Liv’s Longing
The barn door was still partially open, so I slipped inside without moving it. I paused, giving my eyes time to adjust to the darker setting. I was about to call out to see where Liv was when I heard a long groan coming from the loft. “Liv!” I breathed as I immediately raced up the stairs. Images of her lying up there in pain raced through my mind. Farm accidents can be horrible, and most of those who die from them do so because they aren’t found until it’s too late.
I bounded up the stairs and stepped into the loft, trying to look everywhere at once for my sister. Jake was standing nearby, looking confused. It didn’t take long to see what he had been staring at. I caught sight of Liv sitting off to my right on a small stack of bales. Her shirt was on, but her pants and panties were completely missing, and there was a long, silver rod pressed into her groin. “Liv!” I cried her name and started toward her.
Liv’s head flew up in surprise when I called her name. She threw me a shocked look and pulled the handle of what I now recognized as the hotshot, an electric prod we use to work cattle, out of her pussy. The business end was, thankfully, pointed away. She shouted, “GO AWAY!” and tried to cover herself with some loose straw that was nearby.
I stepped forward despite her command, and she shouted again. “GET OUT OF HERE!” She overcame her shock, and her face now contorted in both anger and shame. My mouth went dry, and I spun toward the stairs behind me. I stumbled my way down to the ground floor, reeling from what I’d just witnessed.
I found a crate and sat down. My entire body was shaking. There was no sound from the loft now, but there was only one way down, so I knew she was still up there. My mind raced. I didn’t need to ask myself what I’d just seen. I knew exactly what that was. I tried to find something, anything, that would provide a simpler explanation; however, the image of her pressing the black rubber handle at the base of the three-foot-long silver prod slowly into herself made it impossible.
We always kept the hotshot at the far end of the workbench when we weren’t working cattle. I recalled having found it at the near end several times over the last few weeks, but had never given it a second thought. I assumed Mom or Liv had merely moved it aside while they were busy searching for something else. That told me this wasn’t a one-off, that she’d likely been at this for some time now.
A sudden awareness of what effect my finding her like that must be having on her settled into me. She had to be devastated, embarrassed, and terrified. I couldn’t help but feel for her. I knew I had to do or say something to help her realize that her secret was safe with me.
A text from Mom hit my phone just then, asking if everything was alright. I replied quickly, Yup, just helping her finish a couple of things. Just as I hit send, Liv appeared at the top of the stairs. She looked pale now, like she’d just witnessed a car wreck. She saw me, steeled herself, then came down the stairs as fast as her feet would let her.
Her feet hit the ground with Jake on her heels. Without looking in my direction, she tried to hurry past me. “Liv,” I said as I stepped toward her with my arms outstretched.
She blocked me with her shoulder, choked out a ragged, “No!” and tried to scurry past, still looking away.
I refused to let her get away. I stepped in front of her and wrapped my arms around her, knowing that she’d try to fight her way out. She tried, but I wouldn’t let her. I spoke firmly to her as she struggled, “Liv, stop. I’m not letting you go. We’re gonna talk. Liv, Liv! I love you, and I’m not letting you leave here feeling like this!”
She slowed her struggle, but still tried to twist out of my grip. I continued to try to get through to her, “Look, look! None of this is gonna leave this barn, you got that? I’m not going to tell anyone, not even Mom. You don’t need to feel bad about this, okay? You did nothing wrong. I don’t think you’re weird, alright? Look at me.” I grabbed her by the arms and repeated myself louder. “Look at me!”
Her eyes were wide and full of fear… no, it was terror… and shame. I teared up at the sight of my little sister going through such pain. I threw my arms around her and gave her the biggest hug I could. “I love you. Don’t worry, I love you, and I’m never gonna stop. You did nothing wrong… okay? You did nothing wrong.” I felt her go limp for a moment, then her arms timidly circled my waist. With that small sign of hope, I did my best to reassure her, “It’s gonna be okay, Liv. It’s all gonna be okay.
She was shaking and started to sob into my chest. I let her. I did my best to soothe her, “It’s okay, you did nothing wrong. You’re a good person, Liv. You’re a beautiful, wonderful, loving person.”
She cried for a few minutes, then, when her sobs quieted, she raised her head off my chest. “You aren’t gonna tease me?”
I shook my head.
“You won’t tell Mom?”
“No.”
She paused and looked down, “You don’t think I’m weird, or sick?”
“No. I don’t. Get that out of your head right now,” I said forcefully.
“B, but, I was…”
“Yeah, so what? We all do shit like that. It doesn’t change how I feel about you for a minute.”
“You shouldn’t have come up…”
“I was worried, I heard… noises.”
She lowered her head, “I’m so sick.”
I reached for her chin and snapped it up so she was looking me in the eye. “Stop it! You’re not sick. You have urges, we all do.” I let go of her chin to wipe her tears. “I love you, Liv. You are not sick, okay?”
My words didn’t seem to be having any effect. After a moment, I stepped back and lowered my head. The poor girl was so flustered right now. I needed to give her something to let her know that I was not judging her. “Okay, look, I need you to promise me a couple of things,” I said.
“What?”
“Okay, first, we aren’t going to leave here right now, but when we do, promise me that we walk out of here together, and I want to see you with your head held high and a big smile on your face, okay? This whole thing is safe with me, and all that’s leaving this barn is you, me, Jake, and a story for Mom that I found you napping, woke you up, and helped you finish your chores.”
What I was telling Liv finally started to sink in, and her eyes started tearing up. She pulled me in for a hug. “I’ll try.” She released a shaky sigh and let me hold her gently.
“Promise me,” I said again.
She mumbled it into my chest. “I promise.”
“Okay, second, as long as we’re leaving things in this barn… I think it might help if I told you something about me.”
Liv’s eyebrows knitted together. “About… what?”
“You remember back when Dad was hollering about all the bag balm disappearing?” Bag Balm is a multi-purpose moisturizer used on cow udders. It’s also a useful moisturizer for chapped hands and feet, and can be used as a great lubricant for… other things.
“Yeah… what about it?” Liv asked. I just looked at the ground, giving her time to consider the possibilities. Liv is a smart gal. After a few moments with the math, her eyes widened. “Oh!”
Liv grinned. “He said he was missing two whole cans of it.”
“Yeah, well.” I grinned sheepishly.
Liv stared at me for a minute. I could see tears of appreciation growing in her eyes. “Thank you for that… for… all of it.” She said, then reached for another hug.
It felt good to know she had gotten past her shame and fear. I stepped out of the hug and asked, “So, you good? We good?” I turned to walk back towards the door.
She nodded her head but reached for my arm, “Can I ask you one thing though?”
“Sure.” I stopped and turned back toward her.
“What’s going on with you and Mom?”
I felt the blood drain from my extremities. My head spun like a herd of twenty hamsters had just spun off a quick dozen laps on the wheel in my brain. My thoughts raced faster than my words could keep up with. “Wh… um… wha, what do you mean?” I asked.
Liv gave me a caring smile, “Rand, I’m not blind. You two have been making funny eyes at each other for a while now. And remember, I do laundry for both of you. She’s dressing differently, wearing her sexy panties again, and, honestly, she’s been making quite a mess in them. You’ve been doing the same in yours. I mean, it’s like, probably normal to see that, and I probably wouldn’t have noticed, but you both started at the same time, and it’s been getting worse.”
Did I mention that my sister was whip-smart?
She had us. There was no denying it to her, especially after the embarrassing truths that we’d just shared with each other. I still did my best to stall, though. “Look,” I started, “yeah, there’s… Okay, there’s… something, but right now is not a good time to get into it. We’ve been in here for quite a while, and Mom’s going to come out looking for us pretty soon if we don’t head back to the house. I promise, we’ll talk, okay? But for now… it all stays here, okay?”
Liv smiled. “Okay.” She said, then came in for a final hug. “I love you, Rand. Thank you.”
“I love you too, Sis.” I knew then that Liv was back on solid ground, though we had both just unintentionally opened up our secret sacks and dumped all their contents out in front of each other. We had literally and practically caught each other with our pants down, but as we stood there, looking into each other’s eyes, we both felt and saw complete trust.
“Okay,” I said, as I turned toward the door, “Chin up,”
“Chin up,” Liv echoed.
Quid Pro Quo
We told Mom the nap story, and I could see Liv trying to read her eyes for any sign that she might doubt the tale. There were no such signs, of course, and the day proceeded normally. Toward evening, I noticed that Liv had gone from watching Mom to watching me, as if she were astonished that I was actually keeping her secret safe.
I’d catch her studying me off and on throughout that evening, and for the next couple of days. I could always tell when she had something on her mind, or whether there was something that troubled her, or if something just piqued her curiosity. And, she was fully piqued with this one, fascinated even.
She tracked me down a couple of days after our barn talk, when I was out in the tack shed, oiling down some saddles that we’d be using soon. She glanced over her shoulder before she stuck her head in the door.
“You got a couple of minutes?” she asked.
I tossed the cloth I’d been using over the rack and put the lid back on the can of neatsfoot oil. “I’ll give you three,” I joked.
Liv looked back at the house again, then stepped inside the shed with me. “So, um, you said we could talk… about… You know, you… and… Mom?” She never looked up at me once during the whole question, just studied my handiwork with the saddles, as if she only dropped by to inspect them and had just happened to think about asking me if I was banging our mother.
I waited until she looked up at me before I answered. “What do you want to know?” I asked back.
She returned to checking out the saddles. “Well, are you two… You know… doing it?”
She tried her best to ignore my gaze again until she realized that I wasn’t going to answer until she looked up at me. When she did, I answered her with another question of my own. “If we were, it really wouldn’t be fair to her if I told you about it, would it?”
“Mmm, well, I mean, you know about me and the, uh… the hotshot… So fair is fair, right?”
“Well, the thing is,” I said, “the two things aren’t really the same, are they? I mean, the hotshot didn’t change our diapers, now did it? There’s that to think about.”
She nodded, then thought a moment, and countered, “Yeah,” but the hotshot doesn’t tell me to mind my manners and behave like a lady either now, does it? Which kinda makes Mom hooking up with her son, if that’s the case, a bit… mmm, hypocritical, you think?” She shrugged.
I grinned. “Mm, one way of seeing it, I s’pose.”
“Well? Details?” she pressed.
It didn’t seem right to just out-and-out spill the tea. I remembered a game Liv and I used to play using analogy so we could keep the folks from knowing what we were actually talking about. It was worth a shot.
“So, how long have you been, uh, checking that the battery in the hotshot is still fresh?”
Liv’s eyebrows knitted together at the question, then she gave a slow nod as she caught on. She thought a moment herself, then, ignoring my opening question, asked one of her own to test her theory. “So, uh… with all the mess, I’ve been thinking about stocking up on laundry soap. I, uh… I’ve been thinking I might need to run a few extra loads, y’know? You uh… You think that might be a good idea?”
Whip smart that girl.
“Might be a good idea,” I replied.
“So, what do you think, two – three loads a week, maybe?
“Two loads a week would cover it.”
Her eyebrows raised slightly, then she returned to a flat expression, studying my eyes. She looked around, chewing her lip, then reached down and ran her finger along the skirt of Mom’s saddle that I’d just finished oiling down. “Nice work here,” she said. “I’ve always liked Mom’s saddle, but I’ve often wondered, have you ever seen her ride bareback?”
I smiled at her creativity. “A time or two,” I replied.
“Hm, hope she was careful?
“Oh, she was.”
“Good, good.” She nodded. She seemed to be getting the hang of it well. “So, you two thinking about going for another ride anytime soon?”
That one made me cautious. She’d just gone from asking what “might” have happened, to, asking me what “would” happen. I answered cautiously, “Might. I s’pose, there’ll be a need for that soon.”
“Ever taken a midnight ride?”
“No, don’t believe we have.” Liv was after something.
I hear it’s gonna be a pretty night tonight? Might be some meteor showers later. It’s too bad, though, I’ll probably sleep right through them. I’d sure like to get a peek at them, though.”
There it was, the ask. I couldn’t believe it. Whip smart and kinky this one! I tried to reconcile the sobbing girl who I had held in my arms the other day with the one now asking to spy as I fucked our mother. This was going to take me a while. I tried to get a better read of her eyes. She had a kind of hungry look, but cautiously so, like she wasn’t sure if she was asking too much.
“I’ll uh… keep that in mind,” was all I said.
She seemed to realize that this was all she was going to get out of me and gave me a quick but loving smile. “Good talk, bro.” She turned to leave, then paused, said, “Oh!” then said over her shoulder, “It’s been almost a couple months now, I s’pose.”
“What?” I asked.
She turned back toward me, “I started checking that battery the day after we went swimming that time.” She watched me for a reaction.
I nodded. “Good to know,” I said.
I spent a fair amount of time by myself during the rest of the day, processing my conversation with my sister. I suppose every older brother has that moment when he realizes that his younger sister has grown up faster than he realized. I mean, she hadn’t changed; she was still an incredible person, smart, kind, hard-working, sweet, somewhat of a ditz at times… all those endearing things she’d always been. It’s just that now, it was pretty damn obvious that, underneath those pretty little farm girl panties of hers… There was a very horny young woman.
It was a piece of work to get my head around that. What intrigued me most was her change from that day in the barn to the day in the tack shed. She’d gone from being ashamed and embarrassed to clearly indicating that she got off on the idea of watching while Mom and I were having sex. What brought that on?
Something that our parents taught both Liv and me was to try to put ourselves in the other person’s place whenever we found ourselves not understanding them. To make an effort to see things from their perspective, and to try to find something from our own experience that might help us identify with them.
It didn’t take long for me to return to the uncomfortable feelings I had that day at the swimming hole when I ogled both Mom and Liv’s bodies. I felt so wrong for doing it. A day later, I had my hand stuffed inside Mom’s panties, diddling her to orgasm. The attraction and the draw I’d felt to her during that time period was intense to say the…
