In this city, nothing feels quite right. Of course I know it isn’t really the city that makes me feel like this. Everything is just a bit dull, and little numb. Like the volume knob of all my senses and emotions is turned to half. Colors are dull. Contrast is low. I am not enjoying this at all.
Those of you who reminded me to take a few of my toys along was right. There is nobody to talk to – let alone date – in this miniscule outpost in the desert. It’s not even an incorporated municipality. In fact, it’s really not more than a small assemblage of buildings surrounded by bland, tan rocks, and bland, tan dust. There are two roads here. Two.
During the day I drive around, take samples, record data, and eye the one attractive person here. Problem with that is that he’s my field team leader. I guess my field supervisor is more or less my type as well. I guess I should say that there’s nobody here I’m attracted to whom dating would not be a significant violation of protocol.
Everything is so boring that at night I have just been sleeping. Sleeping or getting myself off, I guess. I don’t know what else to do with myself, so I just masturbate repeatedly anytime my bunkmate is gone. She disappears at sundown, and usually isn’t back until dawn. She can outdrink everyone here twice over, and when she does, she gets sexy, loud, and not quite out of control.
I think she is fucking one of the guys on the other team. Occasionally that thought is where my mind wanders while I’m touching myself. Thinking of her taking one of their cocks out in the desert got me pretty wet one night, so I just went with it. Later I thought about how cold it gets after sunset, and doubted he’d even be able to get hard out there. Maybe his bunkmate is hooking up with someone else? Or maybe she is fucking them both. The last one is my favorite scenario, I think. Truthfully, she’s everything I would have wanted in my life a few years ago, but now… well, you know what I want now.
I miss you so much.
