"I'm searching for tits, but the only thing to be found is a one-eyed trouser snake."
There has been a complete lack of tits in my garden for the last week and it was starting to play on my mind. No cheeky little Blue Tits, no white-cheeked and black-capped Great Tits, and the pair of Long...
"She's not Sexy, she's Extra Sexy, because she's an E S Sex Girl."
"I'm an E S Sex Girl."She accompanied the statement with a cackle deserving of a starring role in any am-dram production of 'Wicked'.I responded with my best questioning head tilt and supercilious eyebrow raise. Well, the best I could manage...
Dare I unfurl the banner of my desiresAcross stubble fields and barren moorOr drag it through dew heavy meadowsTo hide beneath a willow's curtain, weeping? Should I barefoot and pregnant of expectationInduce grass spears to caress my skinOr dip them in...
"And yet still..."
She despised him. Despised the wisps of hair that straggled from his nostrils, the saliva speckles that adorned his lips as his mouth gurned to reveal crooked tombstones demanding a hygienist's attention. Despised the heated wave of his breath ripe with...
"The Happy House her Paradise Place"
Floorboards become tattered carpet beneath my fine denier, hosiery-clad feet as I ascend the stairs. Turning left on the half-landing, away from her bedroom I step into a room I've only glimpsed through the open doorway. Nothing secret here; she...
"Everyone has problems. I do my best to help."
I think we can all heave a huge and much-needed sigh of relief at the knowledge that we've all nearly reached the end and there isn't much more of this shit. So, splash yourself out a glass of pink poison,...
"Everyone has problems. I do my best to help."
Dear Cum Lush,My really hot wife recently fell down the stairs and the police couldn’t prove it wasn’t an accident, so that’s good. Anyway, she bonked her head and now she thinks she’s sixteen.The sex has been fantastic, although I...
"Everyone has problems. I do my best to help."
Dear BumGirl,'Hirsute trucker'!!! It was a pizza delivery moped as you well know, and I really object to you describing me as 'hirsute'. Certainly, you and your assorted collective of 'hen do' harlots and horny housewives didn't seem to object...
"Everyone has problems. I do my best to help."
Now in the salad bowl of existence that is our multi-cultural, multi-racial, pantheist, pan-sexual world sometimes, it might appear that what divides us is greater than the sum of our shared humanity. So it is more important than ever that...
"Everyone Has Problems. I Do My Best To Help."
So it seems that some of the big swinging dickheads down at Head Office have been getting their knickers in a twist at the lack of penetration in the eighteen to twenty-four demographic, which they'd know was bugger-shite if they...