“I guess I feel like if I say too much, then everyone’ll leave.”
She sat there, hunched over, staring at her dirty sneakers, waiting for him to respond. But he didn’t say a word. He let the silence linger while her mind wandered.
“Why do you think they’ll leave?”
“Because…” she answered before really having a full response ready.
“Go on.”
“Because if they know how bad I am, no one will… I don’t know… like me anymore.”
“What makes you so bad?”
She looked up at him. He was so much older. Strands of gray in his black hair. Rugged hands. A trimmed beard that was both wild and neat. His eyes were penetrating, disarming, and felt like spotlights burning down on her. He was waiting for her to answer.
“I don’t know…”
“Maybe because you’re not that bad.”
She stared into his eyes. He kept his fixed on hers.
“I think it’s time for you to accept that there is nothing about you that makes you unworthy of the happiness you want. You deserve to be happy, and you’re allowed to protect yourself and express your feelings.”
She nodded, struggling to accept his words as true.
*
She twisted the faucet and let the shower run. She held her hand under the stream, waiting for the water to heat up.
She pulled off her clothes and rolled her panties down her legs. She hadn’t realized she had been so aroused, but her wetness had soaked through her underwear. Her mind flashed back to her therapist, his eyes, his voice, his hands.
She stepped into the shower and rubbed herself while she thought about him. She imagined the feel of his body pressed on hers. The smell of his cologne as his hands explored her body. The sound of his voice commanding her to do every little thing he said.
Her fingers rubbed around her clit. She leaned against the cold tile, her eyes closed, disappearing into her fantasy, unable to silence her moans when she finally climaxed.
*
“You look nice today.”
She felt her cheeks get warm. Over the last few weeks, it felt like he had been complimenting her appearance more frequently. She didn’t know if it was actually true or if she just noticed them more. She smiled at him and said, “thanks… so do you.”
He responded with a confident smirk. And then he waited for her to talk.
“I was thinking about something that… happened…”
“Okay?”
“Can I tell you this?”
“You can tell me anything.”
“But it might be weird.”
“It’s okay. I’m a big boy. I can handle it.”
“I was just thinking about how I lost my virginity to someone who had always criticized me. Like… the first time I gave him a blow job, he told me it wasn’t as good as someone else…”
“How old were you?”
“Sixteen.”
“He was negging you.”
“Yeah, I know that. But. It still hurts. Like I give someone everything and it’s not good enough.”
“But you know that’s not true.”
“How isn’t it?”
“You were more than enough -“
“But -“
“He wanted to make you feel like shit because he could control you and he knew you were vulnerable. He’s the person who isn’t good enough. What kind of an insecure little bitch treats someone like that?”
She laughed. He made her smile, even though she was still thinking about such horrible things.
“Hey,” he said, noticing tears in her eyes, “do you want a hug?”
She nodded. They both stood up and met in the middle of the room. His strong arms wrapped around her. She buried her face in his shoulder. She smelled his cologne. She felt his hand spread over the small of her back.
And then she felt it move lower.
“Is this something you want?” he whispered in her ear. It gave her chills.
“Y-yes,” she said.
His hand moved lower, his thumbs hooked into the waist of her leggings and he pushed them down her body. He knelt in front of her, helping her step out of the crumpled clothing. He looked up at her, grabbed her ass with both hands, and then kissed the front of her panties.
He kissed his way up her body, finally meeting her lips. They stood there kissing for what felt like hours. All the while, he kept his strong hands on her body, keeping her close, making sure she felt safe in his grip.
He gently moved her back to the couch and helped her sit back down. She opened his slacks, grabbed his cock, pulled it into her mouth. He looked down at her, made eye contact, stroked his hand through her hair.
“That feels so good,” he told her, “and I’ve wanted this for so long.”
She paused to smile up at him. His loving hand caressed her face.
“Do you want me to fuck you?” he asked.
She nodded.
He laid her back across the couch and pushed her knees into the air. He rolled back her hips, spread her legs, and opened her body. He tapped his hard cock on her pussy, let it tease the clit. He watched her face, he watched her body squirm underneath his.
He smiled at her as he thrust his dick inside. He blanketed himself over her, grinding his cock deeper and deeper inside. She wrapped her legs around him, clawed his back. He pulled her chest into his, tangled their bodies together as his thickness dug into her pussy. She moaned and yelped as he nailed her spot, as he relentlessly fucked her, as he brought her to a strong orgasm.
Her whole body quaked in his arms. He felt her pulsing and clenching around his dick. He lurched back, brought her onto his lap and held her close and still, keeping himself deep inside, but giving her time to savor the sensation he had just given her. He kissed her neck, her lips.
“Where do you want my cum?” he whispered.
“Leave it in me,” she answered, rolling her hips and squeezing his cock. He held her hips as she looked him in the eye, as their foreheads touched, as she brought him to a powerful orgasm and felt him spray inside.
His hands moved onto her ass, then up to her back, then he pulled her against his chest. He cupped the back of her head, held her on his shoulder. He reclined on the couch, her body melted onto his. She felt his chest inflate with each breath. She felt his relaxing pulse. She kept her eyes closed and felt his safe touch.
He was still inside her, still draining, but not as big and hard. She was sore and raw, and the air felt cool on her wetness. He kissed her on the top of her head and whispered, “Don’t go. Just let me hold you for a while…”