It was approximately one week before our deployment would be up. As I lay in a twin-sized bed next to Kelly, fully clothed, I told him, “We have to stop spending so much time together.”
He ran his fingers through my hair. “It’s only one more week.”
“A lot can happen in a week.”
“I’m being the perfect gentleman,” he said smiling. “Even if you ripped off my clothes, I wouldn’t do anything.”
I laughed as I sat up. “All I’d have to do is nibble on your earlobe and it would be over.”
He laughed. “Damn, you remember my spot.”
I left his bed. “Of course, I remember.”
He left the bed and walked over to where I stood looking down into my eyes. “One week left Jackie.”
“I know, Jonathan.” I stepped back, turned, and left his room.
*******
Walking, my mind was filled with thoughts. One week until we’d resume our normal lives. But how could anything be normal after confessing there was still something there?
“Hey Wilson,” I heard.
I sighed and turned to see McMann and Cabugao. “Hi,” I said as I kept walking.
“We haven’t seen you around much,” said McMann.
“I had no idea I was supposed to report to you, my apologies.”
He chuckled. “I’m convinced you’re fucking that chair force dude.”
“She has to be,” added Cabugao.
I scratched my head. “Why is that any of your business? Just know that I’m not fucking either of you,” I replied and walked off. One week, I thought, one week left before I’d never see those two jerks again.
When I entered the room, I heard a commotion in the bathroom. I hurried. “Ro?” I asked as I opened the door and witnessed her throwing up in the toilet. “Are you okay?”
“Uh, girl fuck, my stomach. I think that meat from lunch got me fucked up,” she replied as she went to the sink to brush her teeth. I looked at her through the mirror.
“What?” she asked before spitting and rinsing.
I shrugged and went to my bed and sat. She walked out and stood in the middle of the room eyeing me. “I’m not.”
“I didn’t say a word, Ro.”
She sucked her teeth and got in bed. She moaned for a little while until she went to sleep. I didn’t want my mind to think any other thoughts. I missed my husband. I need to feel the warmth of his skin next to mine.
All I could think about was seeing him again after two months, tasting him, holding him, feeling him inside of me. I touched myself. It had become my solace, a way to keep the cravings at bay. If I didn’t touch myself to relieve the tension, I would have succumbed to making love to Kelly. As I felt my center drip and my body quiver, I fell asleep with my juices still lingering on my fingers. One more week and I’d be home with my husband.
******
We had orders in hand, bags were packed, and out-processing had taken place. The flight was leaving first thing in the morning. It was an emotional night. I stood in his room hugging him. “God, Kelly.”
He kissed the top of my head. “We’re going to be okay.”
With tears in my eyes, I smiled. “Yeah.” It was the third time I was letting him go. Conceding my love left me to wonder what could have been. Life was weird. Always playing games. I wanted to scream and he knew it.
“Go ahead and leave, Jackie.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I better.” It was too hard looking into those eyes. The ones that had covered me with respect and adoration for two years before we made love for the first time. I left his room brokenhearted yet again. Quickly I gathered myself. I took a few deep breaths and walked off knowing I still had love waiting for me in Florida.
*********
Arriving home was bittersweet. I left everything in the desert. My future was looking me in the eyes. He held me close, his hands in my hair, kissing my face repeatedly. “Baby, you’re home.”
“I am.”
I felt little arms around my legs. “Auntie J, you made it back with Mommy.”
I looked down and lifted him. “I did. Did you miss us?”
He nodded vigorously. “I did.”
I set him down and greeted Diego. “Hello there,” I said as I hugged him.
“Welcome home ladies.”
“Good to be back.”
“Amen to that,” added Ro.
They went their way and we went ours. I had some pent-up sexual energy that needed to be released. So as soon as the car pulled into the garage and the door closed, I was already removing my panties, pulling out his stiffened cock, and straddling him.
From the moment his thickness entered me, I let out a long deep satisfying moan. I rode him hard. “Damn babe, we can go inside,” he said.
“Uh-uh, I need you right now,” I replied. I threw my head back and moaned, “Fuuuccckk.” That first orgasm was like a wonderful dream. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. I panted and pressed my forehead to his.
We both chuckled. “You good now,” he said, smiling.
“I am now,” I admitted.
“Can we finish inside?”
I nodded. We went inside. I saw the flowers, the candy, and the teddy bears. I turned to him with a smile. “I love you.”
“Yeah, I know, now bend that ass over,” he commanded. I held onto the counter as he fucked me from behind. “You missed my dick?”
“Yes, babe.”
“Act as if you missed it.”
I started pushing back on his cock, making my cheeks clap. He slapped my ass and encouraged me to go harder and faster. “Yeah babe, just like that.”
I stood up straight as he played with my breasts fucking me slowly. My thighs were wet and so were his balls. We were moaning and groaning loudly. “Shiit!” we exclaimed. He kissed the back of my neck and pulled out. I turned to him.
That was the first of many rounds we enjoyed that night.
**************
As promised, my husband planned a trip to Cancun for my birthday, and Ro and Diego joined us. There we were on a flight headed to Mexico. Mexico was the place I had dreamed of visiting, the place I planned to retire and write stories.
As the aircraft approached the area, I saw the sparkling blue sea, the sugar-white sand beaches, and the tall hotels and resorts. We were there, minutes from landing. The captain welcomed us over the intercom just before the landing gear dropped.
We were there. The aircraft taxied to the gate. The seatbelt sign went off and people got up to get their items. Warren could see the excitement in my eyes. I could hardly contain myself. After grabbing our bags and passing through customs, we headed out for transportation. At that time, there were a bunch of people trying to offer us a free breakfast for a presentation to join some kind of vacation club. I quickly said, “We ain’t interested.” And kept moving. In my mind, vacation club was just a new term for timeshare.
****
We stayed at a fancy resort. It had two sides, one for the regular folks and a side for the ballers who paid for all the bells and whistles. I didn’t need all of that. The regular rooms had a nice view of the lagoon side and had two queen-sized beds, a balcony, and a fancy bathroom. We planned on having a lot of fun on that balcony, as that was one of my kinks, to have sex on a balcony in Cancun.
Everyone was tired from the flight but I wanted to walk around. I wanted to touch the sand. See the colors, hear music, see the waves roll up on the shore. As I walked around, I looked at the beauty of the resort. I took pictures, made videos, and wrote on my blog. As I was standing by a waterfall that cascaded down a wall behind a sculpture, I backed into a man. “Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry,” I said to him.
He stared at me with soft blue eyes. “It’s quite all right. I should have been watching where I was going,” he said with a slight accent. He looked Latino but then he looked like a white guy; maybe he was both.
“No, it was my bad.” I smiled. “Your English is pretty good.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, it is. I’m from California.”
I laughed. “Okay. That explains it.”
“My mother is Mexican. We lived in Yucatan for many years before moving to California.”
“Interesting.”
He was smiling pretty hard and checking me out when my cell phone sounded with a text message from my crew asking where I was. “Oh shoot, I have to go.”
“No problem, maybe I’ll see you again?”
“Um, Jackie.”
“Are you sure? You wouldn’t give me a fake name?”
I laughed. “That’s my name, it’s Jacqueline but my peeps call me Jackie, and you are?”
“Manuel but my peeps call me Manny.”
“Mucho gusto.”
“Hablas espanol?”
“Bastante.”
“Muy bien. Take care.”
I nodded and walked away. I found the three of them by the entrance which led to the pools, restaurants, and entertainment spots. “Hungry?” Warren asked.
“Yeah, I can eat.”
We went to a few of the little stands to grab tacos, fries, wings, chips, and plenty of unnecessary food. As we sat eating, I saw Diego’s face beaming with joy.
“Somebody was having a good time in the room,” I joked.
Ro laughed. “Girl.”
“We have some great news.”
Our ears perked up. “Okay, do tell.”
“We’re having another baby,” he said with joy. “Now, this is truly going to be my last deployment.”
“It better be,” Ro commented and pushed him playfully.
“Congrats.”
“Yeah man, congrats.”
“So, when is the baby due?” I asked.
“At the end of May, right babe, the doctor said May 22nd.”
She nodded.
“Yeah, it must have happened the night before she deployed,” he commented.
Inside, I was scratching my head because I distinctly remembered Ro having a period while we were deployed because our cycles were synced. But what I didn’t remember was her having another period with me before we left the desert.
I smiled. “I’ll have another little niece or nephew.”
“I’m hoping it’s a girl,” she said. “We’re going to name her Alina.”
“That’s pretty.” I looked at Warren and smiled; he kissed my cheek.
We continued to eat and later we explored the beach. When the guys went for beers, she said, “I know what you’re thinking, Jackie.”
I pretended I didn’t know what she was referring to. “What do you mean?”
She sucked her teeth. “Come on, sis.”
I remained silent. I had a lot to say, but most of it would have offended her and most likely caused an argument.
She rolled her eyes. “Look we both did things in that desert, so don’t be looking down your nose at me.”
“For the record, I never fucked Kelly in the desert.” I scoffed and continued, “Seriously, you think I’m judging you?”
“I don’t know.”
I sighed. The men had returned and sat next to us. I leaned over and kissed my husband.
She stood. “I’m going to the room for a little while.”
“She must be tired; the baby has been kicking her ass. I hate that I have to leave right before her birthday. You two will take good care of her, right?” he asked me.
I nodded. “You know I will.”
“Yeah man, we’ll make sure she doesn’t spend her birthday alone.” After he finished his beer, he stood. “I’ma go use the restroom right quick, I’ll be back.”
I looked at Diego. “This better be your last deployment.”
He chuckled. “It will be. I’ll get to put my rank in the desert and get my reenlistment bonus tax-free. That will be more than enough to put down a nice payment on a house.”
I smiled. “You’re a good man, Diego.”
He smiled. He was a good man. He was always thinking of ways to expand wealth for his family. He wanted the best for them, and he didn’t want to struggle. He wanted prosperity and was willing to sacrifice in the short term to secure what he wanted in the long term.
This was how he showed love. People expressed it differently. It’s not cookie-cutter. And no marriage is perfect or without flaws. You learn that some things are just not that serious. As I thought about the child I didn’t have, I wondered if Warren would be okay. If I was enough? My heart ached a little.
*****
Later that night, as I sat with my husband on the balcony looking out at the trees on the grounds and across the way at the lagoon with boats sailing by, I said to him, “What if we adopted?”
He turned to me as if I said something in Russian. “Nah, we’re not doing that.” He stood up, moved the sliding door, and went inside.
I stood and followed him. “Why not? It’s an option.”
“Jackie, can we not talk about this?”
I rubbed my face and nodded. “Okay.”
It was quiet. My husband had never said anything hurtful to me until that moment when I sat on the bed. He looked right at me. “Maybe if you had not aborted your first baby, you wouldn’t have this issue.”
My heart shattered. “What?!” I stood with nostrils flaring. “What the fuck?”
He shook his head. “I know that’s not what you wanna hear right now but shit Jackie.”
“Wow, okay. Yeah. I had an abortion. So, is all that shit about you still loving me no matter what? What?” Tears streamed down my face; I started for the door.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
The door opened and I slammed it shut. “Fuck you!” I said out loud, causing a little older Hispanic/Indigenous woman to fold into herself. “Sorry, not you ma’am. My fucking asshole of a husband.”
She nodded as if she understood. She spoke to me in English with a heavy accent, “Come, let’s go have a drink downstairs.”
I nodded and walked with her to the bar. I ordered a pina colada frozen daiquiri and she had some tequila. I explained to her my dilemma. Her heart was heavy for me and my situation; she understood.
She was married for thirty-five years before her husband passed away two years before she moved back to Mexico in Cancun. She was Mayan. She grew up in an area called Valladolid in Yucatan.
“People we love the most often end up hurting us the most. It’s because we have allowed ourselves to be most vulnerable with them. We assume that love comes with a fail-safe mechanism that prevents people from hurting us. We forget that people are human and are capable of failing us. If he’s sorry, his actions will prove it.”
I nodded. There was something beautiful about the wisdom of an older woman sitting there schooling me about life in a nonjudgmental way. Just keeping it raw and real.
She saw the crystals I wore on a necklace and smiled. “I see you study the ancient practices of your people.”
I nodded. “I do from time to time.” The truth was my mother and Warren wanted no part of that spiritual walk and often frowned at me when I wore crystals.
She looked into my brown eyes with hers and said, “When the time is right, you will have a child.” She said it with certainty that sent a chill down my spine. She smiled. “Well this old lady must get some sleep.”
I nodded. As she left, her hand touched my shoulder. Me, I went to the beach. I found myself sitting where the waves met the shore. Sure, my ass was wet but I sat there speaking life into the ocean.
I looked to the moon and asked it questions. I prayed to the heavens for answers. And then I heard his voice, “Jackie.”
I said nothing. I stared back at the ocean.
“So you just going to ignore me?”
I remained silent. He sat and looked into my eyes. “Jacqueline Denise Wilkes-Wilson.”
I rolled my eyes. “Say what you came to say and leave me in peace.”
“Look, I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
I shook my head. “What was our rule before we got married?”
“To be careful with our words with each other and other people because words have power and once something is said, it’s hard to unhear. I’m sorry, Jackie.”
My eyes welled with tears. “You have never made me feel like this was my fault. Yes. I had an abortion. I would have kept the child but I was scared. He was getting married and expecting a child with that person. I didn’t know what to do. And maybe it was cowardly, or maybe you don’t agree with what I did, but it was my choice to make and I will not allow you to make me feel like shit because of it. Not when I have to fight the shit in my head every day.”
He rose, reached for my hands, and helped me stand. “I messed up. That was wrong. You know I love you. I want us. It’s team us.”
I shook my head and punched his belly hard. He folded over. “Damn, Jackie what the hell?”
“That’s for saying what you said.”
He unfolded himself, staring at me in disbelief. “Shit, you hit hard.”
I swallowed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hit you. I don’t want violence in our relationship any more than I want hateful words.”
“I forgive you if you forgive me.” His lips touched mine. “Let’s go back to the balcony.”
I grinned.
******
I was standing on the balcony wearing the see-through coverup without panties. I leaned against the sturdy rail with one foot on a chair. I had my hand on the back of his head as he feasted. This was how I wanted to spend my birthday: getting my pussy eaten by my man on the balcony in Mexico with the lagoon as my backdrop.
I let out soft sweet moans as his tongue flicked my clit and his fingers stroked my wet center. He paused and looked up before standing. “Turn around,” he said.
I turned. Looked at the lagoon. It was peaceful. As I held onto the rails of the balcony, he pushed his way inside.
Slow, deep, long strokes, one after the other. I touched his face before turning my head to receive his tongue. I tasted myself on his tongue and I tasted sweet. I was at peace with him. He promised never to hurt me again and we promised to love each other forever. That was the story. That was the script. Team us. As we kissed sweetly, he said, “I love you, Jackie.”
“I love you too, baby.”
