If yesterday’s failures were relived again,
I could go back to make each a success,
Then there would be something to live for each day,
When I’ve awakened the answer that slept with my pain.
Autistic thoughts stole the past that it tore,
And going back only empties my future,
With its lost years that are never redeemed;
Life is nothing, when everything I deplore.
Soap opera afternoons and window shopping to no end,
Orange cards clutched vainly in a long, hopeless row…
Walking about, there’s nowhere I belong
And nowhere reaps nothing when no moment can mend.
Just yesterday I heard children laughing away,
Reminding me deeply of crushed times I had cried;
Burning my hopes to the cinders of dreams,
Being what I must – what I must be today.
Always what I want, it’s just never there;
I just can’t afford to be part of what’s meaningful,
So she won’t become a reality to me
And without that, I really don’t care.
