Part 1 – Filling a hole in our lives
Claire and I had been married for more than twenty years when the events that I’m about to describe started.
The year was 2016 and Claire and I had just bid a tearful goodbye to our younger daughter Caitlyn as she’d headed off to college – like her mother, studying for a degree in education so she could follow in Claire’s footsteps to become a teacher.
Claire and I had met while she was studying in New York to be a teacher, and I’m a little bit ashamed to admit that I was a bit of a cradle snatcher as we met and started dating when she was nineteen in the second year of her four year Bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education and I was a twenty-five-year-old analyst working on Wall St.
We met at a party and we had a nice time talking and laughing – bonding over a shared ‘small-town America’ upbringing which allowed us to talk about how we found the ‘big bad city’ of New York. We talked and talked and so at the end of the evening, although I thought Claire was well out of my league, I was hopeful when I asked her if she’d like to meet up for a coffee sometime.
And the rest, as they say, is history.Twenty-four-years and two children later, Claire and I found ourselves somewhat bereft empty-nesters. Claire and I were very much doting parents, and Caitlyn and her elder sister, Amy were the centre of our world. When they went off to college we were proud and happy for them – but it also left a big hole in our lives. And it’s from our efforts to fill this hole that everything else followed on.
With more time on our hands and this big hole in our lives, we decided to spice up our love life.
We’d always had a very happy but somewhat vanilla and conventional love-life – I guess in keeping with the conservative upbringing both Claire and I had received.
To spice things up in the bedroom, Claire and I had taken to looking at on-line adult websites – including those with ‘adult’ movies and erotic stories.
As we explored, Claire was wide-eyed at the size of some of the guy’s cocks that were shown, and she developed a particular fascination for some of the well-hung black studs who were shown on these websites.
As I guess is pretty normal, when we were new to surf these sites, Claire and I had fairly eclectic tastes and surfing habits. But over the weeks and months as we explored, we homed in on the kind of sites that interested us.
And from Claire’s initial fascination with big cocks and especially well-endowed black guys, we developed a particular interest in interracial websites. As we looked at these together, it would never fail to get Claire excited and aroused – and I was the lucky beneficiary of Claire’s arousal!
It’s fair to say that it was Claire who had the first and the stronger interest in this whole well-endowed, interracial sex theme. I did find the movies and pictures of some pretty woman taking a huge black cock arousing – but Claire’s interest was definitely stronger!
When we made love, I started to tease Claire – whispering in her ear to imagine that it was some well hung black hunk who was making love to her – a muscular black Adonis with a cock the size of her arm, rather than her slightly under-endowed and decidedly unmuscular white-bread husband of twenty-plus years!
My made-up stories about these dominant and masculine lovers for Claire never failed to excite my wife and help bring her to come to a shattering orgasm.
It was after one of these love-making sessions, as we cuddled and basked in that special closeness, that Claire asked a question which was maybe the second little acorn, casually asking, “I wonder what it would be like to take such a cock and go with a guy like that ….”
Well, the seed – or should I say the acorn – was well and truly planted.
Or, to be accurate – in the days that followed, that comment and thought took root.
Until now this thing had mainly been Claire’s interest, and I’d played along to aid her pleasure. But now that Claire had asked this question, I couldn’t stop myself wondering what it would be like to see my beautiful wife on her back … her legs spread wide … and some big black stud stuffing her full of his over-sized black cock while she squealed and moaned as he brought her to orgasm after orgasm.
Unable to shake this picture in my head, our love-making was taken to a new height as Claire’s question had fired up my imagination and it was Claire’s turn to benefit!
I was on the point of opening up the topic with Claire when my soul-mate and best-friend beat me to it.
“Neil honey … you know when you make up those stories in bed … well … I was just wondering … Do you ever really think of what it would be like watching me going with another guy ….”
And what was said – couldn’t be unsaid.
After Claire’s question, she and I started down the path of discussing what it would be like to do this thing for real.
It started off as quite a theoretical conversation … what would I feel and think …. What would it be like for her.
But it soon and unmistakably morphed for both of us into a conversation about what it would ‘really be like’ – with the implicit sub-text that, without ever saying it, we were both thinking about whether or not we would do this thing.
And as the days and weeks of conversation passed, Claire and I became more comfortable opening up and being really honest with each other.
Claire admitted that, only having had two boyfriends before me (both of whom were white and similarly endowed as me), she was inquisitive about what it would be like to go with a man with a very large cock. And she was now, after all the watching movies and fantasizing, genuinely interested in what it would be like to go with a black guy. Were they different? Would the whole ‘black on white taboo’ add extra excitement?
For my part, I was at first a bit embarrassed to admit to Claire that the thought of her on her back, legs drawn up and spread wide as some big black stud took her harder and deeper than I ever had was now a big turn-on for me!
Claire giggled nervously at my vivid description, and I asked Claire if she thought any less of me for having these thoughts.
She kissed me softly – telling me of course she didn’t … telling me that I was the love of her life and best friend, and that she thought it was wonderful that we could be open about our sexual thoughts and fantasies.
And then she said something that at the time probably didn’t mean a lot to me, but which looking back now are words which are etched into my mind. Words that I’ll never forget.
As she finished saying that she didn’t think any less of me and how great it was that we could share openly, almost as a throwaway after thought she added, “And anyway honey … it’s silly to think that however much you love someone, they can meet all of your needs and desires …”
These words were barely out of Claire’s mouth than she was asking me the flip-side of the question I’d asked her, “Neil honey … what about you … do you think any less of me for having these thoughts about what it would be like to go with another man … a big black guy with a huge cock?”
I smiled at Claire – my cock hardening as I heard these unfamiliarly crude words coming from her mouth – and told her the truth, “Of course not baby … I love you and nothing you could do could ever change that … if anything, I find the thought of my new, slutty, adventurous wife a real turn-on … after all, what would all of your common-room girlfriends think if they could hear you now?”
The answer I got from Claire surprised me initially, although I guess with hindsight maybe I was a bit naïve. Claire smiled mischievously and answered me, “Baby, I think you’d be a bit surprised if you knew what me and the girls talk about in the common-room …”
Well, with a look like that I couldn’t let this go unexplored – and Claire was soon confessing that she and her girlfriends often discussed ‘matters of the bedroom’ as my wife delicately called it. And apparently this included all of our latest bedroom talk about well-hung black guys!
With Claire and I having moved to a new level of openness and honesty with each other, our conversations moved to a new level on this whole topic.
Our conversations had moved from the hypothetical to a place where, without explicitly saying it, we were discussing the practicalities and whether we were really going to do this thing.
As was becoming normal, it was my beautiful forty-three-year-old wife who gently nudged things forward, asking me one night in bed, “Neil honey, do you think it would hurt our relationship if we actually did this thing … you know, did it for real?”
In truth, I’d been thinking the same thing – asking myself the same question. But I’d been too nervous and hesitant to come out and ask the question – so I was glad that Claire had asked the question.
It was a conversation that deserved the utmost time and thought – not the kind of thing where an off-the-cuff casual answer will do.
And so Claire and I talked at some length over several days about the question of whether it would hurt our love and relationship.
And in the end we agreed on a number of things. Firstly, that we thought it wouldn’t hurt our relationship. Over the years of our marriage, we’d both come to realize that I wasn’t the jealous type when it came to Claire. I knew that she loved me deeply, and that our love wasn’t based on her having an overwhelming, unstoppable physical attraction for me. We both knew that there were plenty of guys who she came into contact with who flirted with her and who were a lot more physically handsome and desirable than me.
But it was me who had won Claire’s heart – and as an extension of this, Claire and I both thought that if she did go with some hot and handsome black hunk with a huge dick – that it wouldn’t challenge or threaten our love, because our love was based on different things.
Secondly, we agreed that it was likely that if we did this that while part of me would enjoy it, a big part of me might feel jealous and threatened – however much I knew it wouldn’t really threaten our love. And so we agreed that if we were going to do this thing, then we needed to keep the channels of communication open.
And thirdly, we were both honest and smart enough to know that we didn’t quite know how this thing would feel and play out until when and if we actually tried it!
And that brought us to the $64m question – was this a risk that Claire and I wanted to take?
Because there was no getting around it, if we did this thing – it would be taking a step into the unknown. We didn’t think it would hurt our love and marriage – but the truth is, we couldn’t be sure. We would be taking a risk!
But you can’t go through life never taking a risk and so Claire and I got to a place where we decided that this was something we wanted to try – but that we would take it slowly, to see how we both felt … with both of us able to say ‘stop’ at any point.
Claire and I didn’t want to rush into anything – our love, marriage and family were too important for that – and so we decided to do nothing for a month and see if we still felt the same after a month, or we’d changed our minds or felt different about things.
But after the month of our self-imposed waiting period, Claire and I both agreed that this was something we wanted to try.
I know we both felt nervous and excited as we took this decision.
The wording of that fateful ad we placed read: “Beautiful MWF 43 seeks VWE black man to help us explore our fantasy. We are 1st time NY couple seeking genuine guy 28-50. No time-wasters please! All genuine replies will receive response. Husband to accompany but not participate.”
Ever modest, Claire didn’t want me to use the word ‘Beautiful’ – but as you can see from the masked photos that accompanied the ad, beautiful is exactly the right word to use to describe Claire. I was always amazed she chose me, as with her beautiful face, kind personality and great figure she was decidedly out of my league when we met – and over the years she’s got sexier and more beautiful in my opinion.
I wasn’t surprised that we got loads of replies to our ad. As you’d expect, many of the ads were from time-wasters or other cranks. But once we’d weeded these out, we still had plenty of eligible candidates to explore.
I could see the excited look on Claire’s face as she started exploring and contacting the guys who were top of her list. I couldn’t help but tease her as in her normal ‘teacherly’ way, my sexy wife had made up a list with pros and cons and her thoughts … and had started emailing back to the top five.
As I watched Claire at the keyboard, my gut would knot up and the adrenalin would surge as I’d see her smiling as she text chatted with these various guys. This was the first instance of the bittersweet pleasures and pains with which I was going to become familiar over the next few weeks and months.
It was the intensity that was new to me. Over the years, I’d seen plenty of guys hitting on Claire or flirting with her at parties. As a husband of a beautiful and very desirable wife – I’d had to get used to this over the years. And the truth is, while sometimes it had been difficult or hurt – over the years I’d grown to enjoy it, knowing that Claire would be coming home with me at the end of the evening – however handsome or hunky the guy who pursued her was.
And as I watched Claire’s fingers on the keyboard, seeing that little excited smile and the slightly flushed expression – it was a similar feeling, but only amped up and on steroids! Realizing my wife was excitedly flirting with these five black guys.
At first, I gave Claire her space – wanting to give her some privacy. But after a couple of days I couldn’t control my inquisitiveness and excitement and I got her to talk me through the list of guys and describe to me where the text chats with them had headed.
I was a little surprised that as Claire talked me through the five guys she was chatting with – it was pretty clear that Claire was already much more interested in one guy than in the other four.
The guy in question was called Jason and was thirty-three-years old, six-ft, five-inches tall and was the classic ‘bad-boy’ type. He was heavily muscled and ripped and was heavily ‘inked’ with tattoos covering most of his chest and back – with some tattoos even on his face.
When I expressed surprise to Claire that she was interested in such a ‘bad-boy’ type, she giggled, saying that maybe after all these years being a ‘good girl’ she wanted to try something a bit ‘naughty’ – before adding (on a more serious note) that Jason wasn’t as ‘bad’ as he looked from the heavily tattooed photos.
He also had the biggest cock of the five guys on the list – with Claire excitedly telling me that Jason’s cock was, “Just under ten inches.” I’m sure this hadn’t hurt his chances any with my sweet wife when she was making her ‘girl in a toy shop’ top five list!
Hearing the excitement in Claire’s voice as she talked about Jason, took things to the next level for me – in terms of both jealousy, adrenalin, fear and excitement. These somehow conflicting and yet inter-connected feelings were all jumbled up as I sat there with an incerdibly hard cock and a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach as Claire talked about Jason; slightly flushed, pupils dilated with excitement and for all the world talking like a high school girl about the star quarteback who she’s got a crush on.
Hearing and observing this, when Claire said she wan’t sure which one she wanted to chose to meet first, I gave my wife a rye smile. “Claire honey, are you for real? Listening to you going on about Jason … it’s pretty obvious you’ve really got the hots for him and that he’s the one that you really fancy …”
Claire blushed, and went quiet for a moment. Then, still blushing she spoke, “Well, I guess that’s why they pay you the big bucks sweetheart!” before adding after a pause, “honey … are you upset about it?”
I smiled gently at Claire. We’d promised to be 100% honest with each other, and so I thought for a moment to find exactly the right words, “Claire, darling … honestly, I’m all mixed up inside …. I’m excited … at the same time that I’m jealous as hell … at the same time I’m frightened that this big hunk of a guy’s going to satisfy you better than I can and steal you away from me. Honestly, my feelings are all over the place!”
Claire’s expression suddenly changed to one of concern and worry. “Honey, I didn’t mean to make you feel like that …. I hate to hurt you …. Do you want that we write to these guys and tell them it’s off?”
I suddenly felt like a child who’s just had their beautifully wrapped Christmas present torn out of their hands just as they’re about to rip the paper off and play with the toy they’ve been waiting for all year!
I looked at Claire, and she looked confused – picking up on my mixed feelings and messages.
I loved this woman. She patiently waited for me to explain.
Again, it took me some time to find the right words and pull my thoughts together. I felt embarrassed (and was sure I looked it, too) as I stumbled over my words. “No …. It’s okay Claire honey …. All the things I said are true …. But I still want us to do this thing …”
What followed was a long and honest conversation, during which Claire started to understand that the whole jealousy and fear and inadequacy thing was intrinsically linked to the pleasure and excitement that I (and I guess many husbands) get from this whole set-up.
Even as she realized this, Claire took some persuading that I did still want to go forward with this thing. But in the end she finally got it and understood that I wanted for us to do this thing. And so we went ahead and arranged a meeting with Jason, a meeting that might well change our lives.
