Claire’s view
Hi, This is Claire still. Neil’s going to share his perspective and thoughts on those deep conversations that started that Monday evening, just after Veteran’s Day 2016. But as it was me who first took the lead in those conversations, it makes sense if I share my memories first. You never fully remember conversations as they were actually said, however important they were. But even now, nearly two years on, I have a pretty good memory of what was said on those November evenings.
Setting the scene a little, you won’t be surprised to hear that I’d been all over the place at school that Monday. I felt sorry for the kids, as Mrs. Green was not much use to them that day. There was precious little learning that day in my classroom. A couple of the teachers I’m closest to even asked if I was okay, and I brushed it off claiming to be just a little tired after a busy weekend.
I got back from school around 4 p.m. and felt I needed a drink. So I poured myself a glass of white wine and, just as my hubby does, I put on a warm coat and sat looking out over the peaceful scene in our backyard.
Now that I was back in my familiar world, I knew that I had to share openly with Neil everything that had happened and everything that I was feeling. Most of all, I knew that I needed to share with Neil two things. Things that he needed to know and that we really needed to talk about. However hard it might be for me to tell him, and for Neil to hear.
Firstly, I needed to be honest with my loving husband about how amazing the love-making had been with Jason. When we’d role-played about me being with a much better-endowed man, Neil had described in vivid detail how this hung guy would pleasure me as never before. But all my knowledge of my loving husband told me that for Neil to move from fantasy to reality would be a big deal. It’s one thing to fantasize about another guy pleasuring your wife better than you. I was sure it would be altogether different to hear about the actual experience. No longer just fantasy with an un-named, imagined man. Suddenly very real. With a real man, with a real name. Who Neil knew, and who was still around as a potent male competitor.
Hearing from his loving wife just how amazing Jason was in bed was likely to be much more challenging than the fantasy we’d shared. As part of this, I pretty much knew that Neil would ask me who was better, and that I’d have to tell him the truth. My intuition and knowledge of how Neil’s brain worked told me that, in the end, he’d probably be okay hearing how great the sex with Jason was. After all, that was part of my loving husband’s kink.
But I expected the second thing I needed to tell Neil, about the connection between Jason and me, would be altogether more difficult for Neil to deal with. Neil already knew that he was over-matched physically compared to my new man. But to hear that there was already a personal, emotional connection between Jason and me would surely frighten Neil. Just as it scared me, however embryonic that connection. I knew Neil and I would think about this issue in the same way. The connection today didn’t really matter. It was more where it might lead in the future that was the thing to be rightly afraid of.
Neil came home at his usual time, around 7 p.m.. After all that had happened this weekend, there was a strange awkwardness between us. It hadn’t been there when we’d been together Friday through Sunday at Jason’s condo. I guess the whole experience and situation was so overwhelmingly erotic and new that it had blotted out any awkwardness (I was too busy making out and being screwed by a new African American lover to have time for any awkwardness!) But it was definitely present now, with the weekend’s passion and excitement gone, and normal domestic life had resumed. Neil and I now had to deal with the aftermath, the reality of where we would take things after the momentous events of the last few days.
As I greeted my returning husband, I hugged Neil closely, and after a while, he gently pulled back and just looked lovingly into my eyes.
“It’s going to be okay honey. I promise you,” my wonderful husband said, giving me just the words I needed to hear.
I hugged him again, not wanting ever to let him go, feeling wonderfully safe in his tight embrace. Enjoying the comforting smell and feel of the man I’d made my life with these last twenty-plus years.
It was hard telling Neil what I had to say to him. As I predicted, he was pretty relaxed and not surprised when I told him how great the sex was. I had to smile inwardly when, just as I’d thought he would, Neil asked me if Jason was better than him. Knowing that my kinky little husband wanted to hear that my new black lover was indeed his superior, I pandered to his kink.
With a playful smile, I told Neil the truth. “Oh baby, what a silly question. Of course Jason’s better than you are! You spent most of the last three days beating off while I enjoyed Jason’s monster cock. You saw how many times he made me cum. Honey, do you really have to ask me if Jason’s better than you in the bedroom?”
Neil blushed, and I wondered if I’d taken it too far. I looked down at the tent in the front of his trousers. I smiled, as this told me that even if my stinging words had hurt a little, they’d also appealed to my sweet husband’s kink.
It’s pretty cliched, but I used those infamous words ‘honey, you’d better sit down’ as I opened the second, more difficult subject.
“Neil sweetheart, there’s something else that we need to discuss.”
I’d thought long and hard about exactly what words I was going to use to tell Neil about this challenging subject. I was really glad that I’d prepared, seeing the worried look on my husband’s face.
“Neil, when we went into this thing, we were just looking for some physical fun. But I have to be honest with you honey, I’ve really got the hots for Jason and he feels the same way about me. I don’t love him or anything. That would be a silly thought after just a few hours. But honey, I have to be honest with you. There’s a connection between Jason and me.”
Neil started to speak, but I held my hand up to stop him gently, as I’d not finished. This was hard enough, without having to stop and start. I needed to get this off my chest, just as I’d rehearsed it.
“And darling, I’m frightened by it, because of what it might become and what it might do. And I need you to know about this honey, because it’s something we have to think about.” And finally, I was done. Exhausted from the raw emotion of saying these difficult things to my husband.
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Neil’s view
This seems a natural place for me to pick up our story. Claire had just dropped a bombshell. Most husbands would have been angry or pissed at their wives for telling them this kind of thing. But I found my feelings were very different from ‘most husbands’ as I listened to Claire’s words.
I knew Claire had been dreading telling me about the connection between her and Jason. But in many ways, she was just telling me what I’d been forced to confront already, during those fifty-six hours at Jason’s condo. I couldn’t ignore the evidence of my own eyes, of how close Claire and Jason already looked over the weekend they’d spent together.
I was glad that Claire had owned up about it, and that rather than try and hide it, she’d shared it with me as something we needed to talk about.
And the fact was I’d already started thinking about this closeness throughout much of the weekend. Especially at night when I was alone in the guestroom, and Jason and Claire were together behind the closed door of his bedroom.
I’d not confessed it to Claire yet, but the closeness that I saw between my wife and Jason didn’t just frighten me. It also sent a shiver of excitement and adrenalin through my body. I almost physically shook when I thought about it. I’d thought about this closeness a lot throughout that Monday, when like Claire I’d been pretty useless to my employer. But this cocktail of fear and excitement was at the heart of the whole adventure we’d started with Jason.
I knew that, just as Claire had been entirely open with me, I needed to respect her enough to do the same. We were now cuddled up on my favorite armchair, with Claire snuggling in my lap. I kissed her softly and stroked her long brown hair as I started my confession.
“Claire honey. Thanks for sharing that with me, I know it wasn’t easy.”
Claire gave me a loving look that melted my heart and made me realize all over again how much I loved this woman, and never wanted to lose her.
“And sweetheart, I’m not surprised by what you told me. The closeness between you and Jason was pretty clear for me to see all weekend.”
Claire blushed at this, and with a rye smile, I continued. “And I think we’re on the same page, Claire. The closeness and connection between you and Jason does frighten me a little. Or maybe even a lot. But it also excites me, and makes me happy for you.”
Claire looked a little confused and even upset at this, and so I tried my best to explain.
“Honey, watching you with Jason at the weekend was the most amazing experience of my life. I don’t fully understand why. But seeing you being so thoroughly pleasured, giving yourself so totally to another man. Well, it was at the same time the most amazing and the most scary thing I’ve ever seen. And seeing the closeness between you and Jason was just the icing on the cake. If you’re going to give yourself to another guy, then I want us to do it totally. No half measures. I want you to totally let go with him and give yourself one hundred percent to him.”
Claire looked at me. Two people, equals in a relationship and trying to work this thing out together. She asked me in a very matter-of-fact way, “But darling, aren’t you worried where this will head? That Jason and I might fall in love? That I might leave you for him?”
I didn’t answer immediately. Claire and I just carried on looking deeply into each others’ eyes. And then I cleared my throat and spoke to this woman who was the love of my life.
“Yes, honey. A small part of me is frightened that you’ll leave me for Jason. But I don’t think it will happen. Seeing the two of you together this weekend, and knowing you sweetheart. I’ll be honest. I’m pretty sure that you will develop feelings for Jason. But I know you darling, and I know you’ll still love me. And I trust in who you are and in our love.”
There was another long pause as Claire and I looked at each other, not saying a word with her still snuggled on my lap.
I sensed the time was right to continue.
“Claire baby, please don’t misconstrue anything I’m about to say. I love you with all my heart. You’re my everything. And I’d die if I ever lost you. But honey, we’re in our forties, and the girls have fled the nest. We’ve always played it safe. Until now. And that’s fine. That’s okay. It’s one way to live our lives. And we didn’t go looking for this thing with Jason. Well, not this anyway. But it found us, and it’s here, and we have to work out what to do, baby.”
Claire was still looking intently into my eyes, waiting for me to finish.
“The way I see it, darling, is we can either play it safe like we’ve always done, or we can take a risk, and trust ourselves to deal with anything that comes along.”
The way I’d put it, made it sound so simple. But honestly, in my heart and mind, it felt anything but simple. I’d been useless at work that day and had spent most of the day thinking about what had happened in our lives since we’d met Jason on Thursday night. I knew that Claire and I had some huge, life-changing decisions to make, and I’d wanted to get my own mind straight before Claire and I talked things through. My eyes were open to the risks we would be taking if I allowed or encouraged Claire to carry on seeing Jason. But despite these risks, by the time I’d arrived home I’d resolved in my own mind what I wanted to happen. Unless Claire was really anti the whole idea, I wanted her to start seeing Jason as a regular thing.
I’d reached this decision for all kinds of reasons. But the top three were most important. One, I loved watching her being pleasured so thoroughly by Jason. Two, I wanted this woman who I loved so much to have this amazing pleasure. She’d already enjoyed this pleasure over the whole weekend, and I wanted her now to enjoy it as often as possible. And three, I believed that as long as we were open and communicated, we could handle any risks and difficulties.
And having worked out what I wanted, now I needed to help Claire work out what she wanted. That’s why I’d explained to her my feelings and how I wanted her to give herself totally to Jason.
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Claire again
When Neil had told me how the connection between Jason and me both excited and frightened him, I’d been a bit confused and upset. But as my husband took me through his thinking, I began to understand where he was coming from. And when he described me giving myself totally to Jason, one hundred percent, I have to admit my panties started getting a little damp at the thought.
Like Neil, I was worried about the risks we were taking. But as we talked, the truth was that I wanted Neil to persuade me. I fully understood what my sweet husband said about having always taken the safe path, and that we were at a fork in the road where we needed to make a decision. To either play safe or take a risk. And so, just as we’d done these last few weeks, both Neil and I conspired to push the risks to the back of our minds. Persuading ourselves that we could handle them.
And as Neil and I came to a final, shared decision that I would see Jason on a regular basis, I felt a surge of confidence. I felt like a new chapter of my life was about to start. A chapter where I’d have a husband who I loved dearly. But a chapter where I’d also share my body with the new man in my life. My thirty-three-year old African American lover, Jason.
