I couldn’t handle the situation and yet I sit still, waiting.
I know that if I just sit there long enough in front of you that I would be fine.
But then again the moment my hand touches yours skin.
It’s all over. How do I go on?
So you strike a conversation to make the situation bearable.
Was it enough or was I still nervous that I continue on.
Were you attracted to me too?
This I would never know because it will be kept here in my thoughts.
I rather not know because of the situation I’m in.
I wonder if you were aware of my heart beat and how ridiculously fast it’s going.
I wish for the time to be over or simply sit still until I can get a handle of me.
That’s the problem isn’t.
Knowing that we are both limited to each other.
I should have better control of the situation; after all I am a professional.
I was truly devastated after you were gone.
I had the urge to go after what I wanted and that’s why I was so charged.
And yet for the half hour we were together all I could think of is…
Well, maybe this should be just a memory for tomorrow that would never come.
It’s better that way and no one gets hurt.
It is maybe time for me to end my infatuation of you and move on.
I feel so guilty for feeling this way.
No one should be allowed to influence one’s mind with the other.
And yet, you hold my attention and I try to pull away and nothing.
Despair, pain, lust, infatuations. Leave me wondering for forever.
My feelings for you would go away until the next time I see you
and it would be all over again.
Just like last time after our first initial meeting.
I feel like a sixteen year old girl, just waiting for that moment of being a grown up.
Being in control of the situation and never feeling like this again.
Maybe someday I will be, only time will tell.
What’s funny is that I’ve anticipated for this day like today,
that you will come and see me again.
The situation would be the same as last time.
I would be confident and have control of the situation.
I was wrong. How could I? You were handsome and me, well, I’m not sure.
Does it matter? You would never see me like I see you.
You are happy and totally unaware of me.
It’s better that way. I don’t want you to return my feelings.
It’s not safe and very dangerous. Until next time, I will have control of me again.
You’ll see.
