“Hello, I’m Dr. Rose,” she said. She was exactly what I was looking for: Older, white, straight-laced, conservative. I was absolutely sure she would tell me how horrible this is. I needed somebody to talk some sense to me and confirm how awful all this is. Somebody professional. Either that or give their blessing. Like that would ever happen!
I shook her hand and said, “Hi I’m Lisa. Lisa Robinson,” and took a seat on the couch.
Dr. Rose said, “It’s nice to meet you, Lisa. What brings you to me today?”
I began, “Okay, I’m just going to say, it’s not my fault. None of this is my fault. The fault lies with two people.”
“Who are those people?” asked the doctor.
“My best friend, well, former best friend, and my father! This is all their fault!”
“How do you mean?”
“Well let’s start the story from that one weekend. That’s probably the best place. I guess it started when I was a senior in high school. I had turned 18 in January, and this was later, right after spring break. I was gorgeous! Most of the boys in the school would have paid money for a pair of my used panties.”
The doctor cleared her throat and said, “Well, it’s umm, it’s good to have a high opinion of oneself.”
I scoffed and said, “Hey, this isn’t my opinion! This is everyone! I mean, look at me! I have something for everybody! I’m half-Asian, so I’ve got this elfin, exotic look that white guys love. I’ve got this gorgeous silky hair that girls envy. I have a killer ass that black guys drool over. I’ve got this sleek, sexy body with perfect, gravity-defying breasts that everyone loves, I’m nerdy-smart, so even the geeky guys like me. Plus, I have a wonderful personality! I’m not saying that to brag, doctor. I am objectively hot.”
Dr. Rose admitted, “Yes, you are attractive.”
“Anyway, in high school, I look like I look, so of course I was popular, and all the ‘It’ girls were my friends. Honestly, they were probably mostly my friends just because of all the boys who gathered around me. I know this makes me sound like an awful thing but that’s just what was happening.
“So my dad bought me a car for my eighteenth birthday. I mean, of course he did! Because he’s the perfect dad! He’s just positively perfect! Anyway, my dad had bought me a car, but a couple of months later, some idiot was driving drunk and crashed into it in a parking lot. Luckily, nobody was in the car, so no one else got hurt, but my car was totaled, so for a while, I was without a car. Daddy would always let me use his car if I wanted, but this particular weekend, he had to drive somewhere for work, so he picked me up, and that’s where it all started.”
“What do you mean?” asked Dr. Rose.
“Well, I look good, right? But I didn’t make this by myself. My dad is a freaking smoke-show. Absolutely gorgeous! But I’d never noticed before, because I’m his daughter, and daughters aren’t supposed to notice how hunky their fathers are.
“But he comes to pick me up and I was going to give my friends a ride home. Two of them had never met him. He pulls up looking like he looks, and these bitches just swoon! They’re looking at me like, ‘OMG! That’s your dad?’ and I’m like ‘Yeah. We look alike.’
“They said, ‘You do! You’re really pretty, and he looks like a smokin’ male version of you!’
“Red flags start waving and I said, ‘That’s my dad, bitches!’
‘Yeah,’ they said, ‘but he’s not our dad!’
“We get into the car, I’m in a bit of a snit because these hos are clocking on my dad. ‘Oh, Mr. Robinson, you’re so nice for giving us a ride, Mr. Robinson. Oh, Mr. Robinson, Lisa’s such a sweet girl! Mr. Robinson, could you pick me up for school in the morning?’ On and on and on. I just rolled my eyes. So he dropped off my other two friends first, and then it was just me and Bree, my best friend. Bree whispered over to me, and said, ‘I’m really glad he’s not my dad.’
I looked at her and asked, ‘Why? I thought you thought he was so hot.’
She said, ‘That’s just the thing. I’m glad he’s not my dad, ‘cause I’d still do him, incest or not!’ and she giggled looking at him all flirty.
“And that’s what put the freaking thought of incest in my head!”
Dr. Rose said, “Wait, you’d never heard of incest before?”
I looked at Dr. Rose and rolled my eyes. I said, “Of course, I’d heard of incest! I’m not a moron!”
The doctor smirked as if to say, well that still remains to be seen. “Anyway,” I continued, “It’s sort of like murder.”
“Murder?!” said the doctor.
“Yeah,” I answered. “You know murder exists. You know it’s real, but it’s sort of abstract. It only happens on cop shows and movies and the national news. People get murdered ‘there’. They don’t get murdered here, in the vanilla suburbs. It’s –”
“Wait,” said the doctor. “How did you know that term?”
“What term, Incest? I’m telling you.”
“No,” said the doctor. “You’re too young to know the term ‘Vanilla suburb.’ How do you know that term?”
“I don’t know… It’s something my dad says. I asked him once and he said it was from some long-dead group called Parliament. He thought it was chill back then, and he still says it. That’s where I heard it.
“Anyway, like I was saying, murder? It’s abstract. It happens there, not here. But somebody you know or someone in your neighborhood gets murdered and that makes murder real. Well, that’s how incest was. I’d heard of it, said the obligatory ‘Eeewww!’ and never given it a second thought. Even having a smoking hot dad, it never crossed my mind until Bree said that. And if he was her father, that would be incest. She’s the one who put this thought into my head!”
The doctor interrupted, “And, just so I’m clear, it’s your father’s fault, for being so attractive?”
“Exactly!” I said. “Now we’re making progress!”
The doctor said, “I wouldn’t say that exactly. So what happened after that?”
“Well, nothing happened. I went on to finish school, and I went to college. I did well in college. I met guys, I dated as much as I wanted because, we’ve already established that I’m hot.
“But the weirdest thing happened all through the last month of high school and when I went to college. All of a sudden I had damp panties because I couldn’t stop thinking about my dad. I went away to college, I figured I would get that out of my head. So I hit the dating scene hard. I was a cute li’l 18-year-old freshman, so I was absolutely on every guy’s Most Wanted.
“But no matter what happened, if I was getting with a guy, we’re kissing, making out, I just couldn’t cross that last line. Whoever I happen to be with, what he was trying to get, some new voice in the back of my head was telling me that this belonged to Daddy, not that idiot boy.
“Every time I came home for spring break or summer, or over the holidays, whenever he would hug me, I would just about lose my mind. The first time I thought it was my imagination, but those hugs started getting longer, a little closer. You know how when girls get a certain age they start giving their dad that weird side hug? I stopped doing that. Our hugs became full frontal contact. It felt sooo good! By the time I was graduating from college, we were hugging and cuddling like lovers. We had never even kissed yet, but I knew without question that he felt the way that I did.
“By this time, he and Mom had separated. There was no big thing that happened. I think it might have been a combination of them drifting apart and him spending more and more time doting on me. Plus, she wanted to go back to China and Dad didn’t want to leave the United States. Once I left the house, she had no reason to stay.
“At this point, I was 22, and Mom couldn’t make it back for my graduation. Daddy had flown down and was going to drive me and my stuff back home, since I didn’t want to drive all the way home by myself.” I paused.
“What is it?” asked Dr. Rose.
“Do you want me to tell you exactly what happened, or do you want me to sort of gloss over it? I mean, how much detail would you like?”
Dr. Rose responded, “I’m a professional. You’re not going to shock me or repulse me. I’ve heard it all before. But this isn’t about me. It’s about you. So tell me as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. And whatever you tell me will stay absolutely confidential.”
“Good,” I said. “Because I need you to know the whole story so you can give me honest feedback.” Dr. Rose didn’t say anything more. She just waited for me to continue.
“By the time we had everything all packed and loaded in my car –”
“So he bought you another car?” interrupted Dr. Rose.
“Of course,” I said. “It wasn’t brand new like the first one, but it was much nicer. He thought the big Suburban would be safer if another idiot hit me.
“Anyway, by the time we got it all loaded up, it was late afternoon. As we drove off, he said he didn’t want to drive all night, so he decided that we’d stay one night in a hotel and leave in the morning. I was a college girl. ‘Hotel’ meant a cheap motel with four or five of us girls to a room. Not Daddy!”
“Where did you go?”
“This gorgeous Marriott right on the beach! He got this room up high, and that ocean view was amazing! You sure you want to hear this next part?”
Dr. Rose simply nodded. She seemed to be almost panting.
“As soon as he closed the door behind him, I attacked him. I grabbed him in my arms and kissed him. I forced my tongue into his mouth, and we made out right there against the hotel room door. He tried to push me off, trying to say, ‘Please, this isn’t right, you’re my daughter, you don’t want to do this…’ but he was just saying words even while he was taking my clothes off.
“Once I was naked, I pressed myself against him, grinding against him shamelessly. I felt how hard he was and I wanted every inch of it inside me. Finally, his resolve crumbled, and he picked me up and carried me to the bed. I lay there naked and watched him undress. The first time his shorts dropped and I saw his dick (sorry!) for the first time, I almost passed out. It looked so good! So perfect! And I just knew, that’s what I’d been waiting for. And it was mine, all mine!
“Daddy laid his weight on top of me and nothing has ever felt so right! He started kissing me, and kissed and licked every inch of me! He even sucked my toes one by one. Once he made it to my hairy… Ummm…”
“You can say it. It’s okay,” said the doctor breathlessly.
I knew she was getting into this!
“Once he made it up to my hairy pussy, he tugged on my hair and told me how he loved a natural bush, and how perfect mine was, all thick and soft. Years ago I had overheard him tell his friend how he didn’t understand why women shaved, and ended up looking like little girls and how he liked pubic hair. Other than light trimming for swimsuits, I haven’t ever shaved since.
“Doctor, the way he went down on me, there’s no other way to describe it… He worshipped my pussy. He relentlessly sucked and nibbled and fingered me to four orgasms! The last one, he slipped his pinkie up my, you know, back there, while he flicked my clit with his tongue, and I thought I had let go and peed in his mouth, but omigod it felt so much more intense!”
“You actually squirted?” asked Dr. Rose.
I nodded. “Mmhmm, that’s what Daddy called it. And let me tell you, that wasn’t the last time!”
I heard her mutter, “Lucky girl!”
“He got back on top of me, his face drenched with my juices. He gazed into my eyes as he put his Daddy dick against my tight little daughter’s hole. We knew that this was it… This was the moment we would be joined forever. I nodded my consent, absolutely sure of what we were about to do. He pushed inside, and then felt my cherry.
“‘You’re a virgin?'” he asked.
“I nodded and answered, ‘Yes, Daddy. I was saving it just for you.’ His eyes suddenly teared up and he said, ‘Lisa, I love you so much! And I’ll love you like this until my last breath.’ Then he kissed me, and I bit his lip as I went through the pain of his thick member tearing away my virginity. In no time, the pain was replaced by more pleasure, and deeper ecstasy than I could have ever imagined.
“As he moved inside me, I knew that this, being under him, filled by him, loved by him was my destiny. He was who I was meant to be with. As his thrusting inside me increased, the pounding became faster, I knew we were almost at full consummation. I spread my legs wide, wrapped them around him, grabbed his ass and held him inside me. I whispered in his ear, ‘Don’t you even think of pulling out of me! Always cum inside me!’
“As he kissed me passionately, he squeezed me tightly and felt him pulsing my little sisters and brothers inside me. I didn’t even own birth control pills.”
I could see Dr. Rose’s thighs flexing. Her breathing was shallow. She had a light sweaty sheen. So did I. We were both enjoying this!
“So what happened next?” she asked.
“We caught our breath, showered together, and spent the next three days in that hotel. By the time we finally checked out, I was practically incoherent. I thought he had actually fucked my brains out!” I laughed merrily as Dr. Rose discreetly enjoyed her silent, touch-free orgasm.
“We eventually made it back home, to the house that I grew up in. It’s just me and him. Mom isn’t in the way. We immediately went from just father and daughter to committed lovers now. It’s a year later. I’m 23 now, and you can’t tell yet, but we’re expecting our first baby.”
She seemed surprised by this, but only asked, “So how do you feel about all this?”
I said, “That’s why I’m here. I feel wonderful, and I know I’m supposed to feel bad or dirty. I mean, incest is horrible, isn’t it?”
Dr. Rose said, “Well let me ask you this. You made the first move, right? I mean he at least put up a token resistance, right? It’s not like he had sex with you against your will, or forced you to do anything, right?”
“Forced?!” I said. “Dr. Rose, I practically raped him! Every time we’ve made love, it’s been wonderful, and I probably initiate sex more often than he does. I don’t feel the least bit guilty. My mom left him, he doesn’t see any other women, he wasn’t married to anyone else. We are two single adults. But I know that it’s incest, and that it’s wrong. So I need you to tell me I should feel horrible! That’s why I’m here.”
The doctor said “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you shouldn’t feel horrible. I agree that any person who rapes or forces any woman, especially his own daughter, should be dipped in hot oil, and castrated, and dipped in hot oil again, and left to drown in oil. No punishment is good enough!
“But that’s not what’s happening here. Yes, he’s an adult, and yes, you’re his daughter, but you are also an adult. And an adult is either free to make their own choices, sexually or otherwise, or they’re not.
“I’m sure that if you found a different therapist, they would try to convince you to feel bad, and they’d want to treat you for the next 15 years until you feel sufficiently guilty about being in a loving, sexual relationship with your father. I think they’re a bunch of bloody fucking hypocrites. You are a consenting adult, and it sounds like your dad would have stopped at the moment you said so.”
I agreed, “That’s true. He’s always said that the moment I didn’t want this anymore, it’s over. I don’t know if he’ll say that now that he knows I’m pregnant, but he’s always told me that the moment I didn’t want this we would stop it. He doesn’t want to stop it. He tells and shows me that he loves me every single day, so I know that I’m loved, I know that I’m not being abused or exploited. He’s just the man that I love. And the father of my child, and my father. And I know I should feel guilty about it, but I don’t.”
“Are you happy with yourself?”
“Surprisingly, yes I am. I am not unhappy with any portion of my life, but my best friend, Bree? I told her about us, and she thinks it’s disgusting. I reminded…
