1
Dawn sighed as she slowed to a stop, the memories of her parents rushing in like an unstoppable surge of the sea. What had become the family home still tugged at her heartstrings, even though only her parents, Tom and Sarah Johnson had remained living there until the end, the pandemic claiming them in quick and heart-breaking succession. Raleigh had been their choice city to call home. It had been so throughout many years of their marriage, each pursuing an academic career and wishing to raise a family. But they thought their plans had come to a crashing halt when she had been born, her Mom, Sarah, developing complications during, and then after, the birth.
“I couldn’t just have you,” Sarah had confessed, tearfully, when Tom was so seriously ill and they had spoken on the phone, her mother’s tears a sure sign that she was having to face the prospect of losing him. “We didn’t want you to be alone, an only child.”
They had fallen into talking about her adopted brother, Julian, who had been brought home and she had been gripped by excitement. She had been five at the time and Julian, or Jay Jay, as many soon called him, made the family circle complete. Sarah had told her of wishing to pursue the balance that had been such a feature of their lives until she had been born. A family of four seemed better than one of three.
She had not given it much thought, except that she had a playmate a couple of years younger, the bonds of the family soon tightening and hers with Jay Jay in particular. They went to parties together, had fun together, and still pursued separate lives as they went through their teenage years. They were thought of as a brother and sister, but the bonds that held them seemed to be different, acutely nuanced, and when they were seen dancing it was as if they were two people dating and having fun. Her Mom had even commented on it, saying the bond would loosen as they grew older and dated, and had partners and lovers.
She knew that their bond had taken them through such times. She gazed at her reflection in the rear-view mirror. Jay Jay would see her car, parked in front of the single garage that had served her parents well, their compact car all that they needed to get around or to call on her when she was at home. Sometimes they would go and visit Jay Jay who lived and worked for a technology company in Durham, not so far away.
“I’ve sure missed seeing you and having you near me,” she murmured with a sigh, ‘just talking on the phone was never enough.’
She felt it even more strongly, now that her marriage had broken up, the miscarriage she’d gone through somewhat of a blessing. She had not lived in a broken home and she didn’t want that for any kids she was still young enough to have. Mom and Dad had their working careers and they also loved family life. She had no plans set in stone but she lived in hope. Being a realtor was fun and it paid, but now she might have the means, through her share of an inheritance, to take a step back and consider the place she had reached in her life.
♥
Julian spotted her standing by her car, Dawn raising a hand to wave in greeting. She also did so to brush away the tumble of her sandy brown hair in a graceful movement that he had always loved about her. Dawn had kept her figure, bestowed from active days as a college athlete, and afterwards when she worked tirelessly at a career that seemed to have taken over her life and slowly closed out the times they used to spend together.
There had always been a sense of ‘tension’ that a true brother and sister relationship would not have aroused between them. The separation had only strained that bond still further, the pandemic being a destructive interruption to the family’s life and, now, here he was being reunited with her, Dawn’s bottle-green colored turtle-necked dress flattering her figure and going so well with her sandy-brown hair. The chill wind of autumn had seemingly decided it for her, what to wear for meeting him on a late afternoon. The breeze blew the leaves that had fallen from the trees into swirling columns as they were blown down the driveway to meet him.
She sure looked good, attractive to his sight, her choice of tan ankle boots drawing the eye to slender legs, the hem of her dress finishing at the knee. He wouldn’t deny it, Dawn remained an attractive woman to his sight and it was a feeling that had not been reduced one bit by her getting married to a guy who had gone and reneged on her when she was at her lowest ebb.
No, remote ways of staying in contact were not for him, now that he could see her again.
“You’re right on time, darling Jay Jay!”
He had tried to persuade her not to but she kept on using his nickname. “As if I could be late to be with you again!”
She put her arm through his, looked at him, and took in what he was wearing. The standards their parents had set had not fallen away and she was glad of that.
“Come on, let’s get inside. It’s cold out here…’
He stopped her. “I’ve got to bring in a box…there are some things I want to take home with me. Call them some more memories.”
The alarm on his flashy VW two-door hatchback beeped and she watched him take a box from the trunk, slam the lid shut, and walk back towards her.
“We’ve got the memories, and of you and me especially, even if things went wrong for me for a while,” she confessed but smiling anyway, possessively taking hold of his arm once more. Jay Jay had his raging good looks and blue eyes that stared back at you from a smooth, unlined, face, his brown hair short and wavy. It was swept up from a straight hairline. His neatly trimmed beard, not thick but stylish, made him look older than his years. “Now you and I have to keep the memories alive.”
They had grown up together and she wasn’t prepared to let the relationship loosen in the aftermath of losing Tom and Sarah. Her mother had always made it clear that she and Julian, Jay Jay to so many who knew him, had a bond from their earliest days together; one that could never be broken.
There had been moments, recently, when she had come to believe Sarah’s words and that the sight of him again affirmed. She wanted him back in her life and not at the edges of it.
2
The wind blew her long hair into a tangle as they walked up to the front door and she caught him looking her way as she held up one hand to try and keep it tidy.
“I’ve seen that look on me before,” she said with a pouted smile.
“But not for a while.”
Dawn had the keys to the property and she now opened the brightly painted front door, the realtors she worked for handling the sale. It was the weekend and they would not be disturbed
‘It sure is a shame to be selling the place but we’ve got no need for it, have we?’ she said, yet knowing the answer. I live in town and you’re upstate…’
‘We’ve been over this before, sis…’ he ventured, looking past her as Dawn switched on the lights and he heard her sigh.
What was to be seen was only too heart-breaking, boxes of things they had each decided on keeping, the rest of their parent’s possessions either boxed by the removals people her realtor firm had arranged, or the larger items being auctioned off for the best price that could be achieved. Tastes had moved on so much since their folks had bought the place, but makeover enthusiasts would find a use for them.
“We’ll walk around one last time,” she said, rather woodenly, “Mom and Dad will be pleased with what we’ve negotiated, or my people have.”
She had kept her distance from the negotiations, just urged a colleague to hold out for some more. It had worked.
He came to stand by her side as they peered out of the window that gave a view of the yard, trees lining the boundary fences and lending the place its privacy. “It’s tough, I know, but I’m glad to be here with you so that you don’t feel you’ve done it all on your own.”
“You helped when you could,” she smiled, yet shivering. “I should have put my coat on…”
“I could light the fire and warm the place through a bit while we’re here?” he suggested. “It still feels like home even with everything packed up.”
He kept from saying ‘lifeless’ but that was how the house felt. People and possessions brought the place alive and he was relieved to have a house clearance company doing the hardest part, clearing away the unwanted possessions of those he had thought of as his parents.
“Yeah, you’re right, but it’s taken me a while to get used to the idea of not coming back here again. The movers clear out everything from Monday, so we have the place for the weekend if we want it. The cleaners come in later in the week and make the place ready for the new owners.”
Julian put an arm around her shoulders and felt her shaking. “Stop talking about the work side of it, sis, and let’s just enjoy the time we’ve got being here together…relive some old times, shall we?”
“The best was at the other house,’ she retorted and looked up at him. Julian had again given her an appraising glance on brushing the tumble of her hair away from her face. She had more of her father’s looks than her mother’s. Her ex hadn’t spared her, had told her she had a woman’s body but the face of a man. She had sensed that Julian saw her only too differently. “The price we’ve gotten makes up for a lot.”
“There you go again, talking about work,” he said nudging her. “Stop it, now.”
“It’s what I do and love. You know that or should do by now. I had some work to attend to before I came over here…”
“Jeez, it’s a Saturday afternoon! There’s work and then there’s an obsession,” he laughed in some dismay. Taking Dawn’s hand he guided her to the living room window that looked out over the back garden. “I found something hidden away when I was here a day or two ago. You can see it standing there.”
She laughed and looked across at him. “Father’s little goddess!”
“Yeah, his little statue with its plinth has been hidden away for quite a while as Sarah never liked looking at it.” He gauged her reaction on seeing it again, but Dawn was also looking at the garden, the trees at the fence line that kept neighbors from looking in. “I’ve got no place for it, but you have…”
“Yeah, I have a small garden but I’m not so sure about a statuette of a scantily dressed lady. It doesn’t leave much for you to imagine, does it?”
“I guess not, but you and Sarah sure had a lead on her,” he grinned. “We always used to joke about it, didn’t we?”
“Yes, how could I forget!”
She said it with a laugh and on slapping his arm playfully, but her look back at him suggested more was at work in her on seeing it again, standing on the slabs by the side of the pool.
“We had fun together and seeing that figure reminds me of what I’ve been through since those times. It seems like we’re living in another world now.”
“We are, darling, sis…it’s just the two of us now.”
“The two that matter.”
She sighed on looking his way again. Julian stood so close and his look upon her was considerate. It also took in how her dress shaped her and that statue was a reminder of what had been said so many years ago. Her father had loved Sarah’s shapeliness and she had inherited those particular genes. The statuette was also a reminder of those moments shared with him; moments that they had not spoken of in a very long time, but that the statuette brought vividly to mind once more.
“Well, the piece is yours if you want it. There must be space in your yard back home and it will be a reminder of this place, and of Mom and Dad.”
She gripped his arm. “Let’s move on from Mom and Dad…call them Tom and Sarah. We’ve gone through those dependent times, haven’t we and we did that long ago?”
“Yeah, we sure have.” Impulsively, he held her tighter and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’m sorry for what you went through. No one deserves that.”
“Thank you for saying it.” Dawn offered a fingertip caress to his face and felt the softness of his beard. “I work hard to stop myself thinking back on what might have happened, only to get to what did happen. We never did shout at each other, scream, or even get to throwing things that would hurt.”
“Statues especially,” he answered with a teasing smile. His reply made her flinch and cling to him still tighter. The room fell silent.
“Don’t tease me, not now. I sure wanted to be here with you,” she murmured, pushing her hands through the gap of his unzipped puffa jacket and embracing him. “I work hard but want to ease off too…and go back to how it could be between us sometimes when things got difficult. When a relationship failed for me or you.” She paused. “We’ve not spoken of those days or the moments that we shared, for a very long time.”
“No, we haven’t.” Julian looked down into her upturned face and felt Dawn’s breath on his lips. How destructive to be consumed again by the memories of what could happen between them when they were alone by the pool, where the statuette stood as if challenging his restraint. He could feel her breasts press against him through the fabric of her woolen dress and the riot of emotions and a particular hunger flared up all over again. “We did things…shared in them…did what others never dared to go to.”
“You remember them all?” She had heard him give voice to what she had thought about during the drive over to the house.
“Yes, how could I forget, we weren’t a brother and sister anymore and it was never the same again.” He tried to break free of her hold on him. “I can put the statue in your car if you want it?”
She followed him from room to room as he seemed to check the progress of clearing up their elder’s possessions. “Don’t be angry with me for reminding you of those times.”
“I’m not angry, and I sure remember them too,” he retorted, feeling her hold on his arm once more as if she didn’t want to let go of some memories that had welled up, unbidden, now that they were alone in the house and they kept on flooding in. “I just hope that what you felt, and about us being together sometimes, didn’t go and wreck your marriage?”
She met his stilled, questioning, look upon her. “It didn’t do that, but I knew through all of those times that what I felt for you was different…something that family couldn’t break into. I didn’t ask for help, I tried to deal with it and just as I do with problems that I have in my work.”
They moved on but soon stopped as they took in another view of the garden and the light shimmering off the pool’s surface from a hazy moon overhead.
“Would you look at that!” he exclaimed and Dawn again stood close to his side, her grip on his hand again drawing his attention to her. “What?”
“In the summer vacations here, when we visited or when Mom and Dad were at work, we used to be in the yard and lie by the pool. I’d know you would be looking at me and pretending you weren’t spying on me. We had no secrets by then, but it sure felt nice to have the eyes of someone I loved on me.”
He gave a disbelieving laugh. “That was so long ago, but what did you expect from me? I saw others coming onto you at parties that you weren’t interested in. I protected you even when I had my problems to deal with.”
“Your hormones were raging?” she smiled, teasing him, “and that statue sure didn’t help.”
“I saw the real thing in you.”
“And I never complained, did I? We grew closer and then, you know…?” Dawn sighed as she gazed out of the window once more. “I hold on to the feelings I have from those times. They are lots of loving feelings but didn’t speak of to anyone but you.”
“As you’re doing again, now.” Julian had heard the drop in her voice and seen the tremble of her lips. He bent to kiss them and did so on a slow slide of his mouth over them.
“That feels nice…”
“I know it’s been tough,” he murmured, looking tenderly into her eyes, “but move on. I’m here to help whenever you need that. Those ways of it between us haven’t changed.”
“But my marriage sure did!.” she muttered and eased out of his embrace. “Let’s see what is still to be done, shall we?”
They strolled around the silent house and checked again the boxes with things that they would be taking away tonight. They exchanged glances as they did so, knowing that there was an inevitability about what they were doing. Many happy chapters in their shared, and separate, lives were closing and they would be stepping out on a new life’s path.
“I’ll take my…
