The No. 1 Lesbian Detective Agency: What The Girl With The Pearl Earring Saw

"“We reveal more of ourselves in the lies we tell than we do when we try to tell the truth.” — DOROTHY SALISBURY DAVIS"

The Princess of Wales paused; her eyes sought out the Netherlands’ Ambassador. Having sighted his supportive smile, she concluded her speech:“The exhibition’s highlight is the two Vermeer paintings I’ll now unveil. The one on your left is a delight, the...

A Brat, Her Mistress, A Wet Sunday Down Under

"Aussie Amy, having left her Canadian girlfriend in their apartment, returns with the shopping …"

Rat-a-tat.Rat-a-tat?“Hey, I’ve forgotten my key…”Rat-a-tat-tat!“Hurry up little whore—"Rat-a-tat-tat-tat!“Get your bloody arse into gear and open the front door.”“So sorry, Miss. I can’t.”“For fuck’s sake, whyever not. These groceries aren’t getting any lighter.”“Following orders, Miss. Sorry.”“What … Whose?”“Yours, of course, Miss.”“Never...

The Prime Minister’s Daughter

"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act -- George Orwell"

Pounding music. She’s dancing, always packing, a grunge-goth Mistress of tuneless nihilism. Torn fishnets, punk attitude, air punches. Shrieking the lyrics: fuck government, fuck Jesus, fuck fake.She sneers, knows I’m that preppy princess from happy-snappy election pics. Irresistible, she circles her...

Bull Shite, Bull Dykes, Bull Fights: That’s Your Everyday D/s Love Story.

"“That a black eye is watching you, And that love awaits you, Toreador, love awaits you!” - From Carmen: The Toreador Song, by Georges Bizet"

Demanding. Insistent. She’s flipping the bird at my earlier text: Give me an hour. Pop-up drinks with the directors to celebrate last night’s Businesswoman of the Year win.Whatever. Her text is adamant, not a centimetre of wiggle room: I meant...

A Christmas Carol Cock-up.

"Without promotion, something terrible happens... nothing!  P. T. Barnum"

  It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. It was hosting my first Christmas Eve television spectacular; it was my rellies’ Christmas Day shit show. It was Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, gold standard families, oi, oi, oi;...

Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

"I mean, it's sort of exciting, isn't it, breaking the rules? — Hermione Granger"

Liminal, subliminal; all a bit silly. Witches forget britches… and knickers!Pastor Papa ranted against pagan paraphernalia. But Faith’s dreamy Halloween was all cutie-pie saucy, not witchy-bitchy. She snuck outdoors, rocking that ‘ungodly’ Luna Lovegood look. Ignored lecherous frat-bros; let will-of-the-wisp...

Zucchini Is Not The Only Vegetable

"“Cut the ending. Revise the script. The man of her dreams is a girl.” - Julie Anne Peters"

She’d dumped him; seriously, pneumatic blonds from fucking accounts count. Glammed up, Sarah needed a man-free cocktail. The leather dyke was empathetic, flirtatious… packing.Back in Sarah’s apartment, the BBC strappy took her, animalistic relentless fucking. Being used liquified her gaping...

Couldn’t, Wouldn’t, Shouldn’t.

"“She was born to be free, let her run wild in her own way and you will never lose her.” – Nikki Rowe"

Finally, my dad nodded to the undertaker who started the conveyor.“Annie?” he had asked. I just couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't. Bloody typical, Sarah would’ve thought.“Brian?”Sarah’s father, again cervical cancer’s bitch, had also shaken his head; a stoic’s single tear staining his...