents but when they were home either in our house or Julie’s, they were seldom seen in daylight.
They were however, frequently heard. Or at least Izzy was, living up to her ‘Izzy-Oh-God’ nickname with a vengeance.
Interestingly, they never seemed to stay with Jack’s Dad, Tony. I’m not sure they even went to visit him in his bachelor flat. They certainly never mentioned having done so.
It was during one of the extremely rare weekends in which both Izzy and Josh were home, that I received the rarest of messages from Tim, asking if he could stay with us overnight. Of course, the idea of having the whole family together even for a single evening brought joy to my heart. Not even when Leanne was born had all of us been under the same roof at the same time, so I welcomed the idea with open arms.
Josh, Samantha and their baby arrived on Friday evening and moved into Josh’s old bedroom. Izzy and Jack were to stay Friday night at Julie’s then Saturday night with us. I have to say, spending that first evening talking non-stop babies with my daughter in law and cuddling my first grandchild was a truly wonderful experience.
The look on Pete’s face when he held the little creature in his arms reminded me why I loved him so very much.
Saturday morning was spent shopping and walking in the park and having a pub lunch, then returning home to find Izzy and Jack already ensconced in her bedroom. Jack was in the shower when we arrived. When she greeted us, Izzy looked dishevelled and smelled strongly of recent, orgasmic sex.
To my disappointment, Tim did not arrive until later afternoon. I knew he had to catch a train the following lunchtime which severely limited the amount of time the family could be together. Indeed, I did wonder why he had made such an effort to join us when he could only stay less than twenty-four hours.
Still, all such thoughts disappeared when Pete’s car pulled into the driveway having collected him from the station and a moment later, the sweet, slender form of my middle child entered the hallway. He looked tired and anxious, but I was so pleased to see him that I actually began to cry.
Izzy seemed equally pleased, almost jumping with excitement at her brother’s arrival. The two of them had always been very close, sharing secrets that Pete and I never got to learn. Even Josh had been excluded from some of their antics.
When the two hugged, it was as if they hadn’t seen each other for years rather than a few weeks. Full of reassuring smiles, Izzy threw her arms around his neck and I’m sure she whispered something into his ear.
Pete poured us all champagne though it was barely six o’clock, and we drank each other’s health heartily. Then in what could be called an appalling case of gender stereotyping, all three girls went into the kitchen to prepare dinner while the three boys and two babies watched football highlights in the lounge.
Of course it was nothing like that; Sam and I wanted to be able to talk intimately about babies and our post-birth bodies without being overheard by our spouses. A girl needs to have some secrets.
Izzy put up with the subject nobly, but I could see her eyes glazing over more than once and she refreshed our glasses far more frequently than was necessary. I could see she was pleased when Samantha had to leave us to provide the feed her baby was so loudly demanding.
With so many of us there, dinner was served in the dining room for a change. The food was complimented liberally, as were the three female cooks. Wine was served even more liberally; I could see my normally abstemious son Tim indulging far more than usual.
Indeed his words were a little slurred after dessert had been taken and the coffee set to brew. I could see him tense as the conversation moved around the table.
“And how’s Thomas?” Pete asked once the coffee had been served.
Thomas was Tim’s rugby-playing flatmate. A couple of years older than our son, we had met him only once or twice when he had driven Tim home in his sports car. At the time I had found him extremely attractive and had secretly fantasised about him several times since during feeding.
“He’s… okay thanks Dad,” Tim replied awkwardly.
This reply was unusually formal for him. I looked up to see him close his eyes for a second then take a deep breath as if summoning up strength or courage.
“Actually, Thomas is the reason I came home this weekend,” he began. “Well, one of the reasons.”
His voice was trembling. The conversation came to a halt as we all listened carefully. He now had the interested attention of all of us around the table. I could feel Izzy’s body tense; something big was coming and she knew what is.
“I know you’ve all met Thomas,” Tim continued uncertainly. “I hope you all liked him. He certainly liked all of you.”
“Of course we liked him,” Pete replied, smiling. “Especially your mother. You couldn’t ask for a nicer flatmate.”
For a moment I wondered what Pete meant by this. Had he noticed just how attractive I had found they boy? After all, thanks to Darren and Will, Pete knew that my taste for young men could be considerable and physical.
“That’s just it, Dad,” Tim replied. “He’s not my flatmate.”
“You’ve not fallen out and had to leave the flat?” I asked, misreading the situation.
“No Mum,” Tim said, looking pleadingly into my eyes. “We haven’t fallen out. We’ve fallen in. In love I mean.”
The looks on his father and brother’s faces were extraordinary. Stunned but by no means hostile.
“Thomas isn’t my flatmate. He’s my boyfriend. We are in love. I’m gay.”
Izzy grasped her brother’s arm and squeezed it in a gesture of support that made me proud of her. Emboldened by his success, Tim carried on.
“I hope you can understand and accept this. We are a couple now and I would like you to treat us as a couple, just as you treat Josh and Sam, or Izzy and Jack.”
“Of course…” Pete began.
“I mean,” Tim said forcefully. “I mean accepting that we share a bedroom and a bed. That we have a love life together. That you’re going to see us kissing and holding hands.”
There was a short pause.
“Tom’s telling his family tonight too. I think he’ll get a rougher ride than me.”
This was the longest speech I had ever heard my sweet, slender son make and it was coming from the heart. As his mother there was nothing he could possibly do to alienate himself from me, but I could see he was unsure about this.
All I could do was stand up, go to where he was standing and put my arms around him. A moment later, Pete was doing the same, followed by Josh and Sam in a big group hug. Izzy kept her distance; clearly this had been no surprise to her and from the smile on her face, she was as proud of her older brother as I was.
***
“Did you have any idea?” Pete asked as we got ready for bed later that evening.
Leanne had had her evening feed and I was zipping up my maternity bra before pulling on the open fronted nightgown that would allow her access to my boobs in the night if it were needed.
“Not really,” I replied, then added. “I’m ashamed to say. I suppose with all that’s been happening here…” I rubbed my still baby-padded tummy. “I just didn’t notice.”
“He’s only had two girlfriends that I know of,” Pete mused. “One at school and the blonde girl at Uni. Neither of them made him as happy as he looks now.”
“I know. That makes it so much easier to come to terms with,” I said. “I’ve never seen him look like that before. He must be really head over heels in love.” I paused, tears beginning to form in my eyes. “He’s so vulnerable Pete. He’s always been vulnerable.”
My husband gave me a big hug.
“Don’t you believe it, Penn. He’s tough. He did a brave thing tonight and now he’ll have Thomas to look after him too. From what I saw before Christmas, you don’t fool around with that boy.”
“He said they had been an item for over a year,” I said after a pause. “How did we miss that?”
“He hardly ever comes home,” Pete suggested. “Maybe we just found out why. And he’s always been secretive.”
“Not with Izzy,” I replied. “I bet she’s known all about this for a very long time.”
“Well she’s secretive too,” he smiled.
I had thought my daughter shared everything with me. Certainly I had been with her throughout her pregnancy scare, her cheating on her boyfriend and the collapse of her short-lived affair with her seducer when he saw a homemade video of her being fucked by another boy.
Only she and I knew there were several more videos and that she had acquired a considerable taste for bare bottom spanking while being fucked on camera.
None of these events had reached her doting father’s ears. Despite all the evidence, Pete seemed happy to delude himself that his skinny, pretty daughter was as pure and virginal as newly fallen snow.
But then self-delusion was something my husband was good at. After all, he still loved me after all I had done.
Chapter Forty-Seven
“Mmmgh! Mmmgh! Mmmgh!”
I bit my lower lip to stifle the moans as Pete’s long slim cock slammed hard into my rectum, his hips slapping noisily against the soft flesh beneath my buttocks.
“Yes! Oh God that feels good!” The voice from behind me croaked.
The hands gripping my waist were strong, the fingers digging deep into my skin as he pulled me bodily backwards to meet each powerful thrust.
“Mmmgh! Mmmgh! Mmmgh!”
I bit harder, not wanting the sounds of our early morning copulation to wake Leanne prematurely as my handsome husband fucked me as hard as I so badly needed.
Four weeks after Tim’s revelation, the idea of having a gay son with an attractive male lover had been astonishingly easy to accept and build into our lives. Indeed he seemed so happy and it made so much more sense of the last twenty or so years of his life that within a week we hardly mentioned the remarkable revelation.
Not knowing what other incredible, life changing revelations were soon to follow, Pete and I had carried on much as before, my own life largely driven by the demands of my still relatively new baby. This of course included regular, long and intimate hours with her tiny mouth latched onto my tender nipples, drawing milk from my tiny breasts.
That very morning she had woken early and had fed for a long time, draining both boobs, the action of her suckling and the rubbing of my vulva against the folded towel beneath my bottom leaving me even more massively aroused than usual.
I had turned to my erotic writing for relief, but this had sharpened rather than satisfied my sexual desires that Saturday morning. Masturbation or even my favourite toys had seemed a poor substitute for the real thing, so I had been driven to make demands on my sleeping husband.
At least the timing was good; Leanne had fallen into a deep, milk-induced sleep and Izzy, though supposedly home for a study week was predictably staying overnight with her boyfriend as his mother’s house. Having been apart for several weeks, no doubt they would be doing something similar throughout the night.
Still, this meant that Pete and I had the house to ourselves, even if he did have to go to work that morning.
Roused early even for a working Saturday, Pete had at first been surprised by the strength of my arousal but, never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, had quickly fallen in with my wishes. These, as so often happened these days, had quickly progressed into me being fucked hard in the arse.
Thanks to the effective if rather brutal lessons I had learned with Adam and Eve, the escort couple we had twice visited in Manchester, anal sex was definitely no longer the closed door it had once been. Indeed, with my sphincter now so much tighter than my infamously oversized vagina, it had fast become my husband’s preferred route to greatest penile pleasure and most powerful orgasm.
Indeed, after only a couple of dozen thrusts into my already soaking vagina, Pete had given up on that overused orifice, flipped me over onto my front then, with the aid of the bottle of lubrication that lived permanently in our bedside table, had penetrated my back passage as deeply as my prone position and his long slender cock would allow.
Though now much more familiar, the sensation of being entered through that tightest of openings was still extraordinary, even now making my body instinctively tighten and try to expel the intruder.
But Pete was used to this reaction and held himself firmly within me until the first rectal spasms had passed. Then, with slow but determined strokes, her had started to fuck me until my body was used to his presence and my anus started to loosen.
The pain now much reduced, I had risen to my knees on the bed, thrust my bottom backwards and the hard, almost brutal ass-fucking I was now receiving had begun.
And it was just what I needed. Waves of pleasure and pain emanated from my rapidly yielding anus and from deeper within my bowels, washing up my spine and down my inner thighs as Pete thrust his cock forcefully into me over and over again.
‘Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup!’
“God yes!”
So soon after feeding, drops of milk fell from my well used, erect teats onto the sheets as my dangling breasts swayed in time to my husband’s thrusting, the slapping sounds of his thighs striking the underside of mine filling the room.
‘Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup!’
“Mmmgh! Mmmgh! Mmmgh!”
‘Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup!’
‘Fuck Penny! This feels amaaazing!”
‘Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup!’
There would be pain and mess afterwards, especially if as was increasingly common, Pete came in my rectum rather than my vagina, but I didn’t care. It was enough to know that after so many years, I was finally giving my husband the extreme of sexual pleasure he had been denied since Isobel had been born and I had torn so badly.
A well-placed sanitary towel would deal with any fallout as it had many times before.
‘Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup!’
Pete’s thrusts were becoming harder and faster as his climax approached. Well in control, I knew there was still time to try and match my own peak pleasure with his.
‘Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup!’
“Fuck Penny! I’m going to cum soooon!’
‘Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup! Slup!’
Taking my weight on my right arm, I reached under my swaying boobs and still-rounded belly until I found my slit. It was hard to keep my balance one-handed with Pete’s thrusts so hard and so frequent, but I managed to hold myself on all fours until my fingers located the thick, fleshy hood that shrouded my engorged clitoris.
Working my fingertips underneath it, I found that magic hidden nub and began to rub its tip and underside with fast, firm, finger strokes as Pete’s cock passed more and more freely in and out of m y most private place above.
The effect was instantaneous; I began to cum and cum hard.
Strong smelling lubrication oozed from my slit, onto my rapidly moving fingers and into the palm of my hand, its sharp taint mingling with the more earthy aroma our copulation had already produced. My body bucked, driven backwards by the force of my clitoral climax only to meet Pete’s violently incoming erection full on. The force of his thrust drove my clitoris back onto my fingers once again, repeating the cycle until my helpless body was in full spasm.
The effect on Pete was both profound and predictable.
“Oh Jesus Christ Penn…!” Pete voice was harsh and breaking with passion. “I’m cumminggg!’
I felt his rhythm break as it had so many times before, the cock in my rectum began to throb and pulsate and once again, my back passage was filled with a full-on, copious dose of creamy male semen.
“Nngh! Nngh! Nngh! That feels soooo fucking good!”
Pete gasped as his ejaculation went on and on, pumping rope after rope into me as my spasming body shook and trembled, impaled on his long, slender cock.
As our climaxes began to fade, I could feel my husband’s erection fading too, softening within my rectum before slipping messily from my body.
“Christ Penny! What came over you? That was amazing!”
Pete rolled onto his back on the bed, his cock an angry red colour.
Unable to speak, I flopped alongside him face downwards and tried to regain some composure. As my head slowly stopped spinning, I realised I had bitten my lip so hard that my teeth had actually drawn blood inside my mouth. I could feel that my inner thighs were awash with orgasmic juices too and my anus was sore and gaping.
It had been crude, raw and painful but at the same time, wonderful; exactly what I had needed – and had probably been what my husband needed too.
“You’re incredible,” Pete panted. “What a way to start the day! I just wish I didn’t have to go to work or we could have spent the whole morning in bed like we used to, remember?”
I did remember well and smiled, panting as he was as my body trembled with climactic aftershocks.
“Are you okay?” he rolled onto his side to face me, his fingers stroking my soft belly. “Did I hurt you?”
He had, but I shook my head. It was pain I had needed.
“I’ll be back after lunchtime,” he said, kissing me on the forehead then the lips. He tasted salty. “Will you miss me until then?”
“Of course,” I grinned. “But don’t expect a repeat performance. Izzy will be back around then too.”
Pete pulled a face of exaggerated disappointment.
“Sorry Penn but it’s half past seven already. I’d better get showered and on my way.”
And with those words and another kiss, my husband went into the bathroom, leaving me alone in our bed. A moment later I heard the shower running before I fell into a pleasant, post-copulation doze as the evidence of that morning’s frenetic sex oozed gently from my body and onto the sheet beneath me.
***
An hour later, showered and with a panty liner inside my knickers, experience told me there was still a risk of embarrassing leakage, so I decided an hour or two of domesticity would best fill the time until I felt safe enough to take Leanne out to the shops.
I had a little breakfast, loaded the washing machine with the soiled, slightly bloodstained bedclothes, did an hour of ironing, and paid a few bills online. Leanne stirred during the last of these tasks, so I changed her nappy and sat her in her reclining chair to watch as I continued being the housewife and mother I was, to my surprise, increasingly happy to be.
I was putting a second load of laundry into the washer when my mobile phone rang. Expecting it to be our daughter confirming when she was going to return from her boyfriend’s house, I picked up the handset and without even looking, pressed the green button to accept the call.
“Hello?”
“I hoped you would answer, Penny,” came the response.
“Tony?”
Oh my God! Why hadn’t I checked the number before answering? With my body still tingling from recent sex, my first and most persistent lover was the last person I needed to talk to.
“You haven’t picked up in ages; I thought you might be ignoring my calls. Was I right?” he asked.
“Of course not,” I lied.
“How are you?” he asked. “We haven’t spoken in too long.”
‘I’m fine. Busy with the baby but fine.”
“And the baby? Leanne?”
“She’s fine too.” I paused then felt obliged to add. ‘How are you?”
“I’m good thanks,” he said brightly. “Great in fact,” he added then lowered his voice.
“But I’d be even better if you’d at least give my idea some thought.”
Tony’s Big Idea was of course that he and I should recommence our ended affair simply as Friends with Benefits rather than the ongoing, loving couple I had mistakenly believed he had wanted us to become.
The unceremonious dumping that I had suffered shortly after letting my husband know I was intending to leave him, had made Tony’s real motives abundantly clear. Although a lot of water had passed under the bridge since then – and a good few cocks had passed through my vagina too – those wounds were still sore, but to my horror, my memories of the good times were vivid too and began to flood back.
“We’ve been through this,” I protested. “I thought we were in love; you wanted another notch on your belt. I left my husband for you; you dumped me as soon as you found out. It’s hardly an encouraging start to a relationship.”
My firm, hard words were as much to convince myself as they were to convince him.
“I know and I was wrong,” he replied. “You meant a lot more to me than I realised. You still do.”
“Yes. And the moment you’ve got back into my knickers I’ll be dumped again.”
“It’s not like that,” he insisted.
“Huh!” I snorted. “I don’t know why I’m even talking to you.”
There was a long pause.
“I saw you yesterday, Penny. In the supermarket with the baby. I wanted to have another chat but didn’t think you’d want me to come up and say hello there and then.”
He was certainly right about that.
“So I thought I would give you a call this morning. I guessed Pete would be at work until lunchtime. It’s his busy Saturday isn’t it?”
“Tony you shouldn’t ever call me,” I began to protest but he carried on.
“You were looking great, Penny,” he said enthusiastically. “Really sexy. It looked like you’ve got your gym body back already. I’d love to check it out up close.”
I laughed hollowly. Apart from my body still being a long way from its pre-baby tightness, the idea that I could be seduced by such a blatant tease was ridiculous.
“How do you know? From one glimpse in a supermarket?” I asked suspiciously.
His reply surprised me.
“Oh I’ve seen you alright. Many times. You just haven’t seen me! Your body looks as perfect to me as it always did, so why not let me prove it?”
“Thanks, but I’ll keep my body under wraps,” I replied.
“I haven’t had a Yummy Mummy in my bed for… mmm… ten years,” he told me.
“Your kids are over twenty,” I remonstrated with a derisory laugh. “That means your last Yummy Mummy wasn’t either me or Julie.”
He paused then laughed.
“Okay, you got me there, Penny” he confessed. “A simple slip of the tongue and I gave myself away.”
I knew only too well how pleasurably Tony’s tongue could slip over important parts of my body, but I steeled myself and tried to carry on.
“Who was she?” I demanded.
“No-one you know!”
I snorted. That meant it had probably been someone I knew of but did not know personally.
“Well I hope you have a good memory, because you won’t be seeing this Mummy’s yummy bits any time soon.”
“Not even on a no-strings basis Penny? Not even Friends with benefits? Fuck Buddies? Sex on demand whenever you want it? It doesn’t need to be an affair this time.”
“It was a mistake the first time. I shouldn’t have let you seduce me at all, let alone have started an affair.”
“I don’t think it was a mistake,” he protested. “Ending it was the mistake. We were really good together.”
“Who ended it?” I demanded. “Who stopped communicating? I left Pete for you!”
“I know. It was stupid of me. Thoughtless too. You were really important to me Penny. You still are!”
“So you said. And you were important to me too,” I conceded. “You know that. I was in love with you and yes, you’re amazing in bed but I can’t put my family at risk again, no matter how great the sex might be.”
“You agree the sex was great?” he asked, grasping my unwise words with both hands and pressing home his point.
“Of course, I agree. The sex was amazing. You’re a fantastic lover, you’re just a useless prospect as a partner.”
“So if you agree how good we were in bed together and you know how well I can keep a secret. Why not give it a try? Just once, for old times’ sake?”
This time it was my turn to pause.
“I made you cum every time, admit it!” he teased.
I didn’t reply.
“Admit it Penny!”
“Okay, I admit it. You made me cum.”
“Every time?”
“Yes, every time!” I grudgingly admitted.
“And you’ve never felt a cock like mine inside you, before or since. Admit that too, Penny Barker!”
I sighed. Despite everything, the conversation was making me more and more aroused.
“I admit that too. Your cock is amazing. I’ve never felt anything like it in my… inside me.”
“Where inside you, Penny?”
I gulped, my heart thumping in my chest.
“In my cunt. In my wet cunt.”
A sound like a sigh of satisfaction came down the line.
“There! That felt better, didn’t it?” he purred. “Confession is good for the soul.”
“And we all know who has most to confess, don’t we?” I challenged.
A few seconds’ pause.
“What if I promised not to see anyone else? What if we tried to be faithful to each other?” he asked.
“We both know you’re not capable of that. You’ve never been a one-woman-man and you never will be.”
“Your record isn’t exactly pure, Penny.”
“I know. But Pete and I have no secrets now,” I lied. “I couldn’t let you fuck me again unless he agreed and I can’t see that happening, can you?”
There was silence at the other end of the line before he spoke in what I suspect he intended to be a threatening voice but which to me sounded only awkward.
“And the baby’s father? There’s no way she’s Pete’s child…” he left the words hanging.
“I think you’re a better man than to make trouble over that.”
There was another long silence. It had been the right call.
“I won’t ever give up,” Tony said quietly.
It was the soft, seductive voice again; the one that had talked its way into my panties that first day. Despite everything, I felt an even more powerful stirring between my thighs.
“It was good while it lasted,” he said softly. “You have to accept that at least.”
“I do accept that. While it lasted it was very good. You are an amazing lover; you fucked me like I’d never been fucked before, but now it’s over.”
My own voice was soft now, the anger and fear slowly being replaced by arousal.
Stop it now, Penny! You’re weakening.
“Will I see you around?” he asked. “Maybe for a coffee sometime?”
“I can’t promise that,” I told him, then sighed. “But I suppose we should never say never.”
“You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever fucked, you know that?”
It was a barefaced lie, but I appreciated the compliment. He was, after all, sexy enough himself to have successfully temped me away from a lifetime of fidelity to my husband.
“Then you have plenty of memories to keep you warm if you ever find your bed empty again,” I replied, trying not to start crying.
“See you soon I hope…”
Tony’s words faded as I pressed the red button, put the handset down on the bedside table and sighed.
It took a full minute before I realised that tears were running down my cheeks. I pulled a tissue from my pocket and dabbed my eyes, then took a deep breath and rising to my feet, turned towards the open kitchen door…
To find Isobel standing there, her mouth open wide, a look of sheer disgust on her face.
“Izzy…” I began, then stopped.
Our eyes met. The hostility was palpable. Then she turned and disappeared. A moment later I heard footsteps running across the hall, followed by the slamming of the front door and the revving of a small car’s engine in the driveway.
I ran up to the bathroom and retched over the sink.
***
I called Pete at work, but he must have been either in theatre or in a consultation because it was nearly a full hour before he called me back. In that hour, my whole world was spinning and several times I was sure I would either faint or be sick.
The irony was incredible. To be discovered as having cheated during a phone call in which I was refusing to cheat again! The unfairness was almost physically painful.
Pete was angry but relatively calm when I told him what had happened. From the way in which he swore under his breath, I believe there were people close by and when he did speak it was in a hushed voice.
“Why the Hell were you talking to him anyway?” he growled. “Have you started fucking him again?”
“No!” I half yelled into the phone. “He sent me a few messages and called so I told him to stop. If Izzy overheard anything, she overhead me saying no!”
“I suppose that’s good. So, what damage can she do without hurting Jack? She won’t want to tell him, and she’s hardly going to go and tell Julie, is she?”
“She could tell Josh and Tim,” I said slowly. “That’s bad enough isn’t it?”
“You tell me. You’re the one who cheated and got yourself knocked up, Penny!”
“You told me over and over again how much you wanted me to fuck other men. You wanted to be a cuckold; now you are one. Don’t put all the blame on me, Pete!”
“Okay, okay,” he conceded, calming down surprisingly quickly.
There was a full minute of silence during which I could feel my heart beating, hear my breathing and sense the damage being done to my marriage even as I stood there.
“She’ll come to tell me,” Pete eventually said softly. “She’ll have to tell someone and I’m the obvious person.”
“What will you say?”
“Right now I have no idea,” he replied, exasperated. “But I will think of something. I’ll have to.”
“Good luck,” I replied.
“Being married to a Hot Wife is no picnic, Penny.”
“It’s what you said you wanted, Pete. It’s your fantasy come true.”
“Maybe some fantasies are better left as just that.”
***
Izzy came home a few hours later, presumably when she believed her father would have returned from work. From the determined look on her face and the fact that she completely refused to speak or even make eye contact with me, I knew that the showdown would not be long in coming.
It came faster than I had feared.
As if on a mission, Izzy looked first in the lounge then, not finding Pete there, she stomped across to the study where he was sitting at the desk doing paperwork for his private practice. I followed in silence, my knees unsteady, unsure what on earth would happen next but knowing whatever it was would change our lives.
“Dad, I need to tell you something,” she announced as she barged into the room.
I stood in the doorway. My heart thumping in my chest, not knowing what on earth to say or do so deciding that silence on my guilty part would be the best policy.
“Can it wait a bit? I’m really busy right now,” Pete responded though he knew full well what was about to descend.
“I’m sorry Dad, it can’t. There’s something you really need to know.”
“Really?”
“Really. This is important.”
Pete leaned back in his chair then swivelled it round to face his daughter.
“You’re not pregnant, are you?” he asked, seriously.
It was a well-judged diversion. Izzy had not been expecting this and it knocked her temporarily off her righteous stride.
“N..No! I’m not pregnant.”
“You and Jack are either splitting up or getting married?”
This made her wobble even more.
“No Dad. Neither of those. It’s not about me,”
That would be a first, I thought maliciously.
“Then what is it? I’ve got all this paperwork to go through…” he gestured to the pile on the desk.
Izzy took a deep breath and tried to regain control of the conversation. I looked at her then at Pete and back again, knowing my comfortable world was about to end.
“The thing is Dad,” she said nervously, scowling at me across the room. “There’s no easy way to say this. Mum’s been having an affair.”
She waited for a response from her father. Whatever reaction she was expecting, it was not the one she got.
“Yes?” Pete replied.
Izzy frowned, puzzled.
“She’s been having an affair Dad. She’s been sleeping with someone else. I’m not sure who it is but I heard them talking on the phone.”
“That was nosy of you,” Pete replied quietly.
“Don’t you care?” Izzy was getting very emotional now, her voice almost a scream. “Don’t you even want to know who with? She said he’d fucked her like she’d never been fucked before. She’s been cheating on you, Dad.”
“Yes, I know. Thank you for pointing it out, Isobel.”
“What?”
Izzy was brought up short. Sensing the pause, Pete continued.
“I know all about it. You mother told me. I’ve known about it for a long time.”
“But Dad…”
“Izzy, marriages are complicated things. They can last a long time – perhaps even a lifetime. Not everything that happens during that lifetime is good; you have to accept it.”.
I was stunned; where had my husband acquired such verbal skills? And did he really mean what he was saying?
“But she’s cheated on you…!”
Izzy was getting angry with Pete now. Her righteous indignation on her father’s behalf was not having the effect she had planned.
“She’s been unfaithful! She’s been having sex with someone else!”
“I know what cheating means Izzy,” Pete replied calmly. “You don’t have to explain.”
“How can you keep on living with her?” she demanded. “Don’t you have any self-respect?”
A flash of real anger crossed my husband’s face at this remark. He turned towards our daughter, his eyes blazing.
“Isobel! This is our business, not yours. We might be your parents but it’s our marriage. If I don’t have a problem with what has happened, it’s none of your business!”
“How do you know Leanne is yours if she’s been fucking this man left, right and centre?”
“That’s my business too. There’s more to this than you know,” Pete replied, still calm.
“But Dad!” Izzy protested desperately. “She’s been fucking someone else! How can you just sit there and accept a betrayal like that?”
Pete took a long, deep breath.
“Do you want to know?” he demanded, his voice cold and angry.
For a moment, Izzy seemed wrong footed by this challenge, so he asked again.
“Do you really want to know? Are you sure you can handle the truth, Isobel?”
“Of course I can,” she replied, though perhaps a little less certainly than before.
“Then listen carefully!”
He paused.
“Okay,” Izzy said aggressively.
“Good. I can accept your Mum having fucked another man for one very good reason.”
There was a long pause during which I tried to imagine what on earth he was going to say. In the end his words shocked me as much as they shocked our daughter.
“And that’s because I’ve been fucking another woman!”
“What?”
“I cheated on her too, Izzy!”
Izzy’s face went from pale to pink, then back to pale.
“You’ve been…”
“Fucking another woman! Isn’t that clear enough? All night. In her bed. And it was fucking great!”
A silence descended as our daughter’s face turned ghostly white.
“You two are disgusting!”
The words almost choked her as she spat them out then ran out of the room. The silence that followed was long and intimidating. Finally, I could stand it no longer.
“Well, that went well.”
“I’m sorry,” Pete replied. “It’s just that her attitude makes me so angry.”
“I know,” I said. “She makes me angry too, but you didn’t have to tell her…”
“Didn’t I?” he interrupted. “What else could possibly explain my attitude?”
“You didn’t have to tell her how good Julie is in bed. Or remind me for that matter!”
“I could hardly tell her the truth, could I?” he demanded. “I could hardly say that I like to watch you being fucked by other men. I couldn’t tell our daughter that her mother has had four lovers in twelve months, that one of them was a male prostitute, that she was knocked up by a boy young enough to be her son and that her new sister is really only a half-sister?
“It’s far better that she thinks we both had stupid affairs and have forgiven each other.”
It was a day for silences as the truth of his words sank into my brain.
“What on earth will happen when she tells Jack or her brothers?” he asked.
This was my chance to redeem myself in some way.
“Leave that to me,” I said. “I have an idea.”
“What is it?”
“Sorry Pete, but this time you really don’t want to know.”
***
“No! You wouldn’t! You couldn’t!”
Izzy’s voice was almost a shriek as I confronted her in her bedroom five minutes later. She leaned towards me, her fists on her hips like a fishwife, her eyes wide and staring. She had clearly been crying – which was very unusual for her, but I made myself ignore her tears and concentrate on my vital goal.
“How did you get hold of them anyway?” she demanded.
I smiled in the most annoying way I could but did not answer directly.
“Never mind how I got the videos; all you need to know is that I have them and I am prepared to use them.”
“You’re a cheating slut,” she hissed. “And he’s a cuckold. How can I hold my head up knowing my parents are aged swingers?”
“I don’t think you’re in any position to make moral judgements, Isobel Barker. Your Dad and I aren’t the only ones with skeletons in our closets.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you weren’t exactly the model faithful girlfriend, were you?”
“That’s different,” she protested, a little less certain of her ground.
“How is it different? Steve was supposed to be the love of your life. You even filmed yourself fucking him.”
“I know but…”
“But you got angry with him and fucked another boy too. You’re just a much a cheat as I am, but you did it so publicly you got yourself a nickname! Isn’t that so, Izzy-Oh-God?”
“But you and Dad are…”
“Adults who have agreed to put it all behind us,” I interrupted before she could call me a slut again.
“I can’t wait to hear what Josh and Tim say when they find out!”
“They aren’t going to find out,” I said firmly. “At least not from you Isobel!”
This brought a brief silence.
“What do you mean?” she asked aggressively.
For the second time in the last twelve months, an analogy came to me and I used it.
“In the Cold War they had a phrase. Mutually Assured Destruction’”
“What the hell has that got to do with anything?” Izzy snarled.
“At the time,” I continued doggedly. “It meant that if one side used nuclear weapons the other would do the same and both sides would be utterly destroyed. That way neither would dare be the first to press the button.”
“I know all this,” Izzy growled. “I’m not stupid. Why are you telling me?”
I kicked myself while trying to keep my composure. My daughter was not Will; unlike him, she had studied in school and would have known what I was talking about without explanation. Even so, I carried on.
“You are I are in the same place. Yes, I cheated, but you did too! You are in no place to pass judgement either on me or your Dad.”
I drew a deep breath.
“Listen carefully, Isobel Barker. If anyone – and I mean anyone at all – finds out about my affair or your father’s fling, your Dad, both your brothers and your boyfriend will find at least one of your videos in their inboxes within hours.”
“You wouldn’t!”
She sounded almost hysterical.
“Try me, Izzy! There’s a lot at stake here.”
She thought for a moment.
“I don’t believe you’d do it. I don’t believe you’ve even got them.”
“Really?”
“You’re bluffing,” she wailed. “You’re a slut, you’re desperate and you’re bluffing!”
It took only seconds to think of my next move.
“Okay, how about this? You think I’m bluffing? You called me a slut? Perhaps I should punish you for being so rude. Perhaps I should give you a good hard spanking. Perhaps if I’d done it when you were younger, you wouldn’t be such a brat now.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” she snarled angrily.
“But no,” I persevered. “Spanking wouldn’t be a punishment for you Izzy, would it? You’d actually enjoy a good spanking, wouldn’t you?”
“Oh my God!”
Silence descended. The look of sheer terror on my daughter’s face when she realised that I really had seen the videos; that I really had watched her being fucked and spanked on film was something I will remember the rest of my life. I said nothing, I just raised an eyebrow and looked her straight in the eye.
“So, can you keep a secret?”
“Mum please…”
Calling me Mum was a victory in itself. I pressed home my advantage.
“Can you keep a secret Isobel? Because if you can’t…”
“Okay, okay! You win!”
The girl was red in the face with anger and frustration but knew when she was beaten.
“You’ll tell no-one? No-one at all?” I insisted for absolute clarity.
“Okay. No-one.”
“Not your brothers, not your friends. Not Jack?”
“No-one. I promise.”
“Cross you heart?”
“Mum please! I’m a grown-up now.”
“Okay,” I conceded. “But you do understand I’m deadly serious. I really would do it.”
“Yes. I understand.”
“Then come here and give me a hug.”
The reluctance with which my daughter came towards me was almost comical but come she eventually did. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly, as much to make her feel a little intimidated by my presence as to reassure her I still loved her.
“We all make mistakes, Izzy,” I whispered as I held her close. “Your Dad and I need to move on from ours just as much as you needed to move on from yours. We love each other and have agreed to put all this behind us. Surely you can see that’s best for everyone?”
“I suppose so,” she mumbled into my chest. “But what about the baby? I was sure Dad had had a vasectomy. What if…”
“My affair was over before I got pregnant with Leanne,” I assured her.
I was stretching the truth only a little; though I did not know it at the time, my affair was indeed already over when Darren had fucked and impregnated me. Tony had already dumped me; I just wasn’t aware of the fact.
We hugged a little longer.
“Don’t worry,” I tried to reassure her. “Tony can’t possibly be Leanne’s father. He’s had a vasectomy so…”
Suddenly Isobel’s whole body went stiff.
“What did you say?”
Her voice was high and shocked. She pushed me away and froze rigid, her eyes fixed on mine in horror.
“You said Tony, didn’t you?”
It took a few seconds for me to realise what I had said. For the second time in only a couple of weeks, I had accidentally given away one of my deepest, darkest secrets. The first was to Julie and could probably be managed. My judgemental daughter Isobel was a completely different prospect.
“Oh my God!”
The words choked in my mouth.
“Your affair was with Tony?” Izzy spoke slowly, her voice hushed and horrified.
I couldn’t speak. All I could do was nod my head.
“Tony? Like, Jack’s Dad, Tony?” she repeated, dumbfounded. “It was him on the phone? You were fucking him all that time?”
“I’m sorry, Izzy…” I began, but a huge gulp of a sob from alongside interrupted me.
“Oh God! Oh my God!” she mumbled, lowering herself to perch on the edge of the bed. “I can’t… I can’t…”
Then she started to cry.
My tough daughter Izzy was crying, and not tears of anger, real tears.
Something was seriously wrong. Okay, my affair had been with her boyfriend’s father but at the time, she and Jack hadn’t even been going out together, let alone sleeping with each other.
There was more to this than just yuk factor or mere embarrassment.
“What’s the matter Izzy?” I asked, my flash of anger immediately dispelled by a mother’s instinct to protect her young.
She didn’t reply, but her sobs grew stronger and louder.
“I’m really sorry,” I tried to console her. “Really. We didn’t mean to hurt anyone, least of all you. Things just got out of control.”
Instead of simply wiping her nose and pulling herself together as I had expected, this news seemed to make Izzy cry even harder, her shoulders shook visibly, her eyes and nose wet and snotty.
“Izzy darling,” I tried again to reassure her. “Please don’t be so upset. It’s over now. Your Dad and I have forgiven each other. It doesn’t need to affect your relationship with Jack.”
What I hoped was a comforting response turned out to be quite the opposite; Izzy rose to hr feet and began to pace back and forth, her eyes unable to meet mine. I tried to take her in my arms, but she pulled away from me violently.
“Darling please,” I pleaded. “Don’t push me away. It’s just one of those terrible things that happen to couples sometimes. Your Dad and I have come to terms with it. Please help us see it through.”
Isobel’s tears were well beyond anything I had seen before. Fiery of temper she certainly was, but this degree of upset was entirely new. I tried to stroke her shoulders, neck and hair in an attempt to calm her down, but she pulled herself away again.
This was beyond reasonable now.
“Come on Izzy,” I said in a much firmer parental voice than I had used before. “That’s enough emotion. This is our problem, not yours. No-one needs to know anything. You and Jack can go on just as before.”
This seemed to shake her just enough for a little coherence to enter her voice. She stopped pacing and with a huge effort, allowed me to put my arm around her.
“What is it?” I asked. “Come on, tell me. This isn’t just about your Dad and me having made mistakes. I understand you’re angry about that, but there’s something else, isn’t there?”
Izzy pulled herself together enough to look me in the face, her whole body shaking with emotion, her eyes red and puffy, her face pink and ugly.
“I can’t tell you…” she mumbled. “I just can’t.”
“You’ve got to tell someone,” I told her firmly. “This is way beyond just a bit of upset.”
Her sobs began to slow as she fought gallantly to regain control of herself.
“Come on,” I whispered, pleased that she finally allowed me to behave as a mother should. “It can’t be worse than finding out both your parents have had affairs, can it?”
“Can’t it?” she mumbled.
“Now you really do have to tell me,” I cajoled her, giving her a reassuring squeeze.
For a long moment she seemed to be both gathering her strength and coming to some kind of momentous decision.
“Promise. You won’t. Tell Dad?” she said between her subsiding gasps.
“Of course,” I told her. “If you want it kept secret, it will be just between us.” I laughed hollowly. “Mutually Assured Destruction, remember?”
From the expression on her face, she seemed to be going through agonies but after a short while my daughter appeared to steel herself.
“You want to know… The reason I’m… I’m so upset it was Tony you fucked?”
“Is that really what all this is about?” I replied, misreading the situation. “I know he’s Jack’s Dad, but you and Jack weren’t together when it all started so…”
“Shut up, Mum!” Izzy interrupted loudly, shaking her head vehemently. “I’m sorry, but if I don’t tell you now, I won’t ever be able to tell you.”
I frowned.
“Well, what is it Izzy? If it’s that important, tell me. You know you can trust me.”
She took a deep breath again, gathering her strength for goodness knows what. When she finally spoke, her words hit me like as body blow.
“Your affair had ended before you got pregnant, right? Please tell me that’s right.”
“Yes. I told you that,” I assured her truthfully. “Tony is not Leanne’s father, if that’s what worrying you.”
She thought a moment longer, then looked up into my face, her expression one of embarrassment and shame.
“It’s not that Mum. It’s… It’s… It’s because…”
“Because what?”
“Because… Because not long after he stopped fucking you…”
She paused as if summoning up her last reserves of courage.
“What Izzy?”
She looked into my eyes with agony in hers.
“He started fucking me instead!”
“WHAT?”
