Chapter 6: Tying the Knot, Epilogue, and Postscript.
I think Autumn was always my favorite time in the South. The excitement of graduation and starting to work full-time was past. We’d survived another sticky hot summer, and now the cooler weather would likely stretch out through Thanksgiving and even, sometimes, Christmas, before turning ugly and gray in January or February. My mom and Jack’s mom were already buzzing about like flies with wedding fever and even I was excited, although not completely for the same reasons.
The rehearsal dinner had been fun the evening before. There were a few cousins in the lineup but several of the supporting cast were going to be our closest friends. DeeDee was going to be my maid of honor; we had become really close (really close) in the months that followed the big “kidnapping scene” with Jack and Rick. I couldn’t forget that she had literally saved the day after the other big “scene” when I had found out that Jack had lied to me about Rick’s involvement.
I had transferred to Jack’s school in the spring semester of our junior year. Jack hadn’t insisted, but I had really wanted to be closer to him, DeeDee, and Nicole. I got a part-time job too, with a publishing company, and Jack and I moved into an apartment together.
Rick himself was out of the picture now. I had never actually had to be with him in any physical way since that one incident in the Student Union where Jack and I almost came apart; I had strictly limited my contact to DeeDee. Nicole and I had both been concerned about what we felt was Rick’s increasing brutality towards DeeDee. Then, the summer after our junior year, Rick was arrested for molesting a girl in his hometown, and he was gone. We followed the trial, but it seemed an open-and-shut case. He had apparently allowed the line between consensual “scene” and non-consensual real life to get too blurred.
DeeDee was inconsolable at first, and after she came back to school that fall, she moved in with Jack and I. That was a wild few months. Jack enjoyed it, and I did too! Sex with DeeDee was fun, she had not been introduced to girl-girl stuff at all and so I guess it was like deflowering a virgin in a way. She learned things from us, and we learned a lot from her.
And, of course, we introduced her to Marguerite. Jack let us do that on our own, and I actually spent four days with DeeDee and Marguerite over a holiday. I learned about maid costumes and duties and strapons (oh yes) and got to experience a wide variety of punishment items and techniques.
Both DeeDee and I spent some time serving, hooded and gagged, as “Edwina,” during visits by other guests. I learned that was Marguerite’s blanket term for female clients, like “Edgar” was for males. And, of course I spent a lot of time on my knees with my tongue in Marguerite’s sweet pussy, as did DeeDee.
After meeting DeeDee, Marguerite later introduced her to a young man she knew, somehow, through a client. This guy was a little older, out of college already, but seemed a good fit. Regrettably, DeeDee became less and less a part of our household and more a part of his, finally moving in with him when we graduated. We missed her, but we really liked Ham (Hamilton was his first name) and he was a good Dom for DeeDee.
Marguerite continued to be our “senior partner” and mentor in a way, and a source of information and support as we gradually explored each other and developed our own relationship. I had actually invited her to be a bridesmaid but she demurred. She said she would gladly attend (both!) ceremonies, and agreed to officiate at the second, more private one, but did not want us to have to explain who she was in any great detail.
Nicole and Siller continued to be a steady pair, and Siller would be Jack’s best man. They were not into the D/s scene at all, they had what we called a “vanilla” relationship (which sounded funny to us and them, since they were black) but they understood we were different and they never judged – nor did we judge them. We were open with them about our preferences and they often became our “sounding board” to avoid being in an echo chamber of our own devising. I had developed a sexual relationship with Nicole soon after the “discovery” scene at Jack’s dorm bathroom. That blew her mind at first, but she adjusted quickly and Siller had later joined in, followed by Jack (subject of Nicole’s separate memoir).
So as plans moved forward for Jack and I to “tie the knot,” we also were simultaneously planning for a different sort of knot-tying ceremony that would be after the traditional one, and with a much more restricted guest list.
I pretty much adhered to my mother’s desires for the wedding – I had a beautiful white lace-encrusted gown with a corset-style waist and puffy long sleeves, also decorated with lace, and a long veil that trailed behind me on the floor. A bustier underneath my gown would support white garter stockings, certainly not unusual for a wedding, and already understood to be a preference of mine by my mom and at least two of my bridesmaids (DeeDee and Nicole).
My “something old” was the white platform heels from Marguerite, that she had dressed me in on the first visit to her home when I was the “snow queen” to her “black Domme.” “Something new” was a beautiful set of diamond earrings from my father, “something borrowed” was in the form of a brooch from one of my aunts, and “something blue” was supposed to be a garter, the one I would throw to the “single ladies” at the reception.
However, although I would be wearing the garter and would toss it as tradition demanded, I had another “something blue” requested by my Dom and husband/Master-to-be. Anal sex and anal training had continued to be a central part of our sex life, and Jack was determined I would walk down the aisle with an anal plug set with a sapphire in the base. Also, although my “dressing support crew” would see me wearing a darling little set of white panties over the garters when I dressed, DeeDee would cover me so those could be discreetly discarded before the ceremony began.
Everything went perfectly; the wedding was at our church and the whole affair was very dignified. Jack was in a gray tuxedo and he was indeed the most handsome man there. At the end of the ceremony, when we were introduced as “Jack and Jeannie [Jack’s last name], Jack and I shared a little smile as we knew there was more to come. We had a wonderful simple reception in the backyard at my home and there was drinking, eating, dancing and making merry.
When I retired to my room briefly to change out of the wedding dress, Jack was there. He was determined, he had told me earlier, to “fuck the bride in her wedding dress.” I laughed when I saw him waiting, I knew there would be people outside demanding my presence, but he was who he was and thank goodness that hadn’t changed!
We kissed warmly and then he tossed me back onto the bed and flipped my gown up. There was so much gown I couldn’t even see him, but I certainly felt his tongue bury itself in my pussy. He reached up with one hand and pushed gently on the butt plug I had inserted in the bathroom before emerging to begin the ceremony. He also tugged a little on each of the gold rings that were embedded in my left and right outer labia. It didn’t take long, with him gently nudging the butt plug, pulling on the rings, and tonguing my bare pussy, to get my motor running. I’m not sure if he decided I was wet enough on his own, but when he heard me say “Fuck me Jack, fuck your slut!” I guess he figured that was a clue.
He had his tux pants open and underwear down in an instant, and a heartbeat after that his delicious cock was buried in my waiting pussy. He crushed his way over the hem of the gown until he uncovered me like a lost skier in an avalanche of lace and crepe and took my lips with his own, the sweet taste of my pussy still lingering in the kiss. We began to move together as one, his hips thrusting into mine as my ass lifted off the bed to meet them. The pace was getting faster, his thrusting was getting harder, and I knew he was about to come soon.
Suddenly something hit me, as if out of the blue. I didn’t know why he or I hadn’t thought of it before. I stopped moving, holding his shoulders up and looking into his eyes.
“Jack, Jack, stop for a second.”
“What, why?” He asked, dumbfounded.
“I want to take you in my mouth, Jack, please.”
“Baby I love that, but why this instant?” He asked, almost pleading.
“Because I want your first orgasm, the first seed you spill in me in our married life, I want it to be while I’m on my knees.”
He looked at me without comprehension for a moment, and then understanding lit up his face. He reluctantly withdrew his stiff cock from my dripping pussy and let me clamber off the bed.
I knelt down on the carpet at his feet, he sat down in the chair behind him, and I took his cock in my mouth. I began to “work my magic” and his cock quickly returned to its fully rigid state. I licked and sucked my own juices off of his cock, sucked the balls and nibbled the sensitive underside, like I had done hundreds, maybe thousands of times.
I elongated my body and easily slipped him down my relaxed throat, engulfing his whole cock, my lips buried in the stiff public hair at the base (practice had made perfect). I stroked his member with my entire throat, my lips forming a seal at the base of his cock, slowly sliding up to the head and leaving it gleaming with my saliva before sliding all the way back down to the base again. He buried his hands in my hair and the movement soon fell under his control rather than mine.
From a gentle female oral teasing, the movement became a male-controlled fucking of my face and mouth. I was in heaven. He rammed himself into me, pulled himself out and then repeated the forceful movement, again…and again. My mouth was simply a warm, wet, sucking cunt to be fucked.
Suddenly, I felt a tensing in his whole body. I could feel his ass clenching, his balls pumping as the semen flowed into his cock. The whole thing began to throb and pulse in my throat as he continued to fuck me without ceasing. Then it came. Jet after jet of cum was hitting the back of my throat and I choked and swallowed in my desperation to get it all down.
When he finally released me, my head hung low to the ground, his cum dripping from my lips. I felt used and broken again, much like the “kidnapping” scene over two years before, when Jack, using Rick as a tool, had first taught me who and what I was.
Slowly, I lifted my head and looked into my husband’s eyes. “I love you, Jack. Thank you for permitting me to be on my knees before you.”
“I love you too, Vanessa. Always.”
We cleaned up (I had makeup repair to do), changed clothes, and went back outside to join the revelers.
When things quieted down for the evening, we were to begin our travel to our honeymoon which was to be a river cruise in Germany. A number of our relatives and friends had asked us why we weren’t going to the Virgin Islands, or Acapulco, or someplace warm, at least? I told them that we had both wanted to visit Germany. What I didn’t say, was that I didn’t want to go anyplace where I would need to reveal myself in a bathing suit anytime soon. I was going to need more coverage than that after my special second ceremony.
Several friends had volunteered to drive us to the airport, but Ham and DeeDee had “won out,” as they were part of the plan for the next event. Instead of driving to the airport, we drove to a club that Marguerite had arranged on her side of town.
The place was a “scene” club, although we had a private room in the back for our small party. Jack and I, Marguerite, DeeDee and Ham, and Nicole and Silly would be attending this special event. Marguerite had asked Jack’s permission to invite a young couple she was mentoring, Denise and Eva, and he had granted it. Oh, and Marguerite told us that Edgar and Edwina would join us. Or at least, one of her “Edgars” and one of her “Edwinas.” All of the group except for us, DeeDee and Ham were waiting when we arrived.
We entered the club and our group went directly to the back room. Marguerite diverted me into another room where she helped me prepare for the ceremony. First I removed my eye makeup. I knew that, given what was about to happen, it would likely run, and I didn’t want it smeared all over my face. Then Edgar stood silently by as Marguerite helped me undress. I removed all of my clothing and sat and slipped on on short white nylon lace-top socks that folded just above the ankle. Over these, I put on the black heels she had dressed me in that second visit to her shop, the “private session” that led into an amazing evening and night with her. I added no other clothing.
I still had on the diamond earrings my father had given me, but my only other decorations were piercings; the gold nipple rings Jack had added the first summer after my commitment to him as a submissive, and the two gold labia rings that had been installed after my electrolysis was complete, right after we had graduated.
Marguerite carefully removed the ring from my right labia; it would be replaced during the ceremony. She draped a wine-colored cloak over me that covered me from neck to foot, and was closed with decorative frogs down the front. Then she handed me a white rose, not yet in bloom. She herself was dressed in the same simple mid-length black dress with long sleeves that she had worn for the “official” wedding.
Marguerite would serve as the officiant; Edgar would bring me out and escort me.
Marguerite left the room. I was alone with Edgar for the moment. I studied him just a bit. He probably wasn’t the same “Edgar” that had witnessed my bisexual transformation; he was just a bit taller than the man who had served Jack, Marguerite and I that night two years ago. Nevertheless, he looked the part; black tuxedo, black hood, black goggles over his eyes. And as I knew from personal experience, wordless, because the hood covered a gag.
Talk ceased as Marguerite walked up onto the stage and asked for quiet. Then Nicole stood up from her chair, and Siller accompanied her on guitar as she sang a portion of the 1978 Patti Smith hit song Because the Night , her throaty voice giving a husky sound to the words.
As she sang the first lines, Edgar led me out of the back room and began to guide me slowly up to the stage, where Jack already stood. Walking through the room I could see that, as planned, our few guests were seated comfortably at tables scattered around the room. Edwina, a very slender, fit-looking woman wearing a short “French maid” outfit, high heels, and the signature black hood, had efficiently served them with glasses of wine or other preferred beverages.
There was a small stage at the front of the room, and a large object in a black drape at the rear of the stage, almost as if it were a backdrop of some kind. At the front of the stage was a small table covered with a white cloth. On the cloth was a small alcohol burner, already lit. Beside the burner was the collar I was to wear, another piece of jewelry, and the flogger I had learned to know so well.
By the time Nicole had reached the line “The way I feel under your command…” I was standing beside Jack, at the foot of the stage, facing Marguerite. Jack wore a partially blooming red rose on his lapel.
Marguerite began to speak, her German accent lending an almost Gothic air to the ceremony.
“Welcome friends. We are gathered here today to witness a special bonding ceremony to signify to all that Jack and Vanessa wish to commit their lives to each other. This commitment is without end, depth, breadth or height. It is immeasurable, and cannot be seen, touched or felt by anyone other than them. It is a locking of hearts, minds, spirits and souls. It strengthens them and makes them one.
“Vanessa, would you kneel please?”
I knelt at Jack’s feet, the same way I had knelt at his feet that first night after the scene, the way I had knelt earlier in the day to receive his seed, and countless times in between.
Marguerite continued. “The white unopened rose that Vanessa is carrying signifies the purity of her submission, and the fact that it has not come into full bloom. It never will. Submission is ever deepening, ever growing, and Vanessa will never reach a place where she cannot open a bit more for Jack.
“Jack’s almost fully opened red rose signifies his dominance. The color red represents his passion and desire to possess and protect Vanessa at all costs, even though he must spill his own blood to do so. The rose is almost in full bloom to symbolize that he is ready and mature enough to accept the responsibilities required.”
“Jack, would you purify the collar, please?”
Jack turned to Marguerite and she handed him the plain golden ring, solid but for an opening on one side. Jack passed the collar briefly through the flame, and turned to face me, looking deep into my eyes.
Marguerite continued. “This action symbolizes the removing of all impurities from the circle of ownership provided by Jack to Vanessa. All outside influences are burned away in the heat of his desire to protect and defend her.”
Jack spoke in a solemn voice that carried throughout the room. “Vanessa, it is my intent to ask you to bear my collar as a sign of your submission to me. Will you bear it?”
My heart sang at this moment we had anticipated so long. “Yes, it is my heart’s desire!”
Jack turned to me and placed the collar around my neck, without closing the opening. He looked deep into my eyes.
“Vanessa, with my placement of this circle of metal around your neck, and your acceptance of it, I promise to be worthy of your love and devotion. I promise to hold you and protect you, while at the same time challenging you to grow. I promise to respect the needs of our relationship above all other things. I promise to love you, honor you, and be sensitive to your needs and desires. I recognize the trust you have placed in me and the responsibility that goes with it. I will never violate that trust. I acknowledge and accept with joy and honor the gift of your submission. This collar will be a symbol of that which is already true in our hearts; that you belong to me, and indeed, I belong to you.
“Do you accept this gift, and all that it signifies?”
“It is my honor to say yes, a thousand times yes!” I answered with real excitement.
He reached out and locked the collar firmly in place around my neck. The lock closed with a satisfyingly solid click.
“Jack, in front of these witnesses I freely surrender my life to you, submitting to your will in all things. I accept this outward symbol of the trust I place in you. I understand that by wearing this collar, I accept your authority and promise to honor you with my every thought, word and action. I promise to support you and fulfill your needs and desires as you allow. You are the center of my universe, the light of my life and the love of my heart. I give you my love, my heart and myself, now and forever.”
Marguerite then said, “Vanessa, please rise.”
I did so.
Marguerite then assisted Jack in removing the red rose from his lapel. Jack then took the rose and pressed the thorn against my middle finger, drawing a drop of blood. He then took my hand and dripped two drops onto the white rose I was carrying. I then took the same red rose and used it to pierce Jack’s middle finger, letting two more drops fall on the white rose.
Marguerite then took both of our pierced fingers and pressed them together.
Jack and I then said together, “Same flesh, same blood… we are now joined for eternity.”
Jack then turned to me. “I ask you to bear a second symbol of our love, a symbol that will be with you always, but only visible to a select few. Will you bear it?”
“Yes, Jack I will.”
Jack picked up the second jewelry item from the table, and it too passed briefly through the flame. Then he knelt before me. With my back to the guests, they could not see what he was doing. Marguerite helped him part my robe and held it, while he slipped this new item into the pierced opening in my right labia. As he snapped it shut with a loud and permanent “snick” that could be heard throughout the small room, I knew the first steps in this ceremony of submission were almost at an end, and I would have to gather all my strength to bear what was to come.
While he was completing his action, Marguerite undid the frogs that held my cloak together. I reached up with my hands to hold the cloak closed.
Jack then rose. “I ask you to bear a third symbol of our love, a symbol in your flesh, and one that must be renewed from time to time. This symbol will be given to you in front of these witnesses. Will you bear it?”
“Yes, Jack, for you I would bear it, and any symbol you want me to bear.”
Marguerite then handed the flogger to Jack. Jack passed this item, also, briefly through the flames. Edgar then removed the small table from the stage. After that was done, he and Edwina stepped forward, and Marguerite led all of us to the object at the rear of the stage. Edgar and Edwina removed the black drape and it was revealed to be a large rectangular frame, reinforced at each corner but open in the middle. Edgar and Edwina led me around to the rear of the frame.
As I stepped forward, through the frame, Edgar and Edwina lifted and removed my cloak in a single movement.
There was a gasp of surprise from the small group of witnesses as I was revealed, nude and pale, before them. Most of them had seen me naked before; still, I suppose it was a surprise and a shock for all to see me step forward, suddenly adorned only in the collar, piercings, high heels and lacy socks.
Edgar and Edwina helped me lift my hands and buckled the wrists into cuffs at the upper points of the rectangular frame. They fastened my ankles to the lower corners of the frame in the same manner. There were no locks, no gag; I was not to be silenced or held against my will. The fastenings were simply to help me maintain my position during what was to come. I hoped to have the fortitude not to scream. Now that my legs were spread, the new golden jewelry affixed to my right labia came into view for what it was; a short length of chain with an engraved disk hanging from the bottom.
Once I was secured, Jack stepped forward to face me, the flogger held loosely in his hands. He looked into my eyes for a long time, then finally asked, “Are you ready, Vanessa?”
I replied, as steadily as I could, “Yes, Jack, I’m ready.”
He then added, “I love you, Vanessa.”
I smiled weakly and answered, “I love you too, Jack. Don’t hold back!”
Jack stepped around to my rear. He didn’t hesitate, but immediately struck me, hard, across the upper back. He had become very experienced in using the flogger in the two-plus years since Marguerite had given it to us. He continued, striping me across the back, the waist, and the ass. He expertly pulled the blow at the end to deliver stinging bites from the tips of the flogger. My body involuntarily flinched as stroke after stroke fell against my tender skin. I knew the worst was yet to come.
I looked out at the small group gathered in front; Nicole and Siller, Nicole standing with her mouth open, looking like she wanted to look away but unable to do so; Siller’s eyes glinting in the light as he watched, transfixed. Marguerite was watching carefully, always the mentor, observing both Jack’s technique and my reaction. Ham and DeeDee, Ham’s arm protectively around her shoulders, DeeDee’s mouth in an O and Ham smiling; Denise and Eva, both watching intently, Eva seeming to flinch with every blow. And always, expressionless and motionless behind their hoods and goggles, Edgar and Edwina.
I gritted my teeth to keep from screaming, knowing that I had asked for this moment, that I wanted everyone to see how much I loved Jack and wanted to submit to him. My head and hair whipped back and forth with the energy of his blows.
Then Jack came around to the front. With his eyes never leaving mine, he proceeded to cover me with more of the marks he wanted me to bear, the marks that would always need renewing. He methodically whipped my breasts, my belly, my thighs, my now permanently denuded pubic mound, and my upper legs. He tried to keep the stinging tips out of my sex, and mostly succeeded.
Now I was gasping for air, the tears streaming involuntarily from my eyes. And as suddenly and violently as it had begun, it was over. The stripes that covered me front and rear still stung, but no more were added.
Jack stood before me, the flogger drooping from his hand, exhausted both physically and emotionally with the strain of hurting me. My Jack! We had done it!
Edgar and Edwina approached again. Edgar took the flogger and handed Jack a leather leash with a snap hook on the end, then the hooded pair proceeded to release me from my bonds. While they were doing that, Jack approached and clipped the leash onto my collar.
He then led me forward, still naked, to the front of the stage.
Marguerite stood beside us. “Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the Master and his Slave!”
Hands clapped, unsteadily at first, and then stronger, more evenly. Jack then addressed the group.
“It has been our fondest wish, since early in our true relationship, that Vanessa be paraded among you bearing the marks of her submission. We will now proceed to do just that. Please feel free to touch her or examine her. It is her desire, and her privilege, to be so displayed.”
He then proceeded to lead me in front of all those who had gathered to witness my submission.
Ham reached out to hold the medallion dangling from my sex and admired the simple engraving; Jack’s initials underneath crossed whips on the front, and on the back, the date. With the same hand, he place a finger into my sex and discovered the wetness within. DeeDee had always been fascinated with the nipple rings and touched them and the welts on my breasts with her cool hand.
Denise and Eva wanted to feel the welts on my sex and thighs, and then turned me to touch the similar marks on my ass. I could also feel one of them reach down and touch the sapphire plug in my ass.
Siller’s eyes were hot on me as he reached out and stroked the welts above my sex. Nicole acted at first as if she didn’t want to look at me at all. Finally, she lifted her eyes and looked in mine, carefully not looking at the marks I bore.
“So this is what you wanted?” she asked.
“This is what I’ve always wanted.” I replied. “Do you still love me?”
“I will always love you, and stand beside you.” She answered. “But I do have a question,” she smiled, “should I call you Jeannie or Vanessa?”
I smiled back at her. “It’s really been Vanessa for a long time. But we’ll be legally changing my name to ‘Vanessa Jean.’ That way, my old name will still be a part of me, and it won’t be quite so obvious to my family. You can call me either. But Vanessa is who I really am.”
The last to see was Marguerite. Once again, as long ago, she regarded me with detachment. “You have grown up, child. Jack, you did well here.” And then her icy resolve broke, tears appeared in her eyes and a warm smile lit up her face. “Mein Lieblinge, I love you both.”
She then turned to Edgar and Edwina. “Please refresh everyone’s glass, and bring glasses of red wine for Jack and Vanessa.” After they had done so, she continued. “Please, everyone, raise your glass in a toast to our honored couple.”
“To Jack and Vanessa!” she cried.
“To Jack and Vanessa!”
We mingled for awhile longer with our special guests, answered a few questions, and then it was time to retire. We were staying, once again, with Marguerite, as we had so many months ago for the first time.
I wore only the wine-colored cloak; I couldn’t bear anything else next to my skin for the moment. Upon arriving at Marguerite’s, both she and Jack worked to calm my pains with aloe vera, ice packs, and gentle caresses. I felt much loved in their hands.
Once they had done their best, Marguerite left us on our own. “It is, after all, your wedding night, meine liebsten Kinder.”
And so it was. I removed the anal plug, bathed carefully, and with Jack’s help reapplied the soothing gel. Jack took a shower and we both crawled into the king-size bed. Jack looked at my injuries, my marks of submission, and made as if to lie quietly beside me.
I spoke. “Jack, I’ve knelt at your feet, I’ve taken your cock and your seed in my mouth, I bear your collar and carry your initials in my most intimate flesh. You have marked me well with the whip. Now, take me. I am yours. If it hurts, that is the price I am willing to pay. I’ve always been willing to pay it, since you showed me the way. Don’t hold back now that I have freely submitted myself.”
And take me he did.
He treated me as gently as he could. He kissed my lips, long and deep, our mouths opening and our tongues engaging in joyful loving play. His hot mouth moved along my neck, nibbling my ears, my shoulders, and then capturing each breast in turn, kissing each section of welted flesh, his tongue playing and pulling gently on the nipple rings, and then drawing the entire nipple into his mouth.
He knew that wearing the rings in my flesh kept me almost always in a state of arousal, so his lovemaking often engaged these secret objects of desire. He worked his lips and tongue gently down the bruised flesh of my stomach and thighs.
He stopped for a moment, and lifted the engraved medallion, turning it over and over in his fingers as if he had never seen it before. And, of course, he hadn’t, really. It was transformed from a dead object in a box to a living symbol of his complete ownership of me when buried forever in my most intimate flesh. His lips kissed it gently and then found my sex with his tongue.
My back arched with his penetration of my inner lips, and I knew I needed his cock inside me. But I remained silent while he tasted me and tested me, to see if I would demand that he fuck me as I had so often done. He continued to tease my dripping pussy with his tongue and fingers, until I thought I would orgasm from that alone. And perhaps that’s what he wanted; I was determined to suffer in my need until he was ready. And so I did. Gradually I felt the tide rising in my body, and I fought it no more. I bucked my hips against his face and he drank me down.
Then he rose up, like the conquering hero that I wanted him to be, and finally I felt his throbbing cock enter my pussy. There was no resistance; I was awash in my own juices and his saliva. He sank to his balls with the first stroke and my battered thighs rose to wrap around his hips. Heedless of the pain, I drew him into me and clutched him close. He rose and fell, like the arms of a woodcutter at his work, chopping and chopping at the tethers that held me back from the joyous pleasure I sought. And soon the tethers broke, and the dams burst, and all the waiting, and hiding, and resistance was ended. I felt myself fading into oblivion, held tightly in my Master’s arms.
******
Epilogue
That glorious night was 32 years ago. It was not the end, by any means, but rather a new beginning. But the end would come, as it always does. We are only human, after all.
Jack was very successful as an engineer, eventually owning the engineering company where he had started out part-time in order to (at least in part) ‘keep me in the manner to which he wanted me to become accustomed’ as he had said the night of the “scene.” I had earned my own success, rising to become a senior editor at a publishing company, although not at the same one where I started.
We never had children; this was a deliberate decision on our part, to the unending anguish of our parents. But we did help mentor young people, particularly those who were trying to navigate the challenges of relationships that didn’t fit the traditional molds. Gays, lesbians, transgenders, queers and others who didn’t fit even those categories found in us support, love, and, occasionally, sex. The home we built in the country outside our small city hosted many interesting get-togethers, although we were never the “party animals” some wished us to be.
And we took care of ourselves. First learning what to eat from DeeDee (who ultimately didn’t finish medical school but became a nutritionist, and later married Ham) and how to exercise from Marguerite, we became avid runners and hikers and, for a time, martial arts enthusiasts. Jack always wanted us both to be fit, and wanted me to be capable of taking care of myself in many ways. Jack insisted I learn to shoot and use hand tools, and was pleased at how well I took to using the chainsaw and the hydraulic wood splitter.
He also wanted me to be always available. At home, I was often nude or in abbreviated costumes. In public, we found many ways to make that continue to happen, but corsets, garter belts and stockings (like the ones we first received from Marguerite at Visions in Lace) forever remained our favorites. Jack was fond of high heels on me, and that became a regular component of my dress. I found ways to protect myself from the injuries associated with long-term wear of very high heels, mostly with rest and massage. I still love them, the way they look and make me look.
Marguerite developed signs of early onset Alzheimer’s when she was only 60 and still startlingly beautiful. It turned out she had been in her late 40’s when we met, a little older than we had thought. We asked her to move in with us. She resisted, for a time, but finally relented. Soon she recognized how quickly she was failing and asked us if we would become her legal guardians.
She had kept immaculate records of her clients, ever the Teutonic organized professional, material that would have been invaluable to a blackmailer and that had insured that all of our “secrets” had remained safe over the years. We contacted everyone we could find and offered to return the material or destroy it. Regardless of their decision, we solicited a voluntary contribution to Marguerite’s upkeep. All but a handful contributed and she was well-supported until she passed away at 65.
The most difficult part was how the end came for Jack and I. Two years ago he was diagnosed with cancer. It doesn’t matter what kind, it was the killing kind. Towards the end, he wanted to be at home. I was with him every day, talking to him, although he had so many drugs in him it was hard to tell if he understood.
Then I came up with the idea of telling him our story, again, the way we had lived it. I couldn’t always tell if he could hear me – but sometimes, when I told a particularly funny or significant part, he would smile or squeeze my hand.
Two chapters in our life together seemed to reach him the best. The story of how we almost foundered, when we fought and made up was one. The other was retelling the events of the wedding day, when he finally paraded me as he had wanted and as I had asked him to do that long ago day at the lake. I told him the stories over and over again, and finally decided to write some of them down in his memory. I hope you have enjoyed them all, as Jack seemed to do.
I have gone on, but I am stumbling in the darkness. As I said in our vows, he was the center of my universe, the light of my life and the love of my heart. I gave him my love, my heart and myself, then and forever. I am lost without him, I have no guiding light to show the way anymore. Soon I will follow him into the shadows, as I followed him through all the sunny days. There is little more to say.
******
Postscript.
This memoir was written at a dark period in my life. Seeking ways to publicize the story, and memorialize our forbidden love, I found my way to Lush. My experiences on Lush have breathed a strange new life into me. I have struggled to find my way here, under the tutelage of several different Dommes. Several females and one male have knelt to me, the lifelong submissive, with most falling away over time. Walk with me, as I continue my journey, still seeking my own destiny, with my subs following behind me…
The end
