Monday 13th November 2017
That Monday evening ended in a truly surreal fashion. Having earlier watched my wife enjoying the joint attentions of both Chris and Rocco, and then the more intimate time Jill shared just with her handsome boss, the FaceTime call finally went dead as Chris ended the call.
But barely ten minutes later my phone was again buzzing as the screen lit-up and insistently demanded my attention with the flashing text ‘Jill Cell’. It suddenly occurred to me this must be Jill’s ‘official’ evening call-in to me, unaware as she was that I’d been ‘unofficially’ watching her and Chris for much of the evening.
Feeling more than a little flustered I hit accept and was instantly greeted by Jill’s smiling face.“Hey, honey,” she beamed at me.
“Hi, baby,” all I could think to reply, off-stride from the call and also from the fact that Jill’s smiling face wasn’t alone in her evening call back home. Chris’s handsome face was also in the frame, his arm resting possessively around Jill’s shoulders. This detail causing all kinds of feelings in my chest and churning stomach, my confusion heightened as the little ‘screen-in-screen’ picture made clear Jill could also see I wasn’t alone. Gemma, Jill’s going-away present to me, was also nestled at my side, mirroring Jill snuggled up next to her man.
The next few minutes of small-talk were one of the most surreal experiences of my life to date as Jill and I chatted about her meetings, my work and other family stuff. Neither of us acknowledged the presence of our respective partners, who for the most part were happy to just remain quiet. Although Chris spoke a few times when the conversation was about the briefings and meetings at the plant in California.
The front of my brain was occupied with the conversation with Jill. The back of my mind was going ten-to-the-dozen thinking, ‘fuck, this is weird’. The normal evening chat Jill and I had shared thousands of times these last twenty years, only this time changed out of all recognition by the two elephants in the room. The handsome younger man whose arm was possessively wrapped around the mother of my children as she lay next to him in bed chatting to her husband.
Sitting propped up, bare-breasted as her boobs rose and fell and jiggled as she excitedly told me about the steps forward in her career earlier that day. Her beautiful tits showing the marks from the attention of both Chris and Rocco. Her nipples still hard, a slow-burn reminder of how much she’d enjoyed herself in her sex session I’d just secretly watched.
It was Jill who was the first to break the ice and acknowledge the two other people involved in our little game.
“Honey, I hope you enjoyed my little going-away present to you,” her smile gently teasing me.
I don’t know why, but I felt a blush on my cheeks. I had nothing to blush at or be embarrassed about. But try telling that to my disobedient capillaries, as I colored up good and proper.
Seeing that I was struggling for words, Jill didn’t push it. Instead, she changed the topic.
“Dave, baby. I know how much you like to watch me with other guys, so I was thinking as a thank you for letting me make this trip, you might like to watch me and Chris make out a little.”
This was the perfect opportunity for me to admit to Jill that I’d been watching everything that had happened earlier. I thought about it, but for whatever reason, I decided not to tell Jill. Telling myself a little white lie, that I’d tell her later, but even aware as I told myself this that there was a strong chance I’d not. Some part of my brain enjoying keeping this little, or not so little secret.
Sub-consciously I was aware that I’d loved the fact I’d been watching the new, un-edited Jill exploring her new world. Knowing I was seeing the real, raw her. However much this might frighten me, something I knew was the price to be paid for the amazing excitement I’d enjoyed.
Getting no response from me, and certainly no admission of my fly-on-the-wall voyeurism, Jill just smiled a little more and turned to face Chris as she kissed him softly on the lips. Turning back towards the camera and looking directly at me she added, “I guess I’ll take that as a yes then, honey.”
For the next thirty minutes or so, both Gemma and I were treated to a bravura performance between Jill and her lover as they enjoyed various positions as they made love yet again. But even as I watched and listened to Jill go through the gears and cry out as she enjoyed herself thoroughly, I sensed there was something different than before.
It was the kind of thing you could never prove, but all my instincts, intuition and EQ swore that earlier when she thought I’d not been watching there had been an intimacy and closeness that was being intentionally toned down, now that she knew I was watching.
This thought was a sharp double-edged blade in my head. Adding to my excitement, at the same time as it stoked higher the fears and nagging doubts about the dangers we may be playing with. It was a nagging thought that just wouldn’t go away, which burned higher and higher as I watched the lovers’ own excitement building higher and higher. Until they crashed together through an incredibly intense shared orgasm.
Mouths locked together in a crushing kiss, Jill’s stocking-clad legs wrapped tight around Chris’s muscular body as he thrust deep and hard one last time. His butt muscles flexing several times as he shot jet after jet of hot seed deep into my squealing and writhing wife. Taking from me what was mine, as I inexplicably looked on and enjoyed the confusing spectacle.
I knew in that final moment I was again seeing the real, raw Jill. It was clear to me she was so wrapped up in the ecstasy and emotion of the moment that in that instant Chris was her world. Her be-all and end-all. I knew she still loved me, but at that singular moment, all she was aware of was the handsome and virile man thrusting deep into her body as he unloaded and she accepted millions of his little swimmers. Watching the way she clung tight to Chris and returned his passionate kiss, I knew that the camera and Gemma and I were totally forgotten.
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That Monday evening had ended with a continued conversation about work and family before our shared professions of ‘love you, honey’ and finally signing off to sleep. The feeling of the screen going dead with the image of Jill in bed for the night with another man being a feeling I can’t begin to describe.
Gemma had headed home and deprived of her company and reassurance, the house suddenly felt very empty and lonely. Our three kids had fled the nest, and now Jill was several thousand miles away in a hotel bed with her handsome boss and friend of five years. The second man to share her bed since we’d started this new lifestyle. A man she’d see every day at work.
I tried to sleep, but not surprisingly sleep didn’t come easily that night. I tried distracting myself with a movie, and when that failed I tried a book, thinking that might work, being something requiring active thinking. But I could hardly concentrate, finally resorting to pouring myself a large drink as I gave up ignoring what had happened. Instead, deciding to face it head-on, I started thinking about what I’d seen and how far things had moved these last few weeks.
I thought more than once about picking up the phone and sharing my thoughts with Jill. We’d always discussed everything together so it would have been the most natural thing in the world to talk to her about it. But knowing she was most likely snuggled up in bed with Chris, quite possibly already asleep after her earlier exertions, I couldn’t bring myself to call her. The absence of her customary presence at a moment like this returning the earlier double-edged blade I’d experienced. Adding both to the pain and bittersweet pleasure of this whole experience.
In some ways, this was an Epiphany-type moment for me. When Jill and I had started this whole game, as far as I understood myself it had been the thought of watching Jill being physically intimate with another man which was the turn-on for me. But at the moment as I rejected the idea of calling Jill to discuss my feelings, I started to realize that the whole emotional side of this thing was maybe a bigger turn-on. But at the same time carried a heavy emotional tariff, far beyond anything purely physical.
The word that buzzed into my head and wouldn’t stop flashing was ‘masochist’. Was this me? Not a pleasant thought to contemplate in some ways. No-one ever likes to think of themselves as being a masochist, associated as it is with all kinds of ideas of self-harm and low self-esteem. But a nagging voice at the back of my head forced me to confront the possibility.
How else could I explain my enjoyment of what I’d watched? Enjoyment beyond just the physical. An enjoyment rendered both more intense and more painful by the closeness I’d seen earlier when Jill was unaware I’d been watching.
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Tuesday was an okayish day for me. During the day I knew that Chris and Jill were together. But I knew from their itinerary that they were on a four-hour flight from California to St. Louis for most of the day, en route to their Wednesday plant meeting in Illinois. I knew that all those security cameras at the airports and the attentions of the aircrew wouldn’t afford them much possibility for real-world romance or escapades. But nonetheless, in some of my quieter moments at work, my feverish imagination conjured images of them sneaking into some quiet place for a quickie. Or maybe even joining the mile high club as their plane sped across our great country.
After a few moments, I’d normally pull myself together and tell myself not to be so silly. But strangely even when I did this and my mind turned back to the practical travel activities they were actually sharing, I found these thoughts of their shared everyday activities equally bewitching. Both making me feel a rush of excitement and adrenaline, at the same moment as my stomach twisted and turned in that way we all know.
I arrived back from work around six p.m. and was immediately aware that I couldn’t get my mind off what might now be happening in their hotel in Illinois. As I prepared my solitary TV dinner I realized I had no idea what to expect that evening. Would I get another secretly broadcast FaceTime call? Would Gemma have been deputized by Jill to keep me company again? I thought about calling Gemma to see what if anything was planned. But in the end decided against it, feeling too embarrassed to make the call, however much I might like to have called her.
But Gemma was savvy enough to anticipate my mental state and caring enough to do something about it. Just as I finished my TV dinner a text arrived from her.
‘Dave, sorry I can’t join you and be there for you tonight. Duncan and I have some stuff we need to do tonight. But I think if you’re patient, you might get a surprise a little later.’
I didn’t have long to wait. About fifteen minutes later I saw an incoming FaceTime call from Chris’ number. He’d obviously made some pretext to leave the bed, place his phone and start the call. Because the first thing I saw was his tightly muscled ass walking away from the camera, his big cock wagging in front of him as he rejoined my wife on their hotel bed.
As the bed sagged under his weight, the strangest thought went through my head. I wondered if they’d even bothered booking two hotel rooms. Or if, knowing what they intended to do, they’d been stewards of the corporation’s money and had only booked a single room. Saving money, albeit at the cost of flagging to all the internal company gossips the nature of their new relationship.
My mind was soon pulled away from this strange administrative thought as Chris lay next to Jill and pulled her head towards him so they could share a series of light, tender kisses.
“Mmm, that’s nice,” my smiling wife cooed, contentment and satisfaction almost dripping from her voice like honey. “I’ve been looking forward to that all day.”
Watching the excitement and enjoyment that slowly built between them was bittersweet pleasure. This being something Jill had been looking forward to ‘all day’ and which came earlier in her priorities than a call home to yours truly.
I don’t know whether it felt better or worse without Gemma there to keep me company. Alone this time, I felt like this was my own secret guilty pleasure. Watching as the lovers stroked, touched and enjoyed each other’s bodies. Jill again taking Chris deep into her mouth as she toyed with his big balls, bringing him to the peak of hardness before rolling onto her back and offering herself to him as she blew him a kiss and parted her legs in a signal that left no room for misunderstanding.
Chris was soon pushing his long, thick cock deep into my appreciative wife’s body. Jill and Chris’s eyes locked together as neither of them felt the need to talk as Chris slowly moved in and out. Giving Jill the benefit of his full length on each stroke, taking his time as they both savored the slow pace and the anticipation that had no doubt been building up between them all day.
They moved with a practiced ease as if they’d been lovers for years, rather than the one week which was the actual length of their physical closeness. If they looked so close and moved so well after only seven days as lovers, how would things be if I gave Jill the green light and she returned to our marital bed after a whole month together every night with Chris?
The night before, Gemma had stroked and teased my manhood as we’d watched Jill and Chris together from their California hotel room. But tonight I’d lost Gemma to her husband Duncan, so it was my own right hand that did the honors. Having to be careful not to stimulate myself too much, as I knew the blues would follow if I came too soon.
Three times the lovers’ shared joint orgasms as three times Chris filled my happy wife with his scalding seed. With Jill enjoying a few more orgasms besides. Again the closeness and intimacy that I’d seen the night before was there, both exciting me and twisting my feelings in equal measure.
I had a distinct feeling of deja-vu when Jill had recovered enough from accepting Chris’s third load of jizz to call her home alone husband. However much I might have been feeling sorry for myself, seeing Jill’s smiling and loving face was just the tonic I needed. While my front brain concentrated on the words of our conversation, my back brain was trying to process all the feelings and emotions that were flooding through my mind and heart.
This time, Chris had made himself scarce. Maybe just out of general decency, or maybe because he had foreknowledge from Gemma that I’d be alone tonight. Either way, he wasn’t in the picture when Jill called me. Bizarrely, I had mixed feelings about this. Part of me feeling it was like eating a favorite dessert without the toppings that added the final guilty pleasure. Part of me happy that Jill and I were alone, better able to talk openly about anything we wanted as man and wife together, without any magpies in the nest.
Jill must have felt the same, because unlike the night before when we’d finished discussing the more mundane stuff she then asked me how I was holding up.
I grimaced, trying to collect my thoughts and find the right words. The idea of confessing to my two nights of secretly watching a big part of my thoughts as I worked out what to say. Opting for the bland if not dishonest.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” my wife shot back with the tiniest hint of frustration. Like wives the world over, a husband slow and incomplete in discussing his feelings a perennial bugbear.
I knew she’d not let me get away with just that, so tried harder to explain myself.
“Honey, don’t look at me like that. Sometimes it’s hard to find the right words. To put into words what I’m feeling.”
“Sorry, sweetheart. I guess I deserved that. Take your time,” her look no longer impatient, now back to that tender and loving expression I loved so much.
I took my time, looking at Jill’s twinkling hazel eyes as I luxuriated in our emotional re-connection. So precious to me in that moment, and so different than the night before when the presence of both Chris and Gemma had crowded out the opportunity for closeness.
Smiling at her and feeling a new and sudden confidence I explained as best I could.
“I’m enjoying it, honey. By and large. But sometimes it’s both great and also excruciatingly painful.”
Never use words carelessly with an English major. My choice of the word ‘excruciatingly’ was like an electric shock to Jill, her face instantly flaring up in worry and anxiety.
“Excruciating and at the same time exhilarating?”
Now she just looked confused.
“It’s like this, Jill, honey. Seeing you with Chris, and knowing that as well as the physical thing that you’re friends, and knowing that you’re with him all day and might be with him all month. Well, as you can imagine, parts of that are pretty hard for me.”
The worried look was back.
“But I’ve been doing a fair amount of soul-searching and navel-gazing, and I’ve come to the strange conclusion that despite how difficult and painful it is sometimes, it’s also a huge turn on for me.”
Jill’s expression was now more relaxed, and I felt confident to share with her more.
“And the strangest thing, honey, is that while at first, this thing was more about watching the physical stuff, I’ve come to realize that seeing the closeness and intimacy between you and Chris is actually a big turn on for me as well.”
I felt better for getting this off my chest. Especially for sharing it with Jill, from whom I’d kept no secrets all these years. (Well, no secrets except one which I’d felt justified in keeping all those years ago.) It felt good to have shared this realization with Jill, rather than just have it as a lonely and heavy weight on my shoulders. But now I needed to wait and see her reaction.
For a moment I thought Jill was going to flare up, or maybe even deny there was any closeness and intimacy between her and Chris. But then suddenly her expression changed and my intuition told me that she was like me about to unburden herself of some emotional weight.
At first, her words were halting and hesitating. “Dave… honey… I’m glad you feel like that. Because, truth be told, I was feeling guilty about just what you’re describing. Chris and I have been friends and have grown close. And these last few nights and days, a part of me wants to deny it, but of course, it’s true. We’ve grown closer together. What with work, then with the sex, and spending so much time together.”
I could tell she was hesitating, holding one final thing back. Patiently waiting, pretty sure she’d share. “And what’s taken me by surprise, as well, is the closeness that comes from the simple act of sleeping with another man. Of going to sleep together, in his arms. And then waking up together in the morning. Forever and a day, I’ve only known that with you. But these last few nights Chris and I have shared that closeness.”
Jill’s words trailed off, the look on her face telling me she needed to hear and know my reaction to what she’d found the courage to confess. As I looked into those beautiful hazel eyes, I thought back to what Gemma had said. That this lifestyle could draw a couple closer together. In that singular moment, I realized the truth in what she said, whilst choosing to ignore the flip side of the coin. That poorly handled, like our friends Callan and Charlotte, it could drag a couple apart.
“Thanks, honey. Thanks for sharing that. I get it. Believe me, I get it. I think both of us have been through some emotions and done some thinking, I’m sure. And provided we always share it, I think it will only make us closer and stronger.”
I chose not to mention Gemma’s name as I shared this wisdom. Knowing no woman would want to hear another’s name at a moment like this. Seeing the smallest of tears appear in the corners of Jill’s eyes.
“I love you, honey,” she quietly told me. “What have I done to deserve such a loving, smart and generous husband?”
I let my woman’s words lay there unanswered between us for a while. “Nothing much. Or maybe just about everything?” I finally replied, seeing Jill smile and cry a little in response to my mix of teasing and love.
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That conversation and re-connection we shared on Tuesday night kept me going and on a high for most of Wednesday. A day made easier as I knew Chris and Jill were up to their necks in work. Wednesday being the day of the meeting in the Illinois plant, both large and known for its militancy.
But however busy and stressed they may have been during the working part of Wednesday, they found the time and energy to resume and deepen their relationship during the evening. Gemma was once again tied up, but I was once again treated to the customary two-part show. The illicit FaceTime call from Chris so that I could watch in secret as he made love to my wife three times. Followed by the ‘how was your day’ call from Jill, followed by the show she put on for me, taking Chris a fourth time.
I may have been imagining it, but after the conversation we’d had the previous evening, Jill seemed a little more comfortable in showing the intimacy and closeness between her and Chris. It wasn’t quite the same as during the FaceTime call when she thought I wasn’t watching, but it seemed to me a change from the night before.
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Thursday was a day that brought all kinds of things together. In some ways the last kind of day I needed, knowing that later that day I had to make a call about whether or not I was comfortable allowing Chris and Jill’s relationship to continue on after this first week. When Jill and I had discussed the whole road trip thing, I’d agreed to Jill attending all four or five weeks of the work activities. But I’d only given Jill a hall pass to sleep with Chris for the first week – knowing full well that I needed to see how I’d be feeling after a week of this strange new experiment in our marriage.
And with the shape of their working itinerary, Thursday night was the night I had to make the call about what I’d let Jill and Chris do on the rest of the trip. Whatever I decided, the locations of their Friday and Monday meetings meant that Chris would drive across from Wisconsin to Michigan over the weekend.
If I didn’t give them the green light to continue, we’d agreed a change to the original plans. That Jill would fly back to Miami on Friday night and head back late on Sunday to be ready for the first meeting in Trenton, MI on Monday. But if I did give them the green light to carry on as a couple, then Jill would stay the night with Chris on Friday and then they’d drive across to Michigan together over the weekend.
Despite the reassurance I’d gotten from the way Jill and I had managed to be totally open with each other talking on Tuesday night, I was still undecided about what decision I’d make. I was in no doubt that I was enjoying this new and exciting game. But there was also a nagging and loud voice at the back of my head about the risks I might be taking with our marriage if I allowed what had been a pleasure for a few days to continue for a whole month.
Knowing that Jill and Chris were friends who worked together every day, pretty much as closely as two people could. That maybe if I gave them the green light I’d be letting a genie out from the bottle that I’d never be able to put back in. That it might be a kind of malevolent genie, rather than the Casper-the-friendly-ghost kind of genie that grants you three wishes.
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Sometimes events in life conspire against you. Thursday was a really slow day for me. I had to attend some bullshit internal admin training that did little to distract me through the day. It was just a day of feigning interest and pretending to look at slides and listen.
I had nothing mentally substantial to keep my brain active and distracted. So all I could think about was Jill and Chris on their five-hour drive from Illinois to Wisconsin. My overactive imagination conjuring all sorts of pictures up of what my wife and her handsome boss might get up to on that long journey. A full day available to them for journey, wondering if they might choose the quieter back roads to allow more scope for fun and games.
My lust-soaked brain was picturing Chris trying to concentrate while my wife’s slender fingers fished inside his pants as the aperitif. Before her head bobbed up and down until her lover gave her what she wanted. Or maybe Chris would be the aggressor, stopping the car in some quiet clearing and bending Jill over the hood as he gave her a sound fucking, alfresco style.
By the time I got home from work, I was a mental wreck. I wanted nothing more than some quick food and a stiff drink while I waited for the call from either Chris or Jill that I hoped would come soon.
But instead of a call from them, I got a call from our daughter Abigail. Abigail who already knew the guilty secret of her mother and my new lifestyle, and who’d not been remotely phased by meeting Jill’s first lover Daryl.
Abigail chatted about this and that for a while before noticing something in my appearance and behavior. “Are you okay, Dad? You look a little flustered. Is everything okay?”
I’ve always hated lying to our kids, so I went for that time-honored parental standby, the half-truth. “I’m fine, honey. It’s just I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment.”
Abigail’s always been whip-smart and saw right through my evasiveness.
“You sure, Dad? You’re normally pretty good at not letting stuff at work get to you. Unless you’re not referring to work? Has this got anything to do with mum at all?”
From my guilty look, Abigail picked up that she’d hit the nail on the head. Even before any words came out of my mouth. I didn’t want to go into details and I’m sure Abigail, however broad-minded she thought she was, also didn’t want me to go into details. So I just told her that things were good between her mum and me and our new ‘lifestyle’, but that we had a couple of big decisions to make and the reason I might have looked a little funny was that I was thinking about them.
For a horrible moment, I thought our daughter might push for more details, but she seemed to think better of it and decided to content herself with just general advice. Telling us not to do anything stupid and that she trusted us, adding with a quip that we were two of the smartest people she knew – in our family!
I’d only just recovered from this call when my cell rang with another unwelcome caller. This time it was Callan, asking if it would be okay if he and Charlotte came over to keep me company. He was honest enough to admit that he knew from Charlotte what Jill was up to on the other side of the country with her boss Chris. Adding that he’d value the company as sometimes being back with Charlotte as a couple was a little intense and hard work and that he’d welcome the presence of a third-party.
I’ve always found it hard to say no to friends, and so barely thirty minutes later a beaming Charlotte was walking through our front door wine in hand, and smiling in a way that left me in little doubt that before too much longer she’d be asking me for an update on her best friend’s road trip with her handsome boss.
I was surprised it took a full thirty minutes to work the conversation around to this topic, but bizarrely enough I didn’t resent the intrusion or interest. After my earlier conversation with Abigail, I was glad for two friends with whom I could openly share. Knowing they’d not judge me or be shocked. And after a general description of what had happened over the last few days, I found myself telling them about the big decision I faced. Asking them for their thoughts and opinions about what I should do.
Holding hands in a way that was sweet and belied their recent separation, Charlotte and Callan looked into each other’s eyes as they thought about my question and what they should say. Their openness and honesty touched me, as they pulled the plaster off their own situation and answered me thinking only of my needs.
“Maybe we’re the last people you should ask,” Charlotte volunteered, before Callan could speak. “We’re not exactly poster children for a smooth and trouble-free marriage.”
Charlotte smiled, not abashed and owning the troubles and mistakes she and Callan had made. “But that said, you and Jill are very different from me and Callan. And where we screwed up wasn’t around the emotional side of things. It pains me to say it, but I screwed up getting all hot and bothered about a younger guy. Forgetting what I had waiting for me at home.” The tender and heartfelt glance she threw Callan spreading a warm feeling in me, happy at the renewed love between them.
Earlier, Callan had shared that sometimes he was finding their reconciliation hard, but as Charlotte squeezed his hand I thought they looked closer than I’d seen them in many years.
“Dave, baby. You know that you and Jill are like family to us. And the truth is only you can decide. I’m not going to tell you yes or no. That has to be your call. But I am going to tell you how much Jill loves you, and that I know for a fact she’d never ever do anything to put what you have at risk.”
Having delivered her heartfelt thoughts, Charlotte looked sheepish as she continued. “Dave, I’m not ashamed to say this, but in many ways, Jill’s a better woman than me. I screwed up, and it nearly cost me my marriage. Jill’s smarter than me. Not so easily swayed by temptation. If you do decide to say yes, then I know Jill won’t abuse that or do anything stupid. But it’s your call, Dave.”
Charlotte’s words rang true. The cowardly part of me wanted her to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ for me. But on both counts she was right. It had to be my call, and yes, Jill was smarter than her and would never put what we had at risk. I knew this as I remembered the look on her face when I’d carelessly used the word ‘excruciating’ to describe part of my feelings. How she’d looked so upset and worried that I might be suffering.
Charlotte had said her piece, now content to just look first at Callan and then at me. I wondered if he’d speak, but he just grimaced in a way that told me he agreed with his wife but understood my dilemma and what I was feeling.
I looked deep into Charlotte’s eyes, but we both knew there was nothing more to say on the subject. I was the only one who could make the call.
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The conversation continued a while yet, but now about more mundane things and I found myself wondering why I’d not received the normal call from Chris or Jill. My paranoia flaring up slightly as we talked about all kinds of stuff.
Callan and Charlotte finally left just after nine, and I’d still had no call from either Chris or Jill. And when my screen did finally light-up, the screen showed only ‘Gemma’. I looked up and spoke a silent curse. Unfair to Gemma, but that’s how I felt.
She was ringing to apologize for not being able to see me, which I poo-pooed as she wasn’t exactly joined to me at the hip. She had her own family and husband. But I can’t remember which of us moved the conversation in that direction, but somehow the topic came back to Jill and Chris and my decision.
I knew they’d not coordinated it, but it was like Gemma and Charlotte were singing from the same hymn-sheet. Hymn-sheet! A strange word for my brain to reach for at a time like this. Gemma’s thoughts basically doubled down on the twin themes that Jill could be trusted as she was smart and loved both me and what we had. And that I was the only one who could make the call.
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It was a full hour from when Gemma’s call ended until Jill finally rang me. I don’t know why, but there was no secret call from Chris that evening, and when I saw Jill’s smiling face there was no sign of him.
After the normal small-talk about our respective days, Jill came to the subject which I could see was making her nervous.
I’d thought about little else for the last hour, left alone with my thoughts after my twin female advisers had told me how much I could trust Jill. Before their advice, I’d been swaying towards telling Jill that I didn’t think I could cope with four more weeks like this last one. That I’d enjoyed it in a strange bittersweet way, but that one week was my limit.
But before I knew what I was doing I was forcing my dry and croaky voice to say words that part of my brain wanted to push back.
Seeing Jill’s face switch slowly from nervous to semi-masked happiness caused a strange feeling in me. A sentenced man pulled apart by two equally strong horses. One pulling me to anguish at the thought of Jill’s excitement and troubles that might be ahead. One shouting at the excitement I felt and the evenings of this strange new lifestyle that I’d just set in motion.
My answer having been given, both Jill and I seemed distracted and unable to return to more mundane topics. Both of us seemingly relieved to end the call so we could be alone with our thoughts. Jill’s smile sweet but a little distant as she told me she’d ring me tomorrow.
Actually, she said that ‘they’d ring me tomorrow.’ And even this little change stuck in my brain. In the same way, the thought that I’d not see Jill for another eight days stuck in my brain.
It was going to be a long eight days. An agreement and experience that moved our new lifestyle into a new league. We’d dipped our toes a few weeks ago. Jill’s solitary night with Daryl had then felt like the deep-end. But this was the forty-meter board. Scary as shit but with thrills to match. At least, that’s what I told myself.
Knowing their itinerary, I knew I’d just agreed to only see Jill twice for three truncated weekends in the next month. And that she’d be with Chris for the next month apart from these three short trips home. And not just with him as a co-worker, but now green-lighted to be his lover and friend for all this time together.
Part of me was thrilled at the thought. The masochistic part. But the quiet, subdued voice wondered whether I’d set us on the same rocky path that had nearly claimed Charlotte and Callan’s marriage.
(Thanks to cbears52 for finding the time to edit in amongst a busy weekend’s activities.)
