I shot awake in bed, just before midnight. You know how something terrible starts happening in a dream, and you try to scream for help, but you just can’t? In the dream, your voice is stifled, and nothing comes out?
It was one of those dreams, although it was far from the scariest dream. No one was being murdered or dismembered, certainly nothing to justify a scream. What happened was that someone broke into my house, stole the cooking range from my kitchen and, oddly enough, chained it to the back of a vehicle and dragged it down the street.
I realized the dream had been as senseless as many are, lay back down, and fell back asleep. How ridiculous! Dragging an oven down the street. Sheesh.
I sprang out of bed In the morning, having forgotten the dream, feeling energized to take on a sunny Sunday with almost nothing to do. I fried some eggs and bacon on my not-stolen stove and brewed some coffee, taking my breakfast in the sun on my little townhouse patio.
Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t place it right away. Then, after a few minutes, it dawned on me that my barbecue grill was missing.
I’d recently bought a Greyrock flattop. Those things tend to be pretty pricey, not something I’d normally go for on my civil-servant salary. But I’d proudly gotten a scratch-and-dent deal on it, fully half off the retail price. Perversely, that increased the pain of it going missing. Had some pissant thief really stolen my fucking grill right off my patio?
I started gathering clues. It had drizzled the previous day, so there were clear tracks in the muddy grass where the Grayrock had been rolled around the side of the building and out to the sidewalk. From there, the wheels had left two faint muddy streaks on the concrete, fading out a block away where my little townhouse complex ends and the single-family homes begin.
So, my dream had been real, mostly. I hadn’t had the sense to do anything about it at the time, sadly, but knowing the actual time of the crime – 11:52 – could prove useful. The local cops would be too busy with carjackings and robberies to investigate, and the townhouse association would be sure to fuck up any investigation. But as a newly minted Federal agent, I knew how to work a case.
I started with the units on my side of the street. The immediate next-door neighbors on both sides were out of town, so no witnesses there. The people in the next two places were home but hadn’t heard anything.
I backtracked and crossed over to the Jacksons’ condo, directly across from mine. Their daughter Beth, who was home for the summer after her first year of college, answered the door wearing pink sweats.
“Oh, good morning, Mister Barnes. Sorry, my parents are at church and won’t be back for at least an hour.”
“It’s just as well I talk to you, Beth, because your bedroom faces the street, and you stay up late.”
Oops. What I’d meant by that was to discuss anything Beth might have witnessed last night, not what I had witnessed last night. Which was her plus-sized magnificence, half-naked in her bedroom. She always seemed to leave her curtains partway open, and my bed had a direct viewing angle to where she usually changed. Okay, so maybe I later jerked myself off (with my drapes closed, of course) thinking of the image, but that doesn’t mean I would ever make a move on this twenty-year-old girl.
But perhaps it looked like I was doing that. “Ohhh, are you here to talk about something you saw last night?” she asked with a seductive tone that I had never heard from her mouth.
Trying to steer things Platonic, I explained the grill situation factually.
“You know, I think I did hear something around that time,” she mused, “but I didn’t look outside, so I can’t give you a description.” Licking her lips lasciviously, she pouted, “I do wish there was something I could do to help your investigation, Detective Barnes.” She stepped closer as she said this, causing her unencumbered breasts to wobble inside her top.
Having actually seen her topless from a distance last night, it was hard not to picture what was going on inside that sweatshirt. My face cracked a smile, perhaps reflecting a crack developing in my judgment. “Maybe I underestimated what I could be getting into with this investigation.” Fuck, did I just say the “getting into” part out loud?
“Ask the right questions, Joe, and you could get in very deep,” Beth provoked breathily. “If you want to … you know, probe … further.” Despite my reservations and the triteness of her line of seduction, my cock hardened fully in my shorts. Then she murmured, “Maybe you could start by performing an inspection …”
And just as I was about to close the gap between us and start inspecting her, she abruptly pivoted and sauntered towards the patio door, calling back, “… on our Grayrock, so you can see we didn’t take yours.” Was this all a tease? I resolved not to be stupid enough to escalate things with this girl.
Distracted by the jiggling of her ample posterior as she walked, I instantly ignored my own advice and offered, “Yes, miss, I’ll need to take a look at your equipment.” She let out a naughty-sounding giggle that immediately re-hardened me. Looking out at the Jacksons’ barbecue through the patio door, I confirmed, “Yep, that’s the same model as mine, but not the same unit. Mine has a dent in the front.”
“Your unit has a dent?” Beth giggled wide-eyed, turning towards me and pressing her chest against mine. “Like, a bend in the middle?” She placed her hand on my shorts and began tracing the length of my erection. “Or is it more like a ski jump?” She opened the top button on my shorts. “I think it’s my turn to inspect your equipment.”
Our lips met briefly. But before we could get into the kiss, she abruptly dropped to her knees, pulling down my shorts with her. With no prelude whatsoever, she sucked my penis in to the hilt. For some minutes, the only sounds were occasional moans from each of us, a whole lot of slurping, and the occasional light gagging sound as I bottomed out in her throat. It was one of the best blowjobs I’ve ever gotten, with lots of seductive eye contact and with plenty of tonguework along the underside of my shaft. The things she had learned in college!
Once I sensed an orgasm brewing in the distance, I asked her to stop so I could pleasure her in turn. She sat in a chair and I knelt between her legs, lifting her girlish pink sweatshirt to her armpits so I could suck on her impossibly soft titties and massage her pussy, gingerly working in one and then two fingers. She giggled as I dove between her legs, continuing to pump my slickened fingers in and out of her, now curling them slightly while I licked and sucked on her delicate pink labia. The taste and smell of this ripe young woman were absolutely delightful, not to mention the sounds of her whines and moans.
“Oh my God, I’m going to cum if you keep that up!” Beth stood up, braced herself against the kitchen counter and demanded, “Fuck me, Detective Barnes! Take me from behind!”
Oh, this would be good, if potentially quick for both of us. I positioned myself behind her, grabbing one handful of tit and using the other hand to rub my dick all over the entrance to her quivering cunt. As I started to slip into her impossibly smooth young juiciness, my dick hand shifting around to work her clitoris …
The rumbling of the garage door opener reverberated through the house.
“Fuck! My parents are almost home!” Beth pulled off me just as I had bottomed out one precious stroke into her. “Put your shorts on and run out the back!” Seductively, she directed, “Next Sunday, come over earlier and fuck me properly! And tonight when you see me in the window, jack off with the drapes open this time, so I can watch.” Damn, was I that transparent? I was being a lousy cop this weekend.
Since I was still wearing my shirt – and even my socks and shoes! – my exit was quick and easy. The thoughts of Beth’s invitations made me so diamond-hard that the stimulation of mere walking threatened to fill my underpants. I decided to put some distance between me and my crime, resuming my investigation amongst the houses on the next block.
Most people hadn’t heard a thing last night, let alone looked out their windows to get a visual of the suspect. After talking to eleven neighbors, I still had nothing.
Then I came to the home of Jay, an Asian professional who lived alone. He answered the door in silk pajamas, yawning. He immediately apologized for the yawn, explaining that he’d been up late last night.
“Any chance you witnessed someone stealing my grill?”
“Oh my God, Joe, that was yours? I did see someone rolling a grill down the street, but didn’t get a very good look. I’m so sorry! I should have reported it.”
“Might not have made much difference. Cops had bigger fish to fry last night.”
“Oh, I suppose you would know! You have a badge now, right?”
“Well, yes, although I’m Federal, and just working an Analyst desk job so far. I suppose it isn’t that much different from IT right now, but as I get more experience, I’ll get to move out into the Field instead of up.”
At this moment, another man, tall and thin, redheaded with a thin beard, ambled groggily into the kitchen. His eyes barely open, he went directly to the coffeemaker without noticing me.
He was wearing a t-shirt. Aaaand … nothing else. Except for a solid display of morning wood.
He uttered a startled “Oh shit!” upon noticing me, quickly showing me his backside and calling back from the dining room, “Sorry! Jay, I heard your voice, but I figured you were on the phone!”
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” I called back to him. “Detective Barnes. I was just asking about the barbecue theft you guys saw last night.”
“What?! I just exposed myself to a cop? Fuck!”
It still amazed me how nervous law-abiding citizens could get around cops. It was the ones who didn’t get nervous that you had to watch out for. “Oh, don’t worry. I live down the block, and it was my barbecue that got swiped last night. Please come back in. You didn’t break any laws, and I didn’t mind anything I just saw.”
I hadn’t meant anything by that, but Jay raised an eyebrow. Chalk up another inadvertently provocative statement this morning. I raised an eyebrow back and broke a faint smile. Jay smiled wider in response. Once again, I was utterly failing to de-escalate things. My cop skills still needed some work.
The other man walked back in, still naked from the waist down but with a noticeably diminished willie.
“Joe Barnes, this is, uh …” Jay paused, flushing.
“Ted,” declared the other man with a patient smile. Obviously, these two had just met last night.
“Right, this is Ted, my … uh … Grindr date from last night. And Ted, this my neighbor Joe Barnes.”
“Nice to meet you, Grindr-date Ted,” I greeted him amiably, “I’m glad you two hit it off. Jay’s a great guy.”
That seemed to break the ice and we shook hands a bit awkwardly across the kitchen island, behind which Ted stood to (unsuccessfully) limit my visibility to his dong. We discussed the theft and what little they had seen of the culprit. All they could describe was a white guy of average size and height, maybe thirtysomething, in khaki shorts and a gray t-shirt. Half the guys in the neighborhood, in other words.
“Well, Joe, I am truly sorry I wasn’t a better eyewitness for you,” offered Jay.
“And I’m sorry I made you witness something you didn’t want to,” added Ted.
“Don’t be sorry, Jay. Your testimony is all I have so far.” Still horned up from my abortive encounter with Beth and further stimulated by the views (both hard and soft) of Ted’s enticing pecker, I added, “And don’t you be sorry, either, Ted. I said I didn’t mind what I saw.”
Jay was on me in an instant.
Having missed the prior nonverbal exchange, Ted stood dumbstruck by this development, gawking for a moment as Jay made out with me and roamed his hands over my chest. Ted’s appendage moved faster than his brain, though, lengthening and thickening in response to our display. I reached for it and started stroking him. The three of us stood there for some time, fondling and frotting each other while various items of clothing slipped to the floor.
Jay led us to the living room, where I sat on the edge of the couch, beckoning Ted to proffer his unit. His was a smallish but shapely phallus, surrounded by red hairs cut to the same length as the hairs on his fuzzy body and his neatly trimmed beard. It was a very sexy look. I licked up and down his length several times, then sucked that tasty pecker in. Meanwhile, Jay climbed between my legs to do the same to me. He took one lick, then one sniff …
“What the fuck?” Jay exclaimed with a huge smirk. “Joe, you dirty bastard! You’ve already had pussy this morning?” Fortunately, I’d known Jay to have sometimes dated women, or I would have been more cautious about presenting him with such a glazed long john.
“Geez, better you than me, Jay,” joked Ted, obviously the gayer of the two men.
“Yes, but it was very much interruptus, and I need some relief. I’ll be happy to tell you all about it when I don’t have a cock in my mouth,” I promised, taking Ted’s cock back in my mouth and bobbing, also gently massaging his testes.
Due to the prior stimulations from Beth, I came explosively within a couple of minutes, filling Jay’s supple and skilled mouth with a plus-sized load. I did my best to keep my eye on the ball – and my hand on the balls – continuing to pleasure Ted steadily throughout my orgasm.
Jay stood up, leaving my cock to dribble onto the couch cushion, and fed a big mouthful of my cum to Ted, causing Ted’s cock to twitch with excitement in my mouth.
Seizing the situation, I now seized Jay’s lovely uncut member, which was attractively surrounded by thick, black, straight hairs, a fun contrast to us white guys’ curlies.
I sucked it in as deep as I could a few times, before holding their slickened pricks together and sucking them alternately while they continued to mash mouths above me. As Ted approached orgasm, I paused my attention on Jay’s pecker so I could swallow Ted’s offering.
Once Ted calmed down, I returned to giving Jay my complete attention, stiffening my jizz-lubed lips around his hard-on, bobbing as fast as I could. Soon Ted knelt beside me and started taking turns with me on Jay’s hot Asian rod.
As Jay started breathing hard and tensing up, Ted yelled, “Make him cum on my face!” So I stroked Jay furiously until he swooned in ecstasy, splattering white paint all over Ted.
After licking all the cum off Ted’s face and sharing it back with Jay, I detailed my Beth encounter in full. Despite being fully gay, Ted got just as worked up as Jay by the telling, both of them engorged for another round. While I might have enjoyed a second time as their third, I took a longing look at their boners and politely excused myself to return to my investigation.
After knocking on another block’s worth of doors, the time now well past noon, I found myself on the front steps of my ex-coworker Callie and her husband, Jason. My enthusiasm for the case dwindling, I resolved to make this my last stop, and a social call as much as business.
Callie had been a staunch ally in the constant battles against incompetence, mediocrity and territoriality at my last job, leading to a lasting friendship. I’d eventually come to befriend Jason as well. Since I had left that job, though, Callie had become a bit flirtatious with me, sometimes even in front of Jason. Surprisingly, he seemed to take it in unperturbed stride.
Callie answered the door looking a bit unkempt. Red-faced, with her feathered auburn hairdo a bit mussed. It looked as if she’d just been sleeping. Or maybe riding the exercise bike just behind her in the living room. Or maybe riding Jason. I couldn’t help picturing that third scenario, especially since she was pointedly braless under her t-shirt, a situation which had already gotten me in trouble once today.
“Hi, Joe! What a fun surprise! I was just thinking of you.”
“In a good way, I hope.” Geez, careful, Joe.
“Oh, very,” she replied enthusiastically, inviting me in for a drink. I noticed the kitchen was unkempt too, with used drink glasses and empty bottles all over the counter, indicating a late party the last night.
Jason strolled in, beaming, a drink already in his hand, greeting me warmly with a vigorous handshake. I hadn’t seen the two of them much lately, and we spent some time catching up. I mentioned the mess on the counter. Jason replied, looking a bit embarrassed. “Well, we had some people over last night, shared some burgers and a whole bunch of drinks and …. partying, and things ran pretty late, and …”
“And we hope that isn’t a problem, Detective Joe,” interjected Callie into Jason’s ramble.
“I’m in white-collar crime, not Narcotics,” I replied, figuring maybe they’d done some drugs and he was nervous about me sniffing that out. “So unless you were up late embezzling from a bank, there isn’t a problem.”
I saw Jason shoot Callie a look. “Oh come on, Jason, it isn’t even illegal,” said Callie defiantly. Even as a rookie investigator, I knew to keep my mouth shut at such a moment. The vacuum of silence always sucks out the truth.
“Listen, Joe, last night Jason and I dipped our toes into the waters of …”
“Swinging,” muttered Jason.
“The Lifestyle,” declared Callie more boldly.
“Hey, no judgment,” I said. “A little adventure can be good for people. I hope it lived up to your expectations. Although I’ve heard it doesn’t always.”
“Maybe not all our expectations, but I’d say it was enjoyable, wouldn’t you, Jason?” mused Callie.
“Okay, yes it was,” Jason admitted, taking her hand in his. “We were both worried the other one would get jealous, but neither of us did.” He seemed to have relaxed a bit now.
“Not even watching your wife get banged by two different guys in one night,” Callie provoked Jason.
“Callie!” objected Jason. “Isn’t that a bit graphic to share with Joe?”
I tried to stifle a grin, unsuccessfully, betraying my greenness as a detective.
“Not necessarily,” said Callie slyly. “What were we just talking about just before Joe rang the doorbell?”
“Oh, God, Callie,” pleaded Jason, “not …”
Undeterred, Callie answered her own question. “We were talking about how last night was pretty fun, a simple swapping of partners with two other couples, but that’s all they wanted to do. Whereas …”
Accepting that there was no rewinding this conversation, Jason found his voice and blurted, “Whereas, what Callie really craves is two men at once.” The image of Callie getting pounded by strangers was making me hard yet again. “The other two couples only wanted to swap. Which was fun, but…”
“Jason wants to just watch another guy plow me for a few minutes before joining in.” Somehow, the idea of Jason watching and jerking to his hot wife’s dalliances made me even harder.
“Pretty common request,” I assured Jason, adding, “I mean, from what I hear.”
“And we don’t need six people for that, do we? Which is why we were talking about you, Joe!” Callie explained, her brown eyes making me squirm. More demurely, she continued, “I mean, if you’re interested in giving us what four other people wouldn’t.”
I thought it best to confirm, “Are you cool with that, Jason?”
“Oh, yeah,” he replied, looking at me nervously. “It’s just …”
“Jason’s terrified of being asked to touch another guy,” Callie said dismissively. “There were no worries about that last night, as the other guys were very straight-laced and only wanted to swap women. They weren’t even that interested in seeing us gals do stuff together, which is almost weird. But we’ve heard that in other swinging situations … well, you never know …”
“You never know what?” I asked Jason, knowing exactly what Callie had meant. “If the same-sex action applies to men too?” He nodded sheepishly. “Look, I don’t know much about swinging, but I have heard that one strict rule is no one should be compelled to do anything they’re uncomfortable with. I’m not going to ask you to suck me off, Jason.” He seemed visibly relieved. “Unless you want to, of course,” I added lightly. He gulped and smiled wanly but still seemed placated by my reassurances.
“Good! You know why they call the present time the present?” inquired Callie, pulling off her shirt. “Because it is a gift.” She pressed against me and shoved her lips and tongue against mine while Jason rubbed himself through his shorts.
“That’s it, Joe, take my wife! She’s so hot, isn’t she?”
“I’ve always wanted you to fuck me, Joe,” shared Callie, breaking the kiss to gaze up into my eyes.
“I can’t deny I’ve thought about it, Callie. Like Jason said, you are smoking hot,” I replied, then slurping on her neck and cupping her pliant boobs with my hands.
We moved to the bedroom, where I made a show for Jason of ravishing his wife while he egged me on. I took my time, slurping on her neck and nibbling on her ears while whispering salty nothings in them, rubbing my hands all around her fine ass, smooth back, and of course lovely breasts.
“Aren’t those the best tits, Joe?”
“You do have the best tits, Callie,” I paused my sucking to reply. “Jason, you’re a lucky guy to get to suck on these every night.” They did have exceptional resilience and a spectacular shape.
I continued my way slowly down her body, kissing and licking all over her boobs, then around her hips to the small of her back and even her ass crack. She stood passively the whole time, moaning and relishing the attention. I hadn’t even touched her vulva when she demanded, “Take me, Joe, take me now!”
“Yeah, take her, Joe! I wanna see this!” Jason had by now fully stripped down to his dad-bod and was stroking himself in a chair, a visible trickle of precum dripping off his glans.
I picked Callie up and gently flung her onto the bed. “Oooh yes, Joe, give it to me!”
“Not yet, I won’t,” I taunted, positioning myself for a long, tantalizing tease of her various pussy-parts with my lips and tongue. The residual taste of Jason’s cum confirmed my earlier suspicion of what she’d done just before answering the door. At first, I kept the attention exclusively oral, then I would squeeze a tit and pinch a nipple (producing a pleasing squeal) whenever I took her clit in my mouth, and then slipped in a couple of fingers.
“Christ, I think she’s going to melt from this treatment, Joe,” commented Jason, who had spit-lubed on his cock and was making squishy sounds as he jacked it.
I took this as a cue to get on with the main event. I moved myself on top of Callie, still writhing from my oral work, who licked her juices off my face, then implored, “Fuck me, Joe. Bang me into next Tuesday. Slam your cock in as hard and fast as it will go.”
“Ooof,” she grunted as I rammed myself all the way in, followed by some long, high whines as I ground my hips against hers and then made a few long, initial strokes. Then I pulled all the way out and pounded myself in again, repeating the process several times, each time producing a primal, feminine grunt of pleasure.
“I’d swear you’ve fucked her before, Joe. How’d you know that’s how she likes it?”
“Lucky guess.” I really hadn’t fucked her, though I’d thought about it plenty of times. I shifted to normal pumping, making my hip movements to Callie’s so she could maximize the grind of her nodule against my pelvis. Soon she shook with a minute-long, trembling, sweaty orgasm.
“Mmmm, that was nice, Joe,” she finally murmured as she calmed down, my hips still gently pumping. “Come on Jason, I need another hole filled,” she requested, prompting him to kneel on the bed next to us.
This would put his schlong very close to my mouth. “Listen, Joe,” he assured, repeating my earlier words, “I’m not asking you to do anything you’re uncomfortable doing.”
“Don’t worry, you’re not.” I couldn’t resist giving the remarkably prominent head of his thin cock a playful lick, but I didn’t tell him I’d already swallowed two other men’s pricks and their jizz that day.
His eyes opened wide. For a second, I thought I’d scared him and ruined the moment, but he leaned closer. Knowing it was a bit of a risk, I wrapped my wetted lips over his spongy cap and took him in fully, making him moan deeply. “Oh fuck, that’s good.”
His wife, inches below, was beaming an enormous smile. “Told you it wouldn’t make you gay,” she said. Buried six inches deep in his hot wife with her juices smeared across my face, I was proof that you could enjoy women and also cock.
“All right, all right,” he conceded as Callie and I licked his weenie together. He even tentatively ran a hand through my hair and gently massaged my shoulder. “That’s a lot more fun than I would have expected, buddy.”
Callie had him pump her mouth a few times before commanding, “Okay boys, this is the moment I’ve always waited for. Time to DP me.”
She had us flip over so she could relax on top of me while Jason pressed himself up against her entrance. She let out a sigh as he slowly pushed his way through Door Number Two and slid into her, dragging his penis along the length of mine. I shifted my weight under Callie, which moved me around inside her.
“Whoa, that’s you, isn’t it, Joe?” I flexed my hips underneath her, which caused my shaft to shift against his, separated from mine by thin membranes. This extracted a loud moan of pleasure from Callie and an equally loud “Wow!” from Jason. He responded to this stimulus by increasing it, starting to pump his rod in and out of Callie.
Now she let out a loud, long, guttural moan. “Oh my God, this is better than I thought,” she gasped, pleading, “Don’t stop!” She and I more or less matched Jason’s rhythm, her erect clit against me as before. I started squeezing and sucking on her delicious hanging fruits, which only increased the moaning.
Having never fully come down from her first orgasm, Callie emitted low moans that escalated higher in pitch, and then whines and even squeals. I could feel the contractions of Jason’s cock as he pulsed jets of jizz into her backside. Finally, she convulsed between us, her body straining and then shuddering violently, her sphincter expelling Jason’s prick. I remained inside her, and she used some impressive hip movements and Kegel contractions to bring me to a shattering orgasm of my own.
All of us still panting breathlessly, Callie gave me a warm but fairly brief kiss, inviting Jason over for a deep, loving, husband-thanking kiss while I slowly shrank inside her. I turned my head away for Jason’s comfort level. Callie gave me a quick peck on the cheek as she rolled off, and Jason surprised me by repeating that gesture.
Still full of surprises, Jason plunged his head between Callie’s legs and licked her clean, sucking out my cumload. “He always loves a good cream pie,” she explained with a wink.
“Mmffshllsh,” he confirmed into her sloppy cavern. I now suspected Jason could be amenable to substantially more male intimacy, given some patience and encouragement, though I’d be thrilled to simply nail Callie again. Which is why I was a bit disappointed when we started putting our clothes back on.
Sensing this, Callie pressed herself against me. “Aww, don’t worry, Joe, we’re just taking a break and having another drink.” Whispering, she continued, “We can go at it again afterward.” Okay, a break was fine. Maybe I could get around to asking whether they’d seen my grill thief.
As we grabbed more drinks, they both thanked me for the encounter.
“This is a real breakthrough for us. That was exactly the fantasy that we had wanted to fulfill last night, but didn’t quite.”
“I know, right?” echoed Callie. “Last night was fun, but it started so late, and with all the grilling and eating and then drinking too much, everyone was wiped out after just the two swaps.” With a peck on my cheek, she enthused, “You gave us what we truly wanted.”
Late start? Grilling?
“We really owe you, Joe,” said Jason, patting my shoulder. “Big-time.”
“Oh, please, the pleasure was as much mine as yours,” I said, patting him back as we walked out onto their deck. “You don’t owe me anything.”
As those words were still leaving my mouth, I saw a look of horror wash over both of their faces, as they became aware of the very important thing from last night’s drunken party that they had forgotten about.
Oh, they fucking owed me, all right. And I instantly knew how I would make them pay. Especially Jason.
Because just off to one side of the deck – dented lid, muddy wheels and all – stood my fucking Greyrock grill.
