It was past midday and the sea-front restaurants and bars were filling up fast. Everyone was seeking the shade. The flags on the war memorial hung limp against the flagpoles. Past the war memorial the less fashionable part of the seafront promenade began. Here were the fast food places, burgers and French fries and the cheaper bars where those working on the seafront went to drink and escape from the tourists. It also marked the start of a long line of beach huts. Wooden huts that had only recently been hauled from storage and set in place for the summer season. They all had fanciful names like Odette, Bel Air, Les Ballons… and fanciful colours too, some bright but mostly blue-grey and subdued. The huts were merely symbols of their owners’ colourless lives.
Suzy leaned against the doorway of her parents’ hut and tried to let the fierceness of the sun cauterise the roots of her anger. There was a song. There was a line something like “The sun poured down like honey on our lady of the harbour,” she whispered the words to herself. Suzy had a way of talking herself in whispers. The sun was already beginning to blister the freshly painted wood releasing an acrid smell of linseed oil and tar. Suzy hated the smell. It was the smell of every family summer holiday, every birthday. This was her eighteenth and she had spent long nights planning that it would be her last.
The heat was making her dizzy so Suzy slid through the narrow gap between the hut and the one beside it. The gap was narrow but Suzy was narrow too, a lanky leggy waif. Once through the gap, she found herself in the cool empty space behind the huts. This was her domain. In this alleyway Suzy’s life was formed. It was here that she first found blood in her panties. It was here that she first made herself come. It was also here, hidden between the concrete wall and the huts that Suzy had squatted down and let a brand new stainless steel razor blade make pretty little cuts on the tops of her thighs. Red on white. Please let the red come. Let it wash away the pain. No orgasm had ever managed that.
That was over now. The hospital, the medication, the strategies for when the pain came. A diary had been kept. Even a ‘buddy’ had been available, a weird woman who believed heaven existed. Every effort had been made. Suzy felt the rush of anger and pressed her forehead against the cool woodwork and let out a silent scream. Despite the bruised knees, bruised fists, somehow she clung to a private joy. The knowledge that her body was no longer her enemy. Her body had become her lover. These days Suzy met her lover in secret and the love she found was sweet and fulfilling.
Every few metres there was a gap between the huts and the sun sliced through in a blinding flash and then darkness returned again. Blinding light, total darkness. The flashes confused her, troubled her. She punched the wood panel beside her, hard enough to break the skin and draw blood. Someone shouted from inside the hut.
Suzy started running. She loved the way her blood was coursing through her veins. She loved the way the sunlight flashed across her bare legs. She was not a freak. She could be beautiful one day. She ran faster and faster. The movement excited her. She wanted it to go on and on until she had come to the end of everything.
Suzy half closed her eyes as she ran. In the distance she saw a silhouette, mirror images leaning against the opposite sides of the alley. Two people were blocking the path, each with a knee raised, a foot against the wall, heads turned towards Suzy. Out of the light and into the darkness again. Closer now and confrontation was unavoidable. Two girls, older than Suzy. Wild black curly hair and smooth skin, tanned and dark.
Suzy stopped running and walked slowly now. School in London had equipped Suzy with certain abilities in situations like this. She walked with a measured even step, a certain sway of the hip to demonstrate confidence. Eye contact only at the last moment.
Now her heart was pumping hard. Suzy felt a tightness at the bottom of her stomach where she imagined her womb was. Then one girl spoke and suddenly everything became open and clear. Maybe this is how it ends thought Suzy.
“Hey English girl!” The girl leaning against the concrete wall spoke first.
“Hey!” replied Suzy as confidently as she could manage.
“Drink?” said the girl holding a bottle in front of Suzy’s face.
“Sure, why not?”
The liquor burned her throat but she managed to show no sign. It was strong, but not like whisky or vodka. It tasted different to the shots she had tried at home. Then the other girl grabbed the bottle and drank thirstily. Then an argument broke out. They shouted at each other in their own language. It didn’t seem to about the liquor but something else. The girl who had spoken first kept pointing at Suzy and shouting something at the other girl. There was no way to get past without a fight. Then the shouting stopped as if an agreement had been reached, and for some reason Suzy felt she was part of the bargain. “Come with us English girl. You can call me Dika, she is Mala.”
Dika held out a slim brown hand and Suzy took it. Their eyes met. Dika’s eyes were dark brown. Without either girl being aware of it something was exchanged in that meeting of eyes. Suzy turned to the other girl but Mala had already gone further ahead and was lost in the heat haze.
Suzy thought that the girls were probably gitanes from the south of the country, Roma gypsies some called them. They lived precarious lives and were well known for the ferocity with which they protected their culture and each other. Mostly they were hated and feared. Perhaps because of their extraordinary beauty, and their music and their dance and all of their art. Their art was entirely about sex.
Later, much later, Suzy would learn that these girls were from Marseille and it was in those narrow streets around the old harbour they had learned their particular trade. The liquor made Suzy feel less afraid. No more words were spoken as Suzy was led through the narrow canyon of concrete and wood. Her heart had stopped pounding and she felt better, better than she had all day. It was good to have a hand to hold.
Beyond the huts she could hear the sound of children playing, parents calling, a busker playing but in the shadows the three girls occupied a separate world. A world driven by their own private energy, the lust for life and truth and beauty and sensual and unusual pleasures.
They had reached the end of the alley. Suzy’s hand was released and the girl pulled at a wooden slat and they scrambled through the gap into a small area of scrubland.
“Come, Suzy,” said Dika
“How do you know my name?” Suzy asked. Dika laughed then she pointed meaningfully to the other girl. “She is Mala. Good girl. Very good with her hands… ” and Dika laughed again. It seemed to be a private joke.
They all had to dig their bare toes deep into the soft sand to climb the steep dune. The sand on the surface was burning hot but beneath the surface the sand was cold. A breeze spun the loose sand away from their feet as they climbed. The gypsy girls were strong and the muscles stood out on their bare legs as they climbed the slope. Suzy could not climb as fast and the now the girls were far above her on the slope.
Once at the top of the mound Suzy looked around at the endless deserted dunes. Suzy felt that she could be anywhere on earth. The sounds of the seafront were lost behind them. A warm wind was blowing and Suzy knew she had crossed into a different world. Dika put her arm around Suzy’s shoulders and Suzy felt she knew what it meant. It was almost like feeling safe. She had not felt safe for a very long time.
“Come, Suzy,” said Dika. “This is home.” And there, in front of them, on a patch of flattened sand stood a shack. The shack was built of driftwood and corrugated iron.
“I show you,” Dika said and held out her hand. Mala ran ahead, her black mane wild in the wind and Dika and Suzy watched the girl running.
“Please know this English girl, Mala not good here,” Dika said as she tapped the side of her head and frowned. “Mala is her own journey. But it is OK … you will see.” And then in a whisper, “She will make you very happy soon.”
And then Dika smiled a smile of such radiance that it took Suzy’s breath away. From that moment and for a very long time to come Suzy would love Dika. She had no power to stop it. Dika had entered her life, her real life. It was the life Suzy understood. The life she lived when her door was locked, and she undressed and stood in front of her mirror and meekly surrendered to her body’s demands.
“Hey, you OK Suzy English girl? You were lost in a dream… come, we make party now. Yes?”
“Yes Dika. We make party now!” said Suzy, and she was all once happy that language and love had become so simple and sexy and sunny.
“Maybe Suzy needs more drink, we have more inside. Come!” Dika said.
Suzy felt as if she was being summoned by the sun, led by the sun. Her sun was so bright, her sand so hot and the girl walking ahead of her so beautiful. She ached inside and all at once she felt empty and hollow. Why had she been denied love for so long? Why were her hands the only ones that caressed her body? Why did no-one read her mind and see there was beauty there among her own personal debris of hate and fear and desperate longing. But now there was Dika.
At first Suzy saw only the darkness. The brilliance of the sunlight outside rendered the shadows pitch black. Then she noticed little beams of sunlight crossing the floor making the specks of dust sparkle. There were curtains hanging from the walls, paintings, vases filled with sunflowers and a sweet musky smell of herbs and spices and liquor and women. In the centre of the room a huge table of wood so dark it looked black. There were doorways covered by curtains and hangings, book shelves, a huge mirror cloudy with age. Dika took her hand and led her further inside. For Suzy the one fixed point on this journey was Dika. If she loved Dika hard enough she believed she could at last be safe.
“We wait here English girl. Auntie not here yet.”
Suzy kept hold of Dika’s hand. Her hand was soft but her grip was strong.
“It’s OK English girl.” And Dika squeezed Suzy’s hand.
Then all of a sudden Dika leaned in and kissed Suzy on the lips. Suzy felt something deep inside, something she felt was vital to her existence simply melt away. Dika looked into Suzy’s eyes and laughed.
“What big eyes you have English girl, you want to see more of Dika, don’t you.” Just as Suzy was thinking about those words, a husky voice, came from directly behind her.
“Zoozee… “
Suzy turned. It was Mala. But Mala’s eyes were not brown like Dika’s, they seemed to glow with a violet light. Mala grinned fiercely.
“Is good name yes? Zoozee…”
Mala pronounced the name in two distinct syllables. Her voice was husky. She seemed to always speak at unexpected moments. Suzy was scared of Mala but she didn’t want to be and she wanted to love Mala too. Mala stroked Suzy’s hair and then she too kissed her lips. Dika and Mala exchanged glances and again Suzy felt as if some unspoken deal had been done.
Mala spoke quietly into Suzy’s ear. “Auntie here soon. Only then Zoozee will understand everything.”
She stroked Suzy’s hair and whispered, “We know English girl is sad for a long long time. We see down on the beach. All OK. Mala is going to make Zoozee very very happy.”
As her eyes grew more accustomed to the light, Suzy could see deeper into the shadows. Against the far wall was a massive bed covered with cushions. There were candles everywhere, oil lamps hanging from the roof beams, musical instruments and clothes, piles of clothes, all brightly coloured. She wondered if they sold these things in markets along the coast.
Faded photographs were tucked into some of the slats of the window blinds. In the gloom it was hard to see clearly but she could see Mala on the beach, her eyes half closed and confidently naked. Suzy saw firm breasts thrust forward and the jet black triangle. Mala was so beautiful, not just her looks which were surely enough but her confidence, her pride, and her wonderful arrogance.
“You like the way I look?” Mala asked.
“Yes, I think you look lovely,” Suzy murmured as shyness tied her tongue and made her blush.
“Hey Dika, English girl say Mala look lovely,” Mala said laughing. Then she turned to Suzy and looked in her eyes. “Afterwards we make pictures of you Zoozee. Auntie makes good pictures.”
But just as Suzy was about to ask what was going to happen for there to be an ‘afterwards’ a voice spoke from somewhere in the shadows.
“Ah, here she is. The one my girls call ‘the pretty one’.”
Suzy was startled, the voice seemed loud in the quiet room. Turning she saw a tall woman, her hair all wrapped in a dark red turban. Suzy saw a wide mouth gleaming white teeth and eyes so dark they looked black. Suzy did not understand why but the woman made her feel very humble and small.
“Come here Suzy, let’s have a look at you.”
The woman climbed on to the bed and settled herself on a pile of cushions and held out her hand.
“Closer child. My, you are a skinny one.”
Suzy came nearer and let the woman touch her face.
“The girls call me Auntie just to annoy me. I am not their aunt, nor their mother. You will understand soon. You can call me Auntie if you want but my real name is Janelle. You can call me that to begin with if you like. And then afterwards you will call me Mistress.”
And as she said this she looked deep into Suzy’s eyes and smiled her smile and Suzy felt the goosebumps growing. And for a brief moment, Suzy felt the anxiety rising again and she wanted to get back home back to the seafront with the noise and the music. The woman seemed to understand because she patted the cushions next to her and said softly.
“Come and sit with me Suzy, everything is going to be OK, you’ll see.”
The woman smiled her smile again and her eyes grew warmer and before she knew it Suzy was sitting amongst the scarlet cushions with Janelle’s arm around her shoulders.
“More to drink Dika! Auntie and Suzy need a drink!” And Janelle laughed and laughed and hugged Suzy. Janelle was strong, her body hard and toned. Her skin was clear and smooth and brown. Mala was doing something at the table.
“Mala is a good girl, she is getting much better now,” Janelle whispered to Suzy. “She has special powers now.”
At the sound of her name, Mala looked up. “Zoozee,” she called from across the room and laughed. Suzy saw again how astonishingly beautiful she was. There seemed to be a glow around her, a kind of magnetism, an aura.
Dika returned with a tray of glasses each filled with a pale yellow liquid. She handed the first to Janelle and the second to Suzy. Then she drank one in a single gulp and Mala did the same. The liquid was bitter with the same aftertaste as the drink she had earlier.
Suzy felt the woman pull her closer. There was a sense that something strange was about to happen. Dika had closed the door of the shack and Suzy heard the lock turn. Then the music began, rhythmic and strange. Suzy felt as if she were sinking slowly into a warm bath, ever deeper, becoming powerless, formless.
Dika and Mala began dancing to the music.
“Finish your drink, Suzie,” said the voice in her ear. And Suzy obeyed and the liquid was bitter and the blood was roaring in Suzy’s ears and the girls were moving so freely and Suzy felt something, something new flowing through her veins, something good.
Suzy could feel her face and neck getting hot. She could not take her eyes off the dancers. They moved to the music so freely, so happily. They laughed and clapped and it seemed as if they had been dancing this way all of their lives. From time to time their bodies entwined, hands and lips touched. This wasn’t an act, this was real. They were making love in their wild dance as Suzy watched and watched. Mala’s and Dika’s eyes flashed in the darkness. Mala moved away for a moment and lifted the hem of her dress exposing a lean brown thigh. Janelle laughed and clapped and tousled Suzy’s hair.
The music changed and Mala danced a new dance that was more intricate and erotic. As Mala danced Suzy felt her own body respond. Mala danced and she pulled open the top of her dress as she danced and let it fall from one shoulder. Suzy was unable to resist watching the girl who seemed to be dancing a story. A story that only women who loved other women could understand.
Suzy never noticed that the buttons of her dress were being slowly undone. Janelle’s fingers moved slowly down and down, button by button and it wasn’t until she felt Janelle’s breath on her bare breasts that Suzy looked down to see that she was all undone and open. Her heart was pounding. She did not dare move in case the fingers stopped. Her dress was open now and it fell from her narrow shoulders and Janelle’s fingertips slid under the waistband of her panties.
“What are you going to do?”
Janelle smiled. “What would you LIKE me to do?”
In reply Suzy raised her hips to allow Janelle to slide down the panties and then Suzy raised her legs and the panties slipped over her feet and she was naked.
“Janelle, please teach me things… sex things.”
Janelle ran a fingertip across Suzy’s lips.
“Listen Suzy, I know you long to be touched by many hands, to be naked when others are dressed.”
The slow rhythm of Janelle’s voice was hypnotic.
“I know you love being naked Suzy. You love it when a grown woman undresses you like this, to look at your beautiful body, to touch it. You long for her to watch as you touch yourself, as you use your fingers, to watch as you come.”
Suzy felt as if her body was no longer her own, her thoughts no longer her own. Janelle whispered her hypnotic words
“Are you mine Suzy? Are you mine to take and possess? Am I to hurt you and to pleasure you in any way I choose?”
“Do whatever you want to me,” Suzy replied.
Janelle grinned as she heard these words of surrender. She knew that Suzy had, at that moment, crossed over into another world with no prospect of return.
As Janelle studied Suzy’s face she wondered how the girl would respond to suffering. Almost reluctantly she beckoned to Dika and Mala. The girls crossed the room and as they crossed the room they pulled off their dresses and were naked. The girls climbed on to the bed and reached out to touch. Janelle had moved away and now sat cross legged, her back against the wall, her own nipples hardening as she watched her girls take Suzy and spread her wide across the bed like a rag doll to be petted and stroked and loved.
Mala was the first to possess Suzy’s body. She used both hands to make the most of the little breasts and she suckled the hard nipples. She trailed the backs of her fingers down the flat belly and giggled as she saw how the muscles tightened. Mala knew how much the girl was longing to be touched between the legs and so Mala denied her. Dika felt her own body responding as her fingers traced patterns on the inside of Suzy’s thighs and she saw the moisture gather on the lips. Suzy’s sex was small and neat and shaven save for the dark tuft on her mound and she had opened like a flower. Still, Mala denied Suzy and instead of touching the flower’s petals she took a nipple between finger and thumb and squeezed. Suzy winced and was rewarded by Mala’s lips.
Meanwhile, Dika sought the skin at the very top of Suzy’s thighs. She pulled at the skin, stretching the fine skin where the thigh ended and the outer lips began. As the girls became more aroused they became more adventurous. They seemed connected each to the other and Suzy found herself connected too. Now the real dance had begun, a melding of minds and bodies where there was to be no beginning or end. As Mala touched Dika’s breast, Dika replied by touching Suzy’s. As Dika’s hands slid beneath Suzy’s buttocks, Mala’s found their way to Dika’s tight little bottom. Their hands did not discriminate, there was nothing taboo, nowhere out of bounds. Breasts and flanks, fingertips touched each hard little nipple. As one hand slid across the Suzy’s tummy, another slid between her thighs. As one hand cupped her there another found her anus. A hand had reached beneath her and circled her bottom’s tight little opening. Suzy instinctively clenched the muscles there but was too aroused to resist. Her mouth was slippery and wet with the kisses and the fluids that were brought to her bruised and swollen lips. Mala now had two fingers deep inside Suzy’s vagina and she leaned in close and looked deep into Suzy’s eyes
“Shall we do it like this, Zoozee? Shall Mala make little Zoozee come?”
Suzy let herself be taken as Mala’s fingers found the places within that only she knew about. She watched for the response, the way the back arched, the point where the whole body ached for release. The way clear strands of fluid could be drawn so easily from the swollen opening. Mala felt the moment when the battle was won, when the body gave itself and the climax was inevitable. It was only now that Dika entered Suzy’s other opening. A finger slick with her secretions found its way in and at that instant Suzy came.
It was as if a bell jar had been lifted from a creature starved of oxygen. A rush of air filled the room. It was a strong orgasm. It arrived fast and the spasms continued for a long time. Dika felt them all. Janelle watched the body writhe and contort in its agony of pleasure. She watched as Dika wrapped the silk ribbons and then silk cords around Suzy’s wrists and ankles.
Now Suzy was being rolled on to her side and she curled up like a baby. Dika touched the dark skin around the anus then slid a thin white tube deep inside. The tube was pushed in a long way into the girl’s body. The tube was connected to a shiny metal syringe. Dika pressed the syringe and fluid flowed through the tube and deep into the girl’s bowels. Dika watched as the liquid took its effect on the girl’s consciousness. Looking into Suzy’s dark brown eyes she saw the pupils dilate. For Suzy, the sounds of the room seemed to be coming from far away, from down a long tunnel. She reached out for a moment and then fell back. Janelle saw the tears forming in Suzy’s eyes and she pressed the syringe again, draining it and Suzy sank into a dream.
The sun seemed to hang unmoving above the horizon. The restaurants lowered their blinds as the rose coloured light spread across the white tablecloths. Men came out on to their balconies of their holiday apartments. Bored with sex they came out to smoke and to watch the passers-by, their eyes following every unaccompanied woman.
Further down the promenade, the owners of the beach huts were closing up their little wooden houses and trudging back to their burning cauldrons, their cars But behind the huts the dunes and amongst the dunes was the shack. The impertinent sun had even found its way between the slats of the shutters of the shack and shamelessly made pretty pink stripes across the white skin of the girl who lay on the table.
The gitanes understand how to use herbs to create a dream-like state in a person but they lack the power to share the dream. So we can only imagine that Suzy was reliving that things that had aroused her in the past. Perhaps she was lying all undressed on that school desk as her classmates took turns to touch her. Or maybe an older woman, after sternly rebuking her, had slapped her bare bottom until the tears came. Maybe the nice lady doctor at her clinic, when Suzy had had an orgasm while being examined.
Had Suzy been conscious she would have seen that the cords around her wrists and ankles threaded through brass rings at the side of the table. Suzy’s legs had been tied wide apart and slightly raised. A section of the table had been removed so that everything between Suzy’s legs was exposed, open and available. In the shaft of sunlight, her cunt was an open red gash. Suzy, slowly emerging from her dream saw the cords and understood everything and her eyes opened wide in panic.
“What are you going to do to me?”
Dika was kneeling on the table and was nestling Suzy’s head in her lap, She stroked Suzy’s face so tenderly. She whispered soothing words. Dika loved Suzy now as intensely as Suzy loved her. She slid her hands down to fondle the breasts which were now stretched almost flat because Suzy’s arms were pulled tightly above her head. Suzy became calmer and Dika leaned down and kissed her forehead.
Mala had returned, magnificently naked. Her eyes flashing violet fire. Janelle knew that Mala was insane but this was Mala’s moment and Janelle knew that she had to allow her to torment the girl in her own way.
Mala picked up an instrument from the tray beside the table. The instrument had a little metal wheel made of tiny sharp needles. The needles made lines of tiny red dots of blood on Suzy’s skin. Mala had other devices too, little clips and clamps and a metal spring that held Suzy’s clitoris so tightly. She hurt Suzy in ways that only Mala understood. Step by step Mala took Suzy on a journey of the most exquisite pain. With her instruments and with her fingers she found each nerve ending each pressure point and brought Suzy close to the edge of madness.
Outside, the wind across the dunes had strengthened and Suzy’s screams were lost in the sand and the grass and the sun-bleached scrubland.
Janelle watched the fluid gather and dribble down from Suzy’s open vulva and with each scream Janelle felt her own body respond. She slipped off her skirt and touched herself between the legs and brought the glistening fingers to her lips. She slid her wet fingers up either side of Suzy’s clitoris and squeezed it.
“Enough Mala,” she whispered. Mala nodded.
Janelle came close to the table. Leaning forward she allowed each breast to brush across Suzy’s openings. One nipple brushed across the perineum and down to the tight little aperture of Suzy’s anus. Janelle ran a fingertip round the dark puckered skin. The response was immediate. The hips lifted and pressed against Janelle’s finger. She was astonished at how the girl responded with such eagerness, such hunger. She marvelled at how the little opening dilated just enough to allow Janelle to slide two fingers inside and open her even more.
Dika watched as the girl she loved was becoming undone. Janelle was fitting the glass dildo, sliding part of it into her own vagina. The dildo was heavy but Janelle was strong there. She moved in, pressing gently until she saw the opening widen and then the whole length slid into Suzy’s body. Pulling back, the bulbous tip pulled Suzy, stretching the skin beautifully.
It was Mala who pressed the head of the vibrator against the clitoris and brought Suzy to the edge of her climax… Mala brought Suzy close, so close again and again and Suzy whimpered and cried, begged and pleaded for release. For what seemed like hours they kept Suzy this way. But then Janelle made the decision and thrust deep into Suzy’s anus. Suzy screamed as she came. Her gleaming body writhed and shook with the spasms. When Janelle slid out of her, Suzy came again. Dika untied the girl and bathed her face. Mala was so overcome that she burst into tears and clung shaking to Janelle.
Much later, the four women stood together in the doorway of the shack watching the sky grow darker. Suzy’s pale body contrasted beautifully with the darker skin of her companions as they stood side by side letting the warm wind caress their naked bodies.
They had walked, naked as they were, down to the shore and swam out into the inky blackness. Mala of course swam out further than the rest with Dika and Suzy swam together and as they swam they touched each other and did everything that lovers do.
At some point Janelle had turned to face Suzy. Janelle had taken the girl’s face in her hands and kissed her and looked intently into the big brown eyes.
“Do you want to go back to Mummy and Daddy now?”
“No Mistress,” Suzy replied.
Janelle simply ran her fingertip across Suzy’s open lips.
No-one really knew where they went. Someone said they saw them in Calais but no-one knew for sure. At first passers-by remembered seeing deep tyre tracks all around the hut but the wind soon filled them and blew the sand smooth again. The hinges rusted and the shutters fell away. Crows now flew through the open spaces where once the girls had danced.
Late one evening, a man accompanied by a sad-looking dog found a folded scrap of paper among the grasses on the dune. Using the end of his stick the man opened the folds and found it was a photograph. The photograph showed two young women kissing each other one dark one pale, their hands were hidden between each other’s legs. The man kept the picture but fearing that his wife would find it he eventually threw it away.
