My Black Heart

Is this what limbo feels like?
I’ve often wondered,
The indecision of my mind,
Joining the pain in my heart.

I’m his whore, his mistress,
The bitch who would ruin a union,
Never thought I would be that,
Shame is under my skin now.

It makes me unsure,
Trying to step away,
I’m almost there until he calls me,
My mind forgets how much it hurts.

Too scared to step away,
I want him so badly,
I’ve never known love, never,
Addictive to my nature now.

The truth in me knows why,
But my mind lies to me,
Love is so fucking hard,
When it doesn’t belong to you.

Maybe this is my path,
To beg for some scraps,
Deserve what I get,
Or get what I deserve.

I can’t pull away,
Hate what I’ve become,
So a beat at a time,
My black heart dies a little more.