“If you are to help us here,” she began, “you must understand that all these men are very sick. That is why they are here. You have to be careful not to become attached to them. Some of them, like Thomas, appear fine and, at times, they are but they have flashbacks. The horrors they have experienced may never leave them and the damage they have suffered may never heal.”
I nodded as she spoke, understanding completely what she was telling me.
Major Middleton then continued:
“Sir Michael and myself are trying very hard to make the government and the army chiefs-of-staff understand that these men are not cowards. They are just as badly wounded as those who have lost limbs. More so, in fact, because their injuries are not always visible to the casual observer. Some poor unfortunates have been shot for cowardice and desertion because their officers did not understand.”
I was stunned.
“But that is horrendous!” I exclaimed, “How can our own government treat our soldiers in such a way?”
” Because they don’t understand. No-one understands. I have heard stories that men who are required to stay at home to work in occupations that are just as important as actually fighting have been given white feathers by complete strangers.”
“White feathers?” I asked, “Why? What does that mean?”
“It is a symbol that the person who gives it thinks you are a coward because you have not joined the army to fight. This war is like no other. All of us here, Philomena, Sir Michael, Doctor and Mrs. Harris and myself, are all trying hard to make them understand, but it is a long hard battle. Lady Helen, too, has been a wonderful help in allowing us to use her house for which she receives no recompense from the army, just the upkeep whilst we are here.”
“Yes,” I agreed, “I am beginning to see she is a very special lady. Not at all what I expected when I arrived here.”
For a few more minutes, we sat in silence until I asked whether I would be able to visit Thomas.
Philomena looked at Major Middleton for a moment then said, “I am happy to take her up. It will be good experience for her.”
Elizabeth nodded her assent and, as I thanked her and got up from the sofa she stopped me.
“I am pleased to have you here, Victoria,” she said. “We need youngsters like yourself to make the world understand that losing you mind is not the same as cowardice.”
“I will do whatever I can to help, you have my word,” I promised her.
I walked with Sister Watson to the other side of the house where Thomas was billeted and as we walked, we talked.
“Major Middleton and Sir Michael do their utmost to help these men,” she said, “but I can’t help thinking that their words are falling on deaf ears.”
“What makes you say that, Phil?” I asked.
“Well, that delivery of food you saw. There is no record of it and food is still in short supply. In fact, what should have been delivered the day you arrived doesn’t seem to have got here. Only about half of what was requisitioned has actually appeared.”
“That is so unfair!” I replied. “I suppose that what I saw was probably not enough for the number of people who are here. It was only a small lorry.”
“Well, we will keep trying,” she said.
Soon, we reached a door at the end of the long hallway and Philomena knocked gently before entering.
My heart suddenly felt very heavy when she saw the prone figure lying motionless on the bed covered with just a blanket.
“Thomas, It’s Sister Watson,” Philomena spoke softly. “Can you hear me?”
Very slowly, the pitiful figure turned his head towards the sound of her voice.
“Yes, Sister,” he replied, his voice weak and lifeless, “I can hear you.”
“How do you feel now? do you understand what happened to you?”
“Yes,” he said again, “Doctor Harris explained that I have Epilepsy.”
His voice sounded so sad and defeated that it brought a lump to my throat and, for the second time that morning, my eyes began to moisten. I heard Elizabeth Middleton’s voice in my head about being strong and I took a deep breath and fought back the tears.
“You have someone with you Sister?” the young soldier asked.
“Yes, Thomas, I do. Do you mind?” she asked him.
“No, I don’t mind.” he said it in such a way that made me feel he was resigned to being watched and poked, whether he minded or not, “Who is it?”
“I think you have met her before, Thomas, her name is Victoria.” Philomena turned to me and smiled, giving me a little wink.
“Victoria! She is here?!” his voice suddenly became strong and hopeful again.
“I am here, Thomas,” I said. I looked at Phil who nodded agreement to my unasked question. I stepped towards his bed and took his hand.
He smiled and sighed deeply, gripping my hand as if he would never let it go.
“Hello,” he said simply.
“Hello Thomas,” I replied. “I had hoped to see you in the little garden today.”
“Oh, yes,” he replied, “Sorry about that, something came up.”
Philomena moved a chair to his bedside for me saying she had something to do and would return later but as I sat, she whispered to me:
“If he has a fit, do nothing. Just make sure that there is nothing he can hurt himself on, all right?”
“All right,” I replied, equally quietly.
As she opened the door to leave, Thomas called after her:
“Sister Watson.”
She turned back.
“Thank you,” he said.
“You are welcome, Thomas,” she said and left, closing the door behind her.
Now we were alone I was lost for words. I had no idea what to say next. I didn’t have to wait long though.
“I am sorry you had to see me like this,” Thomas said sadly. “I try to be strong but it seems my body will not allow it.”
“Oh, Thomas,” I said. “You have no need to apologise to me. You are strong but there are some things you cannot fight. It does not make you any less brave.”
“I had a plan for lunch today but I think it will have to wait,” I said.
“What was it? Did I stop you?” He sounded a little apologetic.
I tried to put him at ease.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, “It can wait until another day.”
“Oh, please, Victoria, don’t change you plans because of me. I am not going anywhere for quite some time, it would seem.”
I squeezed his hand.
“Don’t worry,” I told him, “Neither am I.”
We sat in silence for a while. I wondered what a fit was like and whether I would be able to cope. I didn’t find out that day because he didn’t have another and, as the hours passed he seemed to regain his old strength, just as I had seen in him the day before.
An orderly brought lunch for him. Phil was right, it was very sparse. Just a bowl of thin vegetable soup and some fresh crusty bread.
I didn’t say anything as it was only lunch, but I vowed to stay and find out what he was served for dinner.
We talked much more in the afternoon, as his strength built up and, about three, the door opened and Philomena reappeared. Doctor Harris was with her.
“Victoria!” she exclaimed, “You are still here?”
“Oh, yes, I’m afraid so. Is that bad?” I was worried that maybe I had stayed too long with Thomas.
“No, of course not,” She replied. “Doctor Harris is here to examine Thomas and check his progress.”
“Yes, of course, hello Doctor Harris.” I turned towards the surgeon, “It is nice to meet you again.”
“Hello, Miss Harcourt,” the doctor replied, holding out his hand, “The feeling is mutual, I assure you.”
“I shall wait outside, Thomas,” I said in the direction of the patient.
Still facing the ceiling as he spoke, Thomas said, “I don’t mind if you stay, Victoria, in fact, I would be happy if you would. Is that all right Doctor?”
Doctor Harris turned to me.
“Yes, That is fine with me, as long as Victoria doesn’t mind.”
He smiled.
“Of course not,” I said. “I would be happy to stay with you.”
“I must say, young Billington, you do seem to be an awful lot better than when I saw you last night.”
Thomas smiled.
“I had a good nurse, Sir,” was all he said.
“I am going to see how your eyes are progressing, young man, so, if you are able to sit up whilst I remove your dressing?”
I stepped forwards and supported his back whilst the doctor began to unwind his bandage from around his head.
Underneath were two thick cotton pads covering each eye and another, large square pad, on the right side of his head.
Before lifting the square patch, the doctor turned to me and said, “This will not be pleasant, Victoria, if you wish to go then now is the time.
I took a deep breath and slowly shook my head, my eyes never leaving the pad.
“All right,” he said, but you must be strong.”
I nodded.
The doctor took the corner of the pad with a pair of forceps and slowly lifted it, taking it all the way off and dropping it, with the soiled bandage, into the metal bowl that Phil was holding.
I gasped and put my hand to my mouth. Beneath the dressing was a large hole in Thomas’ scalp, the size of my hand.
I suddenly felt very hot when I saw it, but I fought back the feeling of nausea, knowing I had to stay strong.
Doctor Harris and Sister Watson both looked at me. I swallowed and slowly nodded that I was still in control. They smiled and continued their examination.
“Well, Billington, you will be pleased to know that your head wound is healing nicely. No infection at all,” Doctor Harris said as he placed a clean pad over the wound. “Now, shall we look at your eyes?”
Thomas remained silent but I could feel through his back that his breathing was shallow and his heart beat rapid.
Doctor Harris moved around to the front of Thomas’ head and removed the two round eye pads, dropping them into the bowl. I waited with bated breath. I had absolutely no idea what to expect.
His eyelids remained closed and the doctor held up first the left and then the right lid, peering into each as he did.
“Hmm…” was the only comment. All I could see was that Thomas had hazel eyes and there was no physical damage that I could see but his pupils did not move at all.
Finally, the doctor put two clean pads in place and took the clean bandage that Philomena held out to him.
Unravelling the end he began to wrap it around Thomas’ head but stopped after the first wrap.
“Maybe you would like to do this, Victoria?” he said, looking straight at me.
“Oh, well I would…” I began but before I could finish the sentence he continued with a smile.
“Don’t worry,” he grinned, “Sister Watson will teach you.”
When we had finished Thomas looked just as he had before and I now knew how to dress a wound.
Doctor Harris did not check Thomas’ arm saying it was far too soon to expose the stump to the atmosphere and increase the possibility of allowing infection to get in.
“Well, Billington,” he began, “All is as expected and you are healing well. I am just sorry I could not give you any good news about your eyesight.”
“Yes, Sir. So am I,” Thomas replied, “But it is early days yet, though, isn’t it?”
“It is and you are very young and strong. Plenty of time yet.”
Doctor Harris looked down at his patient, now reclined on the pillows I had plumped up for him.
“I am a little concerned about this fit though. I suspected, last night, that you had an epileptic fit but, having looked at your head wound, I cannot, now, be sure. It may have been caused my your brain swelling after the impact of the explosion.” The doctor stood with one hand holding his elbow and the other on his chin, deep in thought.
“Still,” he continued, “as you said, Early days.”
Suddenly, he straightened up.
“Right then, I will be on my way. I am sure young Victoria here will sort you out if you need anything.” He smiled at me and winked, “but after dinner, he must rest.”
“Yes Doctor,” I replied, understanding the inference, “As soon as dinner arrives I will leave.”
“Good girl,” he said, “You have done very well indeed.”
After they had left, I remained with Thomas until his dinner was brought to him by the orderlies.
It was only a small plate with one very small slice of chicken and a few vegetables with bread and butter. No dessert at all but a cup of strong tea with little milk.
“Is this it?” I asked the orderly.
“Yes, ‘fraid so Miss.” he told me, “Rations are really low at the moment.”
Thomas gripped my arm.
“Don’t worry,” he said quietly, “I am not hungry anyway.”
When he had finished I took my leave and, as I turned the doorknob he called out.
“Victoria, Thank you for being here. You have given me strength. Will I see you again?”
I didn’t turn but simply replied:
“Yes, Thomas, I am sure you will.”
As I walked back around the building towards the East wing, I saw a lorry rattling and whining it’s way up the drive. It was larger than the one I had seen in the courtyard, the one that Charlie Manston had collected me from the station with, and it was painted grey with the letters ‘G.E.R’ painted on the planks that made up the sides of the open body.
It was an odd looking vehicle with the driver sitting in the open and a bonnet that looked quite small and rounded. It had no radiator visible, as had the army lorry Charlie Manston drove, but it did have the same iron spoked wheels and solid rubber tyres.
The back of this vehicle was wooden sided and was heavily laden with what appeared to be sacks and crates.
I watched, transfixed as this leviathan rocked and scrunched in to the open space in front of the house.
The driver saw me there as he pulled hard on the large lever at his side as the lorry came to a halt. I was about to take a step towards him when a soldier ran up from beside the house.
“Round the back, mate, if yer would. Ta!”
Without a second glance at me, the driver pushed forwards on the long lever and, with a crunch of gears, the lorry lurched away again and soon disappeared to the back of the house.
I wondered if that was the missing supplies that Phil was concerned about. If it was then at least the patients would get a decent dinner tomorrow.
Back in my room I went into the bathroom and pulled the rope beside the sink then returned to the bed chamber to undress. I put on my robe and left it loose.
I had left the door open a little and heard the unseen maid pour the water into the sink. A moment later there was a tap, tap, tap on the door and it opened slowly.
“Hello Bethany,” I said, “Come in. How is your bottom today?”
Immediately, the maid opened the door fully and smiled as I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling my robe tighter around me and fastening the cord.
“It is foin now, thank you, Miss.” a pause, then, “Would you loike to see it?”
“Oh, I, erm.” I was a little taken aback at the unexpected response, “Well, yes, I suppose so.”
All of a sudden, my heart was pounding at the sheer thrill of seeing her bottom again and Bethany ran to stand in front of me and turned, lifting her skirts at the same time.
She was right, there was not a single mark visible and the flesh was pale and smooth.
She stayed that way and made no effort to hide herself, and I noticed that she was standing with her feet a little apart, as she had in the kitchen when I saw her with Melissa.
I gazed at the soft flesh between her legs, mesmerized by it’s appearance. I had looked at myself in the mirror but had not really thought anything of it but, here in front of me was another woman who was letting me see her secret places without even batting an eye!
I reached forwards and gently stroked the smooth firm flesh of her buttocks and she seemed to move back toward me, willing me to touch her. She was warm and soft and I felt so naughty.
My face burned like fire and my hand trembled uncontrollably as my palm glided slowly over the curved mound.
I dropped my hand back into my lap and sat, my head down and looked at the floor in front of me.
Slowly, Bethany allowed her skirts to fall and turned to face me.
“Are you all roight, Miss Victoria?” she said gently.
I didn’t answer her. I felt so confused and ashamed that I didn’t know what to say.
She knelt in front of me, taking my chin and lifting my head so that I was just inches from her face.
“Oi know it ain’t moi place to give yer advoice, Miss, but yer really don’t need to be ashamed o’ touching me.”
I looked into her beautiful blue eyes.
“But, Bethany…” I began,
“Miss, Oi told yer before, Oi won’t push yer, Yer’ll know yersel’ when the toime is roight. Maybe, it won’t ever be roight, not wiv me anyhow but please don’t fink it’s wrong to do this because it ain’t, oi promise yer.”
She took my hands as she spoke and gazed deep into my eyes and my heart melted. Deep down I knew she was right but I was struggling and scared of what I might find. I remembered the feelings I had, alone in my bed, imagining what Melissa had been doing to her, even though I was not too certain what exactly she was doing, and I wanted to experience more, to be touched and to touch but all I could hear, loud in my head, were my parents warnings.
“Come on, then, Miss, another toime. Lets not keep Lady ‘elen waitin’ eh?” Bethany spoke gentle and caring words as she stood and guided me to my feet whilst still holding my hands.
“Yes, perhaps,” I replied. “Another time…”
She left me to prepare alone, which was what I wanted and, after a wash and putting on some clean clothes, I pulled a brush through my hair to make it at least presentable then went down to the dining room.
“Good evening, Victoria,” Aunt Helen greeted me as I entered the room.
“Erm, Good evening Aunt Helen,” I replied, somewhat distracted because seated at the table, facing me as I entered, were the Reverend and Mrs. Wallace.
“Good evening, Victoria,” Reverend Wallace repeated Aunt Helen’s greeting and I couldn’t help but notice a rather supercilious smile as he spoke.
“Reverend Wallace…” I said, rather coldly. “Marjory, nice to see you again.” I said rather more warmly to his wife.
“They are not staying,” Lady Helen went on, “We are just completing some charity business. Please, sit down. We shall not be much longer.”
As I took my place, Marjory Wallace watched my every move. Had her husband said something or was it just my imagination…
To be continued…
