This is especially true when it relates to the sexual experiences that I had when I was younger. I’m not talking about sitting back and reminiscing about the first girlfriend I banged in the back of my dad’s Chevy… although I do have memories of that…
I’m talking about experiences that most people never have in their most wildest dreams. Those experiences were amazing and incredible for me back when I was just becoming a young man…but since then, for the past 16 years, the memories have turned into a curse.
Every minute of every day I am in a constant search to fulfill the uncontrollable sexual desire that my past experiences have created.
From online porn… to one night stands in sleazy motels… to glory holes at adult book stores… to brothels near Las Vegas… to gay Craigslist encounters….
I have tried everything over the years to tame this unrelenting sexual need… but when the things that you need to quench these deep rooted desires are forbidden… it becomes an endless search that consumes you to your core.
I am obsessed with finding a relief and I have read several articles and studies on this subject. I recently read an article written by a sex therapist that suggested that writing about your experiences may be a way to not necessarily stop the desire, but the beginning of learning how to control them.
These chronicles are the experiences that have been the driving force behind the uncontrollable sexual desires that I am so desperate to control…
This is how it all began…
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My Cousin Jason
What am I about to do? I’m attracted to girls, right? Why am I in Jason’s room about to stick my dick into his ass? Why am I salivating at the thought of seeing his rock hard dick? He’s my cousin and my Aunt is sleeping in the other room.
These are the questions I was asking myself on a late September day, back when I was a 17-year-old teenager.
You’re probably saying, “So, did you stick your dick in his ass?”
Well before I answer that, I need to explain to you what led to that moment.
Ever since my mom and dad divorced when I was little, I would spend every weekend with my dad’s side of the family. Since my dad didn’t have a place of his own, spending the night at my Uncle and Aunt’s house with my cousins was the norm. I have two cousins, Jason and his younger sister Jenny. I was a good kid, never got into trouble… always respected my elders, while Jason was always getting into trouble. He was constantly shoplifting, getting into fights and cursing like a sailor. Although our personalities were quite a bit different, Jason and I always had a good and fun relationship. Mostly because I was only six months older then he was.
Our relationship began to change during one of our weekend sleepovers. Jason and I were up really late and everyone else in the house was asleep. We had just played a board game and decided to watch some TV. As we were flipping through the channels, we came upon one of those late night soft porn movies that would play on HBO. A man and a woman were making out passionately. The man started to remove the woman’s blouse and when she was down to her bra and panties, I had noticed that my cousin was rubbing his crotch.
Jason noticed that I was looking at him so he turned to me and said, “What? I can’t help it, this movie is making me so hard.”
I was confused. I knew I was older but I didn’t have the slightest idea what he was talking about. I asked, “What do you mean, ‘hard’?”
He pulled his pants down to his knees and revealed his dick. Since I had never seen another dick before, I was mesmerized by what I was seeing. It was hard, smooth and long but it was not very thick. Jason saw that I was intently looking at it.
He said, “Do you want to touch it?”
As soon as he said it, I started to feel my own dick twitching in my shorts. I reached between his legs and put my fingers on his dick. As soon as I touched it, I could feel my dick becoming hard for the first time. Since I had never experienced this before, I jumped back and looked down at my crotch. Jason noticed that my dick was getting hard. He slowly reached down and stuck his hand down the front of my shorts. He grabbed my dick and freed it from my clothes.
Jason’s eyes grew big as he saw the size of it. Not that my dick was longer then his, but it was quite a bit thicker. He reached down and began to rub it. He started at the tip and gently brought his hands down to the base. I had a bunch of hair around the base of my dick and my balls so he started to put his fingers through my pubic hair.
He said, “I was told that my dick will get thicker some day and that hair will grow but I didn’t know what he meant.”
I asked, “Who told you that?”.
He told me that a friend at school had brought it up one day.
He then asked, “Scotty, while we are watching the rest of this movie, could you rub my dick back and forth?”
I replied, “Absolutely, as long as you do the same.”
He quickly answered, “Yes!”
Being that we knew nothing about jacking off, we spent the rest of the movie moving our hands back and forth, rubbing each other’s dicks.
At the end of the movie, Jason turned to me and said, “We need to do this every weekend when you sleepover.”
I agreed and for the next couple months, no matter what it was that we were doing, playing board games or watching movies, our hands were rubbing each other’s dick. We called it a ‘rub-a-thon’.
We both looked forward to our weekly ‘Rub-a-thon’ sessions but unfortunately they came to an end. After a big fight my mom and dad had, I was not allowed to see my dad for almost six months. It was such a bummer. I wanted to sleep over at my cousin’s house, but I just wasn’t allowed. During those six months, I discovered more and more about giving myself pleasure. One night, I was lying in bed, thinking about a girl in my class and I started to rub myself. I wrapped my hand around my cock and started to pump it up and down. It felt so good.
I thought to myself, “I can’t wait to tell Jason about this.”
As I started to think about telling Jason, I began to visualize his long and smooth dick and suddenly, I exploded all over my leg. I didn’t know what had happened or what to do…. all I knew is that it felt awesome!
I started High School and I started masturbating a couple times every day. I would think about a girl I started to date, but usually right before I would cum, I would think about Jason.
Fortunately, shortly after school started, my mom allowed me to see my dad again. Since we couldn’t have our yearly summer camping trip, my dad organized a family camping weekend up at the Jelly Stone campgrounds.
I was so excited, I couldn’t wait to tell… and especially show Jason what I had discovered. When I arrived and saw Jason, he was ignoring me. He acted as if nothing had ever happened. I didn’t know what was wrong. Did my Uncle and Aunt find out what happened?
I went and sat by the fire and felt really bummed, then my Aunt came up to me and said that Jason was waiting for me in the boat with the fishing gear. I looked up in shock, grabbed my flashlight and sprinted for the boat docks.
Jason said, “What took you so long? I need to show you something!”
I replied, “I have something to show you too!”
We rowed out to the middle of the lake and I tossed the anchor into the water. It was pitch black outside, except for the light of the moon, which was trying to shine through the overcast sky above. Other than the crickets chirping in the brush around us, it was really quiet. Jason got up from his side of the boat and laid down in the middle. He motioned me over and I laid down right next to him.
He turned his head to me and whispered, “Reach into my pants and tell me what you feel.”
I reached down into his shorts, expecting to feel the smooth, long and thin dick I had been dreaming about for the last six months, but instead, I felt the shaft of his cock and instantly noticed it was a lot thicker then last time. I moved my fingers down his shaft feeling the bulging vein under his dick. Then I started to feel hair… lots of hair. I wrapped my hand around his shaft and took his dick out of his shorts.
I looked down in shock as I saw his beautiful cock. It was hard as a rock and was bent up against his stomach.
He whispered, “So, what do you think?”
I was speechless at first, then I said, “Your cock is beautiful.”
He asked, “So, what did you want to show me?”
I turned to him and whispered, “I wanted to show you something that I found out… here, let me show you.”
I then grabbed his dick and started to jack him off. Slowly at first, gripping his cock hard enough to bring his skin over the top of his head and back down slowly to the base of his shaft. Slowly up and down. The entire time I could feel his rock hard cock trying to bend itself up towards his stomach.
As I continued stroking up and down, Jason was moaning into my ear, “Oh, man! That feels soooo awesome!”
As he was getting more and more turned on and excited, my dick became hard as a rock and was trying to break free from my shorts. I started stroking faster and faster… harder and harder…
Suddenly, Jason moaned, “Oh Man… yes… yes… yes…ahhhhhh!” as his cock exploded.
His cum shot up into the air and landed on the side of the boat.
He looked over at me and said, “Wow!”
I then took his hand and placed it on the shaft of my cock. With my hand over his hand… I began to jack myself off.
I was moaning into his ear, “Oh yeah, cuz… That feels so good… Oh yeah… you are going to make me cum… Keep going… Keep going… Here it comes… I’m going to cum!!”
Then I exploded.
As my cum started to shoot up into the air, Jason reached over and put his hand over my cock drenching his hand in my cum. Then I watched in shock as he started to lick my cum off of his hand. To see him tasting my cum… it was amazing… incredible!
We rowed to the boat dock to go back to camp. By now it was very late and as we walked to the campsite, only my Aunt was up sitting next to the campfire. It was an unusually hot and muggy night for September and as we got closer to the campfire, I couldn’t help but notice that my Aunt was sitting there in her bra and panties. It was the first time I had ever seen an adult woman this close up in her underwear.
My Aunt Cindy was about 35 years old and in great shape. Her tits were huge. I couldn’t stop staring at her. As she got up to go to sleep, she mentioned that Jason’s sister, Jenny, was sleeping in my tent and that I would have to sleep in Jason’s tent for the night.
I looked over at Jason and saw his devilish smile. Jason went into the tent, as I went to take a leak. When I returned and entered the tent, Jason was under his cover and since the clothes he was wearing were in a pile next to the sleeping bag, I knew he was butt naked.
As I stripped down and started to get into the other sleeping bag, Jason motioned for me to join him in his sleeping bag.
We faced each other and started to talk about the past several months. I told him about starting High School and having a girlfriend and he told me about his excitement to be going High School. I told him how I couldn’t stop staring at his mother’s tits. He said that nowadays, she had been walking around the house naked and flaunting her body to the neighbors, through the windows.
He then told me how his younger sister, Jenny, who just turned 16, was starting to act really wild and sexual. He told me that if they were watching a movie with someone making out… she lay on the ground, facing up, grabbed her crotch and started to buck up and down off of the floor. Jason then said that she kept asking to see his dick but he hadn’t shown her… yet.
He asked me if I had fooled around with my girlfriend. I told him that she didn’t seem interested and I was afraid to try anything.
Then he surprised me by saying, “Why don’t you practice on me?”
I replied, “What do you mean?”
Jason said, “Pretend that I am your girlfriend, that we are on a date and you want to make a move.”
“Ok, I guess I would start with kissing,” I replied.
Jason said, “I don’t know how to kiss so I can get practice too.”
I reached in towards Jason’s face and put my lips on his. I immediately pulled back, because it felt so weird. He then reached to me and put his lips on mine. We began to softly kiss. I turned my head and began to slip my tongue into his mouth. At first he resisted, but then he began to put his tongue into my mouth. We started to kiss more and more passionately. I reached down to his chest and started to rub his pecks. I broke the kiss and I brought my head down to his nipple and started to suck on it.
He was moaning, “Ooh that feels soooo good!”
Then I laid down on my back and pulled him on top of me. We began to kiss again and as he laid on top of me, our cocks began to touch and I could feel his cock growing to its full size. We started to rock back and forth as our cocks were rubbing against each other.
He then rolled off of me and grabbed my dick. He began to jack me off. It was amazing how much he remembered from earlier in the boat. He took it slow as he stroked my shaft up and down and he reached over and began to kiss me, with passion. The more passionately we kissed, the harder he stroked, until my cock exploded cum all over his stomach. He rubbed his hands on his cum-soaked stomach and he began to lick my cum again. After shooting my load, I started to get really tired. I grabbed his cock and started to jack him off, but I was so sleepy. He took over for me and started jacking himself off. He came quickly, cleaned up and lay his head on my chest.
He whispered into my ear, “You were awesome… but you owe me.”
I said, “I promise. I will make it up to you.”
The next day, we packed up camp and headed home. In the car on the way home, Jason was reaching under the jacket I had draped over my lap. He started playing with my dick. Since his sister was sitting next to me and my Aunt and Uncle were right in front of us, I grabbed his hand and took it off of my dick.
I reached over and whispered into his ear, “Don’t worry, I have something special planned for next weekend to make it up to you.”
He said, “I’m looking forward to it!”
The next weekend…
