Sunday 10th June 2018
She looked so damned beautiful, lying there next to me, her eyes briefly shut after her nighttime exertions with her new man. What kind of a fool was I to ever take a chance to lose a woman like this? A woman so loving, faithful and kind. So smart, sexy and warm. I felt an ache in my chest and a deep sense of sadness at the path things had taken. A sense of sadness mixed with the honest self-knowledge that we were unlikely to turn the clock back any time soon.
Jill’s eyelids fluttered open, causing to me blush as she caught me staring and contemplating. “Morning, handsome,” she smiled as she closed the few inches to my face and pressed her lips to mine. “Thanks, honey. I know part of you enjoyed last night, but I know some of it was also hard for you,” her smile was wistful and knowing, telling me she really did get it about the mixed feelings I also went through.
She kissed me again, this time wrapping her arms around my neck and pushing her soft and desirable body tight against mine. I’d thought after my time with Dee I had nothing left in the tank, but Jill’s warm body pressed against mine gave me the first stirrings of desire and an ability to do something about it.
It was just after two in the afternoon. Jill had been sleeping since we’d returned from Luther and Dee’s place, exhausted after her first time with Luther. After Jill had appeared in the kitchen, we’d had no real time to talk. To talk about anything – her night with Luther, the hanging question of ‘what next’ between them, and most of all, the proposition that Jill and Luther had described to me.
I felt myself start to physically shake as I screwed up my courage, took a deep breath and dived into the bottomless pool. “Sooo… how was it? How was it, with lover boy?”
The grin mixed with the smile that instantly appeared on Jill’s face did more than any words could to answer my question, causing a huge fist to form in the hollow pit of my stomach. And Jill hadn’t even spoken yet.
“Amazing. It was amazing. Luther was amazing,” my beaming wife grinned. My stomach seemed to clench itself and I knew I was in for a conversation that was going to provide on steroids everything I loved and loathed about the way we were living. Whoever coined the phrase ‘the agony and the ecstasy’ had it right.
Something seemed to suddenly flip in Jill, as her open look of amazement turned into something more blushing and guarded. As if the look on my face had flipped a switch, warning her to tone it down a level or two, in order to leave just a shred or two of her loving husband’s ego intact. But even toned down a little, hearing Jill’s description of her night with Luther made a profound impression on me.
“He was amazing,” she repeated, this time a little more replete and quiet. “He’s an amazing lover. He knows just where to touch. Just when to go hard and when to go slow. Just what to say and when to say it. And there’s something about him. A danger and power, mixed with a kind of gentleness and decency.”
“So, the whole package then?” I added, trying not to sound jealous or belittling. Jill just smiled.
“And, talking of packages…” I asked. Jill just giggled, “Yes, he’s pretty big down there.”
“Just pretty big? I heard you tell him he was the biggest you’d ever had.” Again, Jill giggled, like a naughty high schooler caught in the changing room with her hand down the quarterback’s uniform pants.
When Jill just smiled and declined to add, the male size queen in me gently pushed, needing to know more. “Was it true, honey? Or were you just massaging his ego?”
Jill blushed, knowing me well enough to know she’d have to answer sooner or later. That I’d not drop it. Her voice quiet and shaking at the memory, she told me what I wanted to know. “It’s true, honey. He’s bigger than Chris. Bigger than Callan. Even bigger than Daryl.”
“But that was only part of it, right?” I echoed back to Jill, repeating what she’d said earlier, the masochistic part of me needing to know more. To hear in detail from Jill just how great her new man had been, however much it would hurt and tear me apart to hear it.
“Yes,” Jill smiled, her earlier blushing gone as she realized I was on heat and wanted to hear every detail, wanting her to torture me with the details of her new man and their night together. “Like you said, honey. Luther’s the whole package,” she grinned, her hand now stroking my cock up and down, teasing me with her words and fingers.
I’d wanted to make love when we first came home but had to settle for cuddling and spooning as Jill had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion. But now her playful smile told me she wanted to make up for that and give her man what was his. Returned to me after a night lent out to a new paramour. Jill rolled over onto her back, her hand still grasping my dick. Giving me little choice but to follow as she squeezed even harder, making sure I was good and hard and ready to penetrate her.
“Ummm,” it felt so good to slide into my wife. To be inside Jill, my body laying snug and flush next to hers. Feeling good to be above Jill, top dog lying on top of my wife, my normal-sized cock occupying as much of my wife as I could reach. Not stretching her wide like Luther or any of the other guys, and not as deep and close to her womb. But nonetheless, inside the woman I loved, her loving smile telling me that whatever my shortcomings compared to her other men, I was the one who owned her heart.
I felt Jill’s legs wrap around me, her heels pressuring the small of my back, leaving me in no doubt as to what she wanted. She wanted me to fuck her, to start working in and out and I was only too happy to oblige.
As I slowly started the lover’s push-ups, she blew me a kiss. “Does my darling want to hear just how great Luther was in the sack? To hear how much bigger he was?” Oh god, I screwed my eyes closed. Maybe she wanted to collect on the insurance, because the way she was going on my not so sweet wife was going to kill me before too long. Opening my eyes I made the faintest of grunts in reply to Jill’s question.
My cock still working up and down in Jill’s flooded and stretched love tunnel, Jill’s smile grew an inch wider as she used the English language like a scalpel to excite and shred my emotions in equal measure. “It took him ages to get it all in. His cockhead’s so fat, it didn’t want to go in. But oh, my god, when it went in… wow… I was in heaven… like a girl with a new pony to ride… or maybe a girl going from a pony to a fully-fledged stallion …”
Looking deep into my eyes to judge my reaction, taking in my haunted expression and flushed cheeks, Jill paused for a second before continuing to slide the scalpel up and down my brain. “And then, when he’d managed to stretch my vulva wide open with that big plum of his cockhead, oh my god, he slid inch after inch of his fat shaft down into my pussy.”
I knew in my heart she’d started it as a game, but from her voice and her face, I knew that Jill was no longer in our bedroom. She was back in Luther’s bedroom, back in his bed, her re-telling no longer for my benefit, more now to allow her to relive her amazing first night with her new lover. This realization magnifying ten-fold the effect of each of Jill’s words on my tortured psyche and ego.
“Honey, I thought his cock would never stop. It seemed to go on and on as he slid each extra inch deep into my pussy. I’ve never felt a man that deep. It was amazing. A little uncomfortable at first, but amazing. And god, he was thick. I swear, his cock was as thick as the top of his cock. It took me right back to those times with Rocco. It felt like he was pushing a beer bottle all the way into my little pussy…”
We may have only been playing these games for less than a year, but the price of being married to a smart woman is that she knows just how to play you. Just what to say, and how to say it. And Jill was playing me like a concert soloist playing a rather battered and well-used Stradivarius. I was glad that I’d had that time with Dee, otherwise, Jill’s words would have had me shooting my load long before Jill was anywhere near coming. Not exactly what my battered ego needed in terms of reassurance and parity.
Jill looked at me and saw her well-chosen words were having the desired effect, smiling a little more and stretching my heartstrings just a little more taut and frayed. “So big… and so good,” her wry little smile telling me she knew exactly what I was going to ask next.
“Good? Does that mean better? Better than me?” my shaking voice asked.
“Oh, baby. Do you have to ask? Of course better. I love you, but of course, he was better. Like Daryl and Chris before him,” the lightest hesitation coming into her voice as she wondered whether it was too soon to mention Chris. “Better, like Callan.” Ouch, I think this was the first time she’d ever mentioned Callan like this, the novelty of hearing the name of her first love tweaking at my pride and ego in a new and painful way.
“I love you, sweetheart. But of course better. In fact,” she said, milking the moment for full angst, “the best, the best yet.” Her eyes looking in mine, comforting me at the same time as letting me know her words were twenty-four-carat truth.
Dipping my head to kiss Jill’s mouth, to show her my love and to stop her talking, I carried on the kiss as I started pounding up and down with real intent and energy. Doing the best I could for a fifty-one-year-old guy who’d not seen the inside of a gym in a long time. Jill’s moans and sighs not as loud or excited as those I’d been forced to listen to through the locked door, but nonetheless giving me some reassurance that I could still satisfy the woman I called my wife.
Breaking the kiss I moved my head back just a little so I could better focus on Jill’s face, and we shared one of those magical moments. No words were needed, but we both knew that we were a couple united in love, happy to ignore any worries and fears. Enjoying the extra closeness and excitement our game had brought us, for the moment the only two people in the world. A couple closer than ever, excited and re-energized even after more than twenty years of life together.
I felt Jill’s legs tighten around me, her arms pulling me down as they wrapped around my neck and demanded another lovers’ kiss. Responding by slamming into her as fast and as hard as I could. I loved her more than I could describe, but at that moment I just wanted to fuck her with an animal abandon and ferocity. To reclaim her as best I could, knowing this was what her body was telling me she also wanted.
I used every last inch of my muscles and energy, winning every last fraction of her pussy that I could reach, slamming harder and harder as I gasped for breath, loving the moans and sighs I was hearing from beneath me. Until finally I knew I was on the run-in, feeling the juices rise in my cock, smiling down at Jill as I saw she was on the edge with me. Both of us exploding like one of those exploding fireworks, Jill pulling me in like she never wanted to part, crying out her love as I pushed the last inch. Pushed and held my position, my cock expanding and contracting as I pumped all I had deep into the woman who’d borne my children.
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I don’t know how long it was before either of us were able to talk. Jill finally being the one to speak first. “Wow… maybe I should tease you more often,” she smiled and kissed me softly. “A star for my loving husband,” she added, my chest puffing up with pride. “For effort at least,” she grinned, my chest instantly deflating even as I thought how much I loved this woman.
Both of us now happy that we were reunited, husband and wife together after our act of reclamation and bonding, Jill suddenly changed the mood and tone. Rolling over, stroking my cheek and giving me the most tender of kisses. Her eyes suddenly full of concern, love and worry. Looking deep into my eyes as she opened up. “Sweetheart, do you think we’ll ever be able to go back to our old life? You know, just you and me? The two of us happy and contented, just enjoying each other, like just now?”
I knew Jill had been thinking about this for some time, turning it over in her mind but unable to come to an answer by herself. I just looked straight back at her, sensing the pain and the doubt in her soul through the look in her eyes, earlier happiness now feeling a long way away. I gathered my own thoughts, making sure I knew how I wanted to express myself, knowing that we were in a minefield that needed and deserved precise and honest footsteps.
I brushed my lips against hers, sensing and responding to her sudden vulnerability. Loving this woman more than ever, suddenly feeling the stronger and more certain one in our little two-person world.
“Honey, if I’m totally honest, I think it would be really hard to step back now. To try and go back to how things were.” Some slight change in Jill’s face told me she understood what I was driving at. “Darling, we’ve come too far. Experienced too much. Not just you, both of us. We can’t un-remember, un-feel those things. I think that’s the honest truth.”
The sadness in Jill’s face seemed just a little more obvious and clear as my words sunk in, and I rushed forward with the second half of what I wanted to say. “But, honey, that doesn’t need to be a negative thing. A bad thing. Provided we’re careful and always talk. Always put our love and marriage at the center of everything, then saying we can’t put the genie back in the bottle isn’t the same as saying our marriage is doomed to failure. That the next time a Chris comes along, things will end up differently.”
Jill smiled, just a little, a flickering of hope rekindled in her face. “Jill, honey. We have free will. We’re both smart and determined people. If we decide that we’ll put our marriage as the most important thing and have our games as something to strengthen and make that marriage more exciting, then from what I know about you and me, I think we can make it work. We can’t do the impossible and undo the last few months, but we can do the possible and continue to build an amazing life together. Just like we’ve been doing day-by-day over the last twenty years.”
I could see that Jill was now feeling a lot better about things, but the look on her face told me we weren’t fully out of the woods yet. Her furrowed brow told me there were still doubts she needed to discuss. Only having to wait a few moments before she asked me the question that was still gnawing away in her brain.
“Honey, are we doing the right thing? You know, after everything that happened with Chris? We both got so carried away last night, and now in the cold light of day, back here together at home, I can’t help but wonder whether we’ve done the right thing.”
I really loved this woman. Like me, she had plenty of flaws. But at that moment I was struck again by just how much I loved Jill. How she was the foundation and bedrock of my life. How I could never imagine life without her. The fact she was voicing and showing such concern and worry about last night and what it might do to our marriage made me feel all the more happy and reassured.
I brushed away and rearranged her long brown hair, gazing adoringly into those sparkling hazel eyes. I didn’t really think, I just spoke straight from the heart, without any consideration or filter. “Honey, as long as you’re asking questions like that, I think we’ll be fine. The moment you don’t ask, the moment all you care about is your next tumble in the hay with Luther, then that’s the moment we’re in trouble …”
I let my words just hang there. Letting Jill think through what I said. Her slightly less worried expression telling me she saw my point. “Let’s just take it a day at a time. Let’s just make sure we have more moments like this. That we keep talking, keep making sure we put each other first,” my voice was soft as I saw Jill thinking through what I was saying.
She just nuzzled up close, the smell of her body and light perfume the sweetest scent on earth. The warmth of her body one of the best feelings ever. The look she gave me and her smile being the only response I needed. Far better than any words could ever be.
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We lay like that, a happy and contented mating pair, for what seemed like ages. Each now lost in our own thoughts. Until Jill broke the spell, lifting her mane of hair from my chest. The smile on her face telling me that whatever inner demons and turmoil she’d been fighting earlier had been jettisoned by our earlier talk. This new, different Jill smiling a knowing and mischievous grin in my direction.
“So, my little cucky man, do you want me to carry on seeing Luther? And if you do, what do you think of his proposition? Do you think it’s too much, too soon?” her soft voice hit me with a staccato round of questions.
She’d tried to keep her voice calm and non-committal as she’d asked me, but I could see that slight flush and hear that slight modulation in her voice that told me exactly the answer she wanted from me. Maybe half-an-hour ago worry and concern had the upper-hand in Jill’s mind, but now she was less worried and more reassured, she couldn’t hide her excitement.
The truth is that since we’d finished our last conversation, I’d been thinking of little else. And as so often over the last year, I was a man torn in two. A man who wanted to kick things up to the next level. To see what it felt like with a rush that was purer and hotter and more dangerous. But a man who wasn’t blind or worried about the risks we took each time we revved the engine a little harder. Went a little faster, edged the needle a little further into the danger zone.
Jill’s beautiful eyes looked larger than ever as she looked at me, her pupils dilated more than normal. A lovestruck teenager waiting for the answer about whether she could or couldn’t go to the prom, and what time, if any, she had to be back by.
I felt a lump in my throat and that familiar lightness in my limbs as the adrenaline surge hit. There were two questions here – each of them big enough in their own right. Taken together presenting a major new step for our marriage. A marriage filled with excitement, but one which had just survived the major crash that had been Jill’s affair with Chris.
Carrying on watching Jill being bedded by the next door horndogs of Freddy and Josh would have been a far simpler and less complicated proposition. But that wasn’t the meal under discussion. Somehow things had moved from a harmless fuckfest with Josh and Freddy to Josh’s Dad’s friend taking a shine to Jill and staking a claim to my lovely wife that now required an answer.
Luther not only wanted to carry on seeing Jill, but sometime during the night, he’d sweet-talked her into the idea of her coming to work for him. Working alongside Dee, helping him to run his clubs. With all the awkwardness involved around Jill’s continued role as Chris’s PA, even though he was in LA, the proposition from Luther was a clever and attractive one.
If Luther’s mini-empire had just been strip clubs, then I’m pretty sure Jill would have declined the offer. The odd night like Saturday, exploring the seedy underbelly of Miami was fine for Jill. But I was pretty sure she’d not want this as her full-time career choice. But the mix between these clubs and Luther’s more swanky and conventional places presented an altogether more attractive option. Especially as Luther told Jill he’d recently got finance to expand from ten to fifteen clubs, and that he and Dee needed help from someone he trusted.
The more I thought about the offer, the more I realized how smart and clever Luther was. The way he’d structured the idea, emphasizing that they’d be a team of three. Not just him and Jill, which might have been too much and frightened both Jill and me away. But him, Dee and Jill. A combination designed to reassure both me and Jill, knowing as he did what had happened with Jill and her last boss.
Jill made a little noise in her throat, bringing me back into the here and now and the questions she’d asked – whether I wanted her to see Luther on a regular basis and whether I wanted her to accept his offer of employment. The look on Jill’s face told me she was waiting for my answer. The look also telling me she wanted me to agree to both ideas. She looked so alive, so full of excitement and anticipation, like a child on Christmas Eve, anticipating all the exciting new toys Santa will bring.
I don’t know why, but I suddenly wanted to hear Jill’s thoughts. Her face told me she wanted this, but something deep within the masochistic side of my make-up wanted to hear her say it out loud. The perfect follow-up to all the teasing she’d done earlier about how Luther was bigger and better than me.
My voice shaking in anticipation of her answer, I looked deep into those sparkling hazel eyes and asked the killer question. “Jill, darling. I really, really want to know the truth. Tell me what it is you want. Do you want to carry on seeing Luther? Do you want to accept his offer to work with him?”
Jill knew I wanted both the truth and also the thrill of hearing how much she wanted this thing, and she played it perfectly. Both honest and throwing it back to unmask my deceit, unmasking me just like the moment in Oz when the real nature of the Wizard is revealed. Although she was part-playing our game, the overwhelming sense I got was of Jill being totally straight with me. Looking at me with a serious and unflinching look as she leveled with me. “Dave, honey, after the night I just spent with Luther, yes. Yes, of course, I want to see him again. To see him as often as you’ll allow and is safe for our marriage. Hell, the way he makes love, what woman in her right mind wouldn’t want that?”
After the briefest of pauses, she continued. “And about his job offer, I must admit to having more than a few reservations. But yes, I’d love to work with him. The job he described excites me, and I won’t lie to you, the thought of being around him during the working day excites me.”
I sensed a but, and I didn’t have to wait long to hear it. “But after everything that happened with Chris, I’m a little wary about rushing in too quickly.”
I understood Jill’s reticence and hesitation, and if I’m honest I also felt the same kind of mixed reactions as I saw on her face. Part of me wanted to hang the consequences, forget all about the risks and jump headfirst into this new adventure. But the other part of me was like my sensible wife, remembering just how painful and difficult the worst parts of the whole Chris experience had been. How I’d felt my heart was breaking and my life was over that terrible weekend when I thought she’d left me for Chris.
So I grimaced, pulling my thoughtful, regretful face and nodded in agreement with Jill, going along with her plan to at least have some small element of caution and commonsense in our future plans.
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The week ahead was a real mish-mash of different things. Some were mundane and part of our ‘normal’, above-board lives, such as all the calls between Jill, our son’s fiancé Becky and her mum Pamela. The big wedding in L.A. was now less than two weeks away, so the calls came thick and fast.
Maybe the strangest part of the week came on Tuesday as I was shutting down for the day. Jill was planning to get together with her BFF Charlotte to see how she was doing after her recent split from Callan, so I was looking forward to a quiet evening in with a good bottle of wine and a new Robert Harris novel I was looking forward to reading.
But when I got down into the parking lot I saw a large, imposing black-figure waiting next to my car. As I got closer I recognized the figure as Malcolm, Luther’s head of security. Seeing that veritable man-mountain stood there cross-armed with his customary granite facial expression made my nerves jangle, as a thousand movie scenes ran through my head, most of them involving duct-tape and a trip in a darkened car trunk.
“Hi Dave,” boomed his deep voice, and I think for the first time I saw him smile. An immense right hand slowly lifted up and pointed down the garage to a black Lincoln Navigator waiting a few yards away. “Dee would like a word, if that’s okay?” A much happier ending than any of the reels running in my brain.
As Malcolm pulled the heavy door open, I was greeted by a second smile. Dee looked and smelt even better than I remember, patting the seat next to her and giving me a second ‘come-hither’ smile, followed by a soft kiss on the cheek and the wafting smell of her perfume as I did as she asked.
“Good to see you, Dave, honey.” Seeing my confused look, she started explaining. “You’re lovely, the kind-hearted wife didn’t want you to be all alone while she’s out having fun. So as we’re now best friends, she asked me to swing by and keep you company. Make sure you’re not lonely, so to speak.”
Before I’d even had a chance to speak, I heard the squeal of tires as Malcolm pulled away, taking me to I don’t know where. My phone pinging with an incoming call as we sped away. “Chris Cell.”
