I was taken aback by Lisa’s beauty. At first, I found her intimidating. Her dark skin, her wide mouth, her brown eyes all made it difficult for me not to stare at her.
She sat down and I followed. She smiled at Michael and then looked directly at me. “Is there anything I can help with?” Her voice was calm and soothing.
Michael spoke again. “Paul, I’ve tried to be as open as I can about what happened the night we went out with Maggie. Lisa spent more time with Maggie than I did that night and so you might want to ask her about it. We want to help you so that you can encourage Maggie to accept that we’re really sorry she was upset and would want to be able to hear from her again.”
I found my tongue. “What do you really want? Is it really just about Maggie accepting your apology? Or do you want her to pick up from where you left off? Do you want her to be your girlfriend? Do you want to take my place? Why should I help you?”
I regretted saying so much but I couldn’t help myself. When I met with Michael, I felt in control. Now meeting Lisa, I felt I was losing control, and I was no longer very sure that I was right to have agreed to the meeting in the first place.
Michael spoke first. “Maybe at one time, deep down, I did hope to win Maggie from you. I accept that it’s not going to happen. It wouldn’t be right for me and I really believe that it wouldn’t be right for Maggie. What’s right for her is the most important thing. I know you might not believe me, but it’s true.”
Lisa spoke quietly. Her voice was soft. “I tried to persuade Michael not to meet you, since I could see how you might feel about him. However, he has been clear that he couldn’t just leave things without trying to do all he could to know that Maggie has been able to move on from her distress.”
Despite my skepticism, I found it easier to believe Lisa. I realised that they were waiting for me to say something.
“You should know that life for Maggie and I has pretty much returned to normal. She doesn’t spend much time talking about her trip up here. She’s busy at work and the only time that she shows strong feelings is when she received the flowers from Will or when you’ve sent her a message.” I chose not to mention how sexually withdrawn she had become.
Lisa gave a slight smile. “You’re saying that Michael just has to leave it. He can’t get any more reassurance than you’ve just given. You and Maggie have to work out new ways for her to move further along her sexual journey.”
I wondered why Lisa had mentioned anything about Maggie’s ‘sexual journey’. My response was vague; “Something like that.”
Lisa reached a hand towards me. “If we can help you and Maggie, you must let us know. I know that Michael will back off, won’t you Michael.”
Michael nodded. “It’s always impossible to ignore Lisa. She makes sure of that.”
I wasn’t quite finished. I looked at Lisa. “Michael said I could ask you anything. I want to know what happened between you and my wife that night. Please tell me. I’m learning to accept things I might not want to hear, and I don’t want you to hold back anything.”
Michael seemed to sense that Lisa was hesitating before she answered.
“If it helps, I’ll leave you two alone to speak. I could even just go home. I live close by and Lisa can get an Uber back to her place.”
I felt I was getting a little bit of control back. On hearing that Michael lived close by a thought occurred to me. I made a further request. “Thanks, Michael, that might be helpful. One more thing. Before Lisa and I speak, could I come and see your place? It would help me visualise what happened.”
Michael looked taken aback for a moment. He seemed to be thinking about the implications of this.
“It’s not really ready for visitors tonight. It’s a bit of a mess.”
“I just want to see it, not judge how tidy it is. It will help me understand what happened, and if you help me there’s a better chance that I can help you.”
Michael sighed. “I guess you can if you want to.” He finished his drink and went to get up and we followed, and all left the hotel.
It was a short walk to an old mill which still had marketing signs up declaring that it had been converted to urban apartments, which had all now been sold. Michael led us to a nice entrance, and we walked up a staircase with exposed brick walls. His apartment was behind a heavy metal door, in keeping with the industrial heritage of the place.
Inside was a large room with more exposed brickwork and a feature wall painted grey with two large prints of painted industrial scenes, both lit by a downlighter. The room had display shelves of wood and metal with candles and pictures. A sofa and armchair had scatter cushions with different designs and bright orange and grey colours which brought a warmth to the room, despite its warehouse feel. A large rug with a modern design picked out the colours from around the room and brought them together.
I couldn’t help commenting, “Nice apartment.’
Rather than being pleased with my compliment, Michael sounded sad. “All the nice touches such as the paint colour, paintings and cushions were chosen by Maggie.”
The apartment was very different in style to our home, yet I could feel Maggie’s presence. I could see her influence all over the room. She would have been able to select colours that would make the place a home.
On a shelving unit, there were some photographs. One of them was of Michael in a dinner suit holding a certificate. Next to him, pressed against him was Maggie looking radiant. They were both smiling happily with one arm around each other. To anyone who didn’t know they looked like a happy couple, easy with each other’s company. The background confirmed that it was from the awards dinner in London where they first had sex with each other. I was transfixed by the picture. At the point it was taken they had only been colleagues at work. Did either of them know what was to happen later?
Michael came over and I spoke. “Does Maggie know that you have her photo on display?”
“It’s a photo of me winning a national award. She was there. We worked together and were celebrating. Why wouldn’t I have it on display?”
“I haven’t seen this picture before.”
“It’s not a secret. It’s one of the pictures by the official photographer, just like my graduation photo. We didn’t think it was appropriate to share it with colleagues at school. It made us look a little too close. But I’m not ashamed of it.”
Next to it was a picture of Michael with two women, one close to his age and the other older. Both looked attractive and there seemed to be a family likeness. Michael read my thoughts. “I’m with my mother and my sister.”
“What do visitors say when they see the picture of you and my wife?”
“If they ask, I tell them that I’m with my mentor and we’re celebrating at the awards ceremony. I don’t think anyone reads too much into it. It reminds me of a special evening. If you didn’t know better, it’s just two happy people. Maggie looks lovely. Yes, she’s your wife and you should feel proud of her.”
I tried to remember where I had heard that said before. Why would Michael say that? I remembered that it was from my dream when Maggie went off with a black guy on holiday. Michael wasn’t prodding me. He couldn’t have known. I felt I was going a little crazy. Maybe it was a feeling I had been to this place before. I felt I could smell Maggie’s presence.
“Can I see the bedroom?”
“Do you have to?”
“I want to see the bed where you had sex with my wife.”
Lisa came over. I had almost forgotten she was there. Her voice was smooth and calming.
“Paul, can I ask a question? Is this helping or are you just torturing yourself?”
Michael joined in. “In any case, it’s a new bed. The old one isn’t here anymore.”
I felt they were ganging up on me. “Yes, the bed you and Maggie tried out in the store. Pretending you were lovers.”
Lisa spoke. “They were lovers, but only for those couple of days. You knew that Paul. Maggie told me that you agreed that she and Michael could behave like a couple. Does it really help going over old ground? If you really want to see everything, I’m sure we can persuade Michael to agree, but I’m just wondering where this is going?”
Lisa’s soothing voice sounded reasonable and it made me feel calmer. “You’re right. I don’t know what I’m doing here.”
Lisa touched my arm. “Let’s go and leave Michael here and talk further. Shall we go back to the hotel bar? It was quiet and we’ll be able to talk some more.”
Michael and I shook hands quite formally and I walked with Lisa back to the hotel lounge. I ordered a coffee and Lisa had mineral water. Neither of us wanted any more alcohol.
I asked Lisa to tell me what she knew.
Lisa said she would tell more about what happened that night in Manchester, but first, she wanted to put things in context from her point of view. Lisa told me that she also thought the world of Maggie. Michael had described how he credited her with making him an effective teacher, with enabling him to win a national award. Lisa went further, as she started to describe her perspective.
“Maggie made Michael a better person. When he left the Marines and decided to become a teacher, he had bought into the hype that said ex-military officers would make ideal teachers. He thought he knew it all and would be able to show other teachers how things should be done. The children would be eating out of his hand. He was overconfident and arrogant. Although I’m a teacher, he dismissed me when I raised concerns that he needed to spend time in the classroom before he went around telling me and others what it took to be a good teacher.
“I didn’t like my friend when he returned as a civilian. If we’d not known each other before he joined the marines, I’m sure we wouldn’t have become close friends. I tried to suggest that there was more to teaching, but he never really seemed to have any doubts. I didn’t think he had the empathy to be a teacher. I had trained to be a teacher for four years, and he thought he could do it after years in the military and little other formal training.
“When he went down to work in Maggie’s school, I expected him to return chastened, and then abandon teaching. I thought he would be put in his place, and he would find that he didn’t have what it took. Instead, in the few months he spent at Maggie’s school I saw him change. He became a nicer person. He was ready to listen to others. He accepted that he had a lot to learn and, in Maggie, he had found the ideal person to learn from.
“He described Maggie as the perfect teacher. She was someone that all the children respected and loved, and a perfect woman. He was completely in awe of her. He also told me that she was beautiful and his ideal woman, and that was all before what happened on the award night in London. He couldn’t believe it when she invited him to her bedroom, and they spent the night together. He told me that it was the best night of his life. That surprised me. Believe me, I know he has had many other good nights with women.
“I was really looking forward to meeting Maggie. I wanted to see the person that had made my friend the lovely person I once knew.
“When I met Maggie, I could see how into each other Maggie and Michael were. It was the way they looked at each other and would casually touch each other. They both seemed so happy, and I was happy for Michael, although I was concerned that he was getting too involved and would end up hurt. Whilst he seemed to understand that Maggie had her own family and she had always been clear that she wasn’t prepared to leave you for him, he sometimes acted like he hadn’t come to terms with this.”
I felt the familiar sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as Lisa described Maggie and Michael’s relationship. There were so many signals that it was much deeper than Maggie had acknowledged.
Lisa seemed to sense my distress.
“Whilst Maggie and Michael made a lovely couple, her love for you runs deep and is never far away. I don’t think Michael has ever been close to replacing you. She has a big enough heart to accommodate you, her children and others as well. When you love someone as open and special as Maggie, I think you have to accept that sometimes you’ll have to share her with others. In this case, things have gone further with Michael than you might expect.”
Lisa was able to describe Maggie with deep affection. It felt this wasn’t just about how Maggie had helped Michael. “You spent a lot of time with Maggie that night. You seemed to have become very close in a very short time.”
“It started when we were dancing together,” Lisa said. “She had a great sense of rhythm and she seemed to lose herself in the music even without taking drugs. She was so ready to absorb the club experience to the max. She was fun to be with, and I do know that Michael and William got a bit pissed with me for taking her away. Normally all of us are relaxed about who we dance with when we’re out. We often spend time with others without any jealousy or rivalry between us. It seems it was different this time, but maybe that was because Michael’s time with Maggie was limited.
“At the club, we had some time in the quiet area. She told me a little bit about her recent experiences and how she had a sheltered life sexually. She wanted to enjoy herself and experience as much as she could before she was too old. However, she was clear that she didn’t want to leave you. She knew you found some of what she had been doing difficult, but she really appreciated that you had let her have the freedom to explore her sexuality more.
“I was surprised at how open Maggie was to dance closely with me, and even kissing with so many other people around us. I’m a bit of an exhibitionist and a drama queen. I guess it’s part of my job description as a drama teacher. However, it felt that Maggie was leading me further and was happy to show off her body. It didn’t feel too out of place at the club, and I know other guys were watching and loved it when she flashed her panties.”
I really wondered if Lisa had been dancing with someone else. I’d never experienced Maggie behave in this way. Once again, I was amazed at how others described my wife. “You certainly seem to have found a connection. You went further when you returned to the apartment,” I prodded.
“At the apartment, Maggie wanted to try taking MDMA. She obviously felt safe with us, and she didn’t want to miss the opportunity to try something else new,” she explained. “We all danced some more and as the drug seemed to take effect, Maggie seemed happy to put on a bit of a show with me for the guys. Maggie was getting tired, and it was late. She was slowing down, and so I asked her if she would like to go to bed. She agreed. Thinking back I wonder if she thought that I was asking her a different question.”
Knowing what happened next, the ambiguity wasn’t lost on me.
“Michael gave me the nod to take Maggie into their bedroom. I led her and placed her on the bed. She kept her arms around me and drew me to her. She started to kiss me, and I responded. She looked so lovely and I was happy to lie on the bed with her and kiss her some more. We got more passionate with Maggie pressing herself against me. I was touching her under her dress between her legs and she was becoming more worked up. It seemed natural for me to take things further and so I went down on her.”
I had heard this from Maggie and as much as it was fascinating to hear Lisa describe it from her side, it wasn’t new to me. “Maggie told me what you did, and she obviously really enjoyed being with you. I think this might have been the best moment for Maggie.”
“I would have happily continued and spent the whole night in bed with her. I don’t know where she found the extra reserve of energy from, although the drug might have helped. She seemed to be able to experience an extended period on the edge of orgasming. I loved the way she responded to my fingers and my tongue. It got me really excited too.”
As I thought about how that might have gone, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing something. “As you and Maggie described it, I get the picture. I’m still confused about how Michael came to join you. You really weren’t just warming up Maggie for the guys?”
For the first time, Lisa looked upset with me. “Everything that happened when we were at the apartment was spontaneous. We never discussed going back to the apartment at all. Since Michael had moved to the city centre, we had occasionally gone back to his place after a night out. This time I had assumed Michael would have wanted to take Maggie home for more time for just the two of them. However, things happened differently. Nothing was planned.”
“So, how did things change?”
“I can describe what happened, but you probably know most about this.”
“There are a couple of differences between what Maggie told me and how Michael described it.”
“You can ask me anything and I’ll give you an honest answer. I’m being completely open, we had been out, we had used alcohol and MDMA and we were all feeling different degrees of relaxation. We just let events happen. If you don’t believe what I say, there’s no point in me telling you more.”
I was surprised that Lisa challenged me in this way, and I realised how I had become a bit self-absorbed. Maggie meant something to other people as well as me. Lisa was trying to help. I didn’t want to upset her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to doubt you. I accept that what happened wasn’t a conspiracy. Why did Michael come into the room and start fucking Maggie? Sorry if that’s a bit blunt but that was what I was told happened.”
“I don’t mind you being blunt. Basically, that’s what happened. At the time I just felt Michael wanted to reclaim his girlfriend. We’ve discussed this since. He was a little spaced out. He was waiting for me to return, but I didn’t. Then he heard Maggie’s moans. They were obviously pretty loud and so he came to see what was going on. Maggie was on her back with me between her legs. She was clearly on a sexual high and he wanted to join in. He simply signalled for me to move and I did. He turned her around and I saw that he was taking down his pants. I didn’t want to stay to watch. I would have liked to carry on with Maggie on her own, but I accepted that Michael wanted to join the fun while Maggie was in such a heightened sense.”
“How did Will end up joining in? This seems to be where it all went wrong.”
“I can tell you what happened as far as I know. I came out of the room and sat on my own. Will suggested that we lie on the spare bed and chill. I knew he wanted some fun but I wanted to just relax and savour the experience with Maggie for a while. I guess I was focused on her. Even from the spare room, we could hear how loud Maggie was with Michael; she was almost screaming. If I didn’t know better, I would have been worried that she was in pain, but I had heard her getting excited and I recognised that she was having pleasure.”
“Did you hear Maggie saying anything?”
“I couldn’t hear much, but I heard her shouting ‘yes’ and maybe something like ‘do it to me’. I was just wishing that it was still me that was with her. Will and I didn’t speak; we were lying next to each other hearing these noises. He seemed to be in his own world. He told me later that he was disappointed that I didn’t come out and initiate some fun with him. He felt that Maggie was getting all the attention. I was still chilling on the bed when Will went to use the bathroom. He didn’t come straight back. I didn’t realise that rather than come back to me, he had become curious to see what was going on and why Maggie was making such a noise. He claimed that he was worried for Maggie, but I know he just wanted to see what was happening.”
This didn’t seem to make sense. “Taking a look is quite a long way from fucking someone.”
“I know. I can tell you what Will told me, but I’m not saying that I agree with him. However, to put things in context, Maggie had been happily dancing up close with all three of us all evening. She had been close to him when we were all smooching with each other at the apartment. He knew that Maggie had lots of sex with Michael as well as being married to you. He had seen how Maggie had become very intimate with me. He had heard her moans when I had been with her in the bedroom.
“He told me that when he went into the bedroom, he saw Maggie was on her hands and knees. Michael was moving from behind her to in front of her. He saw that as an invitation. He went around behind her and saw between her legs. He was excited.
“When he took off his pants, no one said anything. When he entered Maggie, he was sure that they must have known what was going on. He said Maggie was moaning loudly and, although she couldn’t say anything because of his cock in her mouth, it sounded like she was enjoying it. For a good few minutes, Maggie was taking them both. Both Michael and Will have separately told me that Maggie seemed to get more excited than ever. Will told me that she was squirting as he was pushing into her hard. He thought that they were both enjoying what was happening and wanted it to continue.
“As Will was getting close to cumming, Michael warned him not to cum inside of Maggie. He did as he was told and finished on her back. Maggie still seemed to be enjoying it as Michael finished in her mouth. She continued orgasming. As she stopped, she got upset and Will left and came in and told me what happened. Then Maggie told Michael to leave her alone. I went in to check on her and stayed with her. She was confused and very upset. We spent a long time talking.”
Lisa hesitated. I was still reconciling what Maggie had said and now what Lisa and Michael had told me. It seemed that Maggie had not wanted to tell me how much she enjoyed having sex with two men at once. Lisa continued.
“We spent the next few hours lying next to each other in bed. Over many hours Maggie told me a lot about her background. I just held her and listened.”
“You held her?” I wanted to know if anything else happened.
“Maggie was happy to be close and wrap her arms around me but apart from a few soft kisses nothing more sexual happened. Maggie was wearing a robe for the rest of the night. She had been sexually worn out.
“Maggie said that she had become frightened at how she had become completely out of control when first Michael, and then Will had entered her. Whether it was the drugs or just how turned on she got, she had started to experience multiple orgasms. She became aware she was squirting, which she had never done before. When she became aware of how close she had come to having Will cum inside her she became shocked and scared by how her body had reacted. She said she feared what she was becoming, that she might be addicted to sex. She had wanted both men, and she had been ready for them to do whatever they wanted.”
I was confused. “She told me it was all about the fear of catching something.”
“Maggie certainly was upset that she would need to explain to you why you and she wouldn’t be able to have unprotected sex until she was tested. It’s obviously something she worries about. By the way, I made sure that Will, Michael and I all got tested and we’re all clear, so there was little risk, but Maggie wasn’t to know that. When she realised how Will had cum on her almost immediately after pulling out, she was also stunned at how close he might have got to impregnating her. She was overcome by the whole experience of such a sexual high, and then she went through a real low.
“Maggie told me that she had previously thought she could only have sex with someone she knew; someone with whom she had some sort of emotional connection. Yet, that night she had unprotected sex with a guy she had only just met, and she had hardly spoken to. And she enjoyed it. She was worried she was no longer the person she thought she was. Could she start wanting, or maybe even needing, one night stands? Was she becoming an insatiable slut whose sexual needs were out of control? Would she end up wanting to fuck any man that might want her?
“She also explained about her conservative upbringing and how sex wasn’t really something her mother could talk about. How repressed she had felt when she was at home, even about her body. Has she told you about this?”
I confirmed that Maggie had told me, but I didn’t mention that she only did so after she came back from Manchester, and therefore she had told Lisa before she had told me. Since she assumed that I knew everything, Lisa continued.
“Maggie told me how she wanted to shock her mother by dating unsuitable boys, but when it came to the reality of doing so, she never did. The whole thing with her friend Jen took years to fully get over, even after she was married. The night with me brought it all back and added to Maggie’s emotional overload.”
The comment about Jen was a surprise to me. I knew that Jen had been her roommate during her first year at university and they had shared a flat together for the remaining years they were there. They had been the best of friends. A short time before I met Maggie, she had gone to Jen’s wedding. She got married to a guy she met at university. I met them a few times, but we lived hundreds of miles apart and a few years later Jen and her husband moved to Australia where they had lived ever since. I didn’t know she had any problems with Jen. I didn’t want to alert Lisa, but I wanted to know more. I tried to sound like this wasn’t all news to me.
“How much did she tell you about her time with Jen?”
“Over the course of the night she told me a good deal. How they had got close and shared a bed on a couple of occasions when they went on trips. How they cuddled and how Maggie found herself attracted to Jen, but Jen was very into her church and believed that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Both Jen and Maggie had been brought up to think that there was something wrong with gay relationships. Maggie described how, having lived with Jen during term time for nearly four years, it was only when they went away to celebrate their finals that they ended up having sex together. Maggie described how it was the most amazing and wonderful experience. She realised how much she loved Jen.
“Maggie said that they didn’t tell anyone. Jen had just started dating a guy and before that first night of sex with Maggie, Jen had always thought she would end up marrying a guy. Maggie hadn’t really considered marriage. She had started becoming confused about her sexuality. They had a couple more sexy nights together before they both moved to different ends of the country to start jobs.
“They talked about how they would try and find a way to move back together. Maggie even started looking at whether she could find a different place to work so she could be near Jen. She was devastated when Jen told her that she had agreed to marry her boyfriend. Maggie felt that if she and Jen had admitted their feelings for each other earlier, they would have been able to have a life together.
“Maggie met Jen once more before the wedding and had a very emotional night making love and having more than a few tears together. After that Maggie supported her friend at the wedding. A little while later, while she was still hurting, Maggie met you. She found you sensitive and loving as well as sharing many interests. She fell into your arms to seek solace. She learned that Jen was moving to the other side of the world with her husband. Maggie always wondered whether that was to ensure there was no chance of her developing their relationship again.”
I was amazed at what I was learning. It seemed that I had met Maggie when she was on the rebound of a relationship with another woman. She was almost certainly still in love with Jen when we had started dating. Maggie hadn’t told me any of this. She had said that I was the first guy that she had sex with. Now I realised that I wasn’t the first person; that was Jen. I was still absorbing this new information as Lisa continued.
“When we got together and were dancing together in the club, Maggie said it brought back all the memories of nights out with Jen. They had often gone out dancing together and walked home arm in arm. However, until those final few times, they hadn’t ever done anything more intimate. Maggie lost herself in my arms at the club and was imagining how things might have been different. These memories, on top of what then happened with Michael and Will, all got too much for her. She didn’t feel she knew who she was anymore.
“I just felt I had to hug her and we both cried a little. Maggie is so sensitive about other people’s feelings and so caring. She hates to think of upsetting anyone, yet alone those she’s closest to. She was confused about her relationship with you, with Michael and with me. She needed to go back and work things out. We slept for a little then in the morning we went out and had some coffee together and continued talking until she left on the train to go back to you.”
Lisa seemed to move on to tell me about Will.
“I’ve not known Will to do anything like this before. I’ve always thought that he was more respectful towards women. I was pretty pissed that Will would have had unprotected sex and nearly cum inside another woman that he had just met. I can tell you that what he did has damaged our relationship. We have been apart more than we have been together since then. We used to practically live at my place, but since that night he’s been sleeping at his flat over his studio.”
I’d lost interest in Will. Suddenly he seemed to be a minor player in Maggie’s adventures. I was reappraising my relationship with my wife. I couldn’t help but try and seek reassurance from Lisa. “Maggie obviously confided in you. I want to do the best for her and for me. Sometimes I struggle to know if I’m right for her anymore. Certainly, she’s become so buttoned up and withdrawn since her trip when she met you.”
Lisa looked surprised. “I know you have both been through a lot of changes in your relationship. Maggie told me how you saved her when you met and how she had really loved you and loved bringing up a family with you. There has been some unfinished business and a side to her that she never got to fully explore. She wants you there, and it seems to me that the way she has become withdrawn might be because she is trying to sort this out without fracturing her relationship with you.”
I tried to think through the implications of what Lisa had told me. “I want to help Maggie, but she pushes me away, and withdraws even further.”
Lisa seemed to be trying to work things through. “It’s difficult to find time to discuss these things with family and other things in your life, especially when you also have a full-time senior teaching job. I know. But you must find time.
“Although I wanted to come along and support Michael, and I also want to help Maggie, I didn’t expect to spend so long this evening and I keep thinking of all the work I’ve still got to do for tomorrow. I’m sure Maggie struggles with this during term time. Maybe if you could show that you support Maggie to explore her sexuality it might help. I really don’t think she wants to lose you. However, she has not yet found how far she might go with others, and she knows that it could hurt you.”
I was worried by all this. “I’ve supported her.”
“I know, she told me. But she also said you have been upset and annoyed when certain things have happened, even when you had previously agreed to them. She also told me you’ve encouraged her, and sometimes you’ve also seemed to get pleasure from knowing what she has done. Maybe she just doesn’t know what you really think. Do you know what you really think?”
“I think we’re both confused, and sometimes afraid to face up to what has happened and what we might want to happen. Just when I think I understand, I learn something new.”
Lisa smiled. “I can imagine that for a happily married couple with a settled and apparently conventional, even boring, lifestyle this has all been a big shock. I’ve met you both and you seem to want to support each other. The biggest surprise to me is how you’ve been together for so long yet seemed to have failed to communicate about your sex life, which is a pretty big part of being married. Or at least it would be a big part for me.”
Lisa was starting to look tired. I sensed that she wanted to get home. “Thank you for coming along tonight and agreeing to take extra time to talk to me. I need to think about how I can take things forward. I’ll also try and see if I can get Maggie to at least communicate with Michael so that he doesn’t feel so rejected. I can see that it’s unfair to blame him for everything.
“Having heard you and Michael tonight, I’m not sure that Maggie does blame him really. It’s just convenient for her to do so or appear to do so, at least to me. She lost control and it scared her. It opened up memories that she had kept hidden. Michael deserves to get better closure. Let me try and work something out. Tell Michael that I can’t give any guarantees, but I’ll do my best.”
Lisa’s face lit up and she leaned across to give me a quick hug.
“Maybe there could even be a way for Michael and Maggie to meet up. If you could arrange it and let it happen to show Maggie that you aren’t upset with her. If you could show her that you have the confidence in her and yourself to know that your relationship can survive this, even if it means facing a different future.”
It was a lot to think about. All I could say was, “maybe.”
“It would make Michael happy and he’s a special friend to me. It would also make me happy. I think we both know that it could also make Maggie happy, and that’s important to you. If you came with her you could see how she behaves with him. You could see your wife being the confident woman she is when she is with Michael. She’s been like that when you’ve been far away. Let’s see if she can also be like that if you’re with her, but supporting her. You can see how much she has changed and grown into the woman that was always inside her, whilst she still loves you.”
I was far from sure. “I find it hard enough when she’s away and with others. If I was in the same place at the same time, I find it hard to avoid a total feeling of rejection.”
“But you’ve been with her before when she has been with another man. She told me that.”
“She’s moved on a long way now. She is happy to be with others in public. She seems happy to go much further than just being with one other person.”
“She still loves you. Wouldn’t you be interested to see the other side of her in real life?”
“You mean just watching from the side. A voyeur observing my wife. I don’t think so.”
“Maybe we need to find someone to keep you company while Maggie is busy.”
“What are you offering, Lisa?” I felt a small surge of excitement with this lovely young woman who seemed to be coming on to me.
“You seem nice, and I will, very occasionally, hook up with someone else. Sorry, I’m not suggesting anything with me, I’m afraid. Maybe I could come up with something for you, but I don’t really know you well enough.”
I was disappointed, but I could see why this attractive young woman might not want to rush into bed with me. I felt that I was the outsider, an older married boring middle-aged guy. I wasn’t sure where this was going. “I only was thinking of setting up an opportunity for Maggie to reassure Michael that she doesn’t blame him for what happened; letting them reconcile and move on. I wasn’t even sure if this needed to involve them meeting in person again.”
Lisa suddenly seemed keen to move on. “Of course; sorry I got a little carried away. I don’t want to push you. It’s just a thought. I really must get home. Think about it. What’s your mobile number? I’ll message you with mine and then you can let me know what you’ve decided if you want to. I’m happy to help if I can. And if it means I might get an opportunity to meet Maggie again; well, that would be great.”
We exchanged messages on our phone so that I could now contact her directly. We both stood up and shared a warm hug. I thanked Lisa and she thanked me on behalf of Michael. As she left, she hesitated once more.
“Paul, I’ve only just met you but from everything Maggie said and our time together this evening, I’m sure you’re a nice guy. You and Maggie have loved each other for so long. You stayed together as the kids came along and competed for your attention and affection. I’ve met enough separated parents at parent evenings to know this isn’t always the case.
“What I’m trying to say is that maybe you can find a way to let others into your life whilst staying with each other. I’m not a relationship counsellor, although you might think that I should be, given the parents’ issues I have to deal with. I might be entirely wrong, so this is just my opinion. I feel that if you talk to each other and can be open and honest with each other, there might be a way through it so that Maggie can be fulfilled, and you can be happy too. You’re one of the good guys. If you want someone else for you while Maggie has her fun, I’m sure you can find someone. I didn’t mean to reject you so quickly. Whatever happens I wish you both well.”
With that, Lisa turned and walked quickly, but gracefully, away. I went straight up to my room and exchanged good night messages with Maggie. In bed my mind went over the evening.
I thought it might help to meet up with Michael. I was more muddled than ever, and I thought that I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I had got my thoughts into some sort of order.
I thought through what I had learned from the evening, Maggie’s relationship with Michael was at least as deep if not deeper than I had feared. It was much more than just sex with a black guy. Maggie had appeared to be in sexual ecstasy as she was spit roasted by Michael and Will. It was Michael who had told Will to withdraw as he was fucking Maggie bareback, not Maggie.
Maggie had only recently told me about how she thought of dating boys to shock her mother, and then only after telling Lisa first. Even then, she left out about how she had fallen in love with her roommate, Jen, at university. I struggled to understand the implications of all this. Maggie had still been holding things back.
I kept thinking how Michael had described Maggie as sensuous when he saw her at the awards dinner in London. Even thinking back to when I first met Maggie, I would not have said that she was sensuous. I found her very attractive and pretty, but part of that was an innocence about her. She clearly had given off very different signals as a mature woman. I had missed this. Had it been developing for a long time or only after her first time with Simon a few months ago?
I was sure that Maggie could only have sex when she had an emotional attachment to someone. Did this mean that Maggie would keep searching for satisfaction until she fell in love with someone? Did this mean that our relationship was doomed? Would I never be able to find a way to stay with Maggie while finding a way for her to have sexual fulfilment? Before this journey, I had been more troubled by my sexual fulfilment. Once again, the irony struck me.
I needed a plan, any plan, to find a way through. I didn’t think I could manage to work anything out tonight. I needed to spend more time reflecting on this rather than trying to come up with a plan when I was tired and when I had only just learned these new things about Maggie’s past.
Unable to sleep, I started looking at the Internet on my laptop. I didn’t want to look at pornography, although I knew that it would be easy to do. I tried to think of something different.
I remembered that I had promised Maggie that I would look for somewhere we could all gather as a family for the weekend to celebrate her upcoming birthday in a few weeks’ time. I had asked her what she would like for her birthday, and she had said that all she wanted was to be with all the family. I said that I would look for a place we could all stay for the weekend, which would be at the start of the week-long half-term break. I started looking at houses to rent on Airbnb in the areas I knew she would like. Cornwall, Wales, the Peak District and even Scotland.
As I paged through options I thought that if I found somewhere in the Peak District or Wales, after the weekend it would leave us the option to travel to somewhere near Manchester, which in turn would give us the option of meeting Michael to allow Maggie to talk and come to terms with what happened. Then perhaps we could all move on. I concentrated my search on these areas.
I was looking for a place with three bedrooms, one for Maggie and me, one for our son and his partner, and one for our daughter and a friend if she wanted to bring someone. As always when I was looking for places to stay, my eye was drawn to some of the most attractive places. Maggie and I used to call it our fantasy search before we became more realistic about what we were prepared to pay. One place had a daily rate that was more than treble the price of any others. I had to click on it to take a look.
It was a large modern property in the Welsh border hills, not far from the English town of Shrewsbury. The hillside house had plenty of large full length windows and an imposing position looking down a river valley towards a lake. The location looked very scenic. The description boasted that it had been used for location filming for well-known productions, with its spectacular views and many modern features. It was called “Llety-cariad”. I looked up the meaning in English and found it translated as “Love’s Abode”.
Although it had its own large grounds, it wasn’t too far from a railway station which would make it easier for our children and their partners to get to. There was a large living room with a wood burning stove and a glass wall with spectacular views of the surrounding area. There were six bedrooms all with their own bathrooms.
It was available for the dates we wanted. It struck me that although the family could only stay on Friday and Saturday, Maggie and I could stay on for a couple of days to enjoy the place alone. The master bedroom had a sunken bath in the room. I thought it might excite Maggie and be the scene of some sexy fun for us, either in front of a large wood fire in the lounge area or in the sunken bath in the bedroom.
Despite the cost, I decided to reserve the property for four days. When the children left us we could include a possible trip to meet up with Michael and, maybe Lisa, later. Having done something positive, I felt much better. I thought of what to do next, since I was still awake and pleased that I had stopped thinking about the evening with Michael and Lisa for a while.
Another thought occurred to me. I searched for photography studios in Manchester with the name ‘Will’. As I looked down the results, I saw ‘Will Davies Photography.” I followed the link and it confirmed that the owner had trained in photography in the army. There was a small picture of a tall muscular guy in his thirties with an expensive camera in his hand. The company boasted its own modern studio.
I clicked on the portfolio tab which led to a choice of services: portraits, weddings, family, children, and boudoir. I clicked on boudoir, which had a description:
“Boudoir photographs might be taken for all sorts of reasons including for brides to be, for expectant mothers or significant life events including to build self-esteem following surgery. They might be as explicit as you wish, but always in good taste. Will is always accompanied by a female assistant when photographing lone women to ensure you feel at ease and safe.
“A boudoir shoot is a great way to celebrate yourself, to create some amazing photographs that reflect just how vivacious and incredible you really are. It’s often easy to get swept up with work and life. Imagine the power these images will have in twenty, thirty, even fifty years’ time…when you can look back at these memories and see just how beautiful, confident, and sexy you were at this stage of your life. It’s a great way to boost your self-confidence and empower you to feel more confident in your own skin.”
There were links to examples labelled ‘pre-wedding’, ‘post-surgery’, ‘expectant mothers’ and finally ‘bedroom’. I went through the links one by one looking at the examples of pictures Will had taken. For each set there were between five and ten samples. The quality of them all was impressive. Some were average-looking women who could be living next door, but professionally made up for their photo session, turning them into spectacular-looking women. Some of them could be professional models. They sometimes appeared shy in the first photographs but seemed to be much more confident in the final photographs. The women were mostly dressed in lingerie or nightwear, with just the odd hint of a nipple.
When I got to click on the “bedroom” tab, a pop-up box warned that there were more explicit photos, which had been shared by permission of the subjects. It needed confirmation that I was happy to proceed. The site now took me through a small number of sample sets with a higher number of photos. These seemed to focus around the bedroom with the subject in different stages of undress. The first photo would often be fully clothed, but then would involve corsets, stockings and sheer bras and panties. Sometimes the woman’s face was in the picture and sometimes she was looking away. The women seemed to range in age from early twenties to their fifties.
One set particularly struck me. A woman around Maggie’s age started in a pretty short dress. She moved to underwear, looking uneasy. Then she was topless and then nude although at first her breasts and pussy were covered with her arms and hand. Then her nipples appeared and eventually her pussy, with her outer lips showing. In the final couple of photos, she seemed to be making love to the camera, looking directly at it and flaunting her body. Although she didn’t look much like Maggie, she came across as an ordinary woman taking daring photos, possibly for her partner.
The final section had a couple of photosets under the heading “couples”. The first set had a young couple, confidently playing around on the bed. In one shot they were fighting with pillows. In another, they were both in underwear and kissing. In the last couple of shots, they were naked and embracing on the bed. Although you couldn’t see their genitals, they created an erotic image of two lovers.
In the second couple set, it had the same woman of around Maggie’s age that had struck me in the earlier photoshoot. Now she was photographed with a young muscular guy who couldn’t be over thirty. Again they went through various stages of undress, but this time there was a shot of the guy going down between the legs of the woman, both naked. Although you couldn’t see his lips on her pussy, it was clear that he was actually kissing her. Then there were shots that showed the woman kissing the tip of his erect cock. Finally, he was inserting his cock into her as she lay on her back on the bed with a look of ecstasy. She was no longer at all shy. The difference in age made the image all the more erotic.
I wondered if these were the types of pictures Michael was hoping for with Maggie. I imagined them both naked, his black skin contrasting with her very white skin. His large muscular frame with its tattoos towering over her slim body and small breasts. His large cock against her small frame. I felt my cock getting hard.
I put down the laptop. and started masturbating as I imagined the photoshoot. Will would be urging them to go further with each shot. I quickly came. After cleaning myself up, I shut my eyes and went to sleep, still thinking of how the photos would look when Maggie shared them with me.
