It was the fifth time I had taken the long trip to Oregon. This time I was going via San Francisco, and I wished there was a direct flight from Heathrow. I had been working on a strategy to bring a successful software product in the US to Europe. The founder of the US tech company, a young entrepreneur called Ed, struggled to understand the difference between Europe, which was still many different countries, and the US. I knew the market the company was trying to access and I had a strong network of contacts, but I believed that the company needed to make some changes to its software, its pricing and its marketing approach for the UK and European market. Just because it had been successful in North America did not mean the same formula would work in Europe.
I had developed a good relationship with Ed. We got on well but he struggled to come to terms with why his successful approach wouldn’t work elsewhere. I was starting to feel that we wouldn’t be able to agree on a way forward. I had put a great deal of time into the project, travelling not just backwards and forwards to the US but also around the UK and Europe.
I was also distracted. I knew that on my return to the UK I would be seeing Maggie for the first time in a very long time at our daughter, Fi’s, graduation. While I was away, I heard that Fi had won a prestigious award for her research work for her degree so it would be a big celebration.
I wanted to see Fi and make sure we made her big day really special as a family. Sometimes I was sure that I could handle seeing Maggie. My heart still ached to have her back. The person from our first twenty-five years together. Even if we rarely had sex, we had been a good team and raised a family together.
Maybe it was because I was distracted and my mood wasn’t good. Maybe I was tired and the novelty of trips to the US was wearing off. Working with Ed was lucrative, but we had not yet managed to agree on how to launch the product in Europe and we all wanted to accelerate things.
Whatever the reason, towards the end of another long and rather rambling meeting with Ed and his ‘European team’ I felt that the time had come to draw things to a conclusion. I just told them straight that I thought it was decision time. Either they accepted my recommendations and we could agree whether I should stay involved as the product was launched or we should stop wasting each other’s time and they should find someone else to work with.
Ed answered me directly. It was his money on the line. He had a great deal to lose, and although he respected my views, ultimately it was his company and he had to answer to his investors.
I felt we had reached the end of the line. I pointed out that I had completed the research and produced a business plan. There was little more I could do, and it was now back to Ed and his executive board. I would submit my bill and we could go our different ways. They could then make their own decision on how to proceed.
Ed stopped me and said he had a proposal to make. He said that if I would agree to set up a partnership with him to form a new European company and lead it on a full-time basis, they would back my approach. He wanted to challenge me to show my confidence in my plan. He wanted me to put my own money on the line, but they would invest nine dollars for every dollar I invested. I would own a major stake in the European company and have the role of CEO, Europe.
I considered what Ed said. I had money left from the rental of our family home since my small apartment cost less. I knew the market and I was confident that I could make things work. However, this would mean dropping other projects that had been important to me and which provided a regular income. It would also mean significant changes to how I worked. I would need to split my time between Oregon, the UK and other European countries for the foreseeable future.
It could be a fresh start for me, but it would mean moving on in a big way. There were so many implications. I had to make a decision on where my future lay. Maybe it could also be a new start for Maggie and me. The potential earnings would mean that Maggie wouldn’t need to work and she could focus on bringing up the baby. Then again, if I was away from home too much, it might not allow me the time to spend with Maggie. If I wanted Maggie back, would she want me if I was spending half my time in other countries?
I said that I needed more time to think about my response. I pointed out that this would involve one hundred percent of my time, whereas it was a more marginal decision for Ed’s company. However, I made it clear that I was considering making the commitment and backing my plan. I just needed more time to think about the implications.
Ed was positive. He said I could take as long as I needed, as long as I gave him an answer in principle within two weeks. He thought that was funny. Meanwhile I could speak with him or his team and they would dedicate time with me to work up the details of the partnership.
It was mid-afternoon, and I was feeling tired. I hadn’t adjusted to West Coast time and I was waking early but getting tired before the end of the afternoon. Ed suggested I go back to my hotel to rest and digest his offer and my terms. He would ask someone from the team to give me a lift back. I hadn’t hired a car for this trip, and Ed had picked me up early that morning to bring me to the office.
Alexandra (or Alex), who had been working on the market research and marketing aspects of the project, volunteered to give me a lift back.
I was pleased that Alex had offered me a lift. She was working on a contract basis for Ed before she started a doctorate at King’s College London. She was smart and interesting. We had spent some time working on the project and we usually ended up laughing at the difference between Britain and the US. Two countries, separated by the same language.
Alex had spent time in the UK before. She had married a European and they had lived in London for a few years. When they split up she returned to Oregon, where she had been born. Now, a few years later, she had applied to study back in London and was due to leave Ed’s company shortly.
I didn’t know much more about Alex’s past. I did know that in the few months that I had known her she was always changing her hair colour. She also seemed to have a large tattoo on her back which I had noticed when she wore light clothing. She normally wore utilitarian black boots, even on warm days, and a style of clothing which I would say was ‘punk’.
She had a nose ring, which made her seem young, confident and a bit wild but from our conversation I knew that she was actually quite shy and older than she looked. From what I knew of her past, she had to be at least around forty, but I had never asked her.
Currently her hair was coloured red. As she drove me back to the hotel I asked her what she thought of the proposal from Ed. She told me that she knew that Ed really respected and trusted me and wanted to continue to work with me. She thought he needed someone like myself with more experience and a level head. Ed liked to keep an eclectic mix of people close to him, but he also needed a more boring business head like mine.
I smiled at Alex. “So I’m boring and old?”
Alex laughed. “I think there is another side to you. You just don’t get the chance to show it very much.”
We arrived at the hotel. I asked Alex if she had a moment to stop for a coffee so that I could ask her a few more questions about Ed and his company.
Alex just looked at me. “I can stay for thirty minutes but I have a date later so I haven’t got long. And I want tea. Isn’t that what all Englishmen have in the afternoon?”
I pretended to look more weary than I felt. “I’ll order you a tea if I have to. But not all us Englishmen are the same. I thought everyone in Portland drank coffee. I’ve not met a tea drinker in Portland before.”
As she got out of the car she laughed and said, “I certainly hope that you’re not the same as some of the guys in England I met during my time in London. That’s where I got a taste for tea while I was there.”
I ordered us some tea and English muffins.
Alex laughed as I did so. “I didn’t ask for muffins.”
“Maybe I always have afternoon tea and muffins. Why not complete the cliche? I don’t want to spoil the memory you’ll have of me. Old, boring and English,” I replied.
Alex giggled and I was enjoying a side of her I’d never seen.
“You’re already spoiling my boring image. I’m sure all the other suits in the hotel are wondering why I’m having tea with a punk,” I said.
“They won’t be wondering at all,” said Alex immediately. “They’ll just assume I’m a hooker.”
“A hooker with whom I have tea?” I asked.
“Why not?” said Alex. “Although a better response might have been to tell me that I don’t look like a hooker.”
“I really don’t know much about you, although I never thought of you that way. So tell me more. You’ve told me that you went to London when you were young, you got married, got divorced and came back here. There must be more.”
The tea arrived and Alex played with her teabag in the glass. I guessed that she rarely opened up to work colleagues.
“Well, since we’re only going to be working together for a couple more weeks, I guess you can know more,” she replied.
Alex explained that she got married to a German guy she met in London. Together they started a design agency. Things went well and after a few years they moved into new offices and employed a small team. However, they struggled to find enough customers to fund the costs of running an office in central London. With hindsight, they needed more business experience. As the business failed, their relationship struggled.
Things were really bad both with the business and marriage; Alex was hardly speaking to her husband. She had met a client who she found attractive and after work one day she started an affair with him. Her husband found out, they separated and then the guy she was having an affair with dumped her. She found herself in London without a partner, business or money.
She struggled on staying with friends and finding short-term jobs but it was difficult. She ended up doing things she shouldn’t have done and eventually she came back to her parents, fifteen years after leaving home to make her fortune.
I smiled at her. “I only wanted to know if you’d been a hooker.”
Alex reached across and punched me hard on the arm.
“As a matter of fact, that’s one of the few things I didn’t try. But it was a dark time and I’m pretty ashamed of what I did.”
I waited, not feeling I could ask more but feeling desperately curious.
“If you must know, I had lots of casual relationships, took stuff I shouldn’t take and did stupid things to attract guys that were not good for me. If you want more details it will cost you at least ten dinners in a restaurant of my choosing in London but be prepared to hear things you might not want to hear,” she said.
“Good to know your price,” I said.
She gave me a stare. “I’m only agreeing to have dinner, I told you I’m not a hooker!”
I laughed at how indignant she sounded, and she broke into a nice smile.
“Anyway, you don’t know my choice of restaurants yet,” Alex replied. “And in return, I want to know about you. What’s behind the suit?”
“It’s not as interesting as your story,” I said. Even as I said the words I realised that it probably was quite interesting, but I wasn’t about to share that part.
“Is that your daughter’s picture on your phone? Do you have more children? Are you married?” asked Alex. “I’m interested.”
I explained that I was still married but separated and that I had two adult children. Alex questioned me further and I told her that I had been married for over twenty-five years. She asked me if I still loved my wife and wanted to get back together with her. I just said it was too complicated and she would need to buy me dinner in a very nice restaurant for me to answer.
Alex thought for a moment.
“So my conclusion is that you still love your wife. You must have been very young when you married her. But if we want to know more about each other it will be expensive and we’ll both put on a lot of weight from eating in fancy restaurants.”
“No comment on the first part. I’ll take the part about me marrying young as a compliment,” I said.
“Can I see any more pictures of your family?”
Alex was starting to make me feel uncomfortable. “Why would you want to see them?”
She ran her finger around the rim of her cup. She looked directly at me and slowly closed and opened her eyes.
“I’m curious.”
I wondered why Alex suddenly had such an interest in me.
“Maybe another time,” I replied.
“Come on, you must have some on your phone,” Alex persisted. “I’m interested to see this woman who you still love after so many years. And I’m sure your children are attractive.”
“As I say, maybe another time,” I said. I looked at my phone as I considered sharing just one photo of Maggie. Then I realised something.
“Damn, I forgot. My UK power adapter has stopped working. I meant to get another one today. My phone and computer both need recharging,” I said. I was tired and I didn’t want to go further.
“Surely the hotel would have one you could borrow,” suggested Alex.
“I asked them this morning, it seems they did but now they don’t,” I said. “Do you know any stores that might have one nearby?”
“I have a drawer full at home. I had them from my time living in London,” said Alex. “I can bring a couple over. I live nearby, which is why I offered to give you a lift.”
“So it wasn’t because you wanted to spend more time in my company and try to seduce me,” I quipped.
“That as well,” fired back Alex. “I’m only ten minutes away, do you want to come?”
I was tired but I was happy to have company for a little longer. I was also curious to see where Alex lived. I nodded and finished my tea.
We drove several miles, which perhaps took a little longer due to the heavy rush hour traffic on I-84. Alex had a condo in the Fairview area outside of Portland. The inside was minimalist with a few items of furniture. It was clean and tasteful with modern artworks on the walls. They looked like originals. I wasn’t sure what I expected but it wasn’t something so tasteful.
Alex offered me a drink while she went to find a couple of adapters.
We sat on Alex’s terrace as we shared some iced tea. I felt my eyes starting to close again. Alex wanted to press me again about my family and background, but she realised that I was struggling to stay awake.
As I dosed a little I realised that Alex had stood up to take me back to the hotel. She saw I was even more tired than we might have both realised. I rose from my chair, but felt unsteady.
Alex stepped forward. “Can you make it back to the hotel or do you want to use my couch?”
I told Alex I would be okay to go back to the hotel. I started to walk but as she reached out to help me stay steady we ended up in an awkward embrace. It would have been embarrassing, but I was too tired to even feel embarrassed.
Alex held me for a moment. I recall smelling her perfume, which reminded me that I was closer to a woman than I had been for a while. Without thinking I drew her close and held her tight.
What happened next was a bit of a blur. I know we started kissing. The kiss continued, becoming more and more passionate. I remember her lips felt soft and I remembered the moment when the kissing became open-mouthed and our tongues started duelling.
I don’t know who started pulling the clothes off the other as we continued to kiss. I do know that we ended up in a naked tangle on Alex’s sofa, me still with my socks and shoes on and my pants around my ankle. Alex was naked and I was about to go down on her.
I remember at this point Alex stopped me. I immediately felt foolish, realising that I must have looked like a clumsy old man desperate to have sex with this younger woman. I started to reach for my pants, trying to string together the right words of apology.
Alex just whispered in my ear. “I think we would be more comfortable in the bedroom.”
As I smiled, Alex crouched down and helped me slip off my shoes, socks, pants and boxers. She took me by the hand and, with both of us now completely naked, led me into her bedroom.
We fell onto the bed and started kissing again. There was an urgency, which was only interrupted when Alex reached across and handed me a condom. I put it on, and then got on top of Alex and entered her and we had urgent sex. I was sure I wouldn’t last long but in fact, whether because of tiredness or something else, I kept going for what seemed like a long time and I felt Alex orgasm twice before I finally filled the condom.
I collapsed, exhausted, and must have fallen asleep soon afterwards, since I couldn’t remember anything more.
When I woke up, the room was dark and I realised that Alex was lying next to me asleep on her front. On her bare back I could make out the shape of a large tattoo. I checked the time on the nightstand clock and it was a little after three. My sleeping cycle was still closer to UK time than West Coast time.
I recalled what happened with Alex a few hours earlier and had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn’t a dream. I got out of bed and found the bathroom. I then sat on the sofa with my pile of clothes as I tried to contemplate what to do next.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep; I only had the clothes I had turned up in. It seemed unfair to wake Alex, so I used the last bit of charge on my phone to call an Uber to take me to my hotel with the power adapters I had come for. I wrote a note for Alex to explain that I had woken early and decided to go back to my hotel. I thanked her for a special time and signed the note with a kiss.
Shortly afterwards, I crept out of the condo to the waiting cab. Back at the hotel, I did some reading and considered the offer from Ed. I didn’t feel ready to give up the hope of Maggie and I getting back together, but I also knew that this could be an opportunity to move on.
I also kept thinking about what happened earlier with Alex. It had taken me completely by surprise. I never thought of her as my type at all. I never expected her to be interested in me.
A few hours later I was back at the office. I had a meeting to discuss what creative approach would work in Europe even though we had not agreed to proceed. Alex was there and I didn’t make much eye contact with her at the meeting. This was noticed by another member of the team. Afterwards, she asked what had happened when Alex gave me a ride. She pointed out that we left on good terms and now we didn’t seem to be speaking.
I mumbled something about it being because I hadn’t slept well and was just tired, although I don’t think that satisfied her.
I got a few moments with Alex alone in the office kitchen later. We looked at each other like embarrassed teenagers. Alex spoke first.
“I’m sorry about last night, I hope you didn’t feel that I took advantage of you. You must think that I’m a mad sex-crazed woman.”
I looked Alex in the eye for the first time that day.
“You’re a beautiful woman. We had sex and then I walked out, which is pretty rude. I can’t believe it happened, but if anyone should be apologising, it should be me. And you missed your date,” I replied.
Alex gave me a lovely smile.
“Let’s stop apologising. I enjoyed it and I’m sorry you weren’t there when I woke up. I realised you were tired. I had a much more interesting time than I would have had with my date. Maybe you and I can have a more relaxed time soon?”
It was an offer I badly wanted to take up, but I knew I was due to leave the next day and I had promised to meet up with Ed that evening. It might be our last meeting if I didn’t show some interest in his offer of a partnership.
I lowered my voice, although there was no-one around to overhear our conversation.
“I can’t before I return to the UK, and I’m not sure when I’ll be back here,” I said. “But I want you to know that I don’t make a habit of having one-night stands.” Even as I said it, the words felt familiar. I remembered that Kat had said the same thing to me.
“Then we must make sure we meet again. I’ll be in London in a few days to sort out accommodation and prepare for my course. We can meet up then. And in a couple of months I’ll be relocating to London. I’d love to see you even if it’s just for a meal but who knows?”
I was amazed. Although Alex wasn’t someone I would normally be drawn to, she was smart, creative and funny. And the type of person I’d never expect to be with.
“I’d like to take you up on that, but do you realise what you might be letting yourself in for?” I said. “I’m still married and I still love my wife.”
“I know your life is complicated, and I’m not asking for a lifetime’s commitment. I like you. Even more after last night. If you are available, I’d like to see where it might end up. These days, I’m pretty fussy about who I hang around with, and there’s something about you that makes me want to explore our relationship further.”
“So you don’t just want me for sex?” I asked
Alex punched me in the arm.
“Definitely not just for sex. You need to work on your foreplay, although I accept you were tired so I’ll excuse you just this time. I might be prepared to help you with your technique if you want,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.
“I’ll bear that in mind,” I replied. “It’s good of you to help an old man.”
“Another thing, if we have a future, you have to stop thinking of yourself as an old man. I might be younger than you but not that much,” added Alex.
She seemed to be keen to get close.
“I’ll be in touch. First I need to get home and see my wife. And her baby.”
“Wow, I knew things were complicated, but it seems there’s a lot to know,” said Alex. “You are a dark horse.”
As she said that, a couple of other employees came into the kitchen and we went back to different rooms to work.
I didn’t manage to meet with Alex again before I left the office. Ed came over to my hotel to speak. He made it clear that he wanted to work with me but needed to know my response to the prospect of being a business partner soon. He accepted that I might need to talk to family in the UK, but wanted to know within a few days.
I found a way to bring up Alex. I said that I thought she was good and would be a real loss to the project.
Ed smiled.
“She’s whip-smart, and I’m pissed that she’s leaving. If you can talk her around to work for us for a few days a month between her studies when she’s in London it would be great to keep her on board. By the way, she speaks highly of you too. She’d be a great sidekick for you and she knows the set-up here,” said Ed.
He leaned across to me and added, “But just in case you’ve got any ideas of being more than just business colleagues, she’s had approaches from half the single men in the office and she’s rejected them all. If you have any hopes in that direction, I’m afraid you will be disappointed. No offence. In fact, the word is that she prefers women.”
I smiled inwardly. I knew she liked men. There were some very smart, athletic, single young guys in the office. I was surprised that Alex had seemed to pick me out. I wanted to learn more about this woman, if I ever got the chance.
“I’ll try and link up with her in London,” I said to Ed.
“It’s your call, but if I were you, I’d do everything you can to keep her involved,” said Ed.
“Trust me, I have every intention of doing so,” I said.
Any double meaning wasn’t picked up by Ed.
We parted before dinner so that I could get packed up and get to sleep early. I booked a cab for the airport and the next day took the now-familiar long journey back home.
On arrival at Heathrow Airport, I found a message on my phone from Alex.
‘I hope all goes well with your family, but if you want to talk about anything, let me know. When I arrive in London we can meet up. What happened a couple of nights ago could be the start of something, not the end, Alex.’
I smiled at the thought.
I also found an email from Ed. He said he would try and be patient, but he wanted my answer soon. He confirmed his preference was to go into a long-term partnership with me.
I thought that I would reply properly to both messages later. Now I had to focus on Fi’s graduation and my upcoming meeting with Maggie.
A few days later, I met up with Fi for lunch before the ceremony. Maggie had been expected to join us but she hadn’t made it in time. She had told Fi it was due to delays getting the baby ready. I wondered if she was just avoiding me and didn’t want to meet up for longer than she had to. I wanted to talk about how we could start over.
Fi had booked a table in the large garden of a busy pub so we could speak, and there would have been room for the baby as well. After talking for a while about what Fi had been up to, Fi asked about me.
I told her that I had buried myself in my work. I had struggled to confront the fact that her mum and I were no longer together and Maggie was having another guy’s baby. I said that I realised that it must have been difficult for Fi and her brother.
Fi told me how shocked she was when she heard that her mother and father had split because we always seemed happy and settled. The perfect parents. When she learned that her mother was pregnant with another man’s baby, she was traumatised. She couldn’t imagine her mother having an affair although she had friends whose parents had split after having affairs. She just thought we were different.
Maggie had told her it wasn’t an affair, it was complicated but she hadn’t had a relationship behind my back. As Fi came to terms with it, she found out that Maggie was living with another woman, Lisa. This was also a shock but it helped Fi in another way. During her first year at university, she had a relationship with another girl.
Now it was my turn to be surprised. I knew she had a boyfriend called Ali, although I never met him.
Fi told me that Ali was a girl. Although she knew she could always talk to us, we seemed so traditional having been married from such an early age and staying together for so long. When she started dating another girl, she couldn’t bring herself to admit it, or introduce us.
Finding out that Ali was a girl made me think of Alex in the US. I said that I knew full well that Ali could be a girl’s name. I said that I had good experiences with girls with that name.
Fi smiled and said, “You and me both.”
When she found out that Maggie had moved in with Lisa after she didn’t stick with Michael, she felt able to admit openly that she had dated a woman.
I was surprised that I didn’t know my own daughter better.
“But to be fair, you were dating Ben for most of the last couple of years, and from his photos I’m pretty sure he’s a guy,” I said.
Fi rolled her eyes in that way young people do when explaining things to their parents.
“I’m bi, Dad; I date boys as well as girls,” she said in a patronising manner. “I don’t like labelling myself and if I like someone and they like me we can date.”
I smiled at her.
“Of course you can, and why shouldn’t you? That’s fine with me,” I said. “I know that your mother moved out from Lisa’s place and used the money from the house to rent her own place. She had a new address.”
“When did you last meet with her?” asked Fi.
“Not for a while, in fact, since we finalised renting out the house. But I have reached out to her. I know you wanted us to be together today, and I have come to terms with her having the baby. Her friend Kat tells me things from time to time.”
“The baby is Isla and she’s lovely,” said Fi.
“I’m sure she is. I have been struggling, but I want to make things better. I miss Maggie and I can accept her as the person she is now with her baby. I want to see if we can try again as a family.”
“Has Kat told you much about what Maggie has been up to?”
“She has encouraged me to speak with Maggie. I know Maggie is hoping to go back to work at some point and has decided to stay closer to the baby’s, I mean Isla’s father. I might be developing a nationwide business with an American company so I could work from anywhere,” I said. “I want to try and start over with your mother, and I know you wanted that as well. Will you help me?”
I was hoping to explain things to Maggie, and I was sure that Fi would want to help me in getting us back together.
Fi didn’t say anything. She took a drink. I felt a sinking feeling inside.
Fi reached across and took my arm.
“Dad, Mum has a new partner called Eva. They are living together, and it’s serious. I’m sorry, I thought you knew.”
I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach again, like when Maggie told me she was pregnant. I felt sick.
Fi moved to sit next to me, and put her arm around me.
“For so long I wanted you to get back together with Mum. But now I think it’s too late.”
I felt dizzy as all my hopes evaporated.
“Have you met her new partner?” I asked.
“I have met Eva and I can see how happy they both are together. Eva loves Isla and they seem to be a new family. I’m so sorry Dad, I really am.”
I felt the tears welling up, and I just held my daughter.
“I’ve messed up, not once but time and time again. There was a time when Maggie wanted me and I rejected her. I could have stopped all this.”
Fi was crying as well.
“I love you both and I want you both to be happy.”
I realised that this wasn’t how Fi should be on one of her happiest days.
“It’s okay, Fi. Sorry, today should be about you. Isn’t Ben here?”
“Dad, Ben and I split up months ago. I’m happy being single for the time being. I’ll help you find someone if you’d like me to. You’d be a great catch for any of the single mums of my friends.”
I smiled through my tears. Fi was always trying to help.
“Thank you, Fi, but I’m not sure it will be that easy. But it’s a nice thought. Let’s finish and find your mother so we can pretend to be a happy family, at least for a few hours.”
At that moment, Fi’s phone buzzed, and she picked it up.
“It’s Mum, she’s outside and wondered where we are. I’ll let her know we’re in the garden. You speak with her, I’m going to the bathroom.”
Before I could stop her, Fi rushed away and almost at the same time, Maggie appeared at the entrance to the garden.
She was wearing a knee-length blue dress and a white collar. Her hair was arranged differently, with a plait that started at the crown of her head and hung down to the nape of her neck. She wore a silver coloured necklace with blue stones and matching earrings which made her look different from the Maggie I knew. I couldn’t put my finger on why; maybe just a different style from before. Maybe she just looked a little more mature.
Maggie approached me, but seemed uncertain how to proceed as she got close.
I smiled as she came close, and she smiled back.
“Hey you,” she said, shyly.
“It’s so nice to see you,” was my response.
“You too,” she said.
“How are you? I heard you went through some tough times,” I said.
Maggie seemed to relax a little and we both sat down at the table.
“I think I said I didn’t want to give birth again after Fi was born. I thought two was enough. Well, after another twenty-odd years, this time is definitely the last time,” said Maggie.
There was so much I could have said in response. But, I didn’t want to provoke any further argument.
“But you have a new baby and Fi says she’s cute,” I said.
“She’s lovely, although she’s hard work. But she is the most special baby. I know it must be hard for you to accept that,” said Maggie, sounding like her old self.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you wanted me,” I said.
“No apologies needed anymore, we both have done things we regret. I just want to move on. I want us both to be able to communicate and be happy in our new lives,” said Maggie.
“You look good, I like the way you’ve plaited your hair,” I said, moving our conversation on.
“Thank you, it’s a French braid,” said Maggie. She knew I knew nothing about hairstyles.
“I didn’t do it myself,”she added awkwardly. I tried to help her.
“I hear you have a new partner,” I said, trying to sound positive. Maggie looked at me as if waiting for me to indicate how I felt.
“Fi told me about her. Is she at home with the baby?”
Maggie seemed to see this as a sign that it was okay to tell me things, and I wasn’t looking for conflict.
“Isla was having a bad morning so Eva and her came with me. They’re taking a walk.”
“You should have brought them over,” I said, trying to sound like I really meant it.
“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to meet them. I’m sure they won’t be far away if you really don’t mind.”
“I think I would like to meet them since they are clearly two very special people,” I said. I wasn’t sure I did feel this way, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
Maggie typed a message into her phone and as she did so I felt my phone buzz. It was a message from Alex:
‘I’m going to be in London from Sunday, do you want to meet for the first of the ten dinners you’re paying for?’
I quickly typed a reply:
‘Are you asking me out on a date?’
Straight away a reply came back:
‘Maybe if you want it to be. Do you?’
Before I could reply, Maggie stood up as an attractive slim woman, probably a few years younger than Maggie, with short hair like hers but blonde, came into the pub garden pushing a stroller.
The woman came over, and smiled at Maggie, then introduced herself to me.
“I’m Eva, I’m pleased to meet you, Maggie’s told me so much about you,” and she offered her hand, which I shook. She had an accent which I couldn’t place, but sounded Eastern European.
“And this is Isla Florence,” said Maggie, picking up the small child with ochre-coloured skin and curly black hair. I could see Maggie in her face. I know that all parents think their babies are beautiful but I could see that this baby was truly beautiful and she gave me a big smile and reached out to try and touch me.
“She’s lovely,” was all I could say.
“You can hold her if you want,” said Maggie.
I knew that if I did take her, it would please Maggie. I tried not to show too much emotion as I took the child from Maggie.
Maggie stood by Eva as they looked on as proud parents. I wanted Maggie so much, but I now realised that she had moved on and was beyond my reach.
Fi came and joined us, She had obviously been giving Maggie and me some time together. Eva greeted Fi and they embraced. I thought of how my family was more complicated now. I longed for the simplicity of just a couple of years ago.
Maggie moved towards me and she noticed the tears in my eyes. She guided me away from the others to a corner of the pub garden where there was an empty wooden bench, just the right size for the two of us to sit next to each other. We both sat down close to each other with Isla on my lap. I guess we might have looked like happy parents, or maybe grandparents since Isla’s skin colour suggested she wasn’t ours.
Maggie spoke quietly to me.
“I know it’s difficult but I want us to be close, but I think it’s time we talked about making our separation more permanent,” she said.
“I know, I’m just trying to come to terms with a failed marriage,” I said, rocking Isla in my arms. After a while, it became difficult to talk as Isla started to cry as I held her.
I looked at Isla as she cried. I felt like crying too.
“Let me take Isla,” said Eva, who had come across to us and took the baby from me before going back to sit down with the child now on her lap and happy again. Fi sat next to her, making faces at Isla, leaving Maggie and me alone and out of earshot.
“You mustn’t call our marriage a failure. We were together for over twenty-five years, we brought up two wonderful people. It was a successful marriage. For all that time, we changed together, but now we need to move on separate journeys,” said Maggie.
She added, “I want us to be able to share the wonderful memories we made together and to enjoy each other’s company. We had so many wonderful years together. I want you to get to know Eva and Isla so that maybe we can meet up with you and our children at Christmas or other times. We have to accept that our relationship isn’t going to be the same again. We can still be close but in a different way. I know it sounds mad but I still love you and part of me will always be yours. I want you to find happiness like I have with Eva. You’re special to me and we can still share parts of our lives, if you want to.”
“You didn’t fall in love with Lisa or Michael?” I asked.
“Lisa and I were good together in small doses. We were never going to be partners, but she did help me when I came up north. Michael kept calling me Margaret, for Pete’s sake. That was never going to work!”
Maggie smiled at me to see if I could see the funny side. It took a lot of effort but I smiled back.
“We had good times, and I agree, we brought up two great children,” I said, holding back my tears. “As usual, you’re right, we need to remember the good times we had.”
Maggie touched my arm and I saw the tears in her eyes too. I suddenly found myself embracing my soon-to-be ex-wife.
“I can’t think I will ever stop loving you and I do want you to be happy, even if that can’t be with me. Isla is lovely, Eva seems very nice. I’ll always be there for you if you need me. Now let’s go and celebrate what a talented daughter we have,” I said.
Maggie hugged me back and smiled through her tears. She dried her eyes and went over to tell Eva we were leaving. I saw Maggie tenderly kiss Isla’s head and then she kissed Eva. They smiled at each other, and even from far away I could see how happy they were together.
Fi got up and she and her mother started walking over to me. I held up my hand to stop them.
“I just need to reply to a couple of messages on my phone,” I called out. “I’ll be with you in a second.”
I sent a short email to Ed confirming that I had decided that I wanted to do a deal to set up a partnership with his company. I said I was happy to talk and start drafting an agreement.
Then I sent a message to Alex:
‘I’d love a date with you. I want to pick up where we left off at your apartment. Lots to talk about. I’ll buy you that first of many expensive dinners so I can learn more about you. See you Sunday. Px’
I went over to the others. We said goodbye to Eva and Isla.
Then Fi took me in one hand and Maggie in the other and the three of us walked out of the garden looking to all the world as if we were a family once more: mum, dad and daughter.
